Chapter 1: in which this was totally felicity's idea
ladydeath created the group hello!!!!
ladydeath added speedygonzales, littlestlance, snowqueen and 2 others to the group hello!!!!
snowqueen: What is this?
ladydeath: we never really get a chance to hang out and i figured this would be easier than trying to find a break in our schedules
speedygonzales: and u r??
ladydeath: oh wait!
ladydeath changed their name to smoakandmirrors
smoakandmirrors: wow sorry i forgot about that!!
betterlance: ladydeath? Really?
smoakandmirrors: look we all make bad decisions in college okay
smoakandmirrors: and sometimes those bad decisions get you put onto a government watchlist
betterlance: You know I’m still a lawyer, right?
irisbest: and my dad’s a cop?
speedygonzales: and i work for the mayor?
smoakandmirrors: and those records are sealed and you can’t prove anything
littlestlance: as iluminating as felicitys criminal past is, can we get back to more important stuff
littlestlance: like the fact im currently outside of normal time and how this is even possible???
irisbest: I’m guessing cisco did something
littlestlance: say no more
smoakandmirrors: hey i set this up!
irisbest: and you didn’t ask cisco for help?
smoakandmirrors: only a little
irisbest: uh huh
smoakandmirrors: maybe more than a little
smoakandmirrors: but still! mostly me!
irisbest: if you say so
littlestlance: gimme a sec i need gideon to replicate a phone
speedygonzales: did she just say replicate??
smoakandmirrors: yeah they have replicators
smoakandmirrors: on their space/time ship
speedygonzales: im on the wrong team
littlestlance added eyeofthetiger to the group hello!!!!
littlestlance: evry1 this is amaya she didnt hav a cellphone bc shes from the 40s
eyeofthetiger: What is this?
littlestlance: its like a telegraph, but not
betterlance: I see that your years of time travel have taught you how to clearly explain things to people from different time periods
littlestlance: sorry did u just say yrs of time travel?? that no 1 else has?? damn i wonder what that wud feel like
speedygonzales: damn the lances are going OFF
eyeofthetiger: Could someone please explain this to me?
snowqueen: It’s a way of communicating with several other people who are very far away from each other
eyeofthetiger: I see. So, like some futuristic telegraph then.
betterlance: Oh no
littlestlance: oh what!1!!!
littlestlance changed the group name to alltheothercanariesarejustpretenderstothethrone
littlestlance changed their name to originalflavor
betterlance changed their name to newandimproved
eyeofthetiger: How do I change the name on the messages that I write?
originalflavor: y wud u want 2??
newandimproved: You’re only saving one character by typing 2 instead of to
newandimproved: You literally only have to press one more key
originalflavor: ur jst jelly u dont hav my mad typing skillz
smoakandmirrors: did you just say skillz???
smoakandmirrors: in this the year of our lord two thousand and sixteen??
originalflavor: the best thing about timetravel is that, 4 me, its always the early 2000s
eyeofthetiger changed their name to amayajiwe
amayajiwe: Raymond showed me how.
originalflavor: no u cant use ur actual name
amayajiwe changed their name to vixen
originalflavor: do u all c what im dealing with here
vixen: It’s not my actual name.
originalflavor: oh u kno wat ur doing
vixen: Yes, I am conversing with you.
speedygonzales: ha burn
originalflavor: p sure this is mutiny
vixen: If I was mutinying, you would be more than pretty sure.
speedygonzales: damn son
Chapter 2: in which there are life lessons and sara lance is an asshole
aka hey Jesse!
irisbest changed the group name to friendsfromotherearths
irisbest added quicksort to the group friendsfromotherearths
irisbest: hey jesse! this is an all-girls groupchat for superheroes
quicksort: okay that’s really cool
irisbest: guys, this is jesse wells aka jesse quick aka the flash
irisbest: she’s a speedster from earth 2
quicksort: wait, how are you even sending these to me? aren’t you guys still on your earth?
irisbest: yeah but cisco set it up, he’s really good at this stuff
smoakandmirrors: *groupchat for superheroes and iris
speedygonzales: damn iris, u need to call ur boyfriend round, bc u just got murdered
smoakandmirrors: come back to me when you have a codename
speedygonzales: even caitlin cant heal that burn
snowqueen: Please don’t bring me into this
quicksort: is it always like this?
newandimproved: Pretty much, yeah
newandimproved: I’m Laurel, by the way. The one fighting with Iris is Felicity
newandimproved: snowqueen is Caitlin, originalflavor is my little sister Sara, and the idiot making bad puns is Thea
newandimproved: Plus Amaya, going by vixen, should be here, but I’m not sure where she is?
originalflavor: ray showed her how to mute the chat
originalflavor: apparently we r 2 immature or somthing
newandimproved: I'm pretty sure she was just talking about you
originalflavor: my own fam
speedygonzales: wait no i have another 1
speedygonzales: u need to take a dip in the lazurus pit, bc u r ded
originalflavor: i feel like ur rehashing the 1st 1
speedygonzales: look i kno i make it look easy, but theres a lot of skill to this
quicksort: thanks for the intros
quicksort: and what do you guys all do? abilities wise? and do you all have codenames?
irisbest: you totally did that on purpose
speedygonzales: i shoot arrows into people, and i go by speedy
speedygonzales: (i kno its more a speedsters name, blame my stupid bro)
smoakandmirrors: i’m a hacker, and i’m Overwatch
smoakandmirrors: (i swear it was before the game came out)
smoakandmirrors: okay next time you're on this earth get cisco to set you up with a steam account
newandimproved: I just hit people and I have a sonic cry, but it’s a weapon not a power. And I used to go by the Black Canary, but now someone else has that name
originalflavor: i also hit ppl, but in a much better way, plus i had the sonic cry first
newandimproved: There was literally no need
originalflavor: and i was the original canary, but i go by white canary now
originalflavor: and captain
originalflavor: bc im the captian of a time ship
originalflavor changed their name to captainlancejr
quicksort: .....why does your earth have much cooler superheroes than mine
irisbest: yeah, but you’re one of your earth’s only superheroes, which is much better
quicksort: I guess
smoakandmirrors: why junior?
captainlancejr: dads senior
speedygonzales: yh but hes not in the police anymore
speedygonzales: he works 4 me and ollie now at the mayors office
captainlancejr: omg i bet he hates that
captainlancejr changed their name to theonlycaptainlance
quicksort: is that everyone?
snowqueen: Everyone apart from me, but you already know about that
quicksort: wait, know what??
irisbest: oh yeah, you weren’t here
quicksort: for what??
smoakandmirrors: did something happen???
snowqueen: I have the metagene. It manifests as cold powers
theonlycaptainlance: lens gonna be so jealous
smoakandmirrors: wait since when????
snowqueen: A couple of months ago
quicksort: like killer frost???
snowqueen: Exactly like her
irisbest: no, nothing like her
speedygonzales: a few months?
speedygonzales: y didnt u help us out the last time we fought together?
snowqueen: Because I can’t control them
snowqueen: Sorry, I need to go do something
snowqueen has left the group
speedygonzales: did i do that? is she ok?
irisbest: she doesn’t like talking about this, but she can control her powers, but when she uses them, she can’t control herself?
irisbest: the last time she used them she nearly killed me
irisbest: and the time before that she tortured this guy and kidnapped and tortured another guy
irisbest: (he’s on our team now, long story)
irisbest: and she had a huge battle with barry and cisco
smoakandmirrors: oh my god
irisbest: yeah, and she stabbed barry and said really cutting things to him, and like, I’m not saying he deserved it, but
irisbest: obviously her actions were way out of proportion but I can understand where her anger’s coming from
irisbest: and none of us blame her, but I don’t think she believes us
irisbest: actually, do you mind if I go, I want to go and make sure she’s okay
smoakandmirrors: yeah, of course
speedygonzales: she doesn’t have to talk to me, but there was this time when i had this kind of curse which made me want to kill people?
speedygonzales: like i kno its not the same, but if she wants to talk to someone who doesnt judge and who kinda understands
theonlycaptainlance: i had the same curse, and im making the same offer
theonlycaptainlance: and if she ever wants to go to an uninhabited time period and just let her powers out, i can take her
irisbest: thanks guys, I don’t know that she’ll take you up on it, but I’ll pass the message along
irisbest has left the group
quicksort: I’m sorry
newandimproved: This isn’t your fault Jesse
quicksort: I was the one that brought the subject up
speedygonzales: yh but i was the one who pushed it
newandimproved: Okay, listen up because this is important and I’m only going to say it once
newandimproved: All of us have issues, and sometimes one of us will accidently touch a sore spot
newandimproved: That doesn’t make it any person’s fault
newandimproved: You just have to make sure that you remember where people’s boundaries are
newandimproved: And try to help the other person instead of worrying about the blame
theonlycaptainlance: that was surprisingly wise
newandimproved: Firstly, you’re an asshole
newandimproved: Secondly, what did you think we did in AA meetings? Sung songs?
theonlycaptainlance: im joking that was a joke
theonlycaptainlance: i kno im a asshole but not that much
speedygonzales: yh shes not ollie
smoakandmirrors: and Thea Queen brings back the mood
speedygonzales: u met my family rite??
speedygonzales: if i didnt learn how to diffuse tension then they wouldve ended up killing each other yrs ago
speedygonzales: altho i guess they basically did so nm
So apparently people liked this? Which is really cool, so thanks everyone. I hope I didn't scare you away with this slightly angstier chapter but these guys have been through some Stuff and I want them to actually talk about it. (well actually I want them to yell about it, but nevermind)
Also, I totally believe that Jesse reclaimed the name of Flash on her Earth because there's no way she's fighting crime under her own first name.
edit: also, guess who completely forgot that Overwatch isn't even on Steam?
Chapter 3: in which felicity smoak was definitely jealous and these people really need to talk to each other more
aka which idiots left the legends in charge of the timeline??
This is now the longest thing I've ever written, which is all kinds of ridiculous.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
theholylance: yo guys can i ask u smth???
speedygonzales: what happended to ur name?????
theholylance: oh yh theres this powerful artifact called the spear of destiny but its also called the holy lance
speedygonzales: i dont care why u changed it i want to kno how
theholylance: and it can sort of rewrite reality
theholylance: wait what u kno how to change names on here???
speedygonzales: yh but none of us saw u do it
theholylance: oh i did it in my other groupchat
speedygonzales: OTHER GROUPCHAT????
theholylance: yh the legends one???
irisbest: I can’t believe you’re cheating on us
theholylance: theyre my team!! and i was in that 1 1st!!
quicksort: so you’re cheating on them with us?
theholylance: r u srsly telling me none of u hav other groups???
theholylance: so theres no team arrow gc???
newandimproved: Can you really see Oliver and Diggle joining in something like this?
theholylance: tru but dont u guys have a bby team
smoakandmirrors: do you mean the new recruits??
smoakandmirrors: bc they dont really like each other that much
theholylance: oh boy do i remember those days
smoakandmirrors: you’re talking about your team right?? bc we never hated each other
theholylance: fliss u and digg hated me!!!!
smoakandmirrors: we didn’t!!!
smoakandmirrors: it was weird seeing oliver so open around you when it took him ages to be like that with us but that’s it
theholylance: wait wait wait
theholylance: were u jealous????
smoakandmirrors: what no
theholylance: oh this makes so much sense
smoakandmirrors: we weren’t jealous!!!
theholylance: omfg thats y u were so weird on those painkillers!!
smoakandmirrors: i wasn’t jealous!!
theholylance: yh ok if u say so
smoakandmirrors: i wasn’t!!!
theholylance: anyway what abt a team flash gc??? u guys are all tight right??
theholylance: lol rhymes
irisbest: I guess we never really needed one??
irisbest: bc we have speedsters and a teleporter so it’s not like we can’t get in touch easily
quicksort: and interdimensional communicators
quicksort: and cisco who i guess is that same thing
snowqueen: And we tend to spend a lot of time together anyway
theholylance: guys my team lives on 1 ship we only have 1 bathroom and we still have a gc
snowqueen: That sounds horrifying
irisbest: I think you guys might have some form of separation anxiety
theholylance: ok but what abt team nerd????
smoakandmirrors: you mean team tech
theholylance: doesnt that leave out caitlin tho???
snowqueen: I’m not a nerd
irisbest: sweetie, I love you and yes you are
smoakandmirrors: cisco and i text sometimes to keep each other up to date with what’s going on but that’s it
theholylance: damn u guys r super boring
theholylance: talk to other ppl u loners
newandimproved: Lovely as always
smoakandmirrors: okay i know thea said she didn’t care but i want to know about the holy lance
theholylance: ok so it rewrites reality and theres this team that some idiots are calling the legion of doom after it
smoakandmirrors: the legion of doom?? like the cartoons??
theholylance: cant belive im surrounded by nerds
newandimproved: Please tell me you know where it is
theholylance: well we have 1 piece of it and were pretty sure they dont have the other pieces
snowqueen: That’s not really comforting
speedygonzales: wait who r the doom legion
smoakandmirrors: legion of doom!!
theholylance: yh abt that
theholylance: so u kno were timetravellers???
newandimproved: You only bring it up in every conversation
theholylance: and sometimes we fite against threats that prob wouldnt make sense to non timetravellers??
newandimproved: I really don’t like where this is going
theholylance: yh so the legion is made up of eobard thawne malcolm merlyn and damian darkh
snowqueen: That’s impossible, Eobard Thawne doesn’t exist
newandimproved: Darkh is dead, Sara, Oliver promised
theholylance: its a past version of darkh b4 he died but thawne is ~complicated~
theholylance: and thawne wants the spear so he properly exists agains and darkh wants it so he doesn’t die in the future
speedygonzales: merlyn wants it bc of me doesnt he
theholylance: sorry yh, he wants u him and tommy to be a family again
speedygonzales: of course he does
speedygonzales: i was wondering y he hadnt ruined my life lately and of course its bc hes trying to ruin the whole of reality
irisbest: can we help? evil speedsters are kind of our thing and we all have our own reasons for hating eobard
theholylance: no we have a handle on it
theholylance: i mean we probably cud hav used ur help figuring out which evil speedster thawne was bc u guys have a lot
theholylance: but now were ok
theholylance: well theyve kidnapped rip but hes a former time master hell be ok
snowqueen: Are you sure?
quicksort: yeah we have some experience with this sort of thing
speedygonzales: yh im not sure what we cud do but im always up for kicking my dads ass
theholylance: guys srsly weve got this and i kno u hav ur own problems. if we need help i promise well ask 4 it
smoakandmirrors: speaking of help, didn’t you want to ask us something??
theholylance: oh shit yh i almost forgot thx fliss
theholylance: so random question, how many stars does the us flag have?
newandimproved: How can you not know that Sara?
theholylance: sorry i was talking to nate
smoakandmirrors: why did you even ask that?????
theholylance: dont worry abt it
theholylance: on a completly unrelated note
theholylance: can u name the states
smoakandmirrors: what did you do sara!!!!!
theholylance: dont yell at me!!!!
smoakandmirrors: then answer me!!!!
theholylance: i dont like ur tone!!!!
irisbest: how many states do we have in whatever version of the future you’ve just made?????
theholylance: y do u assume weve made an alt future????
newandimproved: Because we know you!
theholylance: ok fine but dont yell at me
smoakandmirrors: WHAT DID YOU DO SARA????????
In case you're wondering, the Legends accidentally stopped Virginia from splitting. They don't think it's that big of a deal.
("Why do we even need two Virginias? Isn't one enough? " "Sara, no-")
Chapter 4: in which shawna baez hates every life choice that’s lead her to this moment and iris west is maybe a little too invested
aka reality tv, superhero style
snowqueen changed the group name to wellwellwell
snowqueen changed their name to guesswho
guesswho: oh this looks like fun
smoakandmirrors: who the hell are you and what have you done with caitlin?????
guesswho: the docs fine, shes just a little preoccupied
speedygonzales: what tf is that suposed to mean
irisbest: guys it’s fine it’s just lisa snart
guesswho: excuse me, just lisa snart???
irisbest: she kidnaps caitlin every now and again, she’ll give her back in a few hours once they finish their date
speedygonzales: …and i thought my love life was weird
quicksort: wait is she a bad guy??
irisbest: sort of?? why, who is she on your earth?
quicksort: the deputy mayor
irisbest: the deputy mayor???
guesswho: your earth???
quicksort: yes and yes
quicksort: it’s a really long story
irisbest: you should probably ask cisco
theholylance: yo little snart len and mick say hey
guesswho: tell them im still pissed at them
theholylance: woah they just went super pale
guesswho: as they should
theholylance: okay now i want to meet u
theholylance: LEN SAYS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO MEET NOW WE HAVE TO
guesswho: sara right? lennys told me about you
theholylance: bad things i hope
guesswho: oh definitely
guesswho: we have to meet up sometime, but now, caitlin wants her phone back
guesswho: and dont think im letting this other earth thing go
guesswho: later losers
guesswho changed their name to snowqueen
speedygonzales: damn i cant believe ur on a date w/ a supervillain
smoakandmirrors: i know cait, i didn’t know you were such a dark horse!!!
snowqueen: We’re not on a date
newandimproved: What are you doing together?
snowqueen: We’re just sitting in her living room
snowqueen: It’s not a date!
irisbest: cait, a thief just gave you your phone back just bc you asked
newandimproved: I honestly don’t know how to respond to that
snowqueen: I have to go, I can't concentrate on two conversations at once
snowqueen has left the group
smoakandmirrors: what just happened???
beammeupshawna joined the group wellwellwell
beammeupshawna: pls help i am dying
smoakandmirrors: who are you and how did you get here????
beammeupshawna: your groups on public
smoakandmirrors: oh whoops
newandimproved: I’m with Felicity right now, and she didn’t say whoops
smoakandmirrors: thanks laurel
smoakandmirrors: and i’m changing the privacy settings now
theholylance: u still havent said who u r tho
beammeupshawna: im the person who has to watch these two idiots flirt with each other
beammeupshawna: believe me, its painful
irisbest: wait, are you peekaboo?
beammeupshawna: i really hate that name
beammeupshawna: but yeah
speedygonzales: sorry, but peekaboo?????
beammeupshawna: blame ramon, i didnt pick it
irisbest: and I am super sad for you, but you need to send us updates
speedygonzales: yes livechat it 4 us!!!
beammeupshawna: gdi fine i guess i dont have anything better to do
smoakandmirrors: i’m getting popcorn
theholylance: ooh, same
newandimproved: You’re both terrible people
smoakandmirrors: you literally just took a handful of popcorn
irisbest: guys shut up I want to know what’s happening
beammeupshawna: ok so theyre sitting on the good couch making eyes at each other and awkwardly flirting
beammeupshawna: im in the armchair at the otherside of the room, i dont think they even know im here
beammeupshawna: jfc glider just did that thing where you stretch and put your arm around someone
speedygonzales: wait srsly??? arent snarts meant to be super smooth??
theholylance: r u kidding snart is the most dorky guy i kno and i kno ray
beammeupshawna: yh gliders the same
beammeupshawna: its worse when theyre in the same room its like their dorkiness combines
beammeupshawna: im going to throw up i cant believe tht just came out of her mouth
beammeupshawna: glider: i stole this amber necklace last week that reminds me of your eyes
theholylance: see???? theyre dorks
speedygonzales: hotdamn thats some grade a cheese
newandimproved: That’s actually kind of sweet? If you think about it?
irisbest: I mean, I’ve heard snart say worse in his fights with the flash tbh
beammeupshawna: holy shit the docs not having any of it
beammeupshawna: doc: you know thats an admission of guilt
irisbest: oh cait no
beammeupshawna: doc: i can go to the police with that
speedygonzales: damn she needs to go to them bc she just straight up murdered her
beammeupshawna: HOW DID IT GET WORSE???
quicksort: there’s no way it can be worse
beammeupshawna: glider: why, do you have a thing for me in handcuffs?
quicksort: ok nevermind
smoakandmirrors: well at least i’ve never said anything as bad as that
newandimproved: Yes you have
beammeupshawna: THE DOC JUST TURNED BRIGHT RED AND MUMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT JUSTICE JFC
irisbest: omg cait
smoakandmirrors: I JUST CHOKED ON MY POPCORN
beammeupshawna: wait wait wait
beammeupshawna: gliders going in for the kiss
newandimproved: Oh wow
beammeupshawna: oh mY GOD
beammeupshawna: THE DOC DODGED IT
theholylance: lmao get rekt
newandimproved: Not helping
beammeupshawna: wait no
newandimproved: What’s happening?
irisbest: come on this is years of ust you can’t just leave it there
beammeupshawna: yeah sorry i had to leave the room
beammeupshawna: theyre making out
smoakandmirrors: wow get it caitlin
quicksort: this has been a rollercoaster
theholylance: len says tell lisa congratulations
beammeupshawna: yeah im not going back in there anytime soon
beammeupshawna: west, you still there?
smoakandmirrors: yeah iris, I thought you’d be the most excited
irisbest: hey sorry this is Barry. Iris and Cisco are just screaming?
irisbest: yeah now they’re dancing and screaming?
irisbest: oh wow, I just read up the chat, well done Caitlin
beammeupshawna: hey allen, tell ramon that my codename sucks and i want a new one
irisbest: um okay
irisbest: wait, how do you know my name???
yo guess who has ~10k of these idiots yelling at each other over messenger. this idiot
Chapter 5: in which amaya jiwe is the only adult on the waverider and everybody else is lowkey concerned
aka pt2 of which idiots trusted the legends with the timeline
theholylance: how was ur date?????
snowqueen: It wasn’t a date
speedygonzales: damn caitlin thats cold
snowqueen: What are you talking about?
quicksort: we sort of watched it?
snowqueen: I don’t understand
irisbest: shawna baez livechatted the whole thing
snowqueen: I didn’t even realize she was there
irisbest: okay think about that sentence and tell me it wasn’t a date
snowqueen: It wasn’t!
smoakandmirrors: you just randomly make out with people you’re not dating??
theholylance: i do
newandimproved: Yes, we all know you do
theholylance: not sure if ur judgey or jealous
snowqueen: We didn’t make out
irisbest: yeah we know you did
snowqueen: It was only a kiss
speedygonzales: HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS?? IT WAS ONLY A KISS
theholylance: IT WAS ONLY A KISS
newandimproved: You’re not helping
snowqueen: Can we just talk about something else right now?
smoakandmirrors: you know, as someone who’s dealt with this kind of thing a lot
smoakandmirrors: ignoring it totally doesn’t work
snowqueen: I know, just not now, okay?
smoakandmirrors: so anyway, new topic?????
theholylance: ok so i guess this is like sort of related to the old one but
theholylance changed their name to lancelot
lancelot: guess who just made out with queen guinevere and inspired the legend of lancelot!!!!!
lancelot: dont h8 jst bc u cant rel8
newandimproved: How old are you again?
lancelot: age has no meaning to a timetraveler
lancelot: and im p sure im actually older than u now
newandimproved: Wait what???
lancelot: but anyway i kissed her but b4 that, and i quote
lancelot: me: i enjoyed meeting u
lancelot: her: and i you, sara lance. a lot
lancelot: guys y is nobody else excited?????
smoakandmirrors: no we are
speedygonzales: yh it sounds cool
lancelot: u dont sound like it
quicksort: I’m excited for you!
lancelot: ur from a diff world evrthing is exciting 2 u
quicksort: no, that’s fair
snowqueen: This is just the sort of thing we expect from you, that’s all
speedygonzales: its still awesome tho!!!
lancelot: i guess ill have to try harder to surprise u all
snowqueen: That’s not what I meant at all
newandimproved: Please don’t
lancelot: no i gotta
lancelot: and i guess it sucks that they changed me into a dude bc heteronormativity
smoakandmirrors: i honestly can’t believe you spelled that right
lancelot: also they made guinevere into a cheater, which not cool
lancelot: (yes i kno, ironic coming from me)
irisbest: you’re telling me king arthur and queen guinevere weren’t married????
irisbest: they were my childhood!!!
lancelot: u an ray shud probably talk
lancelot: and no they were married but not romantic/sexual
lancelot: i think they might have been like that word
lancelot: gay friends??? but not actual gay friens
lancelot: like more than friends but not in love???
speedygonzales: gay friends
lancelot: look im sorry i didnt have time to learn queer terminology while i was busy saving the universe
newandimproved: You can’t use that excuse for everything
lancelot: can and will
lancelot: plus i met merlin and shes super hot
quicksort: merlin isn’t a woman on your earth?
speedygonzales: i didnt think she was??
newandimproved: No way, I don’t believe you
lancelot: ugh fine let me get amaya to unmute the chat
lancelot: ok shes here
vixen: Sara insisted she needed my help with something on here.
lancelot: amaya tell everyone that merlins a woman bc they dont believe me
vixen: I told you I don’t have time for these childish antics.
lancelot: amaya im ur captain u have to
vixen: You realize that we have an actual important job to do?
lancelot: u can go again after this convo
lancelot: i jst need u to prove a point
vixen: Merlin is a woman.
lancelot: suck it laurel
newandimproved: I was going to apologize and now I’m not
speedygonzales: but how is she a woman???
vixen: She’s my former teammate.
lancelot: ur former hot teammate
lancelot: wait no
lancelot: ur hot former teammate
lancelot: anyway, that means im in the lead
snowqueen: In the lead of what?
vixen: One of their ridiculous competitions.
lancelot: 1 of our awesome competitions
quicksort: you guys have competitions?
smoakandmirrors: of course they do
lancelot: ok so basically we have:
lancelot: 1)how many famous people can u kiss/makeout/sleep with
lancelot: 2)how many famous people can u prove are queer
lancelot: 3)how many (minor) marks on history can u make (eg paintings, statues etc)
lancelot: and 4)how many stories/legends/fairytales can u inspire
speedygonzales: thats awesome
irisbest: I don’t know if awesome’s the word I’m looking for
lancelot: so obvs im winning the first
lancelot: snarts winning the 2nd but only bc he made us start over bc he said it wouldnt be fair since he wasnt here
lancelot: and micks winning the 3rd bc people rlly like painting him??
lancelot: and rays winning the 4th bc he keeps doing stupid shit nd then they think hes like a woodland nymph or smth
smoakandmirrors: …yeah i can see that
snowqueen: Is anyone else concerned that these are the people in charge of the timeline?
smoakandmirrors: apart from you amaya obviously
vixen: Thank you.
irisbest: a little bit yeah
lancelot: at least were doing a better job than ur bf
speedygonzales: get rekt
irisbest: why does everyone always pick on me????
newandimproved: Okay this is all very exciting but can we get back to the fact that you’re older than me??
lancelot: oh yh
newandimproved: What did you do??
lancelot: back when we were still fighting savage the waverider was attacked and it had to make an emergency jump to the timestream
lancelot: but me ray and kendra were still in the 50s and bc of the damage they couldnt pick us up until 2 yrs l8r
newandimproved: You never told me that
lancelot: u werent exactly around when i came back
newandimproved: Right, sorry
lancelot: that wasnt ur fault dumbass dont ever apologize for that
newandimproved: Thanks, I think
lancelot: but yh so that made us abt the same age but then with all the timetravel in between im p sure im abt a yr older
lancelot: ur still my big sister tho
newandimproved: I don’t think that’s how it works
lancelot: whos the time master here??? thats right, me
lancelot: even if i turn up in a few days and im like 80 then ur still the big sister sorry i dont make the rules
newandimproved: Thanks Sara
newandimproved: Though you’re not actually going to do that?
lancelot: of course not
lancelot: im not gonna reach 80 im gonna be executed the night b4 my 40th bday 4 sleeping with a member of a royal family
newandimproved: Sara no
lancelot: or be burned at the stake as a witch i havent decided yet
I really need to sleep so this probably won't be all that coherent, but, some things:
I'm guessing that anyone who comments has noticed that I tend to take a while to answer, which isn't like anything to do with anyone, but just general anxiety stuff. But, I'll definitely answer them all, just eventually. To anyone that has commented, thank you so much. And to people who have just left kudos or bookmarked or just read, also thank you! I'm glad you like this. Also, since this is something I didn't know until recently, if you are a person that's liked this but hasn't wanted to leave comments/kudos/bookmarks for any reason (which, believe me, I completely understand), then you can still subscribe and ao3 won't tell me who you are. It only tells me how many people are subscribed (I think ~60 now? which is ridiculous and also sorry, you 60 odd people, for my tired ramblings).
Also also, has anyone else thought about the fact that Sara is now probably older than Laurel will ever be? Because I only just realised that and now I'm sad.
Chapter 6: in which laurel lance is the mom friend and sara lance saved the world. a lot
aka hey Dinah!
smoakandmirrors changed the group name to welcometotheclub
smoakandmirrors added thirdtimesthecharm to welcometotheclub
smoakandmirrors: guys, this is dinah! she’s the new Black Canary
lancelot: is she now
smoakandmirrors changed the group name to allcanariesarewelcome
lancelot changed the group name to aretheynow
smoakandmirrors: did you seriously just use a capital letter???
newandimproved changed the group name to ignoresarashedoesntknowwhatshestalkingabout
lancelot: y did u make that the chat name u cudve just said that in a msg???
newandimproved: Because it’s a life lesson that everyone should follow
lancelot: wow, my own fam
thirdtimesthecharm: thanks btw
thirdtimesthecharm: I’m going to make sure I don’t let the name down
irisbest: yeah ignore sara, it’s nice to meet you
thirdtimesthecharm: it’s nice to meet you guys too
thirdtimesthecharm: not that I really know who any of you are
quicksort: we really need some kind of list with everyone’s names
smoakandmirrors: well i guess now you know sara, and the one defending you is laurel
smoakandmirrors: speedy’s thea, quick’s jesse, snow’s caitlin
smoakandmirrors: and iris is iris
smoakandmirrors: bc someone wasn’t being imaginative when they thought up their name
irisbest: these names reflect who we are as people
irisbest: ie, I’m the best and you’re just a bunch of tricks
snowqueen: Really? This again?
thirdtimesthecharm: I’m sorry if I started something?
newandimproved: No, they’re just idiots
irisbest: she started it!!
smoakandmirrors: oh we all know who started it, iris
newandimproved: Well I’m ending it
speedygonzales: mom friend, activate
newandimproved: I’m not the Mom friend
lancelot: did u rly jst say that???
speedygonzales: u r like the most mom friend ever
smoakandmirrors: yeah, you sort of are
newandimproved: No, Digg’s the Mom friend
lancelot: u can hav more than 1 mom friend in a group laurel
lancelot: besides, digg is only like half a mom friend, ur more like 90%
newandimproved: What’s the other ten percent?
newandimproved: What does that mean?
lancelot: it means u need to go on the internet more bc ur a nerd
newandimproved: Thanks Sara
irisbest: hey dinah, can I ask a question???
thirdtimesthecharm: uh yeah, sure
irisbest: is your chat name to do with you being the third black canary?
thirdtimesthecharm: yep, why?
irisbest: bc I thought there were four of you?????
smoakandmirrors: nope. only three
snowqueen: No, I’m pretty sure I remember there being a girl with you during the alien invasion
quicksort: wait aliens??????
smoakandmirrors: nope, three
lancelot: pls tell me ur bf didnt screw up the timeline again
speedygonzales: no the girl between laurel and dinah turned out to be a backstabbing bitch so were not counting her
smoakandmirrors: usually i’d object to the swearing, but yeah basically
smoakandmirrors: plus she ended up using the name Artemis, so
thirdtimesthecharm: I guess at least I can’t be as bad as that one then
quicksort: okay I’m sure this is important and everything, but can we go back to the alien invasion??
quicksort: why did no one call me??
snowqueen: It was kind of a rushed operation
irisbest: yeah, even I didn’t get to help
irisbest: not that I’m bitter or anything
smoakandmirrors: sorry, codenames only
thirdtimesthecharm: It was before I joined team Arrow
newandimproved: I wasn’t there either
speedygonzales: yh, but u were dead
quicksort: wait what
thirdtimesthecharm: oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask about that
thirdtimesthecharm: Canaries have a tendency to die, and I kinda don’t want to do that
lancelot: we get better tho
lancelot: its the mark of a tru canary
smoakandmirrors: Sara Lance you shut down that train of thought right now!!!
lancelot: i didnt say anything!
smoakandmirrors: so you weren’t going to suggest that dinah get herself killed to see if she resurrects and proves that she’s a True Canary???
lancelot: well it sounds bad when you put it that way
quicksort: ok how many of you people have died??
newandimproved: Do you mean Canaries? Or just heroes/vigilantes in general?
quicksort: in general
newandimproved: Well there’s me, Sara and technically Thea
newandimproved: And maybe Oliver?
newandimproved: Am I missing anyone?
lancelot: len, plus the hawks used to have this whole reincarnating thing going on, and they’ve died 206 times
irisbest: and barry’s sort of died a few times, plus all of us have died a ridiculous amount of times in alternate timelines
irisbest: plus, you know, the future
quicksort: oh god sorry
irisbest: no it’s fine
irisbest: if we couldn’t joke about dying then I’m pretty sure half of us wouldn’t have anything to talk about, so
lancelot: hey, i've died twice!!!!!
newandimproved: Only one of those times really counts though
lancelot: oh no i was talking about that time i died the other day
lancelot: but if were including pseudo deaths then id smoke all of u bitches
newandimproved: What do you mean the other day??
lancelot: oh yh did i tell u rip got brainwashed???
lancelot: ok well the legion of doom (still a stupid name) brainwashed him into being an evil douchebag
lancelot: and he shot me but then gideon brought me back to life
speedygonzales: lol rip sara
speedygonzales: what??? shes clearly fine now
newandimproved: Why didn’t you tell me??
lancelot: if i called u up everytime im in danger then id never be off the phone
lancelot: plus, b4 cisco souped up our phones, i wouldve had 2 fly back 2 2017 every time smth bad happens
lancelot: and thats like, a lot of times
lancelot: and rips onboard now an were gonna try and unbrainwash him so
thirdtimesthecharm: fly back?
quicksort: sara leads a team of timetravelling superheroes
newandimproved: There’s in danger and then there’s came back from the dead
lancelot: laurel theyre basically the same thing when it comes to me
lancelot: look i promise ill call u next time i die okay
newandimproved: That’s all I ask
lancelot: sorry, i couldnt not make that ref, but iris what were u talking abt??
lancelot: u said smth abt the future??
irisbest: oh right
irisbest: so barry accidentally ran forward in time and watched me get murdered
smoakandmirrors: oh my god are you okay?
irisbest: I don't really know
irisbest: it doesn’t feel like it’s real tbh
irisbest: it's just sort of numb?
irisbest: I guess we’ve been close to death so many times that it hasn’t really sunk in yet
irisbest: and the future can be changed right?
lancelot: short answer: yes
lancelot: slightly longer answer: it depends
irisbest: and the long answer?
lancelot: the long answer is smth u shud talk to rip abt when we unbrainwash him
lancelot: but like i kno i rag on ur bf a lot abt his treatment of the timeline
lancelot: but we all kno that he can change the future
lancelot: and the legends can lend a hand if u want
irisbest: no you guys have a lot on your plate rn
lancelot: im gonna say this again
irisbest: yes I know, but I also know you guys can’t always help
irisbest: like when you got stuck in the 50s?
lancelot: u kno abt that???
irisbest: we were still here when you two were talking about that, we just decided to give you some space
irisbest: I’m guessing that’s what’s happening now too
lancelot: look, we r dealing w/ a lot rn
lancelot: like, reality level shit
lancelot: well still help when u need us
lancelot: (and yes im talking abt u creepers watching the convo as well)
smoakandmirrors: we’re trying to give you two some privacy
lancelot: yeah yeah
lancelot: and also laur im espesh talking to u bc i kno how stupidly self sacrificing u can be
newandimproved: No I’m not?
lancelot: hoo boy yes u r but thats a tlk 4 a diffrent day
lancelot: so anyway if u get to a pnt where u need some1 w/ time travel info
lancelot: or u kno, an actual timetravelling ship
lancelot: hmu, ok?
irisbest: I will, thank you
lancelot: also new girl i guess this includes u 2
smoakandmirrors: yh that’s basically sara’s way of apologizing
newandimproved: That’s pretty much all you’re going to get
me, literally every five minutes of the Flash's we have to change the future arc: BOY IF ONLY YOU KNEW SOMEONE EXPERIENCED WITH TIME TRAVEL
Also, because for some reason I tagged them way too early and I'm pretty sure some people are wondering: the supergirl ladies turn up in chapter 8. I honestly did think it would be before that, but then there were some earth-1 events that I needed to get through and I kept having to push the chapter back, so sorry about that.
Chapter 7: in which iris west is smug and everything is complicated
aka mirror, mirror
lancelot changed the group name to thelastnamewasstupidandsoislaurel
newandimproved changed the group name to whydoyouhavetobesuchachild
lancelot changed the group name to whydoyouhavenosenseofhumor
newandimproved changed the group name to idoyourejustnotfunny
smoakandmirrors changed the group name to ifyoutwodontstopthenillbanyou
lancelot: u wouldnt
smoakandmirrors: try me
lancelot: ugh fine
newandimproved: I don’t like fighting anyway
newandimproved: What? I don’t
speedygonzales: hey remember when u tried to kill my dad by yourself??
speedygonzales: or when u took on every criminal u cud find and u had no training???
newandimproved: Only because someone wouldn’t train me
thirdtimesthecharm: I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that someone was oliver?
lancelot: yooooo new girl catches on fast
quicksort: wait I thought that oliver’s the guy that trains everyone
irisbest: barry always says he’s his mentor
smoakandmirrors: it’s complicated
speedygonzales: you just summed up ollies entire life in 2 words
lancelot: ooh wait jesse i just remembered i need to ask u something
lancelot: jesse u kno that u said that ur earth’s lisa snart was the deputy mayor?
lancelot: what abt the rest of us? who r we on ur earth???
speedygonzales: yes!!! i need to kno this!!!
smoakandmirrors: ooh yes i want to know who my mirror self is
quicksort: are you guys sure?? because sometimes knowing what an alternate version of yourself is like can be bad
thirdtimesthecharm: okay what the hell are you all talking about??
irisbest: did you guys forget to give dinah the multiverse talk????
smoakandmirrors: in my defence, it’s been a busy couple of weeks
smoakandmirrors: besides, you guys are better at that sort of thing
irisbest: okay, so, the guys usually give a long explanation
snowqueen: With a whiteboard
irisbest: right, yeah the relativity whiteboard
irisbest: but basically: alternate universes are real
thirdtimesthecharm: and I was just starting to get my head round time travel
irisbest: it takes a while, but you’ll get used to it
thirdtimesthecharm: so there’s another me on another earth?
quicksort: well quite a few earths, but yeah. the earth we’re talking about now is mine
thirdtimesthecharm: because you’re from another earth
thirdtimesthecharm: and you’re talking to us from that earth???
thirdtimesthecharm: so why shouldn’t we know what our alternate self is like?
snowqueen: Believe me, sometimes you’re better off not knowing
speedygonzales: ur double was a bad guy???
snowqueen: That’s putting it mildly. She killed a lot of people, and tried to kill me
snowqueen: And she kept hitting on me?
snowqueen: It was disturbing, to say the least
lancelot: honestly??? i doubt alt me can be worse than regular me
newandimproved: Don’t talk about yourself like that
lancelot: not current regular me bc shes better than all of u
lancelot: but past regular me who broke up relationships and also murdered people
speedygonzales: well there is that
quicksort: well okay then??? let me get to a computer
quicksort: I’m guessing sara and laurel’s last name is lance and felicity’s is smoak?? but I don’t know thea’s or dinah’s?
thirdtimesthecharm: dinah drake
speedygonzales: its thea queen
speedygonzales: its easy to remember bc im a queen
quicksort: do you mean like the queen family in starling? because on my earth they only had a son called oliver
quicksort: he died about ten years ago
smoakandmirrors: wait so laurel’s doppel was telling the truth??
quicksort: you’ve met black siren???
lancelot: black siren??????
smoakandmirrors: yeah she’s locked up in an argus prison
lancelot: nobody thought to tell me that laurel has an evil twin?????
smoakandmirrors: it’s a long story
lancelot: what if she broke out and i thought she was laurel????
smoakandmirrors: yh but what are the chances of that happening again??
smoakandmirrors: look we’ll tell you the story properly when you’re next in town
lancelot: ugh fine
speedygonzales: so anyway back to me
speedygonzales: what abt the merylns?? bc long story but my bio dad is actually malcolm merlyn
quicksort: are you still sure you want to know?
speedygonzales: wow so im guessing im either evil or dead
speedygonzales: yes i still want to kno
quicksort: there is a mia merlyn but she’s in jail for mass murder
speedygonzales: the undertaking?
quicksort: yes actually? that happened here too?
speedygonzales: yh, but i wasnt part of it
speedygonzales: god she mustve only been 18
newandimproved: Are you okay?
speedygonzales: better than ok
speedygonzales: im not the worst version of me
speedygonzales: nothing i can do will ever be that bad
quicksort: that’s a really positive way of thinking about it
speedygonzales: making good things out of bad situations is my best quality
speedygonzales: i'm a politician
lancelot: ok move over queen its my turn
smoakandmirrors: well, black siren said that her family was dead
smoakandmirrors: i sort of thought it was a sympathy play but she wasn’t lying about oliver
lancelot: im dead???
quicksort: my earth’s sara lance died in a shipwreck
lancelot: wait no thats what every1 thought happened here but i actually survived
smoakandmirrors: yh but wouldn’t alt!sara have told alt!laurel????
lancelot: u think i survived the shipwreck but died after??
newandimproved: Well that is what happened here
lancelot: how did the rest of the lances die?
quicksort: I don’t really know? the report says they suspected poisoning but they couldn’t identify it
lancelot: i guess that worlds nyssa isnt as forgiving as ours
smoakandmirrors: you think it was the league??
lancelot: untraceable poison????? ofc it was the league
lancelot: of assassins. i used to be a member
lancelot: well twice actually
quicksort: you were an assassin???
lancelot: yup. i was awesome
lancelot: my name was ta-er al-sahfer, which means canary
newandimproved: Doesn’t it actually mean ‘yellow bird’?
lancelot: it means canary
smoakandmirrors: no we looked it up on google translate, it means yellow bird
lancelot: googles a little bitch it means canary
newandimproved: Do you want me to call Nyssa and ask her?
lancelot: y do u have my exs number even i dont have it
newandimproved: Sometimes we meet up for milkshakes and sparring
lancelot: ur my sis ur meant to be on my side of the breakup
newandimproved: You didn’t break up, you died and then you became a time traveller
lancelot: but anyway ur not meant to able to leave the league apart from dying
lancelot: and if u dont die they can go after ur family to make u go back
lancelot: but nyssa let me leave
snowqueen: I thought you did die?
lancelot: that was the 2nd time i left, nyssa let me go the 1st time, then ras let me go the 3rd
irisbest: why did you keep going back???
lancelot: i was in a bad headspace
lancelot: it’s complicated
lancelot: anyway, anyone else???
thirdtimesthecharm: I’m getting the feeling that I probably don’t want to know about my double
thirdtimesthecharm: well, no, but also yes
thirdtimesthecharm: why, do you know who she is?
quicksort: yeah, it was a big news story not that long ago
quicksort: are you sure?
thirdtimesthecharm: let me guess: undercover cop killed by the mob?
quicksort: yes, how did you know???
thirdtimesthecharm: it nearly happened here
thirdtimesthecharm: my powers kicked in just as I was about to die
irisbest: wait, powers??? are you from central???
thirdtimesthecharm: born and raised
thirdtimesthecharm: I never met your dad, but I heard good things about him, and barry allen
thirdtimesthecharm: and eddie thawne
irisbest: thank you
thirdtimesthecharm: just relaying the message
thirdtimesthecharm: though honestly, from all the stuff I heard about allen, I’m not surprized he’s the flash
irisbest: yeah, I love him, but god knows that boy can’t keep a secret
thirdtimesthecharm: and what thea said, about making a good thing? I feel the same about my double
thirdtimesthecharm: she was fighting for justice and I’m proud to be like her
smoakandmirrors: okay do me next!!!
smoakandmirrors: yes sara i know
lancelot: honestly u do that so often that i dont even pick up on it anymore
lancelot: anyway, whats alt fliss like?
quicksort: okay, I’m looking her up now
quicksort: do really want to know?
smoakandmirrors: well you can’t not tell me now
smoakandmirrors: just do it
quicksort: she killed herself in prison
quicksort: I’m sorry
newandimproved: I’m with Felicity and she just yelled Son of a bitch!
smoakandmirrors: i’m cooper!???
irisbest: who’s cooper and how did they get felicity to swear???
lancelot: wait y r u w/ fliss???
newandimproved: It’s Doctor Who night
smoakandmirrors: are you kidding me!??
newandimproved: Okay, now she’s just saying bastard under her breath
irisbest: ok seriously who is this person???
smoakandmirrors: a guy i dated in college
smoakandmirrors: he got arrested for some cyber terrorism and then he faked his death (without telling me it was fake) so he could work for the nsa
smoakandmirrors: and then he left the nsa and turned up in starling and caused a citywide blackout so he could rob a bank
smoakandmirrors: using my computer virus!!! that he stole from me!!!!
smoakandmirrors: oh and also he kidnapped me and my mom
snowqueen: I feel like your priorities are mixed up
smoakandmirrors: but then the arrow showed up and distracted him long enough for me to kick his ass
speedygonzales: so alt u is a terrorist????
smoakandmirrors: wait does that mean that alt!me got her ass kicked by alt!coop bc that’s not fair
quicksort: well we don’t have whatever the nsa is, but there was a blackout in starling and the bank was robbed, but the hacker was never caught
smoakandmirrors: alt!team arrow never stopped alt!me?????
lancelot: fliss ur not allowed to ever turn evil
lancelot: none of us wud be able to stop u
smoakandmirrors: you lead a time travelling team of superheroes????
lancelot: so???? youd still win
speedygonzales: ur bffs w/ literally every superhero????
newandimproved: And you know everybody’s strengths and weaknesses
irisbest: plus you can hack all of our tech
thirdtimesthecharm: you could probably play us all off against each other
snowqueen: I guess the next time I turn evil I need to take Felicity out first
snowqueen: It was a joke
lanceot: wow gotta say ur not great at tone
snowqueen: I get that a lot
newandimproved: It’s good that you’re joking about it though
snowqueen: Cisco said that it can help
smoakandmirrors: does it?
snowqueen: Not really
thirdtimesthecharm: so I’m guessing I missed whatever this is about?
smoakandmirrors: it’s kind of like how you were before oliver recruited you
snowqueen: How were you were you then?
thirdtimesthecharm: I was sort of on a revenge killing spree?
thirdtimesthecharm: they weren’t very nice people, but it still wasn’t particularly healthy
thirdtimesthecharm: or legal, obviously
thirdtimesthecharm: it was just like I needed to make them hurt like I hurt
snowqueen: That’s how it feels for me too
snowqueen: Only the people I hurt aren’t always bad people
snowqueen: It’s complicated
thirdtimesthecharm: well, I’m sure you’re probably sick of people saying it will get better
thirdtimesthecharm: but it sounds like emotionally I wasn’t too different from you a few months ago and I just passed a police pysch eval
thirdtimesthecharm: so yeah
snowqueen: No, it helps, thank you
speedygonzales: not to ruin the moment but our cops arent that stable
thirdtimesthecharm: thanks thea
speedygonzales: apart from u!!!
quicksort: okay, so that’s everyone?
smoakandmirrors: no there’s still iris
irisbest: oh I already know who my e2 double is: she’s a cop
speedygonzales: a cop?????
irisbest: well she’s a detective that fights against bad metas, but yeah
irisbest: plus she survived through the whole of zoom’s control of the city
irisbest: and helped to take him down
newandimproved: I feel like this is unfair
speedygonzales: how come u get the good double?????
irisbest: I guess I’m just awesome in every universe
lancelot: u kno i can hear ur smugness all the way from the cretaceous period
Sorry that this was slightly late, I'm busy revising.
And no, I have absolutely no idea why this chapter is so long. It just kept growing?
(also, how long do you think it'll take for this to be jossed? because we better get some black siren backstory and there's no way it'll be the same as mine)
Chapter 8: in which little sisters are the worst and alex danvers just can’t get a break
aka hey team supergirl!
so this ridiculous story about these women yelling at each other over text that i started writing because i was bored and had writer's block is now nearly at 10k and over 200 kudos??? wow okay.
@all the people who read this: i'm not really sure why you guys stick with this, but thanks
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
smoakandmirrors changed the group name to hellofromtheotherside
smoakandmirrors added puppydanvers to hellofromtheotherside
smoakandmirrors: hi, is this kara danvers?
smoakandmirrors: it’s felicity smoak!! (from that time we fought off the dominator invasion?)
puppydanvers: wait, from the other earth???
puppydanvers: omg!! this is awesome!!!
smoakandmirrors: i know!!!
snowqueen: Oh no, there’s two of them
puppydanvers: how is this even possible!!??
smoakandmirrors: don’t you even think about it west
irisbest: cisco set it up
puppydanvers: oh okay
puppydanvers: hey do you mind if I add some other people???
puppydanvers: they already know about the whole other earths thing
lancelot: no guys tho
lancelot: its like our brand
puppydanvers added agentdanvers and betterthanyou to the group hellofromtheotherside
puppydanvers: guys, this is my sister alex and my friend lucy!!
puppydanvers: and these are some of the people I was telling you about, the ones I met on the other earth
puppydanvers: though I don’t think I’ve met all of you??
quicksort: it’s okay, I have a spreadsheet
speedygonzales: u actually made it????
quicksort: I figured it would be useful for situations like this
quicksort: I try to keep it updated, but if there’s a name on here you don’t recognise, then it’s probably sara
quicksort: she goes through a lot of them
lancelot: thats what she said
newandimproved: She’s also a teenage boy
smoakandmirrors: and dinah isn’t here, she’s at work, bc she’s the only one of us with an actual day job
newandimproved: I have a job! I just don’t have a case right now
smoakandmirrors: right, sorry
irisbest: and I have a job too!!!
smoakandmirrors: do you iris
smoakandmirrors: do you really
agentdanvers: isn’t a list of all your secret identities a security risk?
quicksort: it probably would be, but I keep it on my earth
speedygonzales: yh, and were all dead or evil over there so it doesnt really matter
snowqueen: Or both
irisbest: um excuse me
speedygonzales: oh apart from iris, shes a cop
irisbest: a badass cop tyvm
quicksort: and caitlin’s girlfriend is the deputy mayor of central city on my earth
quicksort: but I think she’s a supervillain on their earth?? so it kind of balances out
puppydanvers: you’re dating a supervillain?????
snowqueen: She’s not my girlfriend
irisbest: it’s cute that you still think that
lancelot: so anyway kara
lancelot: is this the sister u were telling me abt?????
puppydanvers: okay so don’t be mad
puppydanvers: but sara was flirting with me and I maybe said she should speak to you instead??
agentdanvers: of course you did
agentdanvers: I sort of have a girlfriend?
betterthanyou: u do?????
betterthanyou: since when?????
betterthanyou: who is she????
puppydanvers: her name’s maggie and she’s a cop and she likes guns and tiny trees
puppydanvers: am I lying??
agentdanvers: you’re the worst
lancelot: how opens ur relationship
newandimproved: Oh my god Sara!!!!
betterthanyou: oh i like u
lancelot: itd b worse if i didnt ask!!
agentdanvers: you don’t even know what I look like?
lancelot: im flexible
newandimproved: I can’t believe you just asked that
lancelot: uve known me literally all my life how is this still suprising??
betterthanyou: so now you kno what she looks like ;)
smoakandmirrors: oh wow
speedygonzales: ur like super hot
agentdanvers: lucy why
vixen: Did something just happen?
puppydanvers: woah, who are you???
smoakandmirrors: amaya??? you unmuted the chat???
vixen: For the moment, yes.
quicksort: sorry, I forgot to put you on the list! you don’t usually hang around here
smoakandmirrors: kara, alex, lucy, this is amaya!! she’s from the 50s!! she’s awesome!!
agentdanvers: wait what?
smoakandmirrors: and why, what do you mean?
vixen: Sara just looked down at her phone, and then spat out her drink into Raymond’s face.
betterthanyou: this is the actual best moment of my entire life
puppydanvers: alex is blushing
puppydanvers: just so you know
betterthanyou: this is now the actual best day of my entire life
agentdanvers: kara why
betterthanyou: i no longer need to live, my consciousness is abt to Ascend
betterthanyou: tell j’onn i want my official cod to be alex danvers gay ass
agentdanvers: christ lucy
betterthanyou: ur all invited to my funeral, clothings optional
vixen: I’m guessing that this isn’t something that needs my attention.
speedygonzales: probably not
smoakandmirrors: bye amaya!!!! it’s nice to see you!!!
lancelot: ok im back
lancelot: also damn danvers
betterthanyou: back at it again with the sexy face
lancelot: ok noah fence danvers bc ur like the hottest person ive seen
lancelot: but i think lucy might be my actual soulmate
agentdanvers: there is literally none taken you two seem perfect for each other
betterthanyou: after everything ive done for u ur just gonna do me like that huh
agentdanvers: you tried to arrest me?
betterthanyou: why do u always have to get stuck on the bad parts??
lancelot: yes i hate it when ppl do that
newandimproved: Do you really want to go there Sara?
lancelot: or we cud talk abt smth else
newandimproved: That’s what I thought
agentdanvers: can we go back to how amaya is from the 50s? because what
lancelot: yh me and amaya (an the rest of our team) r timetravellers
lancelot: and im the captain of a timeship nbd
betterthanyou: well ok then
agentdanvers: how is that even possible? how does that even work?
lancelot: idk i just fly the ship and lead the team
agentdanvers: how can you be a time traveller and not understand time travel?
lancelot: u just gotta not sweat the small stuff
agentdanvers: the small stuff? you’re talking about time travel
lancelot: yh but its jst basically another day 4 me
lancelot: well actually less than a day bc nate pissed gideon off and now were on 22 hr cycles
lancelot: gideons the ships ai btw
lancelot: shes v petty and v hot
snowqueen: Isn’t she a blue disembodied head?
lancelot: well yh but when we were in the cretaceous we went into rips mind to unbrainwash him and we met a human version of her there
lancelot: shes flirts a lot and im like 99% sure she made out w/ rip when we left
agentdanvers: you’re talking about talking to the autonomous ai that controls your time ship
agentdanvers: while you were in someone’s mind, while you were in the cretaceous period
agentdanvers: how are you so unaffected
lancelot: u kno i think its dying??? stuff seems less surprising after uve been resurrected
puppydanvers: is your earth always like this?????
quicksort: you get used to it
newandimproved: No you were always like this
speedygonzales: maybe its just a star city thing
smoakandmirrors: no bc then digg wouldn’t always be so surprised
puppydanvers: omg I wish you guys could see alex rn
puppydanvers: she’s just pacing around and waving her arms in the air
smoakandmirrors: just try not to think about it alex
speedygonzales: yh sara isnt known 4 being srs abt this kind of stuff
lancelot: and u r??????
speedygonzales: …ok u got me there
lancelot: besides arent ur lives sort of ridiculous anyway???
lancelot: like dont u guys fite aliens???
betterthanyou: ok yh tru
quicksort: you guys know aliens????
speedygonzales: omg ur abt to make jesses gotdamn mind
puppydanvers: I’m an alien
puppydanvers: yes!! :D
puppydanvers: and our boss is an alien too
quicksort: that is so cool!!!
quicksort: do you have alien superpowers????
speedygonzales: she has like 50 and theyre awesome
puppydanvers: I don’t have that many! and I only have them bc of earth’s sun + gravity
quicksort: oh that sounds fascinating
quicksort: how does that work???
snowqueen: I was wondering about that when we met
snowqueen: Would you ever let me take a look at your DNA?
quicksort: if she does you’ve got to let me see too, I want to compare it to ours
snowqueen: Ours meaning metas or ours meaning human?
quicksort: both? I mean, we can get dna from both right?
snowqueen: Easily, and we need to do brain scans
quicksort: ooh yes
irisbest: guys, maybe tone it down a bit???
irisbest: you’re starting to sound like mad scientists
quicksort: I can’t help it!! it’s really interesting!
puppydanvers: you should probably set up a meeting with alex, she’s the bio nerd
smoakandmirrors: wait i thought you were some sort of secret agent
agentsdanvers: yeah, but I have a phd in bioengineering
lancelot: ur a doctor 2???
betterthanyou: and she surfs 2
agentdanvers: you guys know that I can see everything you’re writing?
betterthanyou: wud u like us to create a separate chat where we talk abt how hot u r?
agentdanvers: no thank you
puppydanvers: you could invite maggie!
agentdanvers: KARA DON’T YOU DARE
betterthanyou: did i ever tell u ur my fave danvers?
agentdanvers: I’LL TELL MOM
puppydanvers: woah too far alex
puppydanvers: it was just a joke don’t tell mom
agentdanvers has left the group
betterthanyou: uh oh
puppydanvers: GUYS I HAVE TO GO ALEX IS CALLING MOM
puppydanvers has left the group
smoakandmirrors: i guess sisters are the same in every universe
betterthanyou: ugh dont i know it
newandimproved: Are you older or younger?
speedygonzales: younger sisters r the best!!!!
lancelot: sry guys, younger sisters are way better than older
newandimproved: That’s not what you said when I got my first car
lancelot: i hate to tell u this
lancelot: but ive been driving since i was 14
newandimproved: Wait did you scratch my first car????
newandimproved: You said it was the neighbor!!!
lancelot: well it was nice meeting u all g2g
lancelot has left the group
newandimproved: I’m going to kill her
newandimproved has left the group
snowqueen: Isn’t Sara still on the Waverider?
speedygonzales: oh belive me laurel will find a way
betterthanyou: guys sorry i g2g i cant get hold of either of the danvers and j’onn jst sent me a dozen texts in a row
betterthanyou: i have to make sure they havent destroyed the deo
betterthanyou has left the group
smoakandmirrors: yep, the same in every universe
in which the supergirl ladies finally turn up.
so this fic is still mostly earth 1 based, which is making me want to do a seperate fic just for earth 58. (though there's already a supergirl chat fic going round atm and it's really good, so um maybe not)
(edit: earth 38, goddamnit)
also, about alex: is she a md?? does she have a phd?? what even is her specialised field of study?? who knows not me
Chapter 9: in which felicity smoak is an enabler and there is big news
aka gorilla city
so i'm going to be really busy this weekend so here, have this small chapter and i'll try and post a longer one sometime next week
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
smoakandmirrors changed the group name to whatthehell!!!!
smoakandmirrors added newandimproved and lancelot to whatthehell!!!!
smoakandmirrors: guys what the hell is happening in central?????
speedygonzales: y whats going on??
snowqueen: What do you mean?
smoakandmirrors: giant gorillas????
snowqueen: Oh, that
irisbest: it’s a long story, but nobody’s seriously hurt
thirdtimesthecharm: yeah, it just happens sometimes
smoakandmirrors: what the hell is wrong with you people
smoakandmirrors: i can’t believe that you guys think people from star are weird
lancelot: WAIT A MINUTE
newandimproved: Felicity, what have you done???
speedygonzales: DID U JST SAY GIANT GORILLAS??
smoakandmirrors: oh no laurel i’m so sorry
irisbest: guys don’t
lancelot changed their name to harambe
speedygonzales: damnit i was gonna do that!!!!
newandimproved: Change it back
quicksort: What does it mean?
snowqueen: I don’t know?
smoakandmirrors: how can you not know????
irisbest: we don’t really do memes in star labs
speedygonzales: NO MEMES????????
speedygonzales: what do u do?????
snowqueen: We fight crime?
irisbest: bad experiments mostly. and a lot of singing
smoakandmirrors: so you really don’t know what this is about????
harambe: oh you sweet summer child
snowqueen: No I know that one, it’s Game of Thrones!
newandimproved: Can you two just stop???
harambe: u can stop bad guys but u cant stop these dank memes
newandimproved: I hate you
quicksort: so what is harambe??
thirdtimesthecharm: no idea
speedygonzales: y do i even hang out w/ u ppl???????
thirdtimesthecharm: Well I have been kinda busy over the last few years
thirdtimesthecharm: I missed a few things
speedygonzales: oh god sorry!!!
thirdtimesthecharm: no it’s okay I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad
irisbest: he was this gorilla that died and the internet went nuts over it
smoakandmirrors: you mean they went bananas over it
newandimproved: Stop enabling them!!
smoakandmirrors: i can’t help it!!!
harambe: sry guys, but fliss belongs w/ us as a True Memelord™
newandimproved: I can’t believe I brought you back to life for this
harambe: u dont choose the memelife, the memelife chooses u
newandimproved: I’m a lawyer and a vigilante how the hell did I even get to this conversation
harambe: while u were studying law i studied the blade
quicksort: I feel like this is why amaya won’t talk to us
irisbest: okay guys seriously, can you stop for a second?
irisbest: I have something to tell you
newandimproved: Yes, please, anything apart from this
irisbest: and sara first you have to change your name
harambe: what no
irisbest: this is important news and I can’t take you seriously
harambe: ugh fine
harambe changed their name to lancelot
lancelot: this better be some news
irisbest: okay so
irisbest: barry and I are getting married!!!!
smoakandmirrors: mazel tov!!!
smoakandmirrors: and finally
speedygonzales: u know im still the richest person here, in case u need any funding
smoakandmirrors: *cough* humble brag *cough*
speedygonzales: its not my fault u guys keep losing ur companies
lancelot: maid of honor or gtfo
lancelot: relax laur im kidding, i kno its cait
snowqueen: No it’s not
irisbest: ????? yes it is??
irisbest: who else would it be???
irisbest: yes really, you’re my best friend you idiot
irisbest: I mean, I was gonna ask you to your face
lancelot: shit sorry
irisbest: I guess at least this way none of us are crying
newandimproved: Felicity’s crying
smoakandmirrors: i’m not ashamed of my emotions
irisbest: we’ve been through so much together
irisbest: of course I want you by my side for this
irisbest: though you know I’m asking you, not telling you, right?
irisbest: you don’t have to say yes
snowqueen: Are you sure?
irisbest: if you mean am I sure you don’t have to say yes: yes
irisbest: if you mean do I want you to be my maid of honor: yes
irisbest: re: best friend, re: idiot
snowqueen: I don’t know that I’ll be any good at it, but yes
irisbest: you’ll be great at it
snowqueen: And that isn’t really how ‘re:’ works
lancelot: she said yes!
irisbest: oh and since we’re doing this, felicity?
irisbest: I know that the timing’s always wrong in this line of work
irisbest: and that maybe something will come up before we get to it
irisbest: but will you be one of my bridesmaids?
irisbest: don’t leave me hanging here
smoakandmirrors: sorry, yes!!!!! of course yes!!!!
newandimproved: She’s actually full on sobbing now
smoakandmirrors: shu t up laurel
irisbest: sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry!!!!
smoakandmirrors: i’m not crying
newandimproved: Yeah she is
lancelot: man this days chat has been a ride
speedygonzales: from memes to felicity sobbing
newandimproved: Felicity: Stop making fun of me I am a small person with big feelings
speedygonzales: st op maekign fnu off me,,,, i a m a smol personn wiht bigge feelligns
smoakandmirrors: i hate you both
lancelot: anyone else got any big revelations???? might as well get them out now
quicksort: kind of, though I don’t know how it compares to iris’ news
irisbest: no if this is what I think it is, then it is important!
speedygonzales: u kno, for a reporter, that wasnt a great sentence
irisbest: bite me queen
irisbest: don’t even think about it sara
lancelot: damn west, ur fast
irisbest: I have to be, to keep up with three speedsters
irisbest: speaking of, sorry jesse, go ahead
quicksort: okay, so I’m moving to your earth
quicksort: yes! but I don’t know for how long
speedygonzales: we gotta meet!!
speedygonzales: ok so: u me jax wally roy and sin need to meet up and start a club
newandimproved: Ooh baby vigilantes!!
speedygonzales: im a adult!!!!
quicksort: so am I!!
irisbest: oh you guys are adorable
smoakandmirrors: you should call yourselves young justice
smoakandmirrors: that’s what you get for making fun of me
irisbest: or teen titans
smoakandmirrors: ooh alliteration, nice
me: you need to write something touching and heartfelt about iris and barry's engagement
me to me: memes
(sorry, but you know that sara and len make gideon tell them about future memes, like that's not even a headcanon it's basically a fact. also, ray tries to join in with those two and he's just so bad at it. sorry ray)
Chapter 10: in which this isn’t technically jesse wells’ fault and kara danvers is going to be kicking herself tomorrow
aka pt3 of which idiots left the legends in charge of the timeline
i'm not sure that this chapter is that good, but i'm tired and this is late anyway, so
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
lancelot changed the group name to P-A-R-T-WHY???
lancelot: so i had an idea
speedygonzales: BC I GOTTA
lancelot: nah i figured some1 wud
lancelot: ok so i had an idea
lancelot: so i have a time ship
newandimproved: Wow, really? I never would’ve guessed
lancelot: ok salty u can go last
smoakandmirrors: last for what???
lancelot: so i was thinkin i cud take u guys places for ur bdays??
lancelot: well within reason
lancelot: but yup
lancelot: tho wed have to work out a system for who goes when
newandimproved: Wouldn’t we go by whoever’s birthday comes first?
lancelot: i am literally floating in a timeless void rn try again
lancelot: and i already said ur last so
snowqueen: Isn’t it dangerous to mess with time like this?
lancelot: yh for team flash maybe
irisbest: wow thanks
lancelot: but we r time masters
smoakandmirrors: didn’t you literally blow up the actual time masters
lancelot: i cant hear u over the sound of the timeship im piloting and all the people weve saved
lancelot: who wants to go where
smoakandmirrors: i’m thinking
snowqueen: Yes, I want to pick the perfect place
lancelot: ok we already kno fliss and cait and jesse are gonna pick somewhere nerdy af so what abt the rest of u??
smoakandmirrors: i know i should be offended but you’re 100% right
thirdtimesthecharm: where was your favorite place?
lancelot: probably the wild west its awesome
lancelot: u can just get drunk and shoot people and nobody blinks
newandimproved: I vote not there
lancelot: also dont go to the 50s unless u like queerphobia sexism and racism
lancelot: 2/10 do not recommend
irisbest: what was the 2????
newandimproved: It was because of a hot person, wasn’t it?
lancelot: sometimes it scares me how well u kno me
smoakandmirrors: what about like a premiere of a famous film?
lancelot: if ur thinking star wars rays already booked it for his bday
smoakandmirrors: can i go with him??????
lancelot: ill ask him later but lbr hes gonna say yes
lancelot: im taking kendra there
lancelot: but we cud make it a girls day out if u want??
smoakandmirrors: i vote yes!!
speedygonzales: it was my idea so u technically fifthed
newandimproved: Do you really want to get into semantics with a lawyer?
smoakandmirrors: wait, where is kendra???
lancelot: idk shes travelling the world finding herself or something
smoakandmirrors: really? where did she get the money?
lancelot: think abt what u just said
smoakandmirrors: oh yeah, wings
thirdtimesthecharm: should I even ask??
irisbest: cisco’s ex-girlfriend turned out to be a reincarnated hawk goddess
lancelot: shell love this, ill add her to this when she gets back in touch
lancelot: anyway what abt u cait? do u want to come with?
snowqueen: It sounds like it’s going to be a trainwreck, so sure
speedygonzales: damn caitlin
snowqueen: Bad day
lancelot: nah its cool i grew up with laurel and her default mode is bitchy
newandimproved: Hate you
lancelot: and bc of that ive got like a super thick skin so if u ever need to yell at some1 im here
snowqueen: That’s a weirdly nice offer?
lancelot: thats my speciality
snowqueen: I’ll think about it, thanks
lancelot: no prob
newandimproved: You know you can be nice to someone without being mean to someone else at the same time
lancelot: no i cant it physically pains me
quicksort: guys quick question
quicksort: what’s woodstock
irisbest: it was an iconic american music festival in the 60s
lancelot: basically sex drugs and rock n roll
lancelot: wait shit laur r u going 2 be ok?
newandimproved: Thanks for the worry, but I know my limits
newandimproved: And I’m pretty sure you guys are going to need a sober friend
snowqueen: Three, actually
smoakandmirrors: you’re not drinking?
lancelot: and who else???
snowqueen: I don’t entirely trust my control over my powers when fully sober, so I’m not even going to chance alcohol
snowqueen: And Jesse’s underage
quicksort: not on my earth I’m not!!!
lancelot: or in ny in the 60s
lancelot: not that im trying to undermine u or anything
irisbest: uh huh
snowqueen: Sorry Jesse, but Harry wouldn’t be happy with us if we let you drink
irisbest: yeah, I’ve gotta go with cait, your dad would kill us
quicksort: yeah I get that a lot
lancelot: ok so woodstock for thea and star wars for fliss, any other ideas??
lancelot: oh wait!!
lancelot: do u think i shud ask team supergirl??
quicksort: it would be nice having other people who don’t know what you guys are talking about
smoakandmirrors: wait, where are they???
irisbest: weren’t you meant to add them back to the main chat???
lancelot added agentdanvers, betterthanyou and puppydanvers to the group P-A-R-T-WHY???
smoakandmirrors: dinah, this is kara, alex and lucy!!
thirdtimesthecharm: hi, I’m dinah
agentdanvers: I’m alex
agentdanvers: and kara’s out patrolling and her phone’s on silent so she probably won’t see any of this
lancelot: ah, a superheros work is never done
newandimproved: The last time you were in Star City you spent two whole days watching Ghost Hunters
lancelot: did i ask???
smoakandmirrors: anyway i’m sorry i forgot to add you guys back!!!!
smoakandmirrors: i was too busy freaking out over the giant meta-gorilla invasion!!!
agentdanvers: that’s okay, we’ve been dealing with a lot recently
agentdanvers: wait what??
agentdanvers: what is wrong with your earth
betterthanyou: im starting to feel like ur earth is the fun earth
speedygonzales: damn straight
lancelot: as if any1 in this chat is straight
speedygonzales: well u got me there
newandimproved: I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about whatever it is that you’ve been dealing with?
agentdanvers: I really don’t
betterthanyou: so apart from gorillas whats happening w/ u guys??
lancelot: read up the chat
agentdanvers: I'm sorry you guys know a reincarnated hawk goddess??
lancelot: yh one time she nearly killed me it was awesome
agentdanvers: you know what I'm not even going to ask
newandimproved: You get used to it
lancelot: so anyway what do u otherearthers think??
lancelot: wanna come to this earths version of woodstock???
agentdanvers: I can’t believe that you’re using timetravel to give people vacations
lancelot: well what else would i use it for???
lancelot: screwing up the timeline for the tenth time???
lancelot: *cough* team flash *cough*
irisbest: seriously??? from you???
agentdanvers: I’m getting the feeling that I should come just to keep most of you out of trouble
newandimproved: Yeah that feeling’s pretty usual around here
lancelot: imma take that as a yes
betterthanyou: oh yh of course, but also:
betterthanyou: do u have hamilton on ur earth???
irisbest: why did none of us think of that???
smoakandmirrors: we have to go to the opening night!!!
lancelot: lane ur a genius!!!!!
betterthanyou: oh i kno
quicksort: seriously, still???
quicksort: okay so what’s hamilton?
newandimproved: Oh no
agentdanvers: what have you done???
betterthanyou: HOW DOES A BASTARD ORPHAN SON OF A WHORE
speedygonzales: AND A SCOTSMAN DROPPED OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF A FORGOTTEN SPOT
lancelot: IN THE CARRIBBEAN BY PROVIDENCE IMPOVERISHED IN SQUALOR
snowqueen: Please stop
irisbest: GROW UP TO BE A HERO AND A SCHOLAR
smoakandmirrors: GROW UP TO BE A HERO AND A SCHOLAR
smoakandmirrors: goddamnit iris!!!
irisbest: i guess you threw away your shot
lancelot: thats what u get when u wait for it
quicksort: what’s happening???
betterthanyou: hey at least u were in the room where it happened
thirdtimesthecharm: I don’t really know? I missed whatever this is
newandimproved: Hamilton’s a hip hop musical and these guys are obsessed with it
snowqueen: This is just going to be Hamilton references now, isn’t it
newandimproved created the group nope
newandimproved added snowqueen and agentdanvers to the group nope
newandimproved: Needed somewhere away from that
agentdanvers: oh thank god
snowqueen: No Jesse or Dinah?
newandimproved: I try not to hold grudges, but I only just got them to stop doing this
newandimproved: And I figured Dinah should get a chance to experience this
newandimproved: The last time this happened, Felicity changed everyone’s ringtones to songs from the soundtrack
snowqueen: Wow, I forgot about that
agentdanvers: on her phone or yours?
agentdanvers: then why did you let her have your phones then?
newandimproved: We didn’t, she’s a hacker
agentdanvers: ah, I know what that’s like
agentdanvers: what did you get anyway?
snowqueen: A Winter’s Ball
agentdanvers: okay, I get winters ball is for the pun but why burn?
newandimproved: Right, I keep forgetting that you don’t know our pasts
newandimproved: It’s kind of a long story
agentdanvers: okay but changing ringtones doesn’t sound that bad
snowqueen: Have you ever heard a room full of criminals singing The Story of Tonight? Because I have
newandimproved: Stop hanging out in supervillains’ lairs then
agentdanvers: again: what
snowqueen: It’s a long story
newandimproved: I mean it’s not that long
snowqueen: And Cisco and Lisa keep forcing me to listen to the soundtrack to ‘get a better appreciation’ of it
newandimproved: A better appreciation?
snowqueen: I didn’t really like it?
agentdavers: wait, really?
snowqueen: I get why other people would, but it’s not really my thing
newandimproved: Don’t let any of the others hear you say that
snowqueen: Oh believe me, I’ve learnt from my mistakes
agentdanvers: that’s cute and all
agentdanvers: but lucy and kara and vasquez once sung the schuyler sisters for SIX HOURS ON A LOOP
agentdanvers: SIX HOURS
agentdanvers: ON A LOOP
agentdanvers: and my boss is telepathic and it got stuck in his head and he had the flu at the time so there was a lot of mental feedback
snowqueen: Okay, you win
agentdanvers: there were no winners that day
kara, checking her phone 2 hours later: GUYS I JUST READ THE CHAT I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU HAD A HAMILTON PARTY WITHOUT ME?????
(there is literally no plot in this chapter, this is basically an interlude. i figured these people deserved a break)
Chapter 11: in which we all knew it was coming and laurel lance would very much like to talk about literally anything else
this was already done, so have another i guess
also i guess in this version of canon alt!amaya never died in doomworld??? it was probably nate instead. sorry nate
(and this fic's been going for exactly 2 months now, which feels pretty awesome considering it's my first chaptered fic)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
lancelot created the group question
lancelot added newandimproved, smoakandmirrors, speedygonzales and 2 others to the group question
lancelot: hey so is it incest if u make out with urself???
lancelot: askin 4 a friend
snowqueen: I was having a good day
speedygonzales: we all kno the friend is u
smoakandmirrors: no but i think it’s called selfcest??
smoakandmirrors: also, wtf???
lancelot: long story
lancelot: wait here a sec
smoakandmirrors: i feel like every one of sara’s tales start with ‘long story’
newandimproved: They always have tbh
lancelot added saralance and amayajiwe to the group question
lancelot: guys this is future me and amaya from an alt reality
saralance: sup past nerds
newandimproved: I don’t even know where to begin to ask
snowqueen: Isn’t it a bad idea to meet your past selves?
saralance: super bad
lancelot: i think times alredy starting to break apart
smoakandmirrors: shouldn’t you guys maybe get on that???
lancelot: thats what she said
lancelot: and yh but we got time
amayajiwe: I don’t think we do? Isn’t that the whole problem?
saralance: nah we got time
speedygonzales: wiat if ur future sara then y is ur chat name so plain
saralance: up until like an hr ago i was evil future sara and she didnt do puns
speedygonzales: no pUNS!!!!
saralance: also she killed people for damian darkh so
irisbest: you seem pretty blase about it
saralance: ive got to the point where i just roll with it
saralance: plus ur all alive now anyway
smoakandmirrors: wait did you kill us???
saralance: werent u guys talking about selfcest
speedygonzales: u can c that swerve from space
newandimproved: Yes we were and can we not because you’re both my sister and I would rather not think about it
lancelot: cmon u mustve known id get round to this someday
speedygonzales: tbh im surprised it wasnt sooner
amayajiwe: What are you talking about?
irisbest: sara wants to make out with herself
amayajiwe: You can’t
saralance: bc it will rip time apart?
saralance: lol rip time
amayajiwe: Well, yes
amayajiwe: As well as the fact that it seems like it would be a disgusting abomination
lancelot: damn amaya tell us how u rlly feel
saralance: ur no fun amaya
amayajiwe: But also you’re in a relationship?
lancelot: u r?????
saralance: i am????
saralance: im in a relationship
lancelot: how can u be in a relationship ur from like a month into the future???
saralance: a yr actually, and we had whole fake lives
snowqueen: So you’re in a fake relationship?
saralance: no its real i just didnt kno it was real until like 5 mins ago
speedygonzales: ur with amaya!!
lancelot: i am?!!?!
speedygonzales: dude i didnt think u had that much game
saralance: 1st of all i have way more game than anyone u have ever or will ever meet
irisbest: and a bigger ego
saralance: and 2nd she isnt with amaya im with amaya big difference
speedygonzales: ur?? the same?? person??
lancelot: sort of but no
saralance: were 2 different people who hapen to hav the same face and personality an upbringing
newandimproved: And spelling proficiency
lancelot: and irritating big sister
smoakandmirrors: okay but you know that makes no sense
lancelot: its a timetraveller thing
irisbest: I’m talking to barry and he says that makes no sense either
saralance: ok but ur bf is barely a timetraveller
lancelot: hes like a timehopper at best
saralance: a timeskipper
lancelot: a timetripper
irisbest: it’s not fair for you guys to double time me
irisbest: wait no I just realised what I said please don’t
lancelot: too easy
saralance: not as easy as it is 4 ur bf to screw up the timeline
lancelot: thats the whole team (minus rip) btw, we recorded it when we were drunk
amayajiwe: I don’t remember that?
saralance: no it was the og legends
lancelot: b4 u and nate joined
saralance: it was originally 4 vandal savage but also we sent it to the time masters b4 we blew them up
smoakandmirrors: there’s something seriously wrong with your team
saralance: y would u say that???
lancelot: do u want me 2 tell ray u jst said that??? itd make him cry y do u wanna make ray cry???
smoakandmirrors: wtf sara
newandimproved: Wow, that could get old fast
lancelot: excuse u were the pinnacle of entertainment
saralance: u ppl r Blessed to hav us
snowqueen: I don’t think we are
amayajiwe: I’m sorry to interrupt, but I think we might have to go now
smoakandmirrors: is something happening???
saralance: like earthquake but time
speedygonzales: yh i figured it was an exclamation not question
saralance: oh, well yh we have to go b4 time like destroys itsefl
saralance: so bye guys
amayajiwe: It was nice to speak to you all again
amayajiwe: and it was a honor to fight by your sides
amayajiwe has left the group
saralance: i love u losers
saralance: especially u laurel
saralance: never stop fighting
saralance has left the group
lancelot: im gonna have to leave 4 a bit bc i kinda need to focus on not destroying reality
lancelot: so ill c u guys topside i guess
lancelot has left the group
speedygonzales: its not just me who thinks those goodbyes sounded pretty final right?
smoakandmirrors: they’re from an alternate future
newandimproved: What does that mean exactly?
snowqueen: The only way this reality can stay intact is if that one never existed
newandimproved: So I just watched my sister die again is what you’re saying
irisbest: I’m so sorry guys but that’s how it works
snowqueen: They must’ve known that the whole time they were talking to us
speedygonzales: so they wasted their last few hrs talking to us
newandimproved: Maybe not
speedygonzales: what do u mean
smoakandmirrors: well they knew right? they wouldn’t have been here if they didn’t think it was important
smoakandmirrors: and this is sara we’re talking about
newandimproved: So I think this is exactly the way she’d want one of her last conversations to go
saralance created the group sorry
saralance added smoakandmirrors to the group sorry
saralance: felicity i dont know if u will ever read this
saralance: but i love u and im so sorry
saralance: and i promise ill make this right
smoakandmirrors added lancelot to the group sorry
lancelot: yo whatsup
smoakandmirrors: what is this??
lancelot: whats what
smoakandmirrors: look up the chat
lancelot: i didnt write this??
smoakandmirrors: do you think its from alt!future you?
lancelot: it might be from b4 she travelled back in time
smoakandmirrors: she didn’t answer me when i asked if she killed any of us
lancelot: i dont remember any of her life if thats what ur asking
lancelot: but she said her and amaya were vigilante hunters
lancelot: and if theres anyone i kno that would still end up as a vigilante even after realitys been messed with, its u
smoakandmirrors: i think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me
lancelot: shut up nerd
smoakandmirrors: love you too
okay i know the fate of reality was hanging in the balance but in what world does sara lance meet herself and not flirt with herself come on guys
(also, len would never have killed mick, but whatever)
also also, since people were asking, nyssa's definitely going to join this, as well as maggie and lena (and i know that the sg fandom's been pretty argumentative (if that's the right word?) about ships lately but lena will be in a relationship with kara? if that's okay? sorry if that's not your cup of tea)
Chapter 12: in which everyone is busy and the legends are just doing their best okay
i feel like i should've added a statement to the start of this saying that i'm pretty much much late all the time. so yeah, sorry about that. again.
(also, over 300 kudos, sweet!)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
lancelot has created the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot added smoakandmirrors to the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot: hey fliss can i ask u some questions
smoakandmirrors: oh no
smoakandmirrors: what have you done to the timeline now???
lancelot: what????? we havent done anything
smoakandmirrors: uh huh
lancelot: hey so dinosaurs are still extinct right
smoakandmirrors has left the group
lancelot added speedygonzales to the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot: hey speedy fliss is ignoring me
speedygonzales: yh u kno its not personal felicitys just been pretty angry lately
lancelot: what????? since when????
speedygonzales: since she had a massive argument w/ ollie and ended up fighting the team and argus???
speedygonzales: and then her and ollie got locked in the base and nearly died???
speedygonzales: so yh were kinda busy rn
lancelot: but i have important things to tlk abt!!!
speedygonzales: yh im sure u do but seriously were really busy
speedygonzales: actually it wud be helpful if u guys came here and helped us out???
lancelot: i cant rite now
speedygonzales: u messed up the timeline again huh?
speedygonzales: uve fixed it b4 im sure itll be fine
lancelot: thats not rlly helpful
speedygonzales: maybe go ask the other lance
lancelot: but laurel will jst do her whol disappointed routine
speedygonzales: srry dude
speedygonzales has left the group
lancelot added newandimproved to the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot: hey sis its been ages
newandimproved: What do you want?
lancelot: maybe i jst want to tlk to my beautiful sis who i love
newandimproved: Hey, I don’t have a disappointed routine!!
lancelot: only u wud read up the chat ur such a lawyer
lancelot: and yh u do
newandimproved: Sara, I wish I could help but everything’s pretty hectic right now
newandimproved: The DA being unmasked as a serial killer means we have to go over all of his old cases
lancelot: wait what?????
newandimproved: My boss turned out to be Prometheus, remember??
lancelot: oh, right
newandimproved: And the whole office is under scrutiny
newandimproved: That’s not even getting into everything on the vigilante side of things
newandimproved: Besides, like Thea says, this happens to you guys a lot and you always fix it
newandimproved: I believe in you
lancelot: wow now everythings magically fixed thanx 4 that belief laurel
newandimproved: Okay now I’m disappointed
lancelot: told u
newandimproved has left the group
lancelot added thirdtimesthecharm to the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot: hey dinah could i ask u some things???
thirdtimesthecharm: okay? you’ll have to be quick though we’re pretty busy
lancelot: hey so i kno this probably sounds weird but
lancelot: when was the convo w/ my and amaya alt future selves???
thirdtimesthecharm: about a month and a bit ago maybe?
lancelot: bc it was ~20mins ago 4 me
thirdtimesthecharm: you’re a time traveller though right?
lancelot: yh but gideon should still sync my timeline relative to urs
lancelot: time isnt working properly
thirdtimesthecharm: well I wish I could help with whatever the hell that means but this really isn’t my area
thirdtimesthecharm: and we’re kind of swamped right now
thirdtimesthecharm: I’d suggest talking to team flash but I think they’re busier than us right now
lancelot: well yh i was gonna ask them 1st
lancelot: but team flash hates me 4 making fun of them all the time
thirdtimesthecharm: I’m pretty sure they don’t hate you?
thirdtimethecharm: and I don’t think they’d be that petty anyway
lancelot: i would
thirdtimesthecharm: yeah I figured
thirdtimesthecharm: I really do have to go now, you might just have to chance it with team flash
lancelot: thanx i guess
thirdtimesthecharm has left the group
lancelot added irisbest to the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot: hey iris can i talk to u 4 a sec
lancelot: its abt the timeline
irisbest: I’d love to help but we’re pretty busy atm, what with trying to stop myself from dying and everything
lancelot: of course, sorry
irisbest: and trying to stop 2 of my best friends from killing us all
lancelot: wait caitlins killer frost now???
irisbest: yes??? has been for a while now
lancelot: right, yeah
lancelot: wait and who else is trying to kill u???
lancelot: wait no dont tell me!!!
lancelot: long story
irisbest: besides, you seriously want my help after all the times you made fun of us for messing up the timeline??
lancelot: but u guys do it so often!!!
irisbest: yeah no
lancelot: cmon iris ur meant to be better than me
irisbest: I am but that doesn’t make me any more able to help you rn
irisbest: can’t you use time travel to just ask for help when we’ve got through this?
lancelot: well i mean i could
irisbest: great! I’ll see you then
lancelot: what abt jesse, is she w/ u??
irisbest: you know we can’t get a hold of her rn
lancelot: sorry i forgot
irisbest: it’s okay, we’ll just catch up later
lancelot: sure lets do that
irisbest has left the group
lancelot added snowqueen to the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot: hey so im guessing this is probably a long shot but time is maybe broken and i could use ur help
snowqueen: Oh I’d love to
lancelot: wait rlly??
lancelot: turning evil rlly helped u w/ sarcasm huh
snowqueen: Did you honestly think I’d care?
lancelot: idk maybe??
lancelot: i mean time is sometjing u kinda need
lancelot: and apparently every1 is super busy 2day
lancelot: lol super busy
snowqueen: Well you were wrong
snowqueen: You can destroy the whole of reality for all I care
lancelot: u dont mean that
snowqueen: Don’t tell me what I mean
lancelot: ur right i shouldnt have said that
snowqueen: Either fix it yourself or find someone who hasn’t grown tired of your constant mistakes
lancelot: ok 1st of all: rude
lancelot: 2nd: thats not actually a bad idea
snowqueen: I’m so glad I could help
lancelot: 3rd: im not gonna hold this against u bc i kno ur in a lot of pain rn
snowqueen has left the group
lancelot deleted the group nottoworryanyonebut
lancelot created the group hey
lancelot added puppydanvers, agentdanvers and betterthanyou to the group hey
lancelot: hey guys who wants to do a fun quiz abt history???
i figured that the only way the others' phones could sync with the legends' phones was if gideon was controlling the connection, and that the legends breaking time would make it harder for her to do so.
while sara is trying to get help from her group, len, mick, jax and ray are doing the same with their groups, with len in the snart family chat (which is meant to be just the snarts and mick, but cisco and caitlin keep being added and removed every few days), mick in the rogues chat, jax in the young superheroes chat and ray in the team tech chat. obviously they're all like ??? throughout the conversations but ray is like ?????? because when did lily stein get added and since when does jesse live on earth-3 and who the hell are winn schott and lena luthor and why are they here????
Chapter 13: in which team flash and the legends are on radio silence and there is an intruder (sort of)
aka hey Lena!
smoakandmirrors: guys has anyone heard from sara???
smoakandmirrors: because i keep trying to get in touch with ray and he isn’t answering
smoakandmirrors: so i tried sara and neither is she or amaya
newandimproved: I haven’t heard from her since she introduced us to her alternate self, why?
speedygonzales: i havent seen her either
newandimproved: This is the legends we’re talking about, you know they get in and out of trouble very quickly
smoakandmirrors: yh which is good for them but not good for me rn
smoakandmirrors: and i can’t get cisco either
smoakandmirrors: or anyone on team flash actually
speedygonzales: yh theyre busy
smoakandmirrors: how do you know???
speedygonzales: i told u we were gonna meet up w/ all the other young ppl in this game
speedygonzales: and we hav a groupchat now
speedygonzales: and jesse and wally have been telling me whats going down in central and its p heavy
speedygonzales: i dont kno if theyd want me to tell u guys
newandimproved: No we understand
smoakandmirrors: just look at this
smoakandmirrors: i need to deactivate that very quickly without blowing us all up
smoakandmirrors: and i don’t have a clue and i figured ray or cisco could help
newandimproved: What about Curtis?
smoakandmirrors: curtis is on what we hope is a date with paul and he’s turned his phone off
newandimproved: I’m guessing Jesse’s busy too?
speedygonzales: i think so yh, sry
puppydanvers: Hi, I don’t mean to interrupt but maybe I could help?
speedygonzales: jesus i forgot u guys were even here!!!
smoakandmirrors: no kara that’s fine, i’ll take help from anyone right now
smoakandmirrors: …that sounded worse than i meant it to
puppydanvers: No it’s okay, and I’m not actually Kara?
puppydanvers: She left her phone on the table and it kept beeping, so I looked down at it and saw your picture
puppydanvers: I’m really sorry for assuming, I can go if you want?
smoakandmirrors: honestly no i really need help and from what i know of kara she won’t mind
speedygonzales: so who r u exactly
puppydanvers: I’m a friend of Kara’s
speedygonzales: well that rly narrows it down
puppydanvers: I’m Lena
newandimproved: Hi Lena, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Laurel
puppydanvers: It’s nice to meet you too
smoakandmirrors: yh and i’m felicity, can you help?
puppydanvers: I think so, but I’ll need more pictures
smoakandmirrors: is that enough???
puppydanvers: hi it’s kara!!! lena says she might have enough to work with
puppydanvers: she’s gonna make some virtual mock ups to try and see how to dismantle it
puppydanvers: and then some other technical stuff I didn’t really understand, but it sounded impressive
smoakandmirrors: tell her thank you!!!! and also within the next 20 mins would be awesome
puppydanvers: she said she’ll try
smoakandmirrors: i mean i don’t mean to hurry her but anything past maybe 25 mins and we die
smoakandmirrors: so actually yh chop chop
puppydanvers: actually she’s going to make a group so you two can work with less distractions, is that okay?
speedygonzales: bye felicity dont blow up
puppydanvers: no it’s kara now, I took my phone back
speedygonzales: damnit i need sara here to make innuendos w/
puppydanvers: oh! no, lena and I are just friends
speedygonzales: friends that u leave ur secret groupchat in full view of????
speddygonzales: unless she knows already
puppydanvers: she doesn’t
speedygonzales: friends that u leave ur secret groupchat in full view of????
puppydanvers: in my defence I needed to go the toilet and I forgot that my phone was unlocked and that I’d opened the chat
speedygonzales: thats a bad defence
speedygonzales: u wanna weigh in on this councillor?
speedygonzales: u knew what i meant
newandimproved: And yeah, that was a bad defence, sorry Kara
puppydanvers: are you a lawyer???
puppydanvers: isn’t your other day job kind of illegal???
newandimproved: It’s more of a night time hobby, and I’m taking a break anyway
speedygonzales: isnt ur sister like a secret agent???
puppydanvers: exactly, she’s licensed by the government
speedygonzales: does she have
speedygonzales: *a licence to kill*
speedygonzales: damn, hardcore
puppydanvers: so do the rest of you have law abiding jobs???
newandimproved: Pretty much
speedygonzales: nope im unemployed
newandimproved: Since when????
speedygonzales: uh like 3 hours ago
speedygonzales: i was thinking of bringing it up but felicity kept freaking out so
newandimproved: What happened???
speedygonzales: its a long story and i dont come off as too great in it
speedygonzales: but i quit, i wasnt fired
speedygonzales: its complicated
speedygonzales: i’ll tell u later
speedygonzales: no offence kara
puppydanvers: no it’s fine!!!!!
smoakandmirrors: guys we’re finished!!!!
smoakandmirrors: nobody’s going to blow up today!!!
puppydanvers: well done team!!!
puppydanvers: do you guys mind if I add lena to this now?
speedygonzales: yh sure
smoakandmirrors: i mean she did just save a good chunk of the city
puppydanvers added extrakale to the group P-A-R-T-WHY???
newandimproved: Oh god I forgot it was still called that
newandimproved changed the group name to thatwasabadnamesara
smoakandmirrors changed the group name to shesnotevenheregodamnit
smoakandmirrors: aren't you meant to be the mature one?????
speedygonzales changed the group name to shedoesntevengohere!!!
speedygonzales: couldnt not
smoakandmirrors: no that’s fair
speedygonzales: hey so anyway y r u named after a vegetable????
smoakandmirrors: yh i was meaning to ask that
puppydanvers: bc she’s the worst
extrakale: Because I’d rather not die before I’m forty
puppydanvers: the worst
extrakale changed their name to theboss
puppydanvers: I guess
speedygonzales: now y this name??
theboss: I’m the CEO of my company
speedygonzales: hey do u hav any tips on how not to lose ur company????
speedygonzales: asking 4 a friend
smoakandmirrors: i hate you
theboss: Should I ask?
newandimproved: Probably not
theboss: So do you all work with Kara’s sister?
speedygonzales: sort of
speedygonzales: in a way, dont we all work together
speedygonzales: like arent we all connected in some way
theboss: I guess?
puppydanvers: a friend of theirs was passing through national city and he helped me out so I owed him a favour
puppydanvers: and when I went to repay that favour I met all of these guys
puppydanvers: and we’ve just kept in touch
puppydanvers: some of them work in the same field as alex, but they don’t technically work together
theboss: That makes a lot more sense
newandimproved: Yeah just ignore Thea, she tries to make everything into a conspiracy
speedygonzales: oh i wonder who i picked that up from
speedygonzales: maybe that lawyer i lived w/ 4 a while who sometimes sat up til 2am watching the history channel
speedygonzales: yh once a week
theboss: You guys don’t really stay on a topic for too long do you?
smoakandmirrors: you’re lucky only half of us are here today, usually it’s just a mess
puppydanvers: speaking of, where is everyone???
smoakandmirrors: no idea, that’s why i was panicking
theboss: I could maybe try and help with that, if you wanted?
theboss: If you tell where they were last I could see if I have any people down there who could see if there’s something going on
smoakandmirrors: oh no that’s cool!!!! i’m not really worried
smoakandmirrors: this happens a lot
speedygonzales: yh theyre kind of flaky
speedygonzales: i mean ok yh some of them arent
speedygonzales: but some of them r
newandimproved: It’s okay, we all know who you’re talking about
speedygonzales: maybe i wasnt
speedygonzales: ok yh i was tlking abt sara
newandimproved: My little sister, in case you were wondering
theboss: Oh, thank you for explaining
theboss: Are you sure I can’t help?
newandimproved: Yes, but thanks for asking
theboss: Well then I have to go, I have a meeting in ten minutes and I don’t want to be late
speedygonzales: wow a big business meeting, i wonder what thats like
speedygonzales: if only other ppl here knew how that felt
smoakandmirrors: seriously thea????
speedygonzales: yes i am seriously thea
smoakandmirrors: oh my godddd
newandimproved: You should probably leave now, while they’re distracted
theboss: Goodbye, it was nice meeting you all
smoakandmirrors: thanks for the help!!!!!
newandimproved: And it was nice meeting you too
theboss has left the group
newandimproved: I like her
puppydanvers: yeah she’s a great friend
smoakandmirrors: okay so friend or friend??????
fun fact: lena 100% knows that kara's supergirl and figures that the others in the group are probably involved in some way, though she obviously hasn't guessed that they're superheroes from a different universe
Chapter 14: in which sara lance tries to fix things before they happen and sometimes things need to happen before they can be fixed
aka aruba pt2
lancelot created the group hey
lancelot added smoakandmirrors to the group hey
smoakandmirrors: sara!!! are you okay????
lancelot: yh??? y????
smoakandmirrors: we were trying to get a hold of you an dthe other legends and we couldn’t reach you
lancelot: its a long story and ill explain it later
lancelot: and actually i was hoping to tlk to u
smoakandmirrors: oh okay
lancelot: r u ok?????
lancelot: r u sure?????
smoakandmirrors: have you been talking to oliver???
lancelot: no i havent tlked to any1 y
lancelot: is this something to tlk abt
lancelot: *is there something to tlk abt
smoakandmirrors: wow never thought i’d see the day you’d correct your own spelling
lancelot: stop deflecting
smoakandmirrors: i’m not
lancelot: so nothings happening lately????
lancelot: no new friends? enemies? partners?
lancelot: well if ur just gonna lie to me then we might as well not even tlk
smoakandmirrors: i thought you said you didn’t talk to anyone
lancelot: i havent but i kno u, u make like 10 new friends a week
smoakandmirrors: no i don’t
lancelot: and oliver makes a new enemy every time he opens his mouth lbr
smoakandmirrors: okay fine, i’ve made some new friends
lancelot: oooooh spill
smoakandmirrors: they’re just this group of hackers
lancelot: awwww u found ur ppl
smoakandmirrors: well yeah
lancelot: r u making the old crew jealous
smoakandmirrors: not exactly
smoakandmirrors: i guess they don’t really like their methods
lancelot: and wbu???
smoakandmirrors: what about me
lancelot: do u like their methods? ur the best judge of character i kno
smoakandmirrors: i think they’re necessary
lancelot: thats not what i asked
smoakandmirrors: if i wasn’t comfortable with them then i wouldn’t work with them
lancelot: ok, i trust u
smoakandmirrors: thanks sara
lancelot: k and what abt bad guys???
smoakandmirrors: there’s a new bad guy in town, his name is prometheus and it’s pretty bad sara
smoakandmirrors: i think we might be in trouble
lancelot: id offer to help but i dont think i can
smoakandmirrors: i know, which is why i hadn’t brought it up before
lancelot: im sorry
smoakandmirrors: sara you’re protecting the whole of time, i get it
lancelot: i guess, i still wish i could help more
smoakandmirrors: i know
lancelot: anyway smoak
lancelot: i asked u abt 3 things and dont think i havent noticed u havent answered the last 1
smoakandmirrors: i had a boyfriend
smoakandmirrors: prometheus used oliver to murder him
lancelot: shit fliss, im so sorry, next time tell me to jst shut up
smoakandmirrors: it’s okay, i didn’t love him
smoakandmirrors: he loved me though
lancelot: r u expecting me to tell u that ur a bad person for not loving a guy back
lancelot: or that u shouldnt feel sad abt his death jst bc u didnt love him
lancelot: or that u should feel worse abt his death bc u were dating him bc im not gonna do any of those
lancelot: and if u ever think i would do any of those things then i will travel to 2017
lancelot: and i will punch u in the face free of charge
smoakandmirrors: thanks sara
lancelot: ur welcome felicity
lancelot: ur not a bad person fliss and u never could be
smoakandmirrors: you know i love you right?
lancelot: ugh fliss y do u hav to bring that mushy crap into this theres no need
smoakandmirrors: you literally did it first
lancelot: i just want u to be happy
lancelot: and i want u to be happy abt being happy
smoakandmirrors: bc that’s not mushy at all
smoakandmirrors: and i don’t know how i feel right now
smoakandmirrors: kind of adrift i guess
smoakandmirrors: and maybe a bit isolated?
smoakandmirrors: i mean the others try but sometimes i’ve gotta have things not related to vigilantism you know?
smoakandmirrors: but i don’t know that i’d be able to date a civilian again
smoakandmirrors: sara no middle name lance you better not be trying to set me up with someone
lancelot: well not now
smoakadnmirrors: thank god
lancelot: but 1 day
lancelot: when u least expect it
smoakandmirrors: you’re making it worse!!!
lancelot: u didnt say no
smoakandmirrors: i said it like 3 messages ago!!!!!!
lancelot: i dunno i dont remember that
smoakandmirrors: i really hate you sometimes
lancelot: love u 2 fliss
smoakandmirrors: where are you going???
lancelot: gotta tlk 2 some1 else
lancelot: stay safe ok
smoakandmirrors: and you
lancelot deleted the group hey
lancelot created the group hey
lancelot added snowqueen to the group hey
lancelot: sup snow
lancelot: so i kno this probably seems out of the blue, but r u ok???
snowqueen: Not particularly, but I’m dealing with it
snowqueen: Why are you asking?
lancelot: sometimes it feels like i cant rlly help u guys out bc im not there
lancelot: so im jst seeing if theres anything i can do
snowqueen: There isn’t really
lancelot: even talk??? bc i kno its not the same but i did have the whole need to kill ppl thing so
snowqueen: Except you didn’t have a soul
lancelot: right bc once they got my soul back everything was perfect right
snowqueen: You were cursed, that wasn’t your fault
lancelot: u think this is ur fault
snowqueen: Of course it’s my fault, I’m the one doing these things
snowqueen: And I’m the one who’s going to hurt people
lancelot: but u dont kno thats gonna happen 4 sure
lancelot: and even if u did
lancelot: it still doesnt mean it would be ur fault
snowqueen: So you’re saying I shouldn’t take responsibility for my actions?
lancelot: not if u cant control those actions!!!
snowqueen: But it is me Sara, I am controlling those actions
lancelot: yh bc it rlly seems like this person im tlking to rn is some1 who wants to hurt ppl
snowqueen: I don’t want to hurt anyone
lancelot: do u want me to read that back 2 u
snowqueen: I mean I don’t want to right now, but I do when I’m like that
lancelot: like what? in pain? alone with no help?
snowqueen: I don’t need help, I need a cure
lancelot: ur v stubborn u kno
lancelot: u remind me a lot of laurel except laur turns her destruction inward
snowqueen: I’ve tried
lancelot: thats not even close to the point
lancelot: u cant just hold all that stuff in ok
snowqueen: So what should I do Sara? Let go of it all? Turn it on to everyone else?
lancelot: yes to the 1st and hell, maybe yes to the 2nd
lancelot: uve dealt w/ every1 elses shit maybe they should deal w/ urs
lancelot: look im sorry if this comes off a preachy
snowqueen: A little
lancelot: but ur mental health is important caitlin
snowqueen: Not when it’s affecting everybody else’s physical health
lancelot: and what makes their health more important than yours???
lancelot: ur mental health is just as important as every1 elses physical health
lancelot: maybe even more, since if it wasnt 4 u then theyd all be dead 10 times over
snowqueen: And maybe they’ll be dead anyway because of me
lancelot: were not gonna get anywhere r we
lancelot: i jst wanted to help u
snowqueen: You’re not
lancelot: no im not
lancelot: ok maybe ur right and this is inevitable and its gonna happen
lancelot: so new plan
lancelot: after this is over
lancelot: and it will be over caitlin, ur too strong 4 it not to be
lancelot: u hav 2 keep in touch ok
lancelot: im not saying u need to like join the legends or go on like regular nights out or anything
lancelot: jst a message every now and agsin so i kno ur still alive
lancelot: bc the guilt is eating u up and u havent even done anything yet
lancelot: and im worried what will happen once u get back
lancelot: so please caitlin
snowqueen: I don’t even know that I’ll be able to come back
lancelot: then jst pretend u will, please
snowqueen: Then okay, if everything somehow turns out okay
snowqueen: I’ll keep in touch
lancelot: thank u
snowqueen: I appreciate what you’re trying to do, even though I don’t think it will do anything
lancelot: i kno, and i understand where ur coming from even though i think ur underestimating urself
lancelot: and i kno that were not as close as u r w/ cisco or iris or barry but ur still my friend
lancelot: and i need u 2 kno that id do anything to make sure ur safe and well
snowqueen: I do
snowqueen: Thank you
lancelot: i jst wish i could do more
snowqueen: I know
this is both late and sad, sorry for both. but hey, you get two!
Chapter 15: in which alex danvers is not adorable and james olsen’s ears are burning
aka hey Maggie!
lancelot: sup guys
puppydanvers: are you all alright??? felicity was trying to get a hold of you last time we spoke
lancelot: yh i spoke to fliss its cool
lancelot: tho i doubt any of the star crew will show upbc theyre p busy
lancelot: idk whats up w/ team flash tho
irisbest: we’re not bad, I guess
quicksort: a lot’s been happening, but we’re handling it
quicksort: what about you guys? how’s your earth holding up?
puppydanvers: I got fired and my friend was chased off a building
puppydanvers: I caught her though, she’s okay, and I’m going to try working from home
puppydanvers: plus some other things happened that I doubt alex wants to talk about
lancelot: what about lane??
agentdanvers: she wasn’t even in the city
puppydanvers: she’s on vacation
puppydanvers: she sent me this
lancelot: ok 1st i retract my statement abt u being the hottest girl ive ever seen danvers bc damn shes hot
lancelot: and 2nd, WHO IS T H A T??????
lancelot: THAT GUY STANDING NEXT TO LANE
puppydanvers: oh that’s my friend james, he’s kind of my ex? and maybe lucy’s ex? and also my boss
puppydanvers: well, ex boss
lancelot: IS HE SEEING ANYONE????
puppydanvers: I think he’s with lucy? or maybe winn?
puppydanvers: or maybe both actually?
puppydanvers: winn’s my best friend btw and kind of james’ sidekick
puppydanvers: james is a vigilante and winn helps him
lancelot: so hot and a hero and open to an open relationship; did u mean my dream date
lancelot: west i need u 2 tell ramon that hes no longer the most beautiful man ive ever seen
agentdanvers: do you just rank people by attractiveness??
lancelot: doesnt everybody???
puppydanvers: I didn’t know you liked men too
lancelot: please tell me u have crazy ex girlfriend on ur earth????
puppydanvers: we do, I love it!!!
puppydanvers: I didn’t think it would be the kind of thing you’d watch though?
lancelot: oh its not usually, gideon recommended it 2 me
agentdanvers: gideon your ai???
lancelot: yep, ray got her into it and she wanted more ppl to watch it with
lancelot: did i break ur sister again
quicksort: what’s it about?
irisbest: it’s a musical comedy, I think you’d like it a lot
irisbest: you and wally should watch it together
puppydanvers: who’s wally???
irisbest: he’s a speedster that goes by the name kid flash
irisbest: and he’s my little brother and jesse’s boyfriend
irisbest: they’re very cute together
lancelot: oh man u guys r that sort of couple huh
irisbest: oh they’re the worst
quicksort: you’ve seen you and barry right??
puppydanvers: you’re with barry???
irisbest: you didn’t know???
lancelot: r u sure??? i figured their love could be heard through the universes
lancelot: u guys r nauseating
lancelot: fliss says its got even worse since u guys got engaged
puppydanvers: YOU’RE ENGAGED?????
irisbest: yes!!! not that long ago actually
irisbest: we haven’t set a date yet but you’re all invited, if you can make it
irisbest: lucy included, plus whoever else you’d like to bring
irisbest: barry said he made some friends over there
lancelot: bring james please
puppydanvers: congratulations iris!!! we’ll be there!!!
puppydanvers: and uh yeah I probably will
lancelot: y e s
agentdanvers: yeah of course
irisbest: are you okay???
agentdanvers: well congrats on your engagement first
agentdanvers: and I was just wondering, do you mind if I add someone to the group?
puppydanvers: alex wants to invite her girlfriend!!!!
agentdanvers: seriously kara??
puppydanvers: sorry I’m just so excited!!
irisbest: so she knows???
agentdanvers: yeah, she figured it out
agentdanvers: not like it’s hard
puppydanvers: nobody else has!!!
agentdanvers: james, cat, the whole of the deo, m’gann
puppydanvers: kal el told james and cat’s a reporter and used to be my boss and m’gann is psychic!!!
puppydanvers: and the deo knows because you keep calling me by my real name there!!!!!!
agentdanvers: well anyway, maggie knows now, so I thought that maybe she could come meet all of you?
agentdanvers: if that’s okay?
lancelot: aww ur adorable
agentdanvers: no I’m not
quicksort: and she knows about alternate earths too?
agentdanvers: yeah we talked it out
puppydanvers: I helped
agentdanvers: you really didn’t
agentdanvers: but yeah, she knows everything
lancelot: go on then danvers, we dont bite
irisbest: don’t you dare
lancelot: i mean yh i do
irisbest: I said don’t!!!!
lancelot: im a force of nature u cant hold me back
lancelot: come on danvers!!!
agentdanvers: well here goes
agentdanvers added rideordie to the group shedoesntevengohere!!!
lancelot: ??? were yall having a mean girls party when i was gone?????
rideordie: …that’s a weird first sentence to see
agentdanvers: yeah that’s kind of the whole tone of these conversations
agentdanvers: you don’t really have to stay if you don’t want to
lancelot: well damn danvers just shoot me next time
rideordie: aww babe no i want to meet your friends
lancelot: a d o r a b l e
agentdanvers: no I’m not
lancelot: yh u r
rideordie: yeah she is
rideordie: anyway, it’s nice to meet you all
rideordie: whoever you all are
lancelot: wells, the l i s t
irisbest: you really like spaces today huh
lancelot: well we just defeated the legion of doom and i need to get my dramatic emphasis from somewhere else now
puppydanvers: legion of doom???
lancelot: loooong story
quicksort: here you go maggie
quicksort: and it’s a spreadsheet technically, not a list
lancelot: the s p r e a d s h e e t
irisbest: I can’t believe you won’t take the time to use punctuation but you just typed that out
lancelot: well how else am i menat to send a text, by thought?????
irisbest: you live on time travelling ship from the future, I’m sure you’d find a way
rideordie: she lives on a what now
agentdanvers: I know right??
lancelot: damnit west u stole my thunder
lancelot: so yh im a timetraveller and im awesome and it would sound better if someone else hadn’t told u 1st, west
rideordie: i mean, it’s still pretty damn cool
irisbest: there, is your ego soothed now
rideordie: wow so there’s a lot of you in this huh
irisbest: normally yes
lancelot: amayas not here bc she thinks were idiots
irisbest: excuse me
lancelot: bc she thinks me and speedy r idiots
lancelot: and theres kind of a lot going down in star rn so theyre not here
lancelot: tho i dont kno where snow is???
lancelot: guys is she ok??
quicksort: I don’t know
irisbest: she went home
irisbest: she did something
irisbest: well, killer frost did
quicksort: caitlin’s alter ego
irisbest: kind of
rideordie: alter ego? does she have DID?
irisbest: well she won’t go to a psychiatrist so who even knows
irisbest: sorry I’m just worried about her
irisbest: I don’t know what she’d want me to tell you about it though
rideordie: no of course, sorry, i didn’t mean to pry. i’m just used to interrogating people, i guess
irisbest: I’m a reporter and my dad’s a cop, I get it
rideordie: you’re a reporter?? even though cops and reporters are natural enemies??
rideordie: sorry kara, it’s the way of the world
irisbest: well I wanted to be a cop but dad didn’t want me to
irisbest: so I just picked the next job that was most likely to get me onto crime scenes
lancelot: besides, if u want to tlk abt natural enemies, my dad used to be the chief of police and my sister was the da
rideordie: oh wow
lancelot: shes the ada now but hes like a politician or something???
rideordie: from cop to politician??
lancelot: weird career trajectories are kind of a family trait
rideordie: do i want to ask??
irisbest: probably not
lancelot: def not considering ur a cop
lancelot: omg ur back!!!
irisbest: are you guys okay???
smoakandmirrors: adrian chase is prometheus
irisbest: wait how do I know that name?
newandimproved: He’s the DA
irisbest: oh my god
rideordie: who’s prometheus, if you don’t mind me asking
speedygonzales: hes this serial killer who it turns out knows everything abt us incl our secret identities
speedygonzales: and hes been carrying out this years long elaborate revenge fantasy bc my brother killed his dad
smoakandmirrors: to be fair, his dad was a bad guy
speedygonzales: and hi btw, whoever the hell u r
rideordie: i’m maggie, alex’s girlfriend?
thirdtimesthecharm: it’s nice to meet you, though I wish these were better circumstances
quicksort: wait laurel, aren’t you the ada??
newandimproved: Yep, he’s my boss
agentdanvers: are you okay? are you safe?
newandimproved: Probably not
smoakandmirrors: oliver thinks he’s biding his time but god who even knows
newandimproved: I should have realized
irisbest: as someone who’s been in a similar position as you
irisbest: believe me when I say that it isn’t easy to tell when you’re in the middle of it
agentdanvers: situations like this always look more obvious in hindsight
newandimproved: Yeah, except I’ve been in a similar position before
newandimproved: Sebastian Blood anyone?
speedygonzales: oh yeah
smoakandmirrors: i’m sorry for not believing you about that, by the way
newandimproved: I wasn’t exactly reliable back then
smoakandmirrors: sara you’re being quiet about this
lancelot: am i?
thirdtimesthecharm: you are actually
smoakandmirrors: i know you can’t help but you’re not even reacting
speedygonzales: wait y cant u help????
lancelot: the timeline
newandimproved: Sara Lance did you know this was going to happen????
newandimproved: Why didn’t you say anything???
smoakandmirrors: we talked about it the other day and you didn’t say anything???
smoakandmirrors: after you said you wished you could help???
lancelot: i wish i could
speedygonzales: how did u even kno?????
lancelot: i may have accidentally travelled slightly forward in time and spoke 2 ur future selves
thirdtimesthecharm: by how long??
lancelot: i cant tell u
speedygonzales: what happened?????
lancelot: i cant tell u
newandimproved: Sara we could really use your help
lancelot: i kno but the timeline
lancelot: i kno were not the best at keeping the timeline intact, but its still our job
lancelot: and i cant go against it even for u
smoakandmirrors: i’d tell you
lancelot: no u wouldnt
newandimproved: I would
lancelot: damn it laurel, u would
lancelot: ok, last i saw u were all ok and still in fighting shape
newandimproved: Thank you
irisbest: I hate to ask, but you didn’t happen to talk to us too???
lancelot: i did
lancelot: and u kinda yelled at me so i think u were fine
quicksort: and me???
lancelot: i didnt actually speak 2 u but i think u were fine 2
irisbest: and cait???
lancelot: she kinda yelled at me 2
lancelot: also she ended up helping me save the day
irisbest: thank you
lancelot: dont expect this again
lancelot: i take my job seriously
newandimproved: Since when???
lancelot: idk like a week ago
agentdanvers: you didn’t take it seriously before?????
lancelot: lol no
rideordie: wait, does what happen to your earth’s timeline affect ours??
lancelot: no idea
agentdanvers: why would you ask that I didn’t want to think about that
lancelot: wow danvers, loving that faith in my team
agentdanvers: I have faith in some of your team
fun fact: the second half of the title was originally 'and adrian chase can go screw himself' but james deserves to be in the title more than he does
i was going to post three chapters for missing three updates, but this one's really long
Chapter 16: in which there is a slightly disturbing common thread across everyone’s relationships and sara lance is still an asshole
aka matchmaking, superhero style
i'm gonna finish this fic before the new seasons start if it kills me
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
lancelot created the group letsgetdowntobusiness
lancelot added speedygonzales, irisbest and snowqueen to the group letsgetdowntobusiness
speedygonzales: #TO!!! DEFEAT!!! THE HUNS!!!!!#
lancelot: no its ok i was expecting it
lancelot: so u kno how everythings terrible rn
lancelot: i thought id take ur minds off it
irisbest: oh god
lancelot: ok so now weve hooked caitlin up with snarts sister and iris is finally locking it down w/ allen, i need ur help
snowqueen: I haven’t “hooked up” with Lisa Snart
snowqueen: And you didn’t do anything
lancelot: oh hey! cait ur back!
lancelot: its good to see u again
snowqueen: I guess
lancelot: its cool, like i told u, i got thick skin
irisbest: so I’m guessing this is a relationship thing then?
speedygonzales: u??? need relationship advice????
lancelot: not 4 me!! jfc thea
lancelot: for felicity and laurel
irisbest: those two????
lancelot: look, u havent had to be in the same room as those 2 for more than 20 mins
speedygonzales: yh its pretty painful
irisbest: wait, seriously??
snowqueen: As much as I hate to agree with these two, they do have a certain tension
lancelot: so its just ur own relationships ur blind abt then?
lancelot: sorry that was maybe too far
lancelot: no but srsly some1 needs to lock those 2 in a closet
snowqueen: We’re not going to lock them in a closet
lancelot: well push them out of closet, same diff
lancelot: they have a ridic amount of hots for each other
lancelot: like imagine how much hots caitlin has for lisa
snowqueen: You literally just apologized
lancelot: and then times it by like a gazillion
speedygonzales: actually its more than that now
lancelot: how can it be more than a gazillion amount of hots
speedygonzales: no i mean
speedygonzales: its more than just lust now
speedygonzales: gdi i cant believe u made me use the word lust abt 2 ppl who are basclly my sisters
lancelot: wait do they like like each other????
irisbest: how did I miss this??????
lancelot: laurels very stoic abt feelings esp if theyre romantic
lancelot: plus fliss accidently hits on evry1 within 10 secs of meeting them
irisbest: okay true but still
lancelot: besides, neither of them have had a good relationship like ever
lancelot: its my sister and my best friend ok i want them to be happy
lancelot: plus have u seen laurel???? she needs to get laid
irisbest: how do you go from sweet to gross in 10 seconds flat???
lancelot: its a talent
lancelot: but anyway laurel is my sister so im allowed to set her up w/ ppl its a sibling rule
speedygonzales: yh thats tru
lancelot: and fliss knos im setting her up w/ some1
lancelot: i mean she doesnt kno its with laurel but still
speedygonzales: and shes ok w/ it???
speedygonzales: bc u havent been round here in a while and felicitys last rship didnt end well
lancelot: i kno, she told me
lancelot: and im not saying they need to get 2gether now, this is just planning for the future 4 when thinsg settle down a bit
irisbest: uh huh
lancelot: ooh wait i just had an idea
lancelot added puppydanvers to the group letsgetdowntobusiness
puppydanvers: hi :)
lancelot: kara i need ur help!!!!
puppydanvers: of course!! what can I do?
lancelot: i need ur help to get laurel and felicity together
puppydanvers: oh, that kind of help
puppydanvers: sure! I love love!
lancelot: ok so ur sister is a nerdy badass and her gf is a stoic badass right
puppydanvers: I guess???
lancelot: how did they get together????
puppydanvers: wait let me make sure alex doesn’t mind me telling you
puppydanvers: right she said it’s okay
puppydanvers: well actually she just rolled her eyes but I’m taking that as a yes
lancelot: u asked her???
puppydanvers: I mean I wasn’t sure if she would consider it private or something
lancelot: i would tell u guys literally anything abt laur
lancelot: srsly literally anything just ask
irisbest: wow that’s kind of terrible
lancelot: shes got the same privilege abt me tho
speedygonzales: yh me n ollie r pretty much the same
speedygonzales: apart from secret identities obvs
lancelot: well yh that was implied
puppydanvers: wait, why didn’t you just ask alex in the first place???
lancelot: ur sisters kind of a dork no offence
puppydanvers: sorry I’m just not used to people thinking I’m the cool sister
lancelot: and w/ that sentence ur now the dorky 1 again
puppydanvers: well it was nice while it lasted
puppydanvers: okay, so they sort of pined after each other for a while without realizing
puppydanvers: then alex realized she was gay
lancelot: bi in this case, but they skipped past that part
puppydanvers: then maggie turned alex down and they pined for each other again
lancelot: probably lbr
puppydanvers: then maggie got shot
snowqueen: Let’s not do that
lancelot: nah fliss has already been shot
lancelot: which makes her the cop instead of the scientist?????
irisbest: has laurel been shot??
lancelot: u kno i honestly dont kno
lancelot: is that bad
speedygonzales: i think i kno where like 1/5 of ollies scars + tattoos are from so not really
snowqueen: I don’t think being shot is integral to a relationship anyway
lancelot: i dont think ive ever been in a serious rship w/ someone who hasnt been shot at
speedygonzales: i don’t think i have either?????
irisbest: wow, me neither????
puppydanvers: I never thought about it, but same????
puppydanvers: and it’s the same for alex and maggie, wow
snowqueen: It isn’t the same for me
lancelot: ur telling me bby snarts never been shot????
puppydanvers: baby snart????
lancelot: caits girlfriend
puppydanvers: the supervillain???
snowqueen: She’s not my girlfriend
irisbest: ignore sara, she’s an asshole
lancelot: fine, the girl caits dating
irisbest: wait, seriously????
lancelot: told u!!!!
snowqueen: Weren’t you guys matchmaking?
irisbest: okay but we are so talking about this later over ice cream
lancelot: wait wait wait
lancelot: a nerdy badass and a stoic badass??????
lancelot: does that sound like any1 else we kno???
irisbest: quite a few people tbh
speedygonzales: wait r u talking abt cait and lisa???
snowqueen: Sara no
lancelot: SARA YES
snowqueen: Besides, Lisa isn’t stoic
lancelot: well duh thats u
lancelot: ok listen i totally wont tlk 2 her if u dont want me 2
lancelot: but it wud be good 2 hear her thoughts?????
snowqueen: You know it’s weird that you can be really thoughtful sometimes
lancelot: im an enigma
lancelot: and deep down actually a nice person?
lancelot: yh yh
lancelot: wait rlly????
lancelot: hells yh!!!!
snowqueen: I’m already regretting this and I haven’t even done it yet
lancelot: too late no takebacks!!!!
snowqueen added allthatglitters to the group letsgetdowntobusiness
lancelot: sup bby snart
allthatglitters: hey little lance
allthatglitters: so whats up doc?
snowqueen: They wanted to talk to you
allthatglitters: i thought you hero types didnt deign to speak to us poor lowly villains
irisbest: knock it off snart, we want your help
allthatglitters: really? what with?
puppydanvers: we’re trying to think of ways to set felicity and laurel up and apparently, you can help
allthatglitters: interesting. and who are you?
puppydanvers: oh I’m kara! it’s nice to meet you! :D
irisbest: is that a yes?
allthatglitters: why not, i havent got anything better to do
allthatglitters: well nothing id tell you about anyway
irisbest: charming as always
allthatglitters: so what do you want me to do
lancelot: i kno that len and mick couldntve got together by themselves so how did u do it
speedygonzales: wait leonard snart and mick rory are together????
lancelot: thea theyve been married 4 like a decade
speedygonzales: ok in my defence ive only met them like once
irisbest: and you still couldn’t tell???
speedygonzales: listen west, u couldnt tell how much felicity wants to jump laurel so
irisbest: oh my god thea!!!!
lancelot: trufax tho
snowqueen: Lisa if you don’t interrupt them this will go on for a while
allthaglitters: alright then
allthatglitters: i got them together by forcing them to stay in a small space by themselves
lancelot: u mean……. like…….. a closet
allthatglitters: i mean, basically
snowqueen: We’re still not locking them in a closet
allthatglitters: we were meant to go out on a job and i backed out at the last minute
irisbest: should you be telling us this??
allthatglitters: relax west, the statute of limitations has passed
allthatglitters: plus they were actually arrested for that one
alltheglitters: they got put in the same cell and the rest is history
lancelot: lol time travel joke
lancelot: so what ur saying is i have 2 get them arrested
puppydanvers: you two are really different, huh
lancelot: they have 1 thing in common
snowqueen: Don’t say whatever you’re about to say
lancelot: i was going to say a loving relationship built on mutual trust and friendship
lancelot: i told u snow, i’m actually a nice person deep down
lancelot: anyway, back to getting them arrested
irisbest: I’m pretty sure you can’t get laurel arrested
lancelot: but not felicity??? hmmmmm
irisbest: you know what I mean lance
lancelot: yh yh laurels a lawyer
allthatglitters: what kind?
lancelot: a da
lancelot: well an ada actually
allthatglitters: better than a prosecutor i guess
lancelot: um excuse me shes the best lawyer in star city
lancelot: not that the bars set v high
irisbest: yeah you get used to that
speedygonzales: sara!!! lawyer joke!!!
lancelot: damn an that was on accident, im just that good
allthatglitters: did you need to know anything else?
lancelot: if i jump out in front of len wearing a scream mask what r the chances hell stab me
lancelot: good 2 kno
irisbest: please don’t do that
snowqueen: Sara please don’t
lancelot: nah im gonna
lancelot: whats the point of having a medbay that can regrow tissue if u dont give it a workout????
irisbest: why are you like this
allthatglitters: i think thats my cue to leave
snowqueen: I would
lancelot: u love me really
allthatglitters: see you later caitlin
snowqueen: Bye Lisa, I’ll see you tomorrow?
allthatglitters: change of plans, the day after?
snowqueen: Okay, but I’m not going to be your alibi
allthatglitters has left the group
puppydanvers: you know, you guys have a really weird relationship with your villains
speedygonzales: ok but ive been saying this for ages???
speedygonzales: bc u central city guys spent a lot of time saying we were 2 morally gray or smth
speedygonzales: but also all ur bad guys kno who u r and u all hav like coffee dates w/ them???
irisbest: yeah now we do, but before that we all hated each other
irisbest: but it’s just easier to have a cordial relationship with the rogues
irisbest: it’s like what they say, you’ve got to keep your enemies close
lancelot: aka caitlins personal motto
snowqueen: You really are an asshole
lancelot: and proud
alt title: in which the author is /really/ bad at this, sorry
second alt title: in which the author finally starts to earn that laurel/felicity tag because it's been like 16 chapters goddamnit
Chapter 17: in which thea queen is a giant nerd and jesse wells /is/ the real flash
aka into the speedforce
i only read the comments on the last chapter like five minutes ago (because i was kind of anxious about them i guess) and they're all amazing? you're all amazing, thank you guys so much
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
betterthanyou changed the group name to missedme???
betterthanyou: im back bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!
puppydanvers: hi lucy!!!!!!
betterthanyou: hi kara!!!!!!
agentdanvers: wait where are you?
betterthanyou: stuck in the airport
agentdanvers: do you want us to give you a lift?
betterthanyou: and whos us bc i kno kara isnt fond of cars
agentdanvers: oh no
puppydanvers: oh yes!!!
rideordie: i think alex was talking about me and her
rideordie: i’m maggie, btw
agentdanvers: oh no
puppydanvers: oh yes!!!
agentdanvers: godamnit kara!!!
betterthanyou: ur the gf
rideordie: i mean i’m other things too, but yes
rideordie: don’t tell me that youre about to give me the shovel speech
betterthanyou: dont need to
betterthanyou: we both kno that if u do anything then kara will throw u into the sun
quicksort: wait, you can do that??
thirdtimesthecharm: would you do that??
puppydanvers: yep :D
betterthanyou: and no thats not it
rideordie: then whats the problem?
betterthanyou: so alex didnt kno she was gay until she met u rite
agentdanvers: oh you are kidding me
betterthanyou: but shed already met me??????
agentdanvers: I hate you
lancelot: damn lane uve got no chill
betterthanyou: um excuse me have u seen me?????? im the hottest person ull ever meet danvers
agentdanvers: I hate you
rideordie: you’re jealous?
betterthanyou: i dont get jealous
betterthanyou: but yea
rideordie: i’m sorry?
rideordie: i’m sorry that you can’t deal with the fact that alex’s sexuality does not have anything to do with you
betterthanyou: ooooohh right answer!!!!
betterthanyou: ok danvers shes not terrible
agentdanvers: I didn’t ask for your opinion?
betterthanyou: and yet i gave it to u anyway, im just that good of a friend
rideordie: so you were just testing me??
betterthanyou: sure lets go w/ that
lancelot: hey lane a question
lancelot: how did u manage to date the most beautiful man
betterthanyou: every1 i date is the most beautiful b more specific
lancelot: that dude
betterthanyou: …...y do u hav a pic of us?????????
lancelot: kara showed us
puppydavnvers: well I wasn’t expecting you to save it!!!
lancelot: well obvs i did kara i have functioning eyes
lancelot: look at that and tell me that he isnt the most beautiful man uve ever seen
betterthanyou: well yh
smoakandmirrors: wait, the most beautiful???
smoakandmirrors: have you told cisco that you’ve bumped him down a place?
lancelot: i asked west to but she said no
lancelot: i love that u kno me so well
smoakandmirrors: too well, probably
lancelot: kara said hes a vigilante 2??? do u hav a pic of him in his suit????
betterthanyou: even i kno that having a pic of some1 in their costume wud be a bad idea
lancelot: im like 90% sure that fliss and ciscos phone backgrounds r them w/ the black canary
smoakandmirrors: well it isn’t now
smoakandmirrors: it’s a good picture!!
betterthanyou: lets see
betterthanyou: damn lance
irisbest: …that is a good picture
agentdanvers: that’s a lot of leather
rideordie: and alex should know she owns a lot
lancelot: does she now
agentdanvers: leather jackets get your mind out of the gutter
lancelot: i cant thats where it lives
lancelot: anyway can we not tlk abt how hot my sister is its kinda gross
irisbest: from you????
newandimproved: You made us watch you flirt with yourself???
agentdanvers: okay sorry what
lancelot: yh but i dont care, i kno this makes u uncomfortable
newandimproved: Thanks Sara
smoakandmirrors: ok i’ve changed it
newandimproved: And what have you changed it to?
smoakandmirrors: something normal
smoakandmirrors: fine, it’s me and the flash
irisbest: but also change it
smoakandmirrors: now it’s me and thea, happy???
speedygonzales: aww thx
speedygonzales: i mean im not happy im ur 3rd choice but
smoakandmirrors: technically 5th but i can’t use sara and ray bc they’re meant to be dead
speedygonzales: wow smoak
agentdanvers: question: how could you flirt with yourself?
newandimproved: Was that really necessary
lancelot: well seeing as you all keep forgetting i figured id try to make it actually stick
agentdanvers: I’m not exactly used to having to remember things like that
lancelot: ur. sisters. an. alien.
agentdanvers: but not a time travelling one though
betterthanyou: ok lance 2nd question
betterthanyou: what was it like flirting w/ urself
lancelot: best thing thats ever happened to me tbh
newandimproved: I brought you back from the dead???
agentdanvers: sara was dead? somehow?
rideordie: you know that doesnt make me any less confused
thirdtimesthecharm: yeah, you get used to that
agentdanvers: I still haven’t
quicksort: it takes a while
speedygonzales: r u rlly telling me that none of u hav been dead???
betterthanyou: your experiences are not universal!!!
speedygonzales: not even anybody on ur world????
agentdanvers: there’s been people we thought were dead but not people who were actually resurrected
lancelot: u rnt even allowed in the legends unless uve been dead
rideordie: all of you? really???
lancelot: well dead or pseudo dead but yh??? basically???
lancelot: i mean we all watched our alt future selves die
rideordie: is your whole world like this or just you guys???
lancelot: but also appart from that i think theres only maybe 3 ppl who havent come back from the dead???
thirdtimesthecharm: it’s mostly just those guys
smoakandmirrors: wait who??
lancelot: i think amaya and jax and nate????
snowqueen: Please tell me you’re not going to get them killed just so you can have a unifying theme
newandimproved: That would be a ridiculously bad idea, even for you
lancelot: guys dont worry amaya is way 2 sensible 2 fall 4 anything and jax has known me 2 long 2 trust me
quicksort: what about the other person? nate?
lancelot: oh that boy is DEAD nate is way 2 trusting we need to train him out of it rlly
lancelot: i mean nate is basically ray if he was obsessed w/ indiana jones instead of star wars
lancelot: and dont ask how i kno that
speedygonzales: how do u kno that
lancelot: i said dont ask speedy i dont want fliss 2 hav a heart attack
lancelot: fine this 1 time i saved this dude called george lucas
agenydanvers: wait really???
lancelot: speedy no
speedygonzales: listen u knew i was a nerd when u 1st met me this is on u
snowqueen: Wait, saved? How was he in danger?
lancelot: u 2 caitlin???
snowqueen: Not me personally, but Cisco and Lisa love Star Wars and Indiana Jones
snowqueen: Though I think the Snarts prefer Star Trek to Star Wars?
snowqueen: Lisa has a lot of merch. Too much for it to be just her’s
lancelot: ugh ur so gross and sappy
snowqueen: …I’m sorry?
lancelot: and its a long story but we had to fight the legion of doom at his college
lancelot: and it freaked him out so much that he decided to become like an insurance guy instead of a writer
lancelot: and we had to convince him not to
newandimproved: You nearly stopped Star Wars from being written?????
lancelot: NO LAUR WHAT HAS FLISS DONE TO YOU
newandimproved: Thea showed them to me actually, way before I met Felicity
lancelot: i literally just gasped
lancelot: speedy how could u do this 2 me
lancelot: how could u turn my own sister into a nerd
speedygonzales: just be greatful i hvent introduced her to comic books yet
lancelot: U WOULDNT DARE
speedygonzales: hm then u best b more careful around important ppl in history
agentdanvers: maybe just be more careful in general??
irisbest: yes I second that please
thirdtimesthecharm: your stories do always seem pretty terrifying when you think about them
lancelot: but theyre the best kind of stories!!
irisbest has left the group
snowqueen has left the group
quicksort has left the group
lancelot: what just happened??????
smoakandmirrors: i don’t know, cisco’s not answering my texts???
smoakandmirrors: and i keep tyring to message barry and the texts won’t send????
speedygonzales: i cant reach jesse or wally either
agentdanvers: is there any other way of reaching the others?
smoakandmirrors: usually they come to us, not the other way around
rideordie: can’t you use your spaceship to get there?
lancelot: timeship and no it doesnt work like that
lancelot: plus central isnt really the best place for timetravellers
thirdtimesthecharm: I can’t see anything on the internet about central
rideordie: maybe it’s something that’s only happening to their team?
puppydanvers: but if it was something really bad then wouldn’t you be able to see it on the news?
smoakandmirrors: not necessarily
speedygonzales: yh ive been hearing stories abt what happens down in central
speedygonzales: a lot of its pretty contained to team flash
speedygonzales: i just hope theyre ok
betterthanyou: from what ive been hearing abt ur earth, it seems like u guys get through a lot
puppydanvers: yeah you guys have overcome things that I don’t think we could
smoakandmirrors: thanks guys
agentdanvers: I wish we weren’t a whole earth away so we could help
speedygonzales: well its not like were doing much
speedygonzales: sorry im just worried
quicksort joined the group missedme???
lancelot: whats going on?????
speedygonzales: r u ok?
quicksort: is wally okay? in the future?
lancelot: idk iris didnt say anything abt him y?
quicksort: because hes in the speedforce
smoakandmirrors: omg are you all ok?
quicksort: of course not
quicksort: barry went in after him and caitlin’s beating herself up over the whole thing
quicksort: I’m only here because apparently there isnt really anything I can do
newandimproved: Is there anything that we can do?
quicksort: not unless you have some way of travelling into the speedforce
lancelot: no sorry
lancelot: i dont kno much abt it
lancelot: but i kno that time ships cant travel there bc even the time masters were afraid of it
rideordie: what is it? if you don’t mind me asking?
quicksort: it’s hard to explain but it’s like a separate dimension where all speedsters’ powers come from
quicksort: future barry trapped savitar there but he tricked wally into trading places with him
quicksort: but he only managed to get out because caitlin hid a part of this stone thing that we all agreed to get rid of
quicksort: but she only kept it because she thought it could get rid of her powers
quicksort: but she only has powers because barry changed the timeline
quicksort: everything’s a mess
quicksort: and I’m just stuck here being useless
newandimproved: You’re not useless Jesse
quicksort: but I’m not the flash
smoakandmirrors: yeah i love barry, but you don’t have to be him to help
lancelot: actually youll probably help more not being him
newandimproved: No I think I understand what she’s saying
newandimproved: Barry’s been speeding round central for around 3 years now right?
newandimproved: Everyone knows his stragtegies and limits, but they dont know you, so you’ve got the advantage
lancelot: bad guys wont be expecting u and they wont kno how to fight u
quicksort: I didn’t think of it like that
newandimproved: Maybe it only seems like there’s nothing that you can do because there’s nothing that Barry could do
lancelot: but ur not barry, so u can go abt it in a completely different way
quicksort: just because I can’t be barry doesn’t mean I can’t be the flash right
quicksort: I don’t need to wait for barry and wally to get back, I can take on savitar on my own
quicksort has left the group
newandimproved: Wait no
newandimproved: I just basically pressured a teenager into fighting a god by herself
lancelot: um no u didnt????
lancelot: 1st of all i was tlking to her 2
lancelot: and 2nd she wouldve gone anyway except she wouldve spent the whole time trying to 1 up allen
lancelot: and now shes gonna think abt her strategy and shes gonna be unpredictable and harder 2 beat
lancelot: and its not like she wouldntve been formidable anyway
lancelot: but now shell be even better
lancelot: u helped laur
newandimproved: I really hope so
listen i do actually really like hr but canary pep talk >>>>>>> hr pep talk y/y?
also cisco and felicity have ~100 pictures of the black canary between them and every time they meet up they compare them
Chapter 18: in which felicity smoak is …somewhere and barry allen is probably going to get his ass kicked by like five different people
aka arrow's relationships are an absolute /mess/
irisbest: we got wally back
newandimproved: Oh thank god
speedygonzales: is he ok???? he’s not talking much
irisbest: he’s recovering
irisbest: and jesse’s fine btw
irisbest: even though she took on a god by herself
newandimproved: Iris I’m sorry that I encouraged her
lancelot: we idiot
irisbest: guys it’s fine, jesse is pretty headstrong
irisbest: there’s no way she does anything that she doesn’t want to do
irisbest: she’s not here today though because she’s moving
speedygonzales: yh to earth3 i heard
lancelot: wait already???
thirdtimesthecharm: she hasn’t been here that long has she?
irisbest: she hasn’t no, but jay garrick stayed behind in the speedforce so wally and barry could leave
irisbest: jesse’s gone to look after his central city
speedygonzales: do u think shell b ok
newandimproved: I think that Jesse is a lot like another very stubborn very noble person here
newandimproved: and she always lands on her feet
lancelot: ur right,,, she is like u
newandimproved: You know full well I was talking about you, but now I’m taking it back, Jesse isn’t irritating
lancelot: oh no im so hurt what shall i do
irisbest: hey guys have any of you heard from felicity?
newandimproved: She’s lost her phone
lancelot: felicity smoak?????? lost her phone?????
speedygonzales: well thats what she said
speedygonzales: shes been p distracted lately
lancelot: w/ her hacker group?
speedygonzales: she told u???
lancelot: u dont have 2 sound so surprised
speedygonzales: and yh
irisbest: guys I’ve got something else to tell you
newandimproved: World ending important?
irisbest: personally important
lancelot: speedy can we tlk abt this later?
lancelot: go on then west
irisbest: we’ve called off the engagement
newandimproved: Oh Iris I’m sorry
puppydanvers: are you okay??
irisbest: I don’t know
lancelot: well i guess at least now we dont have to clear a space in our calendars
newandimproved: What’s wrong with you???
lancelot: i thought humor would help!!! i figured west wouldnt want me to beat allen up for her
irisbest: I’m not so sure about that
lancelot: really??? bc weve got some things thatll slow down a speedster so i can kick his ass
lancelot: or u can, either way
lancelot: i mean im assuming it was something he did
irisbest: it’s complicated
puppydanvers: want to talk about it?
irisbest: I was really hoping to speak to felicity
irisbest: not that it isn’t good speaking to you guys
lancelot: wait how can fliss help
irisbest: because of felicity and oliver
puppydanvers: wait felicity and oliver?????
lancelot: bc they dated???
thirdtimesthecharm: they dated???
speedygonzales: bc they were engaged?????
lancelot: SINCE WHEN??????
speedygonzales: relax lance theyre not anymore
lancelot: oh thank god
newandimproved: Why do you care so much?
newandimproved: Sara do you like Felicity????
speedygonzales: OH MY GODDDDD
speedygonzales: AMAYA I KNO U HAV THIS ON MUTE BUT PLS TELL ME U CAN SEE THIS MESSAGE I NEED 2 KNO HOW SARA REACTED
speedygonzales: GIDEON I KNO U MONITOR THESE MAKE AMAYA LOOK AT HER PHONE
rideordie: who’s gideon and why is she monitoring these?
agentdanvers: she’s the ai that runs sara’s ship
betterthanyou: apparently shes hot
rideordie: of course she is
vixen: Why does Gideon think I need to talk to you?
vixen: Is it related to the choking fit Sara’s currently having?
speedygonzales: YES THANK U GOD IN HEAVEN
irisbest: hi amaya!
vixen: Hello again Iris
rideordie: hey, i’m maggie, alex’s girlfriend
vixen: It’s nice to meet you, I’m Sara’s teammate
rideordie: you time travel too???
agentdanvers: she’s from the 40s too
vixen: Thea, why are you happy that Sara is choking?
speedygonzales: its an inside joke
newandimproved: Why do I get the feeling I’m missing something?
snowqueen: Don’t mind them, they’re just idiots
newandimproved: Well I already knew that
lancelot: DINAH LAUREL LANCE I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER LIKE FELICITY IN THAT WAY TYVM
puppydanvers: wait you have two dinahs???
speedygonzales: yh but dont ever call laurel dinah shell fight u
newandimproved: Didn’t you two make out?
irisbest: wait what???????
puppydanvers: sara you never told us that!!!
lancelot: uh didnt u make out w/ nyssa
rideordie: who’s nyssa?
irisbest: sara’s ex girlfriend
speedygonzales: she taught laurel how to fight
speedygonzales: ...which now i think abt it is how sara and nyssa got 2gether????
speedygonzales: and u 2 did share lots of lingering glances????
newandimproved: You weren’t even in America then!!!
lancelot: so something happened when speedy was in corto maltese?????
newandimproved: I was never with Nyssa!!
lancelot: i mean damn laurel my body wasnt even cold
rideordie: that’s never going to stop being weird
newandimproved: Nyssa’s my best friend, I don’t think of her that way!!!
lancelot: oh ok
newandimproved: That’s it???
lancelot: nobody can get w/ ur best friend laurel thats jst weird
lancelot: uh no offence west
lancelot: oh shit sorry!!!!
newandimproved: Iris I’m so sorry, we just completely talked over you
irisbest: no, it felt good to focus on someone else’s love life drama for a while
irisbest: and this is pretty entertaining
irisbest: did you really make out with felicity???
lancelot: ok in my defence shes v cute and id just broken up w/ nyssa
irisbest: wait really????
newandimproved: What happened to you can’t like your best friend???
lancelot: well she wasnt my best friend then!!!
puppydanvers: and I thought that relationships on our world were complicated
irisbest: oh wow
betterthanyou: oh pls tell me the story behind this i gotta kno
speedygonzales: ok so u kno my bros ollie right?
speedygonzales: so he was dating laurel thru hs and college
puppydanvers: i didn’t know you two dated
speedygonzales: oh u sweet summer child
speedygonzales: ok so he cheated on her w/ multiple girls
speedygonzales: uh sorry laurel
newandimproved: It’s okay, it’s old news now
speedygonzales: incl a girl he actually knocked up
puppydanvers: OLIVER HAS A CHILD??????
speedygonzales: yh a son
newandimproved: He’s a very cute kid, to be fair
speedygonzales: he also cheated on laurel w/ sara
betterthanyou: really lance
lancelot: yes i kno i was young and stupid
newandimproved: You’re still stupid
speedygonzales: and he took sara on a yacht trip, and then the yacht sunk which is how every1 found out they were 2gether
speedygonzales: and anyway after ollie got back he got back w/ laurel again
newandimproved: …okay I was also young and stupid, but we did only sleep together once
lancelot: still stupid!!!!
newandimproved: Yeah I deserved that
speedygonzales: then sara turned up and got back w/ ollie
newandimproved: Do I even need to say anything
lancelot: yh yh
betterthanyou: ok is this guy like super hot or something
speedygonzales: eh i mean hes prob not bad???
speedygonzales: anyway, meanwhile nyssa, saras assassin ex, came in town to try and get sara back
speedygonzales: w/ murder???
speedygonzales: i wasnt in the kno then so idk what rlly went down
lancelot: yep murder
rideordie: i feel like this is the point where i remind everyone that im a cop
thirdtimesthecharm: now you know how I feel
lancelot: eh my dad was a cop and laurels a lawyer if they havent straightened me out nothing will
newandimproved: Don’t even try and pretend that was on accident
lancelot: it couldve been!!!!
lancelot: anyway we had a complicated rship, and her dad was an semi immortal bigoted psychopath tbf
lancelot: and laurels forgiven her anway so
irisbest: wait nyssa tried to kill you???
newandimproved: Sort of?
lancelot: yh but who hasnt
newandimproved: Pretty much just you and Nyssa
lancelot: tbf i didnt have a soul
agentdanvers: um what
lancelot: ha ha good times
agentdanvers: that’s not an explanation?
lancelot: when laurel brought me back to life she forgot to get my soul
newandimproved: I didn’t forget, it just didn’t come back with you
lancelot: and yet i didnt have that problem
newandimproved: You used highly advanced future technology, I used a centuries old magical pit of evil
lancelot: excuses excuses
rideordie: wait you died too????
lancelot: its a canary thing
thirdtimesthecharm: it’s a lance thing
thirdtimesthecharm: at least I hope so
speedygonzales: eventually sara and ollie split, for u kno good reason, and sara went back w/ nyssa
lancelot: then i died bitches!!!!
agentdanvers: you’re too happy about that
lancelot: its my death and im gonna own it
lancelot: i mean do u rlly think im gonna give merlyn the satisfaction of being sad abt it????
thirdtimesthecharm: wait, merlyn thea’s dad???? he killed you????
speedygonzales: *biodad and yh sort of
lancelot: not sort of, thats exactly what happened
lancelot: but anyway after i died nyssa left the league bc her stupid dad wouldnt like avenge me or something
lancelot: and she went and taught laurel instead???
newandimproved: Yes, and nothing happened
lancelot: and at the same time ollie got w/ fliss??????
speedygonzales: and they got engaged and everythin but then hey remember that secret kid???
speedygonzales: well he came back and felicity was pissed that ollie didnt tell her abt him and didnt trust her more
speedygonzales: which tbf ollie only knew 4 like a month b4 and the kids mom told him not 2 tell any1
speedygonzales: but barry told him that not telling her wud be bad abd he didnt listen
speedygonzales: and every1 knos u hav 2 listen 2 time travellers
lancelot: and yet nobody listens to me
agentdanvers: you have no idea what you’re doing!
lancelot: wow, words hurt danvers
puppydanvers: wait barry’s a timetraveller????
lancelot: ha he wishes
snowqueen: Don’t get into this again
lancelot: then stop messing w/ time!!!! thats my teams thing!!!!
lancelot: do we go and mess up alt earths???? no!!! bc thats ur teams thing!!!!
speedygonzales: is that everything???
newandimproved: And Sara made out with Felicity???
speedygonzales: yh when was that???
lancelot: btwn ollie and nyssa the 2nd time???
lancelot: and anyway, if youd let me explain, we decided wed be better as friends and it never happened again
lancelot: also were both adults anyway so
newandimproved: And Nyssa and I aren’t?????
lancelot: yh but im ur little sister i have to mock abt this sort of stuff its the law
speedygonzales: yh thats tru
puppydanvers: it really is
agentdanvers: no it isn’t!!!
rideordie: as a cop, ive gotta say that it is the law
rideordie: sorry danvers
lancelot: wait waot wait wait wait wait wait
lancelot: how did u even kno we made out anyway???????
newandimproved: Felicity told me
irisbest: nothing, ignore sara
smoakandmirrors: hey guys!!! i found my phone!!!!
speedygonzales: y didnt u tell me u made out w/ sara!!!!
smoakandmirrors: it’s a funny story actually
smoakandmirrors: wait what
smoakandmirrors: which lance do i need to yell at?????
lancelot: it was laurel
smoakandmirrors: laurel???? why???
lancelot: SHE THOUGHT I HAD A CRUSH ON U
smoakandmirrors: ew no
lancelot: wait did u only tell laurel???
smoakandmirrors: and ray
smoakandmirrors: well yeah?? he’s my best friend
smoakandmirrors: what did i say?????
irisbest: plot twist
speedygonzales: #MMM WHATCHA SAY#
speedygonzales: top 10 anime betrayals
lancelot: FELICITY MEGHAN SMOAK
smoakandmirrors: i know you know there’s no h in my name
lancelot: IM TOO HURT TO BOTHER TO SPELL UR NAME CORRECTLY
smoakandmirrors: oh for gods sake lance
smoakandmirrors: ray’s my best guy friend
lancelot: what abt laurel then?
smoakandmirrors: she’s my best girl friend
lancelot: ha gay
newandimproved: Why are you like this
lancelot: hey wait what abt me???? im a girl??????
smoakandmirrors: you’re a force of nature
smoakandmirrors: and you’re my best overall friend
smoakandmirrors: and you’re an idiot
lancelot: love u smoak
smoakandmirrors: ugh love you too lance
newandimproved: And you don’t get why I could think you might like each other???
lancelot: well of course i love my best friend who else am i meant 2 love, myself??????
smoakandmirrors: sara was the first person who believed that i could be more than just the tech support
lancelot: u kno thats not tru fliss
smoakandmirrors: i know, but it kinda felt like that at the time
smoakandmirrors: and sara was my first best friend so
lancelot: so ur stuck w/ me
lancelot: wait!!! r u saying i took ur bff virginity!!!
smoakandmirrors: i’m not saying that and neither are you
smoakandmirrors: ever again
betterthanyou: oh man im stealing that
puppydanvers: about who???
betterthanyou: alex duh
agentdanvers: I had best friends before you???
betterthanyou: not incl kara
betterthanyou: or girls that u were actually in love w/ but were repressing feelings into friendship
agentdanvers: that’s a cheap shot lane
betterthanyou: my favorite kind
agentdanvers: and thanks sawyer
rideordie: youre welcome danvers :)
agentdanvers: you need to stop spending so much time around kara
puppydanvers: :) :) :) :)
lancelot: so just laur and ray then???
smoakandmirrors: well that’s who i told
lancelot: tho u kno that nyssa knows 2 right
smoakandmirrors: you told her?
lancelot: didnt have to, she just Knew
smoakandmirrors: …yep effortlessly creepy, sounds like nyssa
lancelot: i kno isnt she great
lancelot: oh yh anyway
lancelot: west wants to speak to you
smoakandmirrors: is something up?
irisbest: we called the engagement off
smoakandmirrors: i bet i could whip up something that could hurt a speedster if you want
rideordie: does everyone here always react with violence first
thirdtimesthecharm: pretty much
speedygonzales: i mean i dont wanna say hypocrite but
thirdtimesthecharm: I never said that I wasn’t part of everyone
irisbest: you’re sweet, but no I just wanted to talk
smoakandmirrors: it hurts, a lot, and it will for a while, but also you feel clearer?
smoakandmirrors: at least that’s how it was for me
smoakandmirrors: it kind of depends on why you’ve broken up
irisbest: oh we haven’t! we’re just taking a little break, but we’re still together
speedygonzales: r u telling me i went thru the whole queen-lance-smoak-whatever nyssas last name is dating history
newandimproved: It’s Raatko
speedygonzales: and u 2 havent even broken up??????
smoakandmirrors: wait you did what
irisbest: I didn’t ask you to!!!
newandimproved: And neither did I!!!
puppydanvers: well I’m glad you two are still together!
irisbest: thanks kara
smoakandmirrors: so why did you call off the engagement then?
irisbest: because he only proposed because he knew we weren’t engaged in the future
lancelot: thats not bad actually?
lancelot: i mean i kno sometimes im a bit harsh on u guys when u mess w/ time
snowqueen: You do it all the time
lancelot: well so do u!!!!
lancelot: but anyway
lancelot: this is actually not a terrible way to change things?
irisbest: did you just compliment barry???
lancelot: i kno i can actually feel my soul leaving my body
lancelot: and believe me i kno full well what that feels like
lancelot: and yh i get y ud be pissed abt it
lancelot: tho it sounded like it was a mutual decision???
irisbest: sort of
irisbest: I guess?
irisbest: I called it off originally then realized that I wanted to get married anyway, and I knew he did too
irisbest: and it didn’t matter to me why he’d asked then
irisbest: and then he called it off because he wanted to be able to focus on saving me or whatever
lancelot: …so the offer to beat him up still stands
smoakandmirrors: same here
speedygonzales: i kno i didnt originally offer but same
betterthanyou: u kno i dont even kno half of whats going on but im always up 4 a fight
agentdanvers: so what is going on? what happens in the future?
irisbest: I get murdered
irisbest: in about two months
puppydanvers: but then you have to change the future
irisbest: we’re trying
agentdanvers: Is there anything else you could change other than being engaged?
snowqueen: Did nobody tell you guys?
irisbest: I sort of did? I didn’t know how much you’d want me to tell them though so I didn’t say much
snowqueen: Thank you
snowqueen: Sometime between now and in two months’ time, I become a supervillain
irisbest: you don’t know that it’s going to happen
snowqueen: Barry and Cisco both saw it happen
irisbest: yeah and they’ve been wrong before
lancelot: multiple times!
lancelot: sides not all supervillains are that bad right???
lancelot: i mean u r dating 1
rideordie: sorry youre dating a supervillain???
irisbest: a nice one though!!!
lancelot: my point exactly
there are too many characters in this chapter. too many
also i've got about half a dozen mostly finished chapters and about a week of free time, so they'll probably be up soon
Chapter 19: in which helena bertinelli has done nothing wrong, ever, in her life and felicity smoak is /not/ passive aggressive, shut up
aka pt4 of which idiots trusted the legends with the timeline
lancelot created the group heyguys!!!
lancelot added newandimproved, smoakandmirrors and speedygonzales to the group heyguys!!!
lancelot: u kno how evrthing my team does is v important
lancelot: bc we keep reality from collapsing
smoakandmirrors: i don’t like where this is going
lancelot: well long story but we need someone familiar with the mob
newandimproved: I’m not even going to ask
lancelot: thats probably 4 the best
smoakandmirrors: do you mean oliver? because you know you can ask him yourself, he won’t mind
speedygonzales: olivers in the mob???
lancelot: no not bratva
speedygonzales: olivers in the russian mob?????
lancelot: the italian mob
newandimproved: I really hope you’re not talking about who I think you’re talking about
lancelot: its 4 the sake of the timeline
smoakandmirrors: no way sara!!
smoakandmirrors: she tried to kill me!
speedygonzales: and laurel!
smoakandmirrors: and laurel!
smoakandmirrors: i’m not going to help you break that psychopath out of prison!!
smoakandmirrors: you’ve already done it haven’t you
lancelot: yh this was more of a fyi
smoakandmirrors: i hate you
lancelot added stabbymcstab to the group heyguys!!!
stabbymcstab: sup bitches
smoakandmirrors: i hate you too
stabbymcstab: love you too sweetcheeks
lancelot: play nice kids
lancelot: ugh i sound like laurel
stabbymcstab: oh god you do
newandimproved: I’m right here
smoakandmirrors: change your name
smoakandmirrors: you didn’t even stab anyone???
stabbymcstab: that you know of
smoakandmirrors: that’s not something you should be proud of!!!!
stabbymcstab: ugh fine
stabbymcstab changed their name to shotthrutheheart
shotthrutheheart: AND YOURE TO BLAME
lancelot: DARLIN U GIVE LOOOOOVE A BADDDDD NAME
speedygonzales: *SICK GUITAR SOLO*
smoakandmirrors: i. hate. you.
shotthrutheheart: so hey whats been happening down in murder city
smoakandmirrors: says the murderer???
shotthrutheheart: exactly i gotta know who my competition is
speedygonzales: nice to see u havent changed
shotthrutheheart: thank you!
speedygonzales: and uhhh not much
speedygonzales: ok much but i dont really want to tell u
smoakandmirrors: that’s it???
shotthrutheheart: im trying to do better with the whole empathy thing
shotthrutheheart: iron heights is pretty much a hellhole but they did have free therapy
shotthrutheheart: figured id make use of it while i was there
smoakandmirrors: that’s good
newandimproved: Are you keeping up with it?
shotthrutheheart: i probably should yeah
newandimproved: If it’s helping, then yes you should
shotthrutheheart: i know but its hard finding a therapist thatll belive ive done the things ive done
newandimproved: But you know it’ll help you in the long run
shotthrutheheart: yeah i know
smoakandmirrors: this doesn’t sound like a conversation between two people who haven’t seen each other in 3 years
smoakandmirrors: have you two kept in touch???????
newandimproved: I visited her sometimes
shotthrutheheart: she was pretty much my only visitor
shotthrutheheart: not that im complaining
shotthrutheheart: you are very nice to look at
newandimproved: Thanks Helena
newandimproved: You know how much I believe in second chances
smoakandmirrors: yes but i wish it meant you’d stop becoming bffs with the people who try to kill you
shotthrutheheart: yeah but who havent i tried to kill
smoakandmirrors: which is why you should have no friends????
lancelot: hey im an ex-assassin remember???
smoakandmirrors: yeah and sometimes i wonder about you too
lancelot: THANKS FLISS
speedygonzales: hey wait if u 2 r friends then y were u against sara breaking her out of prison????
newandimproved: Still a lawyer
speedygonzales: oh yh
newandimproved: Also it seemed like it was helping
shotthrutheheart: yeah but also prison, so
lancelot: i mean honetsly at this point the next member of the legends has to be a shrink
lancelot: like who on this ship doesnt need one tbh
newandimproved: I know you probably mean that as a joke but that’s not a bad idea
newandimproved: But also you should get a medical doctor too
lancelot: yh but we got gideon
newandimproved: But she can’t go out into the field with you
lancelot: i guess
lancelot: nothing, just had a thought
newandimproved: So what did you two do exactly
newandimproved: When Sara took you out on a mission
shotthrutheheart: is that judgement im hearing
newandimproved: More like apprehension
newandimproved: Why, was I being too subtle?
lancelot: relax guys, it wasnt jst us, it was the whole team 2
smoakandmirrors: sara you know i love you guys
lancelot: yh i kno
smoakandmirrors: but youre kind of terrible at your jobs
smoakandmirrors: amaya excluded
lancelot: well yh obvs
lancelot: but anyway sorry were not the best but its not like theres any1 else who could do what we do
smoakandmirrors: YES THERE WERE AND YOU BLEW THEM UP
lancelot: oh yh lol
lancelot: but also they were using their power to make time go how they wanted
lancelot: and to keep an evil dictator in charge of the whole world so
lancelot: were clearly the better option
smoakandmirrors: who could say
lancelot: wow ur rlly pissed i broke bertinelli out of prison huh
smoakandmirrors: WHAT GAVE IT AWAY
lancelot: u kno passive aggression isnt good for the heart
smoakandmirrors: I'M NOT PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
speedygonzales: u shouldve seen her when she broke up w/ ollie
newandimproved: That was a very trying time
smoakandmirrors: OH IT WAS TRYING FOR YOU WAS IT
newandimproved: Yes, that’s why I said it
shotthrutheheart: wow smoak you need to take a breath
newandimproved: So anyway, what exactly did you do?
shotthrutheheart: we went to the 22nd century
shotthrutheheart: the mob there was surprisingly similar to todays organization
smoakandmirrors: i guess at least your actions won’t affect the past
lancelot: ehhh probably
lancelot: TIME IS COMPLICATED FELICITY
smoakandmirrors: THAT’S A KIND OF TERRIFYING THING FOR YOU TO SAY SARA
lancelot: would u rather i lied to u
lancelot: time travel is super easy and were all definitely rlly good at it and hav never made mistakes ever
lancelot: or committed any crimes or killed ppl or travelled into ur pasts to get embarrassing bby photos
speedygonzales: sorry what
smoakandmirrors: SARA WTF
newandimproved: …I feel like I should probably point out that murder is a crime
shotthrutheheart: but is it tho
speedygonzales: i mean u literally went 2 jail 4 it
shotthrutheheart: lets agree to disagree
newandimproved: So what are you going to do now?
newandimproved: Are you going to stay with the legends?
shotthrutheheart: god no
shotthrutheheart: no offense sara
lancelot: no it was warranted
shotthrutheheart: and i dont know
shotthrutheheart: maybe ill go back to star? or maybe ill just travel around for a bit
shotthrutheheart: i guess i dont really have a place
lancelot: hey so i have a friend thats doing the same thing and maybe u could meet up w/ her
lancelot: how do u kno her name????
shotthrutheheart: palmer mentioned it at least six times
lancelot: ha yh thats ray alright
smoakandmirrors: wait so where are you right now then?
shotthrutheheart: not sure
shotthrutheheart: where did you drop me off again?
lancelot: …not sure
lancelot: it was a long 3 days!!!
speedygonzales: dont u any idea????
lancelot: im pretty sure it was in the southern hemisphere
shotthrutheheart: i think im in canada
lancelot: well 1 of us is probably right
newandimproved: Can you track her down Felicity?
smoakandmirrors: i can if she’s in this time period
smoakandmirrors: …she is in this time period right?
lancelot: u kno i knew i forgot something
speedygonzales: dude u left her in the 22nd century????
shotthrutheheart: you did???
smoakandmirrors: you didn’t notice????
shotthrutheheart: clearly not felicity!!!!
lancelot: ok stay there were coming to pick u up!!!!
smoakandmirrors: so what was that about being the best people for the job again
lancelot: nobody asked u smoak!!!
i just really love helena bertinelli, i don't know what else to tell you
also this is kinda short, so have another i guess
Chapter 20: in which life’s (not) a song and there is big news (again)
and alex was there the whole time! it's almost like there's literally no way that alex 'he is compromising the security of my family. guess which one I care about more' danvers would let someone take her comatose little sister to a whole other universe without her!
puppydanvers: GUYS GUESS WHERE WE ARE!!!!!!!!!
lancelot: r u in 18th century france bc were there rn and it sucks
puppydanvers: no we’re not there
newandimproved: Please don’t mess with the French revolution
lancelot: VIVE LA BOURGEOISIE
lancelot: relax laur the upper class can choke
lancelot: no offense speedy
speedygonzales: technically im like the poorest out of all of u rite now so rlly its more rubbing salt in the wound
lancelot: whoops srry
agentdanvers: so anyway we’re on your earth
irisbest: they’re with us
speedygonzales: omg uve gotta come down here to star city!!!!!!
irisbest: I don’t know, we’re trying to show them the best of our earth
smoakandmirrors: ouch west
irisbest: guys you literally live in murder city
newandimproved: It’s gotten a lot better!!!
thirdtimesthecharm: are you saying it used to be worse than this???
smoakandmirrors: don’t be a traitor dinah
speedygonzales: yh a big part of being a star city citizen is loving star despite its flaws
thirdtimesthecharm: it has a lot of flaws though
thirdtimesthecharm: a lot
betterthanyou: pls tell me u guys r taking lots of selfies
agentdanvers: of course she is
puppydanvers: of course i am!!!
betterthanyou: …uve got a good looking team there
lancelot: whos that tall guy
puppydanvers: that’s j’onn he’s my boss please do not crush on him
rideordie: he’s the danvers space dad
agentdanvers: no he’s not, he’s our boss???
betterthanyou: space dad
lancelot: dont worry hes too old for me
puppydanvers: thank rao
lancelot: who/whats rao
puppydanvers: he’s my god?
puppydanvers: of my planet’s main religion?
lancelot: oh sweet i didnt kno u were religious
lancelot: u prob shouldnt mention it next time we meet up unless u want 2 spend like 2 days talking to nate
lancelot: he really loves learning abt other cultures
lancelot: i mean obvs go ahead if having debates abt religious & cultural stuff is ur jam tho
puppydanvers: I haven’t really told a lot of humans about my faith
puppydanvers: I guess I never really know how they’ll react
lancelot: look i will mock your character traits + decisions + fashion style + love life + hobbies
lancelot: but ill never mock ur beliefs
puppydanvers: thanks sara
lancelot: i may be an asshole but im not 100% a dick
speedygonzales: sara did u jst quote guardians of the galaxy
smoakandmirrors: sara did you watch a marvel film
lancelot: RAY TRICKED ME HE SAID IT WAS A SPACE COMEDY HE GOT GIDEON TO SKIP THE TITLE CARD
lancelot: ITS NOT MY FAULT I DIDNT KNO
speedygonzales: TONIGHT WE FEAST FOR SARA LANCE HAS SEEN A SUPERHERO MOVIE!!!!!
lancelot: shut it speedy
speedygonzales: i cant believe i spent all those years trying to convince you and palmer managed to do it
smoakandmirrors: but did you like it???
lancelot: can we get back 2 y the danvers r on our earth
smoakandmirrors: you totally liked it :D
puppydanvers: it’s a long story
irisbest: kara and barry got trapped in a musical
puppydanvers: maybe not that long
rideordie: is that a thing that just happens on your earth or
thirdtimesthecharm: I really hope not
speedygonzales: …what kind of musical tho
puppydanvers: it was kind of west side story??
puppydanvers: gangsters and forbidden love
smoakandmirrors: were you dating barry??????
puppydanvers: I wish that had happened instead
agentdanvers: really kara???
puppydanvers: IT WAS PYSCHOLOGICALLY SCARRING ALEX
puppydanvers: *PSYCHOLOGICALLY, SORRY ENGLISH ISN’T MY FIRST LANGUAGE
newandimproved: Wow, I wonder what Sara's reason is
lancelot: my reason is that im 2 busy saving the fabric of time to use spell check laurel
puppydanvers: no it wasn’t me and barry
thirdtimesthecharm: so what happened?
puppydanvers: so the guy who put us in that state
puppydanvers: aka ~music meister~
puppydanvers: yes I know
puppydanvers: wanted us to realize how much we should appreciate our loves
smoakandmirrors: so barry’s love is definitely iris but what about yours???
puppydanvers: it wasn’t just romantic love
lancelot: R U TELLINGME THAT THE FORBIDDEN LOVE WAS BTWN IRIS AND ALEX????
lancelot: R U TELLING ME THAT U WATCHED IRIS AND ALEX MAKE OUT?????????
puppydanvers: THATS MY SISTER PLEASE DONT MAKE ME THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN!!!!!
lancelot: U DID WATCH THEM!!!!!!!!!
rideordie: wait so which ones iris
irisbest: the prettiest one there
puppydanvers: thanks iris
agentdanvers: thanks iris
snowqueen: Thanks Iris
snowqueen: Cisco: Thanks Iris
irisbest: okay, second prettiest
smoakandmirrors: you’re with cisco?
snowqueen: He’s in the room
snowqueen: He says hi
lancelot: hey dude!!!
newandimproved: Hi Cisco!!
smoakandmirrors: tell him to get his ass over to star because it’s been ages and he can teleport so he’s got no excuse!!!
snowqueen: I will
irisbest: anyway I’m the one in the gray dress
irisbest: and who doesn’t look like every part of my soul is trying to escape
snowqueen: I don’t like photos!
irisbest: I know cait
smoakandmirrors: i think you look good cait
snowqueen: Thanks Felicity
lancelot: ooooh #fliss and cait sitting in a tree#
snowqueen: You’re a child
lancelot: technically im prob the oldest person in the chat so
betterthanyou: i though u were the younger sister
lancelot: timetravel tho
betterthanyou: oh yh
lancelot: got its perks tho
newandimproved: It means that she gets to act like a brat half the time and be really condescending the other half
lancelot: hey so was it just kara and barry trapped in the musical?
agentdanvers: you just want to know if we saw ourselves make out don’t you
lancelot: but did u
irisbest: no lance, we weren’t there too
agentdanvers: thank god
agentdanvers: no offense iris, but I don’t think that I could watch that
irisbest: it’s fine alex
irisbest: though I’m pretty sure that if we were there too then we’d have to pretend to be dating instead of watching ourselves date
smoakandmirrors: you don’t seem that bothered about the whole situation
irisbest: alt alex was lucky to have alt me
lancelot: and modest 2 what a catch
irisbest: please lance as if you wouldn’t
lancelot: …well u got me there
irisbest: well sorry to say I’m off the market
irisbest: I’m waiting
smoakandmirrrors: ARE YOU AND BARRY BACK TOGETHER????
smoakandmirrors: IRIS ANSWER ME
irisbest: YES AND THE ENGAGEMENTS BACK ON
irisbest: ^^^the song he proposed to me with
irisbest: and it’s an original song
smoakandmirrors: HE WROTE YOU A SONG!!!!
speedygonzales: wow extra much
newandimproved: Congrats guys!!
puppydanvers: YOU GUYS IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!
newandimproved: Really Thea?
speedygonzales: they were split 4 like a week lbr
lancelot: yh bc its ~barry & iris~
irisbest: thanks guys, really loving your support of my relationship
lancelot: i nvere said it was a bad thing!!!
lancelot: im happy that allen got his head out of his ass and proposed again!!!
lancelot: even if it was in the most ridiculously extra way!!!
rideordie: i think its adorable
irisbest: see that sara? that’s support
irisbest: and thanks maggie!
betterthanyou: i cant believe how much ur bf has stepped up the dating game
newandimproved: Yeah you realize that none of us can get married now?
newandimproved: No one’s going to be able to beat that proposal
lancelot: but who would marry u anyway
newandimproved: Your girlfriend
lancelot: what th
lancelot: what the hell just happened????????
Chapter 21: in which thea queen is a genius and lena luthor needs more friends please
aka evil family member support group
two updates over two days yes hello i am a functioning writer
also this is now 30k???? somehow????
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
puppydanvers: hey guys, do you mind if I add a friend?
puppydanvers: she knows who I am but not about the rest of you?
puppydanvers: you’ve met her before actually
speedygonzales: wait is it that girl u like
puppydanvers: lena and I are just friends??
lancelot: ok but friends or friends
smoakandmirrors: that’s what i said!!
puppydanvers: she really is just a friend!!!
rideordie: if you say so
puppydanvers: you know you’re making me not want to introduce her to you all now
newandimproved: It’s okay Kara, if you want to bring Lena here then I’ll keep the rest of these idiots in line
newandimproved: Sorry Maggie, I didn’t mean to call you an idiot
rideordie: its cool
puppydanvers: thanks guys!!
puppydanvers: well I have to ask her first
puppydanvers: it’s just she hasn’t had the best week
puppydanvers: and I figured maybe a few of you would have been in the same situation?
irisbest: it’s not like any of us have ever been in a normal situation
puppydanvers added theboss to the group missedme???
puppydanvers: okay now we’ve gotta wait a few mins for her to stop geeking out
theboss: I’m not ‘geeking out’
puppydanvers: lena: aLtErNaTe ReAlTiEs KaRa!!! aLtErNaTe ReAlTiEs!!!!
theboss: It’s a perfectly reasonable reaction!
smoakandmirrors: yeah i reacted the exact same way
theboss: Oh hello again Felicity
theboss: I guess your problem makes more sense now
smoakandmirrors: i mean i don’t have to defuse city destroying bombs regularly or anything
speedygonzales: uh yh u totally do
smoakandmirrors: yeah i totally do
snowqueen: Your city destroying bombs wouldn’t affect our city would they?
smoakandmirrors: gee thanks cait for worrying abt the lives of my city and my team
snowqueen: You’re welcome
smoakandmirrors: and no probably not?
smoakandmirrors: i’d call your team if i came across one that would
snowqueen: Thanks Felicity
irisbest: so kara said you’d had a bad week?
theboss: It’s my mother
puppydanvers: you don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to
theboss: No, it’s okay Kara
theboss: She’s the head of a terrorist organization
theboss: She’s basically a supervillain
speedygonzales: thats rough buddy
speedygonzales: no its ok
speedygonzales: us children of supervillains gotta stick together and all that
smoakandmirrors: there’s more of us than you’d think really
agentdanvers: I guess it transcends earths
smoakandmirrors: oh you too?
agentdanvers: kind of
agentdanvers: it’s complicated
speedygonzales: GUESS WHO JST HAD THE BEST WORST IDEA
newandimproved: What do you mean???
speedygonzales: it means have fun losers w/ ur normal parental relationships!!!
speedygonzales created the group C.O.S.C.
speedygonzales added smoakandmirrors, theboss, agentdanvers and 2 others to the group C.O.S.C.
speedygonzales: welcome to the 1st meeting of the children of supervillains club!!!
speedygonzales: so normally id see if i could get the list w/ every1s names
speedygonzales: but weve got supervillains of our own in tonight
allthatglitters: please i already know who you all are
allthatglitters: wait did you say supervillains plural???
shotthrutheheart: hey nerds
smoakandmirrors: speedy why
shotthrutheheart: well nice to see you too felicity
allthatglitters: so who are you exactly
shotthrutheheart: helena bertinelli
shotthrutheheart: or huntress, if you prefer
allthatglitters: oh, pipers friend
allthatglitters: hartley rathaway
shotthrutheheart: oh hart!!!
shotthrutheheart: havent seen him in a while, i didnt know he was in this scene too
shotthrutheheart: small world huh
shotthrutheheart: wait is piper that guy who dresses in all black leather and flirts with the flash
shotthrutheheart: yeah i really shouldve realized that was him
speedygonzales: so anyway yh if u wanna intro urselves jst kno that huntress is still on probation
shotthrutheheart: i helped the legends save time???
speedygonzales: yh which is y ur on probation and not in ollies secret island prison
shotthrutheheart: in olivers what now
speedygonzales: oh wait were missing some1!!!
speedygonzales: ok u all introduce urselves while i go get her
theboss: But then won’t we have to start introductions all over again when you return?
speedygonzales: nah shell already kno who u all r
agentdanvers: even us??
speedygonzales: shell still kno. ive jst stopped asking how at this point
speedygonzales: anyways see u in a moment
smoakandmirrors: okay i guess i’ll start?
smoakandmirrors: not that i have to introduce myself since you all know who i am
smoakandmirrors: not that i mean that in an arrogant way!!
smoakandmirrors: just that i brought you all here!!
smoakandmirrors: well most of you i guess
smoakandmirrors: not that i like the people that i didn’t bring here any less than the people i did!!!
smoakandmirrors: well except one
shotthrutheheart: love you too babe
smoakandmirrors: just i didn’t know you!!!
allthatglitters: take a breath smoak
smoakandmirrors: oh thank god
smoakandmirrors: also i hate you
shotthrutheheart: ;) xoxo
smoakandmirrors: just someone else talk now please?
agentdanvers: I guess I’ll go
agentdanvers: alex danvers, and it’s complicated?
agentdanvers: my dad works for the xenophobic terrorist organization that kidnapped him a decade ago
agentdanvers: so yeah, complicated
agentdanvers: anyway, lena?
theboss: Thanks Alex
agentdanvers: you’re welcome!
theboss: I’m Lena, and my mother’s the head of the same organization that kidnapped Alex’s father
theboss: I would very much rather not talk about it
smoakandmirrors: yeah i’m starting to see a problem with this
allthatglitters: lisa snart
allthatglitters: or glider
allthatglitters: and luckily for you guys i can talk shit about my asshole dad all day long
allthatglitters: tho i dont know that he was technically a supervillain
smoakandmirrors: not a supervillain in the way that you’re technically not a supervillain
smoakandmirrors: or not a supervillain because he never did anything that got innocent people hurt or had any evil plans
allthatglitters: i guess he was then
shotthrutheheart: you all already know who i am since i pretty much introduced myself at the start
shotthrutheheart: my dad was a mobster
shotthrutheheart: now hes dead
allthatglitters: did you kill him
shotthrutheheart: i wish
allthatglitters: oh i know that feeling
allthatglitters: what about you other earthers?
shotthrutheheart: other earthers????????
smoakandmirrors: oh lena and alex are from an alternate universe where aliens are more common
smoakandmirrors: sara didn’t tell about any of this?
shotthrutheheart: sara introduced me to time travel by breaking me out of jail
shotthrutheheart: and taking me straight to the 22nd century
smoakandmirrors: and then leaving you there
shotthrutheheart: yeah ok we dont really need to get back into that
agentdanvers: wait, what were you in jail for?
shotthrutheheart: honestly who can even remember
smoakandmirrors: you were in jail for murder
shotthrutheheart: i did other things too!!!
allthatglitters: i feel like we really should have met a while ago
shotthrutheheart: name the time and place and ill be there
allthatglitters: ooh a little supervillain retreat?
allthatglitters: i mean pipers spoken about you enough times that youre practically an honorary rogue
theboss: I’m not the only person here who has a bad feeling about this, right?
smoakandmirrors: no you’re not, this absolutely cannot happen
shotthrutheheart: idk smoak im feeling kinda in the mood for some villainy
allthatglitters: yeah i havent done anything big for a while now
allthatglitters: and ever since lenny and mick decided to become heroes the rogues have been feeling a little restless
smoakandmirrors: and what would caitlin say about you committing crimes???
allthatglitters: cait would say ‘well done babe’????
allthatglitters: if your partner doesnt support ur career then dump them????
allthatglitters: thats like relationship 101 smoak
speedygonzales added nr to the group C.O.S.C.
smoakandmirrors: oh thank god
speedygonzales: let me introduce yall to THE BEST person ive ever met!!!!
smoakandmirrors: ???? wow thanks speedy
smoakandmirrorss: GUYS ITS NYSSA
smoakandmirrors: …ok you’re maybe right
nr: Hello, Felicity Smoak, M.I.T. Class of '09
smoakandmirrors: hello, nyssa, daughter of ra's al ghul, heir to the demon
speedygonzales: do u 2 really have to do that every time
smoakandmirrors: we really do
speedygonzales: so anyway this is nyssa
agentdanvers: you’re sara’s ex right?
nr: Yes, though technically we never broke up
smoakandmirrors: i mean, she died
smoakandmirrors: i get where you’re coming from, but she died
agentdanvers: were you really an assassin???
nr: I was, yes
nr: I was the head of the League of Assassins, before I disbanded it
speedygonzales: oh wait i guess i can tell u abt my biodad now
speedygonzales: so he used to be part of the league and then he blew up most of starling city
shotthrutheheart: that was your dad???
speedygonzales: yup and also my mom and kinda my dad
speedygonzales: its complicated
speedygonzales: anyway then we all thought he was dead but he wasn’t
speedygonzales: and he came back to train me and then he kind of killed sara
smoakandmirrors: not kind of
speedygonzales: u kno what i meant
nr: Sara’s death was on his hands, Thea, not yours
speedygonzales: yh i kno
speedygonzales: and he was the head of the league after nyssas dad was
nr: After your brother killed him
speedygonzales: im sorry
nr: It wasn’t an accusation, it needed to be done
speedygonzales: but still
nr: He was a very bad, very ruthless man and the world is a lot better without him in it
speedygonzales: he was still ur dad tho
nr: In name only
nr: He was never very fatherly
speedygonzales: so anyway did you all finish intros or
smoakandmirrors: oh wait i never got round to telling you all about my dad did i?
speedygonzales: theyre not missing much ur dads prob the lamest supervillain out there tbh
smoakandmirrors: maybe but still HEY
speedygonzales: no offense felicity but i mean hes not really a supervillain is he
smoakandmirrors: he is!!
smoakandmirrors: he has a codename!!
speedygonzales: ur kidding right?????
smoakandmirrors: WELL HE DOES!!!!
speedygonzales: ur dad has the absolutely worst supervillain name i have ever heard
speedygonzales: worse than captain cold
allthatglitters: ha fair
speedygonzales: worse than golden glider
allthatglitters: woah hey watch your mouth!!!!!!
allthatglitters: calling yourself speedy and you’re not even a speedster!!!!
speedygonzales: its even worse than peekaboo
agentdanvers: that’s not a name
allthatglitters: shes my roommate
agentdanvers: oh. that’s a name
allthatglitters: and i doubt cisco would like you dissing his codenames
speedygonzales: ehh hell get over it
shotthrutheheart: ok now ive got to know what smoaks dads called
speedygonzales: well go on then felicity
smoakandmirrors: well i don’t want to say it now
speedygonzales: hmmm i wonder y
nr: He’s called the Calculator
shotthrutheheart: thats terrible and believe me ive seen some ridiculously bad names in iron heights
smoakandmirrors: how do you even know that????
nr: Laurel told me
agentdanvers: that is the worst name I’ve ever heard and my sister is literally called supergirl
smoakandmirrors: hey!!! people without codenames don’t get to diss people with them!!
agentdanvers: but people with alien guns get to diss whoever they like
smoakandmirrors: well ok then
agentdanver: hey so it just parents we’re talking about or are other family members welcome?
speedygonzales: yh sure, y u got other evil family members???
agentdanvers: oh no it’s not for me
agentdanvers: give me a second
speedygonzales: i mean technically nyssas here twice so
allthatglitters: how so?
nr: I’m guessing that you’re talking about Talia
speedygonzales: well she did kidnap ollie and train prometheus
nr: I apologise for that
speedygonzales: woah hey no its not ur fault what ur sister does
smoakandmirrors: how are you dealing with that anyway?
nr: With extreme violence
smoakandmirrors: no i meant like emotionally
nr: Violence can be an emotion
smoakandmirrors: okay then
theboss: I guess at least it’s not just me then
speedygonzales: u got an evil sister 2???
theboss: He’s currently in jail for mass murder
theboss: And he’s tried to kill me between three and six times
theboss: He and my mother use similar tactics, so I can’t always tell who’s behind the attack
speedygonzales: im sorry lena
theboss: It’s fine, I wish I wasn’t used to it, but I am
allthatglitters: i guess lena and nyssa win then
smoakandmirrors: i’m 100% sure that’s not how that works
shotthrutheheart: if you want to talk about winning, my entire dad’s side of the family are in the mob
shotthrutheheart: just saying
agentdanvers: okay, I’m back
agentdanvers: kara didn’t want to be here today, but she said it was okay to talk about her
agentdanvers: though she might join later?
agentdanvers: and actually I maybe know some other people who could relate to this?
speedygonzales: yh that’s ok
smoakandmirrors: the more the merrier
smoakandmirrors: or the more the more miserable, i guess
speedygonzales: so y wud kara b here?
agentdanvers: her uncle
agentdanvers: he put the whole of national city under mind control and tried to do the same thing to the whole earth
speedygonzales: wow so that kinda puts everything my dad did into perspective
smoakandmirrors: didn’t your dad try to rewrite reality
speedygonzales: oh yh nm
agentdanvers: sorry he did what
speedygonzales: dont worry the legends fixed it!!!
agentdanvers: how would that make me worry less
agentdanvers: what if they didn’t put things back the way they were????
agentdanvers: how would we know???
smoakandmirrors: what do you think about the legends
agentdanvers: I think they’re irresponsible and kind of terrifying???
smoakandmirrors: if they’d changed reality then you’d think they were the best people ever
smoakandmirrors: there’d be literal statues built in their honor
allthatglitters: good point but there is literally a statue that was built in micks honor
smoakandmirrors: ok but there’d be statues of all of them and also probably countries named after them
allthatglitters: yeah, youre right
nr: I assume that Mr Merlyn was properly dealt with after they fixed his meddling?
speedygonzales: yh they kicked his ass and then wiped his memories
speedygonzales: and ur totally gonna call him mister for the rest of his life rnt u
nr: He has no other title
speedygonzales: i love u
nr: Thank you Thea
speedygonzales: ok if u dont get back w/ sara can u marry laurel pls i need u 2 b around more
nr: I don’t think so
nr: I doubt that I’d be able to have a relationship with Laurel after having one with Sara
nr: I wouldn’t want to copy any action that your brother has made
speedygonzales: I LOVE U
nr: Besides, why would I pursue Laurel when she already has an admirer?
smoakandmirrors: wait she does???? who????
nr: Do I need to answer that?
smoakandmirrors: thea what aren’t you telling me???
speedygonzales: hey so what else should we talk abt
speedygonzales: so whats the weather like where u guys r
smoakandmirrors: GUYS SERIOUSLY
nr: Laurel is a very private person. I doubt that she’d wish for us to speculate on her romantic prospects
smoakandmirrors: that is true
smoakandmirrors: also ‘romantic prospects’ is adorable
nr: No it isn’t
speedygonzales: it is a little bit
allthatglitters: kind of is
allthatglitters: speaking of, does she look adorable too???
speedygonzales: i got some blurry pics that make her look like a cryptid
speedygonzales: i mean, more than she already is
nr: Try it and see what happens
speedygonzales: oh boy oh boy i havent been tempted to make such a bad decision in such a long time
smoakandmirrors: i already have an outfit picked out for your funeral
nr: I hope you mean your outfit. An outfit for Thea would be wasted
nr: You would never find the body
speedygonzales: i love that i can hear ur exact tone of voice in my head
speedygonzales: ohhh wait!!!
speedygonzales: felicity u spend enough time w/ laurel uve got to have at least 1 good pic of nyssa
smoakandmirrors: yes but also i like my appendages attached to my body
nr: Clever girl
speedygonzales: what felicity dont leave me in suspense here
smoakandmirrors: however i do have a video of nyssa sparring with laurel
speedygonzales: ok so
speedygonzales: let me preface this w/ the fact
speedygonzales: that i def do not and will not ever see laurel or nyssa as anything more than sisters 2 me
speedygonzales: but also i would literally give u my 1st born for that vid
shotthrutheheart: i am never having kids but i would steal a firstborn for that vid
allthatglitters: lennys the firstborn and you can have him
smoakandmirrors: wow so that was mildly terrifying
speedygonzales: come on smoak u kno u want 2
smoakandmirrors: please say nice things at my funeral
shotthrutheheart: shush smoak were watching it
smoakandmirrors: well okay then
smoakandmirrors: guess i’ll just wait here
allthatglitters: well that was an experience
speedygonzales: oh im so showing that to sin her head would explode
speedygonzales: question: how many times have u watched this???
smoakandmirrors: like twice
shotthrutheheart: well thats a lie
allthatglitters: yeah that isnt a twice kind of video
smoakandmirrors: guys that’s my friend!!!!
nr: And me
smoakandmirrors: and nyssa!!!
smoakandmirrors: no offense nyssa
nr: None taken
nr: It is a very well filmed video
smoakandmirrors: so you’re not going to kill me???
nr: I didn’t say that
speedygonzales: do u think u broke the other earthers???
theboss: No I’m not broke
speedygonzales: ha millionaire joke!!!!
speedygonzales: but also seriously
theboss: I’m fine thanks
agentdanvers: but aslo seriously I’m fine
speedygonzales: why agent danvers was that a typo
agentdanvers: sometimes people make mistakes thea!!!
theboss: But you don’t tend to
speedygonzales: congrats nyssa u broke a government agent
nr: She wouldn’t be the first
shotthrutheheart: yeah i can see what lance sees in her
agentdanvers: you didn’t break me!!!
shotthrutheheart: is she the only one in the room?
speedygonzales: ohhhh i knew it was a good idea to bring u in
shotthrutheheart: well obviously
agentdanvers: for the record, I am the only one in the room
speedygonzales: give me a sec, let me confirm
speedygonzales: ok so the other other earthers confirm
agentdanvers: well I could’ve told you that
agentdanvers: oh wait, I did
speedygonzales: also im not sure if laurel is v smug or v embarrassed
smoakandmirrors: you told her????
speedygonzales: prob a mix tbh
speedygonzales: yh of course i did
speedygonzales: id expect her to bring this up again
smoakandmirrors: thanks speedy
smoakandmirrors: THANKS SPEEDY
speedygonzales: also im p sure that the next time were ina group together
speedygonzales: saras gonna flood the chat w/ vids of her sparring
speedygonzales: so ur welcome u useless gay idiots
speedygonzales: *useless gay and bi idiots
smoakandmirrors: i was objecting more to the useless but thanks also
speedygonzales: oooh maybe we should make this a thing????
speedygonzales: like we spend fridays trading vids of hot people sparring???
speedygonzales: but maybe next time not some1 i see as a sister????
allthatglitters: im down for that
agentdanvers: don’t you have a girlfriend?
allthatglitters: yeah who else do think id be watching them with???
smoakandmirrors: your relationship is surprisingly healthy?
allthatglitters: well that was what i was aiming for
speedygonzales: do u think we should share this w/ the main group
speedygonzales: or maybe this should be our reward 4 having supervillain parents?
theboss: I don’t think that’s how it works
shotthrutheheart: it should be tho
speedygonzales: bc felicity i kno u hav complete control over the cameras and can def hook us up w/ team arrow vids
smoakandmirrors: i guess
speedygonzales: and ive got an inside man on the waverider
smoakandmirrors: i’m not sure that sara would like you corrupting jax
speedygonzales: can u other earthers get vids of ur superheroes
theboss: I don’t think we have as many as your earth does
speedygonzales: but can u get vids of them tho
agentdanvers: I guess lucy probably could?
speedygonzales: team flash vids might be a problem tho
smoakandmirrors: wally isn’t under your thumb?
speedygonzales: not yet, hes more scared of iris than he is of me
speedygonzales: wait snart could you get vids from star labs???????
allthatglitters: of course
allthatglitters: im offended you had to ask
speedygonzales: so thats sorted then
speedygonzales: every friday we commiserate about our asshole parents/other family members and swap vids of hot ppl fighting
theboss: Why Fridays?
speedygonzales: why not
speedygonzales: WAIT NO SATURDAYS
smoakandmirrors: you’ve just thought of an alliterative name haven’t you
speedygonzales changed the group name to SEXYSUPERHEROSPARRINGSATURDAYS
speedygonzales: yes i am in fact a genius
speedygonzales: felicity smoak who???
smoakandmirrors: literally right here
this chapter was originally a lot shorter and more serious, but then i remembered what malcolm did to nyssa in doomworld, and i was like screw you malcolm i'm making it gayer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
also nyssa has finally turned up! but hasn't spoken to sara yet whoops. i feel like they need a whole conversation to themselves
also also, i guess oliver was kidnapped offscreen? sorry oliver
Chapter 22: in which they're all pretty terrible at this and kendra saunders is not a normal person, thank you very much
aka pt2 of matchmaking, superhero style
lancelot: ok so 2 things
lancelot: no.1: kara ur pretty useless no offence
puppydanvers: how could I not be offended at that???
lancelot: so im gonna see if danvers 2 is any better
lancelot added agentdanvers to letsgetdowntobusiness
agentdanvers: what’s going on?
lancelot: were hooking up fliss and laurel!!!
agentdanvers: you know I have a job, right? I work for the government?
lancelot: and i work for the good of all humanity but do u see me complaining?????
lancelot: *the good of all humanity and alienity
puppydanvers: I don’t think that’s a word but thanks anyway!!
agentdanvers: is this why you were reacting so strongly when laurel asked you whether you liked felicity?
irisbest: pretty much. that and she’s an idiot
speedygonzales: so whats ur 2nd thing
lancelot: ok no.2: were all pretty terrible at this so i decided to in bring the big guns
puppydanvers: I thought that I was the big guns!!!
lancelot: yh in fighting, but not in rship stuff
agentdanvers: she’s got a point
puppydanvers: thanks alex
lancelot: b e h o l d
lancelot added birb to the group letsgetdowntobusiness
irisbest: guys really
lancelot: sorry u kno i gotta have the last word
birb: yeah I know
lancelot: k so every1 this is kendra saunders aka my soulmate
speedygonzales: doesnt kendra already have a soulmate????
lancelot: yes and its me
agentdanvers: I thought your soulmate was felicity
lancelot: nah fliss is my best friend but like in a way that transcends the best friend title
irisbest: I'm guessing because felicity said that ray is her best friend
lancelot: and kendras my soulmate
agentdanvers: do you have titles for all of your friends???
lancelot: like speedys my bro
speedygonzales: thanks bro!!!
lancelot: ur welcome bro!!!!!
lancelot: and jaxs my son
birb: I thought that Jax was Rip’s protege
lancelot: he was but then rip left and finders keepers you kno
birb: I don’t think it works like that
lancelot: and ud be so proud of jax and firestorm theyre really getting better
lancelot: wow ok so uve missed a lot now i thnk abt it
birb: like what?
lancelot: ok so alternate universes exist and kara and alex are from a different universe
puppydanvers: hi!! :D
lancelot: alos so do aliens and there was an alien invasion and we all teamed up to fite them off
lancelot: and i wouldve called u but i didnt kno where u were
birb: you could’ve gone into the future and found me when I came back to society
lancelot: …yep totally couldve done that
lancelot: u kno u took like 70% of the teams common sense when u left
birb: yeah I figured
lancelot: oh and also karas an alien
puppydanvers: that’s me btw!!!
birb: an alien???
puppydanvers: yep :D I’m kryptonian
lancelot: and we picked up 2 new team members and we maybe broke time but we fixed it again
agentdanvers: you broke time????
lancelot: but we fixed it again rnt secret agents meant to have good reading skills
lancelot: and rips left to ‘find himself’ or something even tho theres literally nowhere he could go bc we kinda blew up all his friends???
birb: well, not all of his friends
lancelot: is he w/u???
birb: not right now, he’s gone fishing with Carter
lancelot: ‘gone fishing’??????????????
lancelot: KENDRA SHAYARA SAUNDERS
birb: that’s not how it’s spelt
birb: and it’s not my middle name either
lancelot: HAVE U ND CARTER TURNED INTO NORMAL PEOPLE?????
lancelot: and excuse me for not being able to type hieroglyphs
birb: we’re still part bird remember???
lancelot: oh yh that reminds me how much percent bird r u????
lancelot: bc amaya can kinda tlk to birds so i wanna kno what happens when she meets u
lancelot: amaya and nate r the new teammembers btw
lancelot: nates got metal skin and amaya is like some kind of animal whisperer???
lancelot: this 1 time she connected to a t rex and i missed it bc i was in rips mind un eviling him
lancelot: apparently ray cried
birb: that does sound like Ray
agentdanvers: a) your life is ridiculous
agentdanvers: b) how can somebody be part bird
lancelot: kendras a winged goddess
lancelot: yh but ur a full goddess to me
birb: oh I’ve missed you
irisbest: just go with it
speedygonzales: yh sara tried to explain it to me once and it went completely over my head
irisbest: I just try not to think about it
lancelot: west rnt u fighting the god of speed
irisbest: that’s what he calls himself
irisbest: he’s just another meta
irisbest: no offence cait
snowqueen: None taken
birb: you’re a meta? when did that happen??
snowqueen: Long story
agentdanvers: okay so caitlin, jesse, barry, cisco and dinah are metas but kendra isn’t?
birb: nope, just a goddess
speedygonzales: NoPe JuSt A gOdDeSs
birb: yeah yeah
birb: and who are Dinah and Jesse?
lancelot: jesses a speedster from an alt earth but not the same 1 that alex and kara are from
lancelot: her earths kinda steampunk i think??? also shes a giant nerd and shes friends w/ jax
lancelot: dinahs the new black canary
lancelot: the team say shes not terrible at it but i havent seen her in action yet so
speedygonzales: shes great ud love her!!!
lancelot: man we rlly need 2 hav a canary meet up
lancelot: omg i completely forgot!!!!!
lancelot: laurels alive!!!!
birb: when did that happen???????
lancelot: long story
lancelot: but it was bc of me!!!!
lancelot: im guessing rip told u lens alive??
lancelot: also bc of me!!!!
lancelot: (and mick i guess)
birb: he did yeah, he sounded happy about it
lancelot: rip had an emotion????
birb: Rip has emotions
lancelot: he has maybe 2
lancelot: 3 on a good day
birb: so anyway, is this a social call or is there an emergency?
snowqueen: Not both
lancelot: ok so were trying to get fliss and my sis to hook up
birb: oh, okay
lancelot: oooh new idea!!!!!
lancelot changed the group name to operationflisster
lancelot: bc im tryna make fliss my sis
irisbest: isn’t it kind of weird that you made out with her then?
birb: you made out with Felicity???
lancelot: do u rlly want to go there iris
lancelot: do u rlly
lancelot: and yes but we decided wed be better off as friends as you well know west
snowqueen: The operation name only really applies to you though
lancelot: thought u didnt rlly care abt this???
snowqueen: I didn’t at first but I’m invested now
lancelot: ugh fine
lancelot changed the group name to operatoinlaugh
lancelot: laurel and fliss = laf = laugh
birb: I see you haven’t stopped loving your elaborate mission names
lancelot: of course not its a part of me
lancelot: dont tell ray or nate tho, i like yelling at them for their stupid names
irisbest changed the group name to operationlaugh
lancelot: there was literally no need u all knew what it meant
birb: I’m starting to understand why you haven’t gotten very far with this
lancelot: yes bc iris is the worst, i knew it was a good idea to call u in
birb: it’s not that I don’t want to help but I think what you really need is someone who knows Laurel and Felicity better?
birb: I like them, but I’ve only really met them a few times?
lancelot: Oh No
lancelot: ....we need laurels best friend
speedygonzales: o m g
birb: seriously what??
lancelot: laurels best friend is nyssa
birb: your ex???
speedygonzales: didnt u tell her u were going timetravelling like 2 yrs ago an then u never spoke 2 her again
puppydanvers: maybe it won’t be that bad?
lancelot: i kno nys, shell be pissed at me but in a v passive aggressive way
lancelot: like so passive aggressive that u prob wont even notice
lancelot: but believe me i will
speedygonzales: idk, i didnt think she was that much of a subtle person
lancelot: theres subtle nd then theres hiding 2 yrs worth of rage under a blank expression which do u think is worse
birb: she didn’t sound that bad, from what you told me of her
speedygonzales: …u tlked abt her?
birb: a lot of times
birb: mostly while drunk
lancelot: oKAY I DNOT THINK WE NEED TO STAY ON THIS SUBJECT ANYMORE TYVM
irisbest: I THINK WE DO
lancelot: et tu west
irisbest: are you kidding me you mock me all the time???
irisbest: you mocked me literally 2 minutes ago???
lancelot: but do i mock u abt ur relationships tho???
irisbest: you once teamed up with an alternate version of yourself to mock my boyfriend
lancelot: and i stand by that action
birb: you met alternate versions of yourselves????
lancelot: yh but it turned out ok
irisbest: didn’t time literally break
lancelot: yh but it turned out ok
birb: how long has it been since I left?
lancelot: idk approx a year????
birb: I just thought you guys might have got better at it, that’s all
speedygonzales: damn kendra!!!
lancelot: i cannot believe...... after all the hyping up i did 4 u........ u disrespect me & my fam like that
agentdanvers: I mean, you’re kind of terrible
irisbest: KIND OF???????
lancelot: guys y
speedygonzales: yh dude i love u but u r not so good at the whole time travel thing
lancelot: yh but not as bad as team flash
irisbest: but it isn’t our job!!!
lancelot: then stop doing it then!!!!!
irisbest: but if you guys were better at your job maybe we wouldn’t have to!!!!!!!!
lancelot: woah woah woah dont blame me 4 ur bf not being able to control his feet ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
snowqueen: Sara, can I ask something?
lancelot: sure y not its not like anyone is pulling their punches
snowqueen: Nyssa’s Laurel’s best friend, right?
lancelot: i think thats been established yes
snowqueen: And you haven’t spoken to her in two years?
lancelot: I THINK TAHTS BEEN ESTABLISHED YES
snowqueen: So I’m guessing that the only person who has Nyssa’s number is Laurel?
irisbest: oh my god
speedygonzales: sara: [ivemadeahugemistake.gif]
puppydanvers: oh no!!!
lancelot: well ths was a fun idea but operations over everybody go home
irisbest: come on lance, take one for the team
lancelot: but i dont want to
irisbest: you want laurel and felicity to get together?
lancelot: ugh yes
irisbest: and you think that nyssa can help?
lancelot: UGH YES
irisbest: then go and talk to her
lancelot: ur such a big sister
irisbest: thanks :)
lancelot: ok but how bc i dont lie to laurel
puppydanvers: just stick to a story but make sure you leave enough gaps that she can fill them in with reasonable details
puppydanvers: people find it easier to believe things when they can change the story themselves
lancelot: gotta admit was not expecting that from u
speedygonzales: rnt u like the actual embodiment of truth and justice and the american way
puppydanvers: apart from the fact that I’m not actually american
puppydanvers: you all remember that I’m not actually human right?
puppydanvers: I’ve been living here for about a dozen years and the alien amnesty act was only passed like a year ago
puppydanvers: I can’t exactly just tell people who I am
puppydanvers: I’m a surprisingly good liar :D
agentdanvers: she really isn’t
puppydanvers: people don’t realize that I’m supergirl
agentdanvers: they really do
lancelot: this sounds like something u guys hav argued abt a lot huh
lancelot: maybe u should air it out w/ us
puppydanvers: hey!! don’t use me and alex to distract yourself from your problems!!
lancelot: oh no guys
lancelot: ok so sorry but it turns out that the timelines doing a thing and ive gotta go fix it
irisbest: oh I bet it is
lancelot: well i cant control the timeline west
agentdanvers: isn’t that literally your job
snowqueen: Then maybe we should make a plan for next time so you know what to do
lancelot: or maybe we shouldnt
irisbest: excellent idea dr snow
snowqueen: Thank you Miss West
lancelot: i hate u all
irisbest: well then you could just ask her now and get it over with?
lancelot: i hate u all
lancelot: fine but im not texting nyssa straight after bc i rlly do have an emergency
lancelot: and if laurel suspects anything then im blaming west
irisbest: I don’t think she’d believe that it’s my fault
lancelot: if laurel suspects anything then im blaming speedy
speedygonzales: what did i do???
lancelot: ur the only person here who shed believ did something wrong
speedygonzales: blame someone whos not here then!!!
lancelot: hmmmmmm ray
birb: don’t blame Ray!!
lancelot: cant blame ray cant use the danvers to distract myself from my problems what can i do???
irisbest: be a nice person that doesn’t use other people for your own means????
lancelot: plausible suggestions only pls
irisbest: you keep reminding us that you’re this bigshot time captain so go and suck it up and talk to your big sister
lancelot has left the group
irisbest: I didn’t think that was actually going to work?
speedygonzales: nah saras weak point has always been her ego
birb: I guess at least some things haven’t changed
agentdanvers: don’t you already have nyssa’s number? didn't you get it from laurel?
speedygonzales: oh wow it completely slipped my mind
speedygonzales: oh well i guess theres nothing we can do what a shame
irisbest: ...damn queen, that’s cold
lancelot created the group laur!!!!!
lancelot added newandimproved to the group laur!!!!
lancelot: hey sis i love u
newandimproved: What do you want
lancelot: to say hello to my sister who i love?
newandimproved: Try again
lancelot: nyssas number
lancelot: cant tell u
lancelot: cant tell u
lancelot: but nothing illegal tho
newandimproved: The fact that you had to specify that makes me trust you less
newandimproved: Don’t think that I’m going to just because you actually took the time to spell the word please
lancelot: I know that proper grammar is one of your weaknesses
newandimproved: ...not fair, Sara
newandimproved: Nobody’s going to get hurt are they?
lancelot: bye sis love u!!!
newandimproved: I hope you and Thea aren’t up to something bad
newandimproved: Thea asked for Nyssa’s number the other day? I figured this was related?
lancelot: ohhhh its gonna be related to her murder
lancelot has left the group
lancelot joined the group operationlaugh
lancelot: u best be making ur goodbyes queen!!!!!!!
speedygonzales has left the group
lancelot has left the group
birb: ...so is this how these chats normally go?
snowqueen: Actually I think we got more done than we did last time
Chapter 23: in which lena luthor is confused a lot and cynthia reynolds is only here reluctantly, really
aka abra kadabra
snowqueen added goodvibrations to the group missedme???
snowqueen: We should probably change that name
smoakandmirrors: cisco not that it’s not good to speak to you but why are you here???
goodvibrations: I’m not Cisco
snowqueen: Guys, this is Cynthia, she’s using Cisco’s phone
snowqueen: Right, sorry
irisbest: and why is she here
speedygonzales: yh what she said but w/ less veiled passive aggressiveness
irisbest: sorry, I didn’t mean that
goodvibrations: no I get it
snowqueen: She’s here because this is a group for female superheroes and she’s a female superhero
goodvibrations: I’m really not
irisbest: I mean, you kind of are?
irisbest: you helped us out last time with the meta gorillas
theboss: The what??
irisbest: don’t even start you two
speedygonzales: godamnit iris!!!!
puppydanvers: just don’t think about it
puppydanvers: their world has a weird number of animal related supervillains??
goodvibrations: I only helped because Cisco wouldn’t stop bugging me
smoakandmirrors: you’re that girl that cisco likes!!!!
goodvibrations: I suppose
irisbest: you suppose????????????
snowqueen: Cisco is already planning the wedding
lancelot: wait what since when does cisco have a new gf????
goddvibrations: we’re not dating
irisbest: you didn’t know?
smoakandmirrors: really?? ray knows and he isn’t usually quiet about this kind of thing
goodvibrations: we’re still not dating
smoakandmirrors: did you come back to e1 to see cisco????
goodvibrations: I’m here tracking a dangerous fugitive
thirdtimesthecharm: you’re a cop?
irisbest: more like an interdimensional bounty hunter
rideordie: close enough
speedygonzales: if by close enough u mean way way awesomer then yh
newandimproved: Do you take people you catch straight to jail or to court?
irisbest: Oh Boy
irisbest: so the last time she was here she came to take hr back to be executed because he broke a law
goodvibrations: not just a law, the most important law on our earth
irisbest: and cisco had to appeal using trial by combat, so I’m guessing courts probably aren’t that big there
goodvibrations: that was still a stupid thing to do
irisbest: it was a brave thing to do
goodvibrations: stupidly brave
irisbest: yeah well that’s cisco
goodvibrations: and why what happens on your earth?
newandimproved: Okay so, here, or at least in our country
newandimproved: Or at least what should happen here
newandimproved: People get a trial first?
newandimproved: And they get a lawyer whose job is to convince the judge and jury that they’re innocent
newandimproved: And the city has a lawyer whose job is to convince the judge and jury that they’re guilty
newandimproved: And then the jury decides whether the person is innocent or not
newandimproved: And if they’re found guilty then the judge decides the punishment, which is usually jail time
goodvibrations: but what happens if the person is guilty but their lawyer is convincing enough that they’re let free?
speedygonzales: laurel beats them up
newandimproved: I mean, I used to
newandimproved: I’m mostly retired nowadays
speedygonzales: pls like we dont kno abt the muggers that keep being left tied up outside the police station
newandimproved: You don’t know that that’s me
smoakandmirrors: well it’s not us
thirdtimesthecharm: and if it was vigilante then they’d be dead
newandimproved: Maybe it’s someone else
smoakandmirrors: laurel we know it’s you
betterthanyou: ur not seriously telling me u guys have a vigilante called vigilante
irisbest: yeah they do
betterthanyou: guys no
thirdtimesthecharm: in our defense, he named himself that
thirdtimesthecharm: I think?
smoakandmirrors: yeah pretty much
irisbest: you realize that letting them name themselves makes it worse
speedygonzales: really iris????
speedygonzales: have u seen ur bad guys names??????
speedygonzales: i mean i bet everything that the guy ur chasing now has got a stupid name
goodvibrations: I don’t know his real name but he goes by Abra Kadabra
speedygonzales: i rest my case
speedygonzales: i cannot believe ur citys got a worse named bad guy than peekaboo
betterthanyou: sorry what
rideordie: that cant be real
agentdanvers: apparently it is
irisbest: hey shawna’s great!!!
snowqueen: Didn’t you knock her out once? While she was trying to hurt me?
irisbest: yeah but we’re good now
puppydanvers: yeah they have a weird relationship with their villains
thirdtimesthecharm: hey! team flash does, we don’t
lancelot: did u jst mock team flash???????
thirdtimesthecharm: I guess???
lancelot: welcome to team arrow!!!!
newandimproved: You’re not even on the team anymore
lancelot: pls once ur on the team ur always on the team
lancelot: its like the jets
irisbest: the football team???
lancelot: no like west side story god west i thought ur bf was obsessed w/ musicals
irisbest: they’re not really my thing though
goodvibrations: Abra may have a stupid name but he’s still dangerous
lancelot: i guess he gets a pass being from a different earth
puppydanvers: hey! being from a different earth doesn’t mean you have a stupid name!
lancelot: right sorry supergirl
snowqueen: Actually he’s from our earth
speedygonzales: and from ur city yh???
speedygonzales: i mean abra kadabra just screams central city
irisbest: he’s only technically from here
irisbest: oh here we go
goodvibrations: he’s from the 64th century
lancelot: guys can u go ten minutes w/o messing w/ time
lancelot: pls guys i beg u
irisbest: this wasn’t us!!!!
irisbest: he’s been using future technology to time travel and hop earths
irisbest: we had nothing to do with it!!!
lancelot: uh huh
rideordie: so where is he now?
snowqueen: He’s locked up in the pipeline
rideordie: the what
smoakandmirrors: their private prison for metas
rideordie: is that legal on your earth???
newandimproved: Oh not even close
irisbest: oh like you can talk with your secret island prison
thirdtimesthecharm: wait we really have one of those???
irisbest: and don’t think that barry didn’t tell me about the deo
agentdanvers: we’re government sanctioned
irisbest: yeah I’m sure that that meta that barry helped you with after she escaped from your cells had a fair trial
goodvibrations: Abra shouldn’t be in there anyway
smoakandmirrors: you want to let the dangerous meta out of the meta proof cell?????
goodvibrations: he isn’t a meta
speedygonzales: omg his name is abra kadabra dont say its magic i hate magic
theboss: Magic’s real???
lancelot: hey magic brought me back to life!!!!
lancelot: and u practically!!!
speedygonzales: i kno but still
thirdtimesthecharm: sorry magic?? is that a thing we have to deal with in star???
smoakandmirrors: magic’s real and it’s sometimes cool but mostly it just sucks
lancelot: um excuse u do u want to say that to amayas face
smoakandmirrors: amaya and mari’s magic is fine, and the hawks’, it’s everyone else
speedygonzales: hot british guy tho
smoakandmirrors: ok constantine’s cool too i guess
smoakandmirrors: but everyone else!!
newandimproved: But what about that woman you met in Hub City?
smoakandmirrors: i mean she kind of creeped me out a bit but ok
smoakandmirrors: but everyone else!!!!!!!
rideordie: i can’t believe you just know so many people that use magic
newandimproved: You get used to it
snowqueen: Abra doesn’t have magical powers
speedygonzales: then why is he called abra kadabra
snowqueen: He has some kind of nanotechnology? But so advanced that it looks like magic
smoakandmirrors: oh, arthur c clarke right
smoakandmirrors: but still, i’m guessing the cell is blocking his powers??
smoakandmirrors: why would you want to let him out???
goodvibrations: I’m here to take him back to my earth, remember?
goodvibrations: can’t exactly do that if he’s locked up on your earth
lancelot: so y dont u take him back to ur earth???
goodvibrations: because they won’t let me
goodvibrations: really I should just go and take him
goodvibrations: I’m only here because Cisco wouldn’t stop pouting until I took his damn com device
speedygonzales: com device
speedygonzales: i love talking to other earthers
goodvibrations: guys its cisco i need to take my cell back sorry!!
smoakandmirrors: wait cisco!!!!
smoakandmirrors: i like her!!!!!!
goodvibrations: i like her too!!!!!!
goodvibrations has left the group
smoakandmirrors: they’re adorable!
newandimproved: You guys are okay over there, aren’t you?
irisbest: yeah we’re good
irisbest has left the group
smoakandmirrors: oh come on!!!
smoakandmirrors: speedy have you heard anything?
speedygonzales: no, wallys on e3 w/ jesse rn and i dont rlly wanna scare them if it ends up being nothing
smoakandmirrors: i hate it when this happens
theboss: Are they okay?
smoakandmirrors: who even knows???
smoakandmirrors: they just disappear all the time and we never have any way of getting in touch with them
lancelot: yh and i dont rlly kno what happens round now so i cant even help
newandimproved: I don’t think Caitlin’s left though?
smoakandmirrors: cait you there???
puppydanvers: what about barry or cisco?
smoakandmirrors: no i’m trying but nothing
smoakandmirrors: god i hate this
agentdanvers: do you think something happened with abra?
thirdtimesthecharm: it must’ve done
lancelot: maybe cindy got bored of waiting and jst took the dude????
smoakandmirrors: but then why wouldn’t cait be answering
lancelot: i dont kno fliss
lancelot: but i do kno that my convo w/ iris and cait hasnt happened 4 them yet so
lancelot: dont kno if that helps
smoakandmirrors: no that helps a lot
smoakandmirrors: thank you so much sara
lancelot: yh yh
theboss: How can it not have happened for them yet?
lancelot: oooooooh yh we never had the talk did we
speedygonzales: dont u mean the Talk™
lancelot: speedy u r so right thats exactly what i meant
theboss: About what?
newandimproved: Wow I’m surprised you didn’t bring it up sooner
lancelot: bc i am a model of restraint laurel
newandimproved: There is literally nothing that I can say to that
lancelot: yh so anyway
lancelot: im a time traveller
lancelot: and im the captain of a space/time ship
puppydanvers: LENA’S FACE IS BASICALLY :O
lancelot: now thats a proper reaction
agentdanvers: just don’t ask how it works
theboss: Why not?
agentdanvers: because they don’t know
lancelot: do i need to kno how a car works to be able to drive it???
lancelot: or a computer to be able to use the internet????
smoakandmirrors: that was a good analogy???
lancelot: yh whats ur point
newandimproved: You never make good analogies
lancelot: i make good analogies all the time?????
newandimproved: No that was literally your first one
lancelot: um no it wasnt????
irisbest joined the group missedme???
irisbest: we’re okay!!!!!!
smoakandmirrors: oh thank god
newandimproved: What happened?
irisbest: okay so first I just want to point out that everybody’s fine now
smoakandmirrors: that’s not helping!!!!
irisbest: my dad let abra go
irisbest: because he said that he knows who savitar is
irisbest: he didn’t tell us anything though
irisbest: yeah, so he got out, and he caused an explosion and cait got hurt
irisbest: but she’s okay now!!!!!
irisbest: she’s passed out at the moment but surgery went fine
smoakandmirrors: she had surgery????
agentdanvers: isn’t caitlin your doctor???
irisbest: yeah she talked julian and I through it
smoakandmirrors: you operated??????
agentdanvers: she was awake???
irisbest: yes and yes
speedygonzales: damn snow
irisbest: yeah, she’s a total badass
irisbest: she’s amazing
irisbest: and just to reiterate: she’s fine
newandimproved: Thank god
irisbest: we put her phone on silent for the surgery and she’ll probably turn it back on when she wakes up
smoakandmirrors: ok good i need to talk to her to make sure she’s ok
smoakandmirrors: no offense iris, i do trust you
irisbest: no it’s okay I get it
smoakandmirrors: what about cisco’s girlfriend?
irisbest: she took abra back to her earth
smoakandmirrors: she just left???
irisbest: not before she kissed him
irisbest: I know!!!!
irisbest: guys I have to go now
smoakandmirrors: well at least this time you’re telling us instead of just disappearing
newandimproved: What’s up?
irisbest: barry wants me to meet him at home
irisbest: apparently he wants to tell me something?
lancelot: TELL HIM TO KEEP HIS NOSE OUT OF THE TIMELINE
irisbest: yeah yeah
Chapter 24: in which iris west is (justifiably) angry and caitlin snow is (justifiably) absent
aka abra kadabra pt2
three chapters in one day?? i might actually finish this??
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
irisbest created the group hey
irisbest added snowqueen to the group hey
irisbest: cait please answer me
irisbest: killer frost whatever
irisbest: please just talk to me
irisbest: I need to know you’re okay
irisbest created the group sara
irisbest added lancelot to the group sara
lancelot: west??? whats up????
irisbest: you lied to me
lancelot: probably but what abt
irisbest: you told me caitlin was going to be okay
irisbest: yeah oh
lancelot: actually i said she yelled at me and she helped me save the day
irisbest: but you implied she’d be okay
lancelot: yeah i did
lancelot: so much of caitlins problem was self fufilling prophecy
lancelot: i thought maybe if u all thought that shed be ok then she would be
irisbest: I did think that she’d be okay so I left her and she died
lancelot: she died???
irisbest: yes and when she was revived it was only killer frost that came back
lancelot: iris i dont think you couldve stopped it
irisbest: but I still shoulve been there
lancelot: im so sorry
irisbest: she tried to kill cisco
irisbest: caitlin loves cisco more than anyone else in the whole multiverse and she tried to kill him
irisbest: I really hope you didn’t lie to the others too
lancelot: i didnt
irisbest: of course you didn’t
irisbest: they’re actually your friends
lancelot: thats not true, ur all my friends and i care abt all of u
lancelot: im a time traveller and i kno u all scoff at me
lancelot: but its my job to fix things ok and im sorry i shouldve left this one alone
irisbest: yeah you should have
irisbest: next time stick to the time stream and leave my team out of it
irisbest: no I don’t want to talk to you right now
lancelot: i can leave u guys alone
irisbest: you do that
lancelot has left the group
irisbest deleted the group sara
irisbest created the group important
irisbest added smoakandmirrors, newandimproved and quicksort to the group important
smoakandmirrors: iris i’m so sorry
irisbest: me too
quicksort: wait what’s happened???
irisbest: caitlin’s become killer frost
newandimproved: What??? How???
irisbest: I’m sorry jesse
quicksort: I need to get over there
irisbest: no jesse stay where you are
quicksort: no I need to do something
irisbest: jesse really
irisbest: is there’s anything you can do we’ll call you right away, I promise
quicksort: I just wish there was something I could do
irisbest: yeah I know
quicksort: but how did this even happen??
irisbest: I don’t know what happened she was stable when I left
irisbest: she died and julian took her necklace off so it stopped suppressing her powers and she healed
irisbest: but now she's not cait anymore
quicksort: she wouldn’t want that
quicksort: no why would he do that
irisbest: because he watched her die jesse!!!
irisbest: god jesse I'm sorry
irisbest: I shouldn't have said that
quicksort: no iris I get it
irisbest: still I shouldn’t have
irisbest: felicity did sara tell you?
smoakandmirrors: cisco actually
smoakandmirrors: actually i haven’t spoken to sara today?
smoakandmirrors: usually she’s here first?
smoakandmirrors: i guess it’s timelines
irisbest: actually it’s my fault
irisbest: I told her to stay away and I guess she listened
newandimproved: Sara’s thick-skinned, I’m sure she understands
irisbest: yeah she says that a lot
irisbest: I’m just so angry
irisbest: I think I took it out on her and she might not have deserved it all
smoakandmirrors: it’s ok
irisbest: no it’s not
irisbest: she did something kind of stupid but I don’t get to take how I feel out on her
irisbest: or anyone
irisbest: god this day
irisbest added lancelot to the group important
lancelot: ive been staying away????
lancelot: did i do something else?????
irisbest: I wanted to apologize
lancelot: but it was my fault
irisbest: kind of, but I didn’t have to react like I did
irisbest: sara I’m sorry, it’s not your fault that cait’s like this
irisbest: I don’t know if it’s anyone’s fault at all
lancelot: im still sorry
lancelot: but thanks
lancelot: i get why ud want me 2 stay the hell away from but i still have to ask
lancelot: is there anything me and my team can do
irisbest: I don’t know
irisbest: I don’t even know if there’s anything that my team can do
smoakandmirrors: but we’re still trying, right?
newandimproved: Because we’re right here if you need us Iris
irisbest: thanks guys
smoakandmirrors: you’d do the same for any of us
quicksort: and we love her too
smoakandmirrors: the security on this group’s pretty tight
smoakandmirrors: if i delete her from the group then she won’t be able to get back in, even if she gets a new number
smoakandmirrors: what do you want me to do?
irisbest: what do you think I should do?
smoakandmirrors: i think you know caitlin better than all of us
irisbest: can you leave her in?
irisbest: I know that it means that we all have to be more cautious talking about the work we’re doing
irisbest: and if you want to delete her then I totally understand
irisbest: but I want to believe that cait’s still in there
irisbest: and maybe seeing us would help?
irisbest: I know it’s probably stupid
lancelot: no its not
lancelot: i mean sorry i dont want to butt in
lancelot: but it was seeing my team again that brought back my more human side and maybe itll be the same for caitlin?
irisbest: no that helps
irisbest: thank you
irisbest: I guess I have to tell the others, don’t I
lancelot: does lisa kno?
irisbest: no cisco’s telling her
irisbest: I wouldn’t even know what to say
irisbest: I don’t even know what to say to the others
smoakandmirrors: i can tell them if you’d like?
smoakandmirrors: if that would help?
irisbest: you’d do that for me?
smoakandmirrors: of course
smoakandmirrors: we’re going to get her back iris
irisbest: I hope so
i mean, things can only get better from here? probably?
Chapter 25: in which nyssa raatko is a goddamn dork and sara lance is also a goddamn dork
aka the one where they finally talk
nr created the group Hello
nr added lancelot to the group Hello
lancelot: ??????? yo who dis
nr: Hello Sara
nr: Laurel said that you wished to speak with me
lancelot: laurels a gossip and she should butt out
nr: You don’t mean that
lancelot: i could do!!!!
lancelot: look i wanted to ask for ur help w/ some dumb thing that doesnt matter
nr: You were trying to get Laurel and Felicity into a romantic relationship
lancelot: thea told you
nr: She did, yes
lancelot: of course she did
lancelot: ok so there was this group of us and wed think of stupid plans and we never actually did anything
lancelot: and then there was 1 of us that thought the whole thing was pretty stupid but stuck around w/ us anyway
lancelot: and i didnt kno her as well as the others but she was so good and smart
lancelot: shes so young shes just a kid really
nr: Something happened to her
lancelot: shes sick nys and shes hurting herself and other ppl
lancelot: shes like how i was after the pit
lancelot: and i thought maybe i could help stop it but i did literally nothing useful whatsoever
nr: That isn’t your fault
lancelot: yh but this is
nr: What is?
lancelot: its been what 2 yrs for u? i shouldve have visited
lancelot: i have time travel for gods sake
nr: I didn’t exactly wish to be found
lancelot: yet laur managed to find u
nr: My relationship with Laurel is different than with you
lancelot: yh bc laur didnt break ur heart nd leave u locked up
nr: She couldn’t break my heart like you did because she didn’t hold my heart like you did
lancelot: i miss u
lancelot: i always have
lancelot: did laur tell u i rejoined the league
nr: Before I dissolved it?
lancelot: yh in the 50s
lancelot: speaking of, i kno u said ur sister was older but not like 50ys older????
nr: It didn’t seem relevant at the time
lancelot: cant believe i almost forgot how cryptic u could be i swear
lancelot: so anyway
lancelot: i told ur dad to make sure that u were on a boat off lian yu in 2008
lancelot: also i maybe kind of told him to call u nyssa??? so i hope u like ur name
lancelot: yh maybe its weird
lancelot: yep def weird prob shouldntve brought it up
nr: You brought us together
lancelot: no u brought us together when u saved me
lancelot: i just repaid the favor
nr: I miss you too
nr: I always have
lancelot: u were always the best of me
nr: As were you of me
nr: Though I like to think that we’ve made each other better
lancelot: uve spent 2 much time w/ laurel ur starting to sound like her
lancelot: yh yh laurels the light of our lives i get it
lancelot: speaking of, did u 2 make out????
lancelot: bc laur says u didnt but ive got a bet going w/ speedy that u actually did
nr: We did not
lancelot: damn i needed that 50 bucks
lancelot: u still there???
nr: Sometimes I’m reminded of how different we are
lancelot: is that ur way of tellin me im like the uncouth urchin in period dramas
lancelot: and ur the high society lady that every1 thnks is way too good 4 me
nr: It’s my way of telling you that I have never met anybody like you, and likely never will
lancelot: u kno its not fair that ur so smooth
nr: I apologise
lancelot: god ur such a dork
lancelot: hey nys
lancelot: when i said i miss u i meant i love you
lancelot: just so u kno
nr: As did I
nr: Of course
nr: You never have to ask that
lancelot: just its been a while so i wasnt sure
nr: I told you, always
lancelot: hey so
lancelot: what do u think
lancelot: wanna go on a date
lancelot: like a normal ppl date
lancelot: as if any of us r normal lol
lancelot: well probably end up having to go save the world like ten mins in
lancelot: a date w/ me that is
lancelot: just to clarify
lancelot: tho u already knew that obviously
lancelot: yh so u can stop me any time u want
nr: I would like that very much
lancelot: bc im standing outside ur door
nr: I know
nr: You’ve been there for five minutes
lancelot: ha!!! 15 actually!!!!
lancelot: ur getting sloppy in ur retirement!!!!
lancelot: altho actually im not sure if that makes u look bad or me look bad????
lancelot: argument could b made 4 both rlly
nr: Come in
i miss these two
Chapter 26: in which felicity smoak isn’t actually evil and alex danvers isn’t exactly a stranger to this kind of thing
aka dangerous liaisons
speedygonzales: hey so remember that fun time when we all imagined felicity becoming a villain
speedygonzales: so turns out not so fun
irisbest: no she can’t
thirdtimesthecharm: she’s working against us
agentdanvers: felicity? the one who’s basically a human version of my sister???
newandimproved: She isn’t actually evil, you know that Felicity would never do that
newandimproved: It isn’t like Caitlin, Iris, she’s in full control of herself
speedygonzales: oh no just hacking homeland security
speedygonzales: and planning to help a team of criminals break another criminal out of an argus site
speedygonzales: and stopping us from stopping them
lancelot: she isnt bad tho shes jst in a bad place rn
newandimproved: You’re in contact with her??
lancelot: no, future knowledge
lancelot: y, u rnt????
speedygonzales: not like we can just track her down or anything
thirdtimesthecharm: she’s felicity smoak
rideordie: i know that i don’t know you all as well and i don’t really know the situation
rideordie: but wont she be able to see everything here?
speedygonzales: im not stupid im not going to put anything sensitive on here
speedygonzales: just needed somewhere to vent
speedygonzales: AND YES I KNO SHE CAN SEE THIS THATS THE WHOLE POINT I NEED HER TO SEE HOW PISSED WE ARE
newandimproved: You don’t see her side at all?
speedygonzales: yes of course i do i did practically the same thing
speedygonzales: except i didnt have anyone to point out what a stupid idea it was
speedygonzales: AND SHE DOES
speedygonzales: and y, r u taking her side???
newandimproved: You know that I’m basically retired, I’m not taking anyone’s side
speedygonzales: not really an answer
newandimproved: It’s just, it’s Felicity
speedygonzales: yh i kno thats kinda the problem
agentdanvers: so what are you going to do?
thirdtimesthecharm: apparently we have to treat her like any other criminal
thirdtimesthecharm: except she knows everything about us and how we operate
speedygonzales: oh boy this is gonna be super fun
speedygonzales: hey remember the last time 1 of us went rogue aka me?
speedygonzales: AND IT ENDED IN SARAS DEATH
speedygonzales: DO U REMEMBER THAT FELICITY
smoakandmirrors: you don’t have to yell
smoakandmirrors: and i’m pretty sure that oliver’s the last one that went rogue
newandimproved: Where are you????
smoakandmirrors: relax guys, i’m fine
newandimproved: That’s not an answer
irisbest: what are you doing felicity
smoakandmirrors: really guys, i’m okay
smoakandmirrors: this isn’t like cait iris i promise
smoakandmirrors: this is something i need to do
irisbest: I’m sure she thinks that too
smoakandmirrors: but it’s different this time
smoakandmirrors: i’m helping
speedygonzales: but you dont have to do it this way
smoakandmirrors: right of course
smoakandmirrors: i’ve stood by for nearly five years while the rest of team arrow have done whatever it takes to save the city
smoakandmirrors: but now i’m meant to be the better one??????
smoakandmirrors: don't you guys remember that i was technically a criminal before all this vigilante stuff?????
smoakandmirrors: a proper one that is, not for some stupid drunk juvenile crime
smoakandmirrors: the only reason i’m not in some government blacksite right now is because my douchebag ex took the fall for me
smoakandmirrors: but no sure tell me how i’m too good to lower myself to everyone else’s level
speedygonzales: im not saying that
smoakandmirrors: kinda feels like it
lancelot: im guessing ollies been saying that to u
agentdanvers: but you’re not doing this just to spite him, right?
agentdanvers: okay, just making sure
betterthanyou: dont worry ur not gonna get any judgement from that direction
betterthanyou: alex is the queen of questionable decisions
agentdanvers: I’m not?
rideordie: yes you are
betterthanyou: didnt j’onn suspend u bc he thought u were gonna do a reckless thing and then u did it anyway
betterthanyou: like a few weeks ago
agentdanvers: it was the right thing to do!
betterthanyou: told u
agentdanvers: felicity I’m not going to try and stop you if you think what you’re doing is right
smoakandmirrors: thank you
agentdanvers: just make sure you have a back up plan
rideordie: but you didn’t have a back up plan??
agentdanvers: yes I did???
agentdanvers: you and kara???
betterthanyou: gee thanks danvers
agentdanvers: lucy you’re as reliable as kara is in the kitchen
betterthanyou: i honestly dont think ive ever been this offended
betterthanyou: kara ur not gonna defend urself????
agentdanvers: oh she’s not here
agentdanvers: her and lena are going to a conference
betterthanyou: right yh the nerd date
agentdanvers: no that’s not what it is
betterthanyou: oh it so is
rideordie: kind of is
lancelot: is kara making a move????
rideordie: actually lena invited her
lancelot: i didnt expect that
agentdanvers: it’s not a date, it’s a work thing
lancelot: aw ur cute
smoakandmirrors: hey i thought that was our thing!
lancelot: ur still the cutest fliss ;)
smoakandmirrors: guys i think i might have to leave soon
betterthanyou: so i dont kno the whole situation and im not gonna pretend to kno the right course of action
betterthanyou: but ive been of both sides of this kind of thing and ive gotta point out that both sides make sense when ur on them
smoakandmirrors: i’m not on a different side
smoakandmirrors: i’m just side adjacent?
speedygonzales: look i kno u and i kno ur not rlly a bad person
speedygonzales: what im saying is theres no way ur gonna do something actually unforgivable
speedygonzales: but also i kno how hard ollie & digg take these kind of things
speedygonzales: so even if they kick u out then u can always come round mine ok
smoakandmirrors: even though you think i’m being an idiot?
speedygonzales: yh but when rnt u
smoakandmirrors: thanks speedy
lancelot: the legends are mostly ex criminals anyway so u kno
lancelot: always a spot open 4 u fliss
lancelot: actually i think ray would combust out of excitement
smoakandmirrors: should i be worried that you all think this is going to go badly
speedygonzales: yes u should thats exactly y we said it tahts the whole point
smoakandmirrors: yeah so i actually do have to leave now
smoakandmirrors: iris i really have to go
irisbest: just wait for a second yeah
irisbest: I know that you think you have to do this but please be careful
irisbest: and please don’t do anything that you could regret
irisbest: maybe it’s selfish but I really don’t want to lose another friend
smoakandmirrors: i’m still here iris, and cait will be here again soon, you know that
irisbest: so you say
smoakandmirrors has left the group
thirdtimesthecharm: well I’m sure this will be fun
thirdtimesthecharm has left the group
newandimproved: Guys, I think we should be there for this
speedygonzales: yh some1s gotta stop felicity and ollie from killing each other
newandimproved has left the group
speedygonzales has left the group
irisbest: now what
lancelot: i dont kno if any1 was talking to each other after
lancelot: but im pretty sure nobody dies
lancelot: so theres that i guess?
honestly my main takeaway from writing this chapter (and rewatching the episode) is that there's got to be at least one earth where felicity and alex are a morally grey vigilante team yes???
Chapter 27: in which sara lance is the only one who's really having a good time and iris west really deserves a break
aka and that’s what you missed in the arrowverse
speedygonzales joined the group missedme???
speedygonzales added newandimproved, smoakandmirrors and thirdtimesthecharm to the group missedme???
speedygonzales: HEY NOBODYS DEAD AND ALSO NOBODYS IN JAIL
irisbest: oh thank god
irisbest: is it over??
thirdtimesthecharm: oh yeah that was over a while ago
irisbest: then why have you all been on radio silence for nearly three days???
smoakandmirrors: wait you guys didn’t go back either?
speedygonzales: no bc we were worried abt u
smoakandmirrors: really guys, i’m fine
newandimproved: You shouldn’t even be on your phone
smoakandmirrors: there’s nothing wrong with my arms laurel
irisbest: meaning there’s something wrong somewhere else???
rideordie: what happened?
smoakandmirrors: prometheus set off an emp in the base
irisbest: oh my god
lancelot: fliss ur implant
irisbest: oh my god I didn’t even think about that
smoakandmirrors: no it’s fine! it might take a day or so for the implant to be properly fixed
smoakandmirrors: it just means i might be stuck in bed for a bit
irisbest: you don’t have a chair?
irisbest: because barry or wally can run one down if you need one
smoakandmirrors: no i’ve got a chair but someone won’t let me get out of bed
newandimproved: I think you’re being a tad dramatic
smoakandmirrors: am i laurel
smoakandmirrors: am i
lancelot: oh boy has laurel gone full mother hen
speedygonzales: ...maybe a little
smoakandmirrors: yes it’s the worst
newandimproved: You could’ve died Felicity
smoakandmirrors: okay but counterpoint: i didn’t
newandimproved: You’ve spent way too much time with Sara
lancelot: u say that like its a bad thing???
smoakandmirrors: and oliver was in a much worse shape than me anyway
newandimproved: Ollie’s got Thea at the moment
smoakandmirrors: thea was here a few hours ago???
newandimproved: Oh wow
speedygonzales: the fact that u havent realized that weve worked out a schedule probably means u shud stay in bed 4 a while
puppydanvers: so what’s wrong exactly?
smoakandmirrors: so long story but i have a spinal implant that allows me to use my legs
smoakandmirrors: and it didn’t react well to the emp obviously
smoakandmirrors: but curtis will have it working again in no time
irisbest: and is everyone else okay?
smoakandmirrors: oliver had to have surgery but he was up and about not long after
speedygonzales: and apparently the bby team got to properly bond so thats good
thirdtimesthecharm: you realize I’m right here
speedygonzales: whats ur point
smoakandmirrors: so what about you guys?
smoakandmirrors: has anything been happening in your places?
irisbest: we’ve maybe got a new girl on team flash
irisbest: nobody’s replacing anyone
speedygonzales: i kno, thats not what i was saying
smoakandmirrors: so what’s she like?
irisbest: ...she’s really like you actually???
irisbest: I can’t believe I didn’t notice that
smoakandmirrors: i bet she’s awesome
speedygonzales: i bet shes irritating
smoakandmirrors: please, i know you love me
speedygonzales: yh yh ur like the sister i never had
lancelot: um excuse me???
speedygonzales: *like the younger sister i never had
smoakandmirrors: i’m older than you??
speedygonzales: mentally tho
smoakandmirrors: you’re saying you’re mentally older than me????
smoakandmirrors: YOU’RE SAYING SARA’S MENTALLY OLDER THAN ME???????
speedygonzales: yes and yes
smoakandmirrors: you’re insulting yourself???
lancelot: pls we all kno that it insults u more than me
irisbest: anyway, I was just telling you so you know
irisbest: I can’t actually add her
rideordie: you don’t trust her?
irisbest: I don’t really know yet, but apparently future barry does?
lancelot: EXCUSE ME WHAT
irisbest: oh no
lancelot: WHAT DID I TELL U GUYS ABT MESSING W/ TIME?????
irisbest: not to?
lancelot: im gonna make u guys a powerpoint on y not to mess w/ time
newandimproved: I’m pretty sure that you haven’t used powerpoint once in your entire life
lancelot: im gonna get ray and nate to make u guys a powerpoint on y not to mess w/ time
irisbest: this is probably the last time
irisbest: and no, it’s not because of trust
irisbest: it’s because she’s the one that helps trap savitar in the future
puppydanvers: so why does that mean you can’t add her?
irisbest: because caitlin keeps trying to kill her
irisbest: it’s complicated
irisbest: and I can’t exactly talk about it on here sorry
smoakandmirrors: no we get it
irisbest: so what about you guys?
lancelot: HOW WAS THE NERD DATE??????
rideordie: she means the conference
speedygonzales: that bad huh
puppydanvers: no the conference was very interesting
puupydanvers: but the technology was later used to murder people
puppydanvers: which is why lena’s not here
puppydanvers: it wasn’t a good day
puppydanvers: actually do you mind if I leave? I was thinking of checking in on her before I get to work
irisbest: no of course
speedygonzales: hey tell her we hope shes ok?
puppydanvers: I will
puppydanvers: felicity, I hope you and oliver are feeling better soon
smoakandmirrors: thanks kara
puppydanvers has left the group
speedygonzales: i guess this has been a pretty terrible couple of days all around
smoakandmirrors: well what???
irisbest: oh please tell me that after all the yelling you did that the legends haven’t screwed up time
speedygonzales: so what then????
newandimproved: She’s got back with Nyssa
smoakandmirrors: oh my god sara!!!!
newandimproved: I couldn’t stand you dragging it out
lancelot: cant believe she told u
newandimproved: She’s my best friend
lancelot: yh but shes my girlfriend
smoakandmirrors: i’m so happy for you guys
lancelot: yh were awesome
irisbest has left the group
smoakandmirrors: okay that’s it i’m making it a rule that the central guys can’t just leave the group
smoakandmirrors: every time they do it turns out something really bad has happened again
rideordie: i don’t think you can control that
smoakandmirrors: don’t care
irisbest joined the group missedme???
newandimproved: That was shorter than usual?
smoakandmirrors: please tell me that something else hasn’t happened
irisbest: when isnt something happening
irisbest: did you know
lancelot: im gonna take a wild guess and say ur talking 2 me
irisbest: I am
lancelot: so what is it that im meant 2 have known
irisbest: did you know that savitar is barry
speedygonzales: wait what
lancelot: when i spoke 2 u, u said that 2 of ur best friends were trying to kill u, but i stopped u b4 u could tell me who were talking abt
irisbest: well that’s something at least
smoakandmirrors: but how can he be barry?
irisbest: he’s a time remnant
smoakandmirror: okay so that’s how, but it still doesn’t eaplain why
smoakandmirrors: no version of barry could kill you and hurt wally
irisbest: apparently this one could
irisbest: and has
irisbest: and now he's got cait
irisbest: god no wonder he was able to convince her to work with him
lancelot: when hes from?
irisbest: a few years ahead
lancelot: oh thats not good
irisbest: you don’t have to tell me that
irisbest: no I guess I’ve just started to get used to this sort of thing
rideordie: can i ask what a time remnant is?
irisbest: I’ll try but usually I’m not the person who explains these things
irisbest: so speedsters can run so fast that they go back in time right?
irisbest: and usually the version of them from the old timeline disappears
irisbest: but sometimes they don’t?
irisbest: and they’re called time remnants
betterthanyou: yh so im not a science person but im p sure that makes 0 sense
rideordie: so like everything else on their earth then
Chapter 28: in which laurel lance is either freaked out or enjoying this and sara lance is pretty sure this is unfair
aka mirror, mirror pt 2
boom created the group hello
boom added newandimproved to the group hello
boom: We never got a chance to talk
boom: I figured that should change
newandimproved: And you are???
boom: You don’t recognise your own doppelganger?
newandimproved: How are you even on here??
newandimproved: You’re meant to be in prison
boom: Oh you are adorable
newandimproved: Okay Caitlin was right, being hit on by your double is just wrong
boom: Caitlin? You mean this earth’s Killer Frost?
newandimproved: She’s a good person
boom: By good you mean boring
boom: I met her once, wasn’t too impressed
newandimproved: She’s far better than you’ll ever be
boom: Am I meant to be hurt by that?
newandimproved: I hope you know that I’ve already told my team that you broke out of prison
boom: Of course I know. That’s what I’d do
newandimproved: I’m nothing like you
boom: Give it time
newandimproved: And what is that meant to mean
boom: I’ve read up on your history. I’m surprised you still help these people
boom: This city has brought you nothing but pain
newandimproved: Because I’m strong
newandimproved: Because I’m stronger than you
boom: Are your friends strong too?
newandimproved: Stay the hell away from them
boom: Relax Canary, I don’t tend to go after people
newandimproved: I have some friends that would beg to differ
boom: Because the man that broke me out of the Flash’s prison asked me to hurt them
boom: I honestly don’t care either way
newandimproved: Right, so you’re a safety conscious supervillian
boom: I like to cause destruction and if people get in the way then that’s their problem
newandimproved: I didn’t understand before, how any version of me could be like you
newandimproved: But now I think I get it
newandimproved: I’ve never really liked hurting people, but I don’t lose much sleep over it either
newandimproved: And I know what it’s like to want to scream until everything crumbles around you
newandimproved: Don’t tell me I scared you off
boom: As if you could
boom: You called me Siren
newandimproved: Well I don’t exactly know what name you go by
boom: I go by Siren
boom: Everyone else keeps calling me Laurel and it’s not my name
newandimproved: Then I’ll tell them not to
boom: Why would you do that?
newandimproved: I hated it when people used to call me Dinah
newandimproved: Sara used to yell at them until they called me Laurel
newandimproved: I think that you and my Sara would get on pretty well actually, if you wanted to meet
boom: Ten minutes ago you were threatening to set your team on me and now you’re introducing me to your baby sister
newandimproved: Well she’s technically older than me, for one
newandimproved: And for two, you’re me. You couldn’t hurt her if you tried
newandimproved: Partly because she’d kick your ass before you could lift a finger against her
boom: Oh I’d love to see her try
newandimproved: Did you just??
newandimproved: Okay you can flirt with me but I draw the line at flirting with Sara
boom: I can flirt with you?
newandimproved: Please don’t
boom: It’s not as if I don’t know what you like
newandimproved: I’ve changed my mind, you can’t ever meet her, it would be a nightmare
boom: Worried I’ll be a bad influence?
boom: Because honey I so would
newandimproved: Oh my god
newandimproved: You’re not as bad as they say you are, are you
boom: Yes I am
boom: Just because I don’t set out to hurt people doesn’t mean I won’t
newandimproved: I know
newandimproved: It’s what I would do
boom: I know
newandimproved: You were in a bad position when you went up against my team, and they were in a bad place
newandimproved: If you turned yourself in I could argue for you
boom: Such a lawyer
newandimproved: You aren’t?
boom: I prefer the other side of the law
boom: And I don’t need your help
boom: You think that just because we share a face we’re friends?
newandimproved: I think we share the same DNA and the same family and that we understand each other in a way no one else could
newandimproved: I think that makes us sisters
boom: You’re delusional
newandimproved: But I brought one sister back from the dead, I think I could bring another to the light
boom: You could try
newandimproved: Well I think that you of all people should know how much I enjoy a challenge
boom: And if people get hurt in this little game of yours?
boom: Or die?
newandimproved: People get hurt every day in this line of work
newandimproved: If people die, you die
newandimproved: What, that’s it?
newandimproved: I threaten you once and you run off?
boom: I told you that you couldn’t scare me
boom: But maybe I was wrong about some other things
newandimproved: How so?
boom: You are strong
boom: But not stronger than me
newandimproved: I’m as strong as you
boom: I think you just might be
boom: I’m sure that by now your team has reached the place that this phone’s signal seems to be coming from
boom: You can tell your little blonde nerd that she shouldn’t feel too bad, her computers are light years behind the tech on my world
boom: It wasn’t hard to spoof the signal
boom: Oh, and Laurel? You should know that I enjoy a challenge too
newandimproved: Oh I’m looking forward to it
sara, later: how come you’re allowed to flirt with your alternate self if i’m not????
laurel: wow so you completely missed the whole point
(will i ever stop being bitter that laurel and siren won't get to meet?)
Chapter 29: in which caitlin snow is basically 85% of team flash’s impulse control and honestly the legends are just glad they're not the ones being yelled at this time
aka cause and effect
turns up a month and a half late with an update: surprise i'm not dead
so lot really screwed up my timeline, so let's just say the legends are in between picking up amaya again and running into zari
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
lancelot changed the group name to laurellanceisahypocrite
newandimproved: For the last time Sara it’s not the same situation!!
speedygonzales: what isnt?? whats going on????
lancelot: so after all that ‘oh no sara u cant flirt w/ urself its weird and wrong’
newandimproved: You can’t and it is!!!!
lancelot: laurel jst goes and does it anyway!!
irisbest: sorry you did what
smoakandmirrors: wait what
speedygonzales: damn get it laurel/s
newandimproved: I didn’t flirt with her, she flirted with me!!!!!!
newandimproved: And it was very uncomfortable!!!!
thirdtimesthecharm: so is this just a thing that happens around here?
speedygonzales: i feel like we can probably file this under ‘lance sister things’
thirdtimesthecharm: oh thank god
smoakandmirrors: and why am i only hearing about this now???
newandimproved: I told Sara first because I thought she’d know what to do???
lancelot: well i mean rlly thats on u
speedygonzales: so whats she like anway
newandimproved: What do you mean?
speedygonzales: i still havent met her??? is she jst you but evil????
speedygonzales: or is there like a whole different personality????
newandimproved: We’re quite similar actually
newandimproved: It’s more than a little discomforting
smoakandmirrors: ok but you know that doesn’t really mean anything right
irisbest: it really doesn’t
irisbest: and believe me, I've dealt with alternate universes a lot
quicksort: I second that
newandimproved: It isn’t nice knowing that you weren’t that far from becoming a villain
newandimproved: Oh god sorry Iris
irisbest: none of this is your fault laurel
irisbest: and it’s true, I guess we never really know how close any of us are to that
lancelot: uh hey guys??? mind if i talk abt something happier????
lancelot: so yall kno how i have a gf now???
smoakandmirrors: don’t use y’all
lancelot: ill use whatever i want and yallll like it
smoakandmirrors: that’s too many l’s????
newandimproved: I see this is already going off to a great start
lancelot: w/e hypocrite
newandimproved: I swear to god Sara
lancelot added nr to the group laurellanceisahypocrite
lancelot: so to everyone who hasnt met her, this is nyssa!!!!!
nr: Hello everyone
quicksort: hi! I'm jesse and I have this:
quicksort: it's a list of everyone's names, so you know who we all are!
nr: Thank you, though it wasn't needed
quicksort: it wasn't??
lancelot: yh my bbys a spy, she already knos who u all r
lancelot: yep, even the other worlders and the timetravellers
lancelot: shes jst that good
smoakandmirrors: nice to see you're as terrifying as always
nr: Thank you
speedygonzales: hi again nyssa!!!!!
nr: Hello Thea
speedygonzales: cant believe ur dating this dork again
nr: She is very lucky
thirdtimesthecharm: okay I already like you
nr: You’re Dinah, right? Laurel speaks highly of you
newandimproved: Of course
newandimproved: You’re the second best canary
thirdtimesthecharm: yeah I’ll take that
lancelot: oh is this jst pick on sara day?????
speedygonzales: when isnt it
newandimproved changed the group name to nationalpickonsaralanceday
lancelot: so somebodys salty
newandimproved: Oh I wonder why
irisbest: wow you two really are unbelievable
lancelot: um excuse me west????
newandimproved: Excuse me???
smoakandmirrors: you know sometimes i’m so glad i’m an only child
thirdtimesthecharm: amen to that
quicksort: I always wanted a sister, but seeing you two I think I’m good
lancelot: u guys r jst jealous
thirdtimesthecharm: oh we’re really not
lancelot: ok listen here canary jr
smoakandmirrors: quick someone change the subject before she finishes
irisbest: actually I do have something to talk about
lancelot: goddamnit west
quicksort: so what's up?
irisbest: did I ever tell you all that the love of my life is an idiot
lancelot: i mean we inferred
nr: I assume you’re talking about Barry Allen
lancelot: aw babe u listen to me
irisbest: do you really call him an idiot that much??
nr: She does
lancelot: at least once a conversation tbh
newandimproved: Has something happened?
irisbest: so he and cisco decided the best way to defeat savitar was to make sure that he didn’t remember how things played out the first time
quicksort: that makes sense
irisbest: so they gave barry amnesia
quicksort: oh no
smoakandmirrors: wait he actually did it???
irisbest: why does it sound like you already knew about this
smoakandmirrors: …cisco maybe asked for my advice beforehand
irisbest: and your advice was amnesia????
smoakandmirrors: he’d already decided to do that!!!
smoakandmirrors: i told him it wasn’t that great of an idea and i didn’t think he would actually do it!!!
lancelot: wow so thsi is what it feels like
lancelot: nothing, dw
lancelot: well jst u kno
lancelot: usually u guys r telling us that weve done something stupid so
irisbest: oh my god
lancelot: feels good
irisbest: do you have to be so smug
lancelot: oh absolutely
quicksort: guys, do you want me to come over?
quicksort: you don’t really have a bio person there, do you?
irisbest: that’s kind of you to ask, but no
irisbest: we’ve got someone
quicksort: you found a new biomedic???
irisbest: more like an old one
irisbest: caitlin’s here
irisbest: well, killer frost, whatever
lancelot: and shes helping u???
irisbest: but yeah
speedygonzales: is she here here???
speedygonzales: like back in the chat???
snowqueen: You know, I never actually left
snowqueen: And I’m only talking to you people because I’ve got nothing else to do right now
lancelot: u ppl??? thats kind of…
newandimproved: Sara Lance don’t you dare
newandimproved: Sara no
snowqueen: You know that there isn’t exactly anything stopping me from just killing these people, right?
irisbest: cisco would stop you
snowqueen: Vibe isn’t that powerful
irisbest: hey so you want us to call you killer frost? then you call us by our names okay
irisbest: also cisco could kick your frozen ass from here to keystone and you know it
snowqueen: If you say so
speedygonzales: yo no offense but im p sure that felicity wasnt this much of an asshole when she went evil
nr: Felicity went evil?
lancelot: ehhh kind of????
smoakandmirrors: oh my god guys i went against the team for like 5 minutes
smoakandmirrors: wait, why are you helping team flash out anyway?
snowqueen: Because I am
irisbest: because if barry doesn’t remember then savitar won’t remember and then they can’t kill me
snowqueen: It’s not my plan
irisbest: yeah so fun fact that actually makes it worse
snowqueen: I honestly couldn’t care less
irisbest: oh boy this is fun
speedygonzales: wait so have u been reading these chats the whole time??????
speedygonzales: sorry im jst thinking of u mid evil plan and then ur phone beeps and its sara talking bout gay shit
lancelot: that does sound like me
snowqueen: It’s still not my plan
irisbest: yeah that’s still not any better
nr: Then what is your plan?
snowqueen: And you are?
lancelot: my gf!!!!!!
snowqueen: You’re telling me you actually took her back?
nr: It was mutual, as every good relationship should be
nr: And you did not answer my question
snowqueen: Why would I tell you anything?
nr: I don’t believe you can
nr: You don’t have a plan, do you?
nr: I didn’t, when I was as lost as you seem to be
nr: It took a lot of time and effort to get myself back from that place, but I did. And I was forgiven
nr: I believe that you could be too
irisbest: I don’t think she’s going to reply
nr: I apologise, I didn’t mean to chase her away
nr: I should have stopped talking
irisbest: no, thank you
irisbest: it means a lot that you’d say that
irisbest: maybe it’s stupid to still hold out hope, but I do, so
irisbest: and she hasn’t left the group, so I guess that’s something
lancelot: in the meantime, im gonna tlk abt a lot of gay shit so she always has smthing to look at
irisbest: wow what a sacrifice
lancelot: just doing my bit
this chapter took me a while to write because i kept hitting a wall when it came to cait and her reasons for joining up with savitar, mainly because we were never told what they were. ha ha oh flash writers
so i was gonna write up to the season finales and then, depending on what happened in the new seasons, either start a new story or continue this one, or just finish the whole thing altogether. but now the new seasons have started and if i keep writing then i'd probably end up ignoring a lot of canon (though tbf i guess i'm kinda doing that already)? so uh yeah, what do you think?
Chapter 30: in which sibling relationships are a strange thing and alex danvers needs a break and also a hug
aka hello can these people please get some therapy please
so i guess i'm continuing this thing? i know i'm not the best (or the most punctual) but i really like writing it and people seem to like reading it, so uh yeah. still not sure whether to make a separate fic or not though.
i'm going to ignore a lot more canon after the season finales, but some things: sanvers aren't going to break up and neither are wally and jesse (though also i maybe accidentally started writing director sanvers???), zari's definitely going to show up and hopefully so will ava and sam (who's going to get a happy ending in this no matter what actually happens) and killer frost (since she's her own character now??? what), and i'm straight up ignoring like 90% of the crossover
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
puppydanvers joined the group nationalpickonsaralanceday
puppydanvers: hey guys, hope I’m not interrupting anything?
smoakandmirrors: oh hey kara!!! how are you?
lancelot: hey kara is it bad none of us noticed u guys were gone
newandimproved: Oh my god Sara
puppydanvers: I’m fine
puppydanvers: and no, I understand how hectic your lives are
smoakandmirrors: what do you mean you’re fine??? did something happen???
puppydanvers: sorry to go silent but we were looking for alex
agentdanvers: it’s okay I’m fine
rideordie: you shouldnt be on the phone babe
agentdanvers: I’m fine sawyer
agentdanvers: besides I can’t fall asleep, j’onn is making lucy look after me since you left
betterthanyou: hey!!! dont be so ungrateful!!! there r many ppl who wud love to have me at their bedside!!!!
agentdanvers: so if I fall asleep you won’t draw on my face with magic marker huh
irisbest: yeah I’m in a whole different universe and I still felt the complete insincerity of that
lancelot: different universe and different time and i felt it
newandimproved: What happened?
agentdanvers: got kidnapped
newandimproved: Are you okay??
lancelot: wtf danvers
smoakandmirrors: oh my god are you ok????
agentdanvers: I’ve been worse
lancelot: seriously wtf danvers
agentdanvers: but yeah it sucked
agentdanvers: but kara and maggie found me
rideordie: but not before alex pulled out these special forces moves
agentdanvers: you’re really impressed huh
rideordie: im dating a badass
agentdanvers: yeah you are
betterthanyou: kara and maggie?????
agentdanvers: oh yeah of course how could I forget j’onn?
agentdanvers: and lena obviously
theboss: Thanks Alex!
agentdanvers: you’re welcome!!
agentdanvers: and I think james and winn were there too?
agentdanvers: oh and can’t forget vasquez!
betterthanyou: oh ur so lucky i dont hit injured ppl
agentdanvers: you hit me ten minutes ago
betterthanyou: that was a friendly tap!!!!
agentdanvers: and really I’m fine
agentdanvers: I’d like to talk about literally anything else though if you don’t mind
agentdanvers: besides I’m so bored in this bed what did I miss
smoakandmirrors: are you sure???
agentdanvers: like for starters, what’s up with the new group name???
newandimproved: Sara was being facetious
lancelot: oh pls we all kno big words laurel
irisbest: oh come on guys don’t start this up again
lancelot: excuse u i didnt start anything
newandimproved: Except you literally did???
agentdanvers: I’m sorry if I started something?
speedygonzales: jst petty sibling arguing
smoakandmirrors changed the group name to bothlancesaregreat
smoakandmirrors: happy now????
smoakandmirrors: how am i friends with you two you’re both children
lancelot: i mean u were friends w/ ollie 1st tho????
newandimproved: You can’t mock Ollie when he’s not here to defend himself
lancelot: ur disagreeing w/ me?????
newandimproved: I never said that
theboss: So what did happen? If I can ask?
lancelot: oh yh sure ask away lets tell every1
newandimproved: If you even think of calling me a hypocrite again then I will physically travel to your location and punch you
lancelot: as opposed to mentally travelling to my location
newandimproved: Oh just try me
smoakandmirrors: so laurel’s evil twin decided to break out of prison and flirt with laurel
smoakandmirrors: and sara’s acting like a brat because laurel yelled at her for for trying to make out with her alt future self
smoakandmirrors: and so she thinks it’s a bit hypocritical
rideordie: how is every word in that sentence stranger than the last?????
agentdanvers: once again, your earth is ridiculous
irisbest: black siren’s from jesse’s earth actually
theboss: Is that a thing on your earth?? You flirting with yourselves???
speedygonzales: it’s a lance thing
thirdtimesthecharm: I really hope it’s just them, and not a canary thing
newandimproved: Once again, I didn’t flirt back!!
newandimproved: And hey so maybe let’s talk about something else??
newandimproved: Something that doesn’t involve me??
lancelot: yh sure ok
newandimproved: Thanks Sara
lancelot: allen wiped his own memories!!!!
irisbest: thanks sara
rideordie: wait you can do that??
agentdanvers: why would he do that
irisbest: you’ve just been waiting to bring that up haven’t you
lancelot: oh yh totally
lancelot: ive programmed it into the ships calendar as a ship wide holiday
lancelot: im probably gonna get it written on one of my tombstones
theboss: One of??
agentdanvers: don’t even ask
irisbest: and it’s a long story but he did have a reason
lancelot: the reason is hes an idiot
irisbest: and they’re back now anyway
irisbest: because killer frost helped. which is also a long story
irisbest: things are just awesome down in central
theboss: Killer Frost?
irisbest: like I said, long story
irisbest: but caitlin’s now a supervillain
irisbest: and she’s still lurking around in the chat, so I guess be careful about what you say
puppydanvers: I hope you’re okay, caitlin
irisbest: she probably won’t reply, but thanks
irisbest: maybe we could talk about something else that happened??
nr: I believe she’s referring to me
puppydanvers: um hello???
lancelot: oh yh also i got back w/ the love of my life nbd
puppydanvers: oh are you nyssa??!!!!
nr: I am, it’s nice to meet you
rideordie: are you really a ninja assassin? because no offense lance, but i dont really believe half of what you say
nr: I was, but I’m retired
lancelot: didnt u kill some1 yesterday
nr: Yes, but I wasn’t hired to do it
rideordie: wow okay so this is your reminder that im a cop
thirdtimesthecharm: believe me, it won’t do much
lancelot: ha pls u cud be the best cop in the world and u still woudnt be able to arrest nyssa
nr: Thanks love
betterthanyou: ugghhh i was jst abt to say u guys r worse than these 2
betterthanyou: and then alex said ‘she is the best cop in the world’
agentdanvers: damnit lucy
rideordie: thanks babe!!!
puppydanvers: aww!!! you guys are all really cute!!!
nr: I’m not cute
newandimproved: Oh don’t call Nyssa cute, she’ll break your nose
nr: Are you still complaining about that?
lancelot: wait what happened???????
newandimproved: It hurt Nys!!!
nr: Then you should have ducked
newandimproved: I wasn’t expecting it!!!
nr: That’s your problem, not mine
speedygonzales: damn nyssa
lancelot: jsyk im mentally hi fiving u rite now
lancelot: oh i love u so much
nr: I love you too
newandimproved: I’m so glad that you two can bond over mocking me
lancelot: r u rlly gonna stand there and try to tell me that at least 50% of ur friendship isnt based on mocking me
newandimproved: It’s probably closer to 60%
nr: I’d say at least three quarters
betterthanyou: so ur rship w/ each sister revolves around mocking the other?
nr: I suppose so
speedygonzales: its the lance way
newandimproved: I’d never thought about, but a lot of my relationships involve mocking my sister?
lancelot: dude same????
lancelot: i guess it’s a sibling thing
speedygonzales: oh definitely
betterthanyou: ppl that wont mock my sis w/ me arent even allowed in my life tbh
irisbest: no??? it isn’t??? you just have messed up relationships with your siblings???
lancelot: iris anne west do you really want to continue this conversation
lancelot: do you really
puppydanvers: we don’t really do that, do we alex?
agentdanvers: not really
betterthanyou: only bc ur weirdly codependent
puppydanvers: no we just have a healthy relationship??
agentdanvers: some of us like to talk to our siblings more than once every two years??
betterthanyou: i kno thats probably a dig but actually im proud of that record so
agentdanvers: but sure, we’re the ones with the unhealthy relationship
nr: For some people, it’s healthier to be apart than together
lancelot: oh man sorry nys i forgot how much we hate ur sis
nr: You’ve only met her once, and she was only a child then
lancelot: yh but u hate her so
speedygonzales: also she kidnapped my brother
lancelot: yh that too
puppydanvers: wait what?? is oliver okay??
speedygonzales: hes getting there
speedygonzales: oh god sorry alex i didnt mean to bring this stuff up again
puppydanvers: no thea it’s not your fault
betterthanyou: alex fell asleep!!!!
puppydanvers: oh thank rao, finally
newandimproved: Is she okay?
puppydanvers: I don’t know
puppydanvers: alex is always the strong one and I don’t know what I’m meant to do in this situation
puppydanvers: what do I do? how do I help her?
newandimproved: Just be there for her
speedygonzales: make sure she always knos when 1 of u is behind her
speedygonzales: and i kno its hard but dont crowd her?? jst like let her kno ur always there if needed
lancelot: find whatever triggers her and try to decrease her exposure to it, but like not w/o her consent ok
lancelot: go through everything w/ her 1st
rideordie: that’s gonna be hard
rideordie: we’ll do it though, obviously
puppydanvers: of course
lancelot: what do u mean?
rideordie: he tried to drown her
puppydanvers: so I’m guessing water is going to be a trigger
speedygonzales: probably yeah
lancelot: is he alive
rideordie: yes, and he’s staying that way
rideordie: we don’t just kill people here, even ones who deserve it
newandimproved: We don’t really just kill people here either
lancelot: js, i could be in and out of the prison b4 anybody even noticed i was on ur earth
puppydanvers: thanks for the offer, but no
newandimproved: Kara, are you okay?
puppydanvers: I wasn’t the one who was kidnapped????
newandimproved: No, but I know from experience how much of a toll seeing your sister hurt and not being able to do anything about it can take
newandimproved: Don’t apologize dumbass it wasn’t your fault
lancelot: love u
newandimproved: Yeah yeah
newandimproved: Love you too
newandimproved: I’m just saying Kara, don’t hold it all in? And speak to Alex about this okay?
newandimproved: It won’t help either of you if you spend the whole time blaming yourself
puppydanvers: I know, but I should have found her sooner
rideordie: yh? well I shouldve too
rideordie: and j’onn and james and winn and everyone at the deo
puppydanvers: it’s not the same
thirdtimesthecharm: believe me, the only person to blame for any of this is the bastard that took her
thirdtimesthecharm: and the sooner you can believe that, the sooner you can heal
smoakandmirrors: oh god sorry dinah are you ok??
thirdtimesthecharm: it’s fine
thirdtimesthecharm: this seems to happen a lot in this line of work
thirdtimesthecharm: it’s probably really not good to say I’m getting used to it
newandimproved: Probably not, but I think we’re all getting to that same level of numbness
irisbest: same here
lancelot: healthy coping mechanisms??? never heard of them
lancelot: if u ever see me deal w/ something in a healthy way then its not me its an imposter
lancelot: and tbh u should probably shoot both of us jst 2 b sure
smoakandmirrors: god, we’re such a happy healthy group of people
lancelot: its part of our charm
puppydanvers: you’re being quiet
betterthanyou: am i
puppydanvers: please don’t draw on alex’s face
puppydanvers: don’t do it lucy!!!
speedygonzales: do it
lancelot: do it do it do it do it
puppydanvers: guys no!!!!
puppydanvers: help me out here maggie!!!
rideordie: no do it i think itd be hilarious
betterthanyou: i knew i liked u sawyer
betterthanyou: ugh fine
betterthanyou: im not gonna draw on alexs face
puppydanvers: thank you
agentdanvers changed their name to agentdamnvers
puppydanvers: damnit lucy!!!!!!!
this was originally shorter and then i remembered how supergirl has never really touched on this again or delved into it???
Chapter 31: in which sara lance is /definitely/ a responsible captain and obliviousness is a danvers family trait
aka subtext what subtext
lancelot: whats up??
newandimproved: The judges in this city are idiots
smoakandmirrors: you don’t mean all of them
newandimproved: Yes I do
agentdamnvers: did you just lose a case?
newandimproved: Oh I wish
newandimproved: Hey so you know how the da turned out to be a serial killer
theboss: They did??
newandimproved: Well they’ve just decided to overturn all of his convictions
betterthanyou: wait all of them???
thirdtimesthecharm: including the zombie guy
quicksort: including the what???
irisbest: oh you have one of those too?
smoakandmirrors: yeah but ours isn’t a meta
smoakandmirrors: well actually no i guess he kind of is???
smoakandmirrors: he didn’t get his abilities from the particle accelerator though
lancelot: ur not talking abt like actual zombies tho r u????
lancelot: bc those r the worst
smoakandmirrors: ...kind of? he came back from the dead?
smoakandmirrors: he’s not like all shuffling and moaning though
smoakandmirrors: apart from the coming back from dead thing, he’s mostly normal??
thirdtimesthecharm: well apart from the fact that he can’t feel pain either, which is just awesome
irisbest: ours came back from the dead too, and he had super strength
irisbest: and he did shuffle and moan
irisbest: it was kind of terrifying
quicksort: when did that happen???
irisbest: when you were in a coma
speedygonzales: u were in a coma???
quicksort: only a little one
lancelot: oh no i was talking abt zombie zombies
lancelot: like ones that if they bite u, u turn into 1???
thirdtimesthecharm: they exist??
lancelot: i mean they did but now they dont???
lancelot: so ur welcome
betterthanyou: i cant believe ur universe has zombies
puppydanvers: winn’s going to be so jealous
agentdamnvers: once again, I’m so glad that I don’t live in your universe
lancelot: but this universe has me?????
agentdamnvers: I know you think that’s a good argument, but it’s really not
lancelot: damn danvers
betterthanyou: oh cmon lance
puppydanvers: uh oh
agentdamnvers: LUCY NO MIDDLE NAME LANE
agentdamnvers changed their name to agentdanvers
lancelot: i thought shed already noticed!!! isnt she meant 2 b like a secret agent?????
agentdanvers: I'm literally right here
betterthanyou: change it back!!!!
betterthanyou: but was i wrong tho????
puppydanvers: oh go on alex!!!
agentdanvers: ugh fine
agentdanvers changed their name to agentdamnvers
betterthanyou: oh sure u do it when kara asks u
agentdamnvers: yes, because I actually love kara
lancelot: DAMN DANVERS
betterthanyou: oh no im so hurt
agentdamnvers: yeah yeah
speedygonzales: hey guys in other news, its ollies bday in abt a week
speedygonzales: hes gonna b 32, which is ridiculous
lancelot: NO HES NOT
newandimproved: Yes he is??
smoakandmirrors: time tends to go in one direction for us guys
lancelot: I DIDNT ASK 4 THE CHEEK FLISS
lancelot: oh boy so im prob older than 32??? what???
theboss: You don’t know how old you are??
quicksort: wait, really???
lancelot: i mean gideon probably does tho
nr: Maybe you should ask her?
lancelot: lol no i dont think so im happy 2 live in ignorance tyvm
puppydanvers: are we invited to the party???
speedygonzales: oh yh sure
agentdamnvers: well, if we can make it
speedygonzales: oh thats ok
speedygonzales: i mean i think team flash were planning on stopping by?
irisbest: we’ll definitely try
speedygonzales: well yh nobodyll blame u if u cant make it
irisbest: barry’ll still probably speed over with gifts though, even if the rest of us can’t
speedygonzales: and like i guess nyssas probably free
nr: I’m not going
speedygonzales: yh i figured
speedygonzales: like r u actually free tho or do u jst not want to go
speedygonzales: yh i shouldve seen that coming
speedygonzales: and really the legends should be there
lancelot: i mean yh we should
smoakandmirrors: come on sara, you guys have got to come and visit!
smoakandmirrors: i haven’t see ray in ages!
lancelot: wow smoak
lancelot: ill think abt it
lancelot: were like super busy tho
speedygonzales: time travel
lancelot: i kno but like, super busy
theboss: I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have to leave
puppydanvers: what’s up???
theboss: Nothing’s wrong, I just have a very important meeting to get to
speedygonzales: oh no thats ok!!!!
puppydanvers: is it the secret project??
smoakandmirrors: secret project???
theboss: Don’t worry, it’s nothing nefarious
theboss: We just wanted to get it up and running before we release any information to the press about it
betterthanyou: have fun w/ whatever nerd thing ur doing!!!!
theboss: Thanks Lucy
puppydanvers: are you okay getting there?
puppydanvers: do you need a lift?
theboss: I’m fine thanks Kara
theboss: We’re still on for lunch tomorrow, right?
puppydanvers: you mean at noonan’s? ;P
theboss: You know perfectly well that it’s at the new vegan place
puppydanvers: oh no!!! you know how much I hate that kind of food!!
theboss: Only because you’re not used to it
puppydanvers: I don’t even need it!! I’m an alien!!
theboss: I’m going to get you to eat a proper meal one day
puppydanvers: no you won’t!!! :D
theboss: So I guess we’re at an impasse
puppydanvers: I bet I can wear you down, no one can resist my charm!!
theboss: I’ve spent enough time around you that I think I’m starting to build up a resistance
puppydanvers: challenge accepted!!
theboss: See you later :)
theboss has left the group
puppydanvers: I hope she has fun at her meeting
speedygonzales: …so is any1 gonna say it
puppydanvers: say what?
irisbest: I mean really someone has to
puppydanvers: guys, say what???
lancelot: kara that was the gayest thing ive seen all day and i literally had sex w/ a woman like 2 hrs ago
nr: You’re welcome
lancelot: thanks babe!!!
newandimproved: Sara Why
newandimproved: No you’re not
lancelot: damn u kno me 2 well
newandimproved: Please tell me you didn’t just use the waverider for a booty call
lancelot: what!!! no!!!
lancelot: i would never i am a responsible captain
lancelot: i used the jumpship
nr: Please don’t refer to me as a ‘booty call’
newandimproved: Then please don’t talk about my little sister’s sex life in front of me!!!!!
smoakandmirrors: i don’t think rip would be happy to know what you’re using timetravel for
lancelot: ok so long story but thats actually hilarious
lancelot: sorry future knowledge!!! ill tell u later!!!
smoakandmirrors: how much later??
speedygonzales: ‘super busy’ huh
lancelot: ok but im never too busy for nys tho
nr: Nor am I for you
newandimproved: Yeah yeah we get it
lancelot: but apart from that i am actually rlly busy
lancelot: it ties into the whole future knowledge thing
smoakandmirrors: you can’t just use ‘future knowledge’ as an excuse to get out of things you don’t want to do
lancelot: can and will
lancelot: anyway what were we talking abt???
betterthanyou: about how gay kara and lena are for each other
lancelot: ooooh right yh continue
puppydanvers: no I’m good
agentdamnvers: I would also not like to talk about my sister’s dating life please
agentdamnvers: I’m not as comfortable with it as some people
newandimproved: What does that mean
newandimproved: Sara Lance what have you been doing
lancelot: what nothing
lancelot: i have never spoken abt ur love life once in my entire life
lancelot: danvers is just trying to change the subject
lancelot: and y did u jst assume she was talking abt me anyway???
newandimproved: Because I know you???
lancelot: ha yh tru
lancelot: kara and lena: discuss
puppydanvers: there’s nothing to discuss!!!!
puppydanvers: we’re just friends!!!
irisbest: oh honey no
puppydanvers: we are!!!
puppydanvers: tell them alex!!!
agentdamnvers: you do smile at her a lot kara
puppydanvers: I smile at everyone!!
agentdamnvers: not like this you don’t
betterthanyou: plus lena super wants in ur pants so
agentdamnvers: lucy no
betterthanyou: lol super
betterthanyou: am i lying?????
speedygonzales: so this has been going on for a while huh
betterthanyou: SO LONG
rideordie: it’s kind of ridiculous really
puppydanvers: like you two weren’t pining over each other when you first met???
betterthanyou: THATS AN ADMISSION
puppydanvers: NO IT WASNT!!!
newandimproved: .....it kind of felt like it was??
thirdtimesthecharm: oh definitely
rideordie: sorry kara, you’re outnumbered here
puppydanvers: why do I have to know so many people in law enforcement
puppydanvers: that’s still not an admission!!!
betterthanyou: uggghhh u guys wont get together 4 yrs at this point
lancelot: cant u do something???
betterthanyou: oh believe me, weve tried everything
puppydanvers: sorry what
speedygonzales: WAIT HAVE U GUYS BEEN TRYING TO SET THEM UP?????
betterthanyou: well obvs
rideordie: we have a groupchat dedicated to just that
lancelot: nice idea
lancelot: what i was just expressing my admiration?????
puppydanvers: so who’s in this group
rideordie: sorry little danvers, i’m sworn to secrecy
betterthanyou: me maggie winn cat and jess
rideordie: wow so i guess now we know which of us would give up under torture first
quicksort: why would you need to know that????
lancelot: whos cat??
agentdamnvers: kara’s ex boss
betterthanyou: and her bi awakening
puppydanvers: I knew I was bi even before I met cat!!!!
puppydanvers: and I didn’t have a crush on her!!!!!
agentdamnvers: yeah you kinda did
betterthanyou: see??? even alex noticed
betterthanyou: no offense babe but i threw myself at u 4 a good solid few months and u didnt even notice so
puppydanvers: you did????
agentdamnvers: you did???????
betterthanyou: oh believe me i was not subtle
rideordie: oh yeah i can see that
rideordie: i thought you two were exes at first?
agentdamnvers: no not fair what the hell?????
betterthanyou: ok wait a sec
betterthanyou created the group whatever
betterthanyou added agentdamnvers to the group whatever
betterthanyou: ok better
betterthanyou: ok so its fine danvers im not like pining or anything
betterthanyou: u didnt return my feelings so i moved on
betterthanyou: i mean if i knew that u didnt kno u were gay then things mightve been different
betterthanyou: but i didnt so it doesnt matter
agentdamnvers: you knew I was gay??
betterthanyou: yes alex i do in fact have working eyes
betterthanyou: i didnt say anything when u came out bc i kno how important that was 4 u
betterthanyou: but rest assured i was laughing inside bc like how could u not kno????
betterthanyou: ur such a gay mess i swear
agentdamnvers: thanks lane
agentdamnvers: so does this change anything between us? now that I know that you used to have feelings for me?
betterthanyou: pls i dont have feelings what am i a nerd
betterthanyou: i never said that
betterthanyou: that i used to have feelings for u
agentdamnvers: you literally just said it
agentdamnvers: why can you never take things seriously
betterthanyou: no, i never said that i used to have feelings for u. u added the past tense
betterthanyou: and hey!!! i do take some things seriously!!!
betterthanyou: well yh
betterthanyou: i mean yh ur a gay mess but like ur my gay mess
betterthanyou: well, not mine
betterthanyou: seriously alex, i get it, and im rlly not pining
betterthanyou: ur jst so happy w/ maggie so i never rlly saw the point of bringing it up
betterthanyou: tho i guess now u kno
agentdamnvers: did you just send me a clip of the more you know theme in the middle of a love confession
betterthanyou: did u rlly expect anything else from me
betterthanyou: and look danvers we dont even have to talk abt this rlly
betterthanyou: so yh anyway
agentdamnvers: don’t be stupid
agentdamnvers: we can talk like rational adults
betterthanyou: whats 1 of those again????
agentdamnvers: just come over idiot
betterthanyou: y agent danvers,,,,, i never
betterthanyou: yh yh ill b there in 10
betterthanyou: hey alex
betterthanyou: so whatever happens, im still ur bff yh???
agentdamnvers: of course
betterthanyou: well 2nd bff, after that weird thing u have w/ kara
agentdamnvers: for the 20th time, it’s not weird to be friends with your sister
and then they have a heartfelt and clear conversation where they openly talk about their emoti- lol no this is alex and lucy we're talking about. they'll get there though.
my favourite thing about kara and lena is that i don't even have to exaggerate anything, they really are just like That
Chapter 32: in which felicity smoak takes a risk and dinah drake has gone mia
aka the party
happy holidays!!! families can suck but you don't!!!!! eat some crap food and watch some good tv!!!!!! or vice versa!!!!!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
smoakandmirrors created the group hey
smoakandmirrors added speedygonzales to the group hey
speedygonzales: oh hey felicity r u ok???
speedygonzales: u jst left ollies party in a hurry???
smoakandmirrors: hey so can i ask you something?
smoakandmirrors: ok so you and sara have a pretty close relationship right
speedygonzales: oh man i rlly hope ur not gonna ask me if im sleeping w/ her
smoakandmirrors: oh my god no!!!!
speedygonzales: bc u kno shes practically my sister
smoakandmirrors: i know!!! i’d never ask that!!!
smoakandmirrors: why is that the first place your mind goes to????????
speedygonzales: so whats up then?
smoakandmirrors: i was just wondering something
speedygonzales: felicity, w/e it is, jst get it over w/
smoakandmirrors: ok so do you think she follows the girl code???
speedygonzales: um srry what
smoakandmirrors: hypothetically speaking
speedygonzales: u slept w/ her ex?????
smoakandmirrors: i mean ok technically yes????? i used to sleep with oliver
smoakandmirrors: but no that’s not what i mean
speedygonzales: WAIT WAIT WAIT
speedygonzales: DO U MEAN THE NOT SLEEPING W/ UR BFFS SIBLING THING?????
speedygonzales: DID U SLEEP W/ LAUREL??????
speedygonzales: GIVE ME ALL THE DEETS
speedygonzales: by which i mean none of the deets bc shes also practically my sister
smoakandmirrors: i didn’t sleep with laurel!!!!
speedygonzales: aw damn
speedygonzales: well i bet 50 bucks ud be 2gether by now
speedygonzales: well technically by yesterday but like u couldve jst lied to every1 else
smoakandmirrors: YOU BET ON US????
speedygonzales: yes???? obviously????
smoakandmirrors: WHO ELSE?????
speedygonzales: .....p much every1 whos ever met u nd laurel
speedygonzales: dont blame me, saras the 1 who started it!!!
smoakandmirrors: oh my god
speedygonzales: and r u rlly surprised?????? rlly?????
speedygonzales: i mean ur the 1 that brought it up???
speedygonzales: so y did u even bring this up anyway
smoakandmirrors: doesn’t matter
speedygonzales: we both kno im not gonna let this go
speedygonzales: or i cud ask laurel????
smoakandmirrors: you wouldn’t
smoakandmirrors: ok yeah we both know you would
smoakandmirrors: ok fine
speedygonzales: felicity megan smoak i swear to god!!!!
smoakandmirrors: i kissed laurel at the party
speedygonzales: U KISSEDHER!!!!!!!!!!!
speedygonzales: WHAT HAPPENED WHAT WAS IT LIKE???????
speedygonzales: BUT AGAIN NOT 2 MANY DETAILS PLS
smoakandmirrors: it was a disaster
speedygonzales: y what happened?????
smoakandmirrors: i ran
smoakandmirrors: i know
speedygonzales: what r u going 2 do????
smoakandmirrors: hopefully i’ll just die
speedygonzales: worse things have happened tho yh??
smoakandmirrors: but have they though
smoakandmirrors: but i ruined everything and now she hates me
speedygonzales: oh wow ok
speedygonzales: yh so theres literally no way on earth that laurel could hate u
speedygonzales: its kind of nauseating tbh
speedygonzales: ur welcome
speedygonzales: look, ngl this isnt rlly my thing
smoakandmirrors: you were born for this kind of thing
speedygonzales: i mean yh tru w/ any1 else, but u 2????
speedygonzales: nah, we gotta call some1 else in 4 this
speedygonzales added lancelot to the group hey
smoakandmirrors has left the group
speedygonzales: read up the chat
speedygonzales added smoakandmirrors to the group hey
lancelot: u kissed my sister and then ran????????
speedygonzales: have fun bye!!!!
speedygonzales has left the group
lancelot: explain urself
smoakandmirrors: but i don’t want you to beat me up
lancelot: dont b an idiot felicity id never do that
smoakandmirrors: only because you know laurel would do it herself
lancelot: damn straight
smoakandmirrors: i panicked ok!!!!
lancelot: what y?????
smoakandmirrors: because look at me!!! and then look at laurel!!!
lancelot: U SHUT THAT RIGHT TF DOWN NOW
lancelot: BC U KNO DAMN WELL THAT LAUR WOULD BEAT UR ASS 4 THAT 2
lancelot: UR MY BEST FRIEND AND I LOVE U AND DO U THINK ID DO THAT IF U WERENT AMAZING??????
lancelot: OF COURSE NOT!!!!!
lancelot: god fliss
lancelot: and excuse me i dont kno what ur saying bc i made out w/ u once remember????
lancelot: r u trying 2 say i have bad taste?????
smoakandmirrors: that’s actually pretty uplifting?
lancelot: hell yh it is, ur welcome
lancelot: ok so
lancelot: thea told u that i was betting on u 2 right
lancelot: but did u also kno that ive been actively tryin 2 set u 2 up
lancelot: 4 like a while now actually
smoakandmirrors: no???? really??????
lancelot: wanna kno y???
lancelot: its bc laurel smiles around u
lancelot: like actually properly smiles
lancelot: in a way i havent seen in like forever
lancelot: she likes you
lancelot: and if u dont actually like her back, then u need 2 go shut down all of this negative shit and then go apologize 2 my sister
lancelot: and if u do like her back, then u need 2 go shut down all of this negative shit and then go apologize 2 my sister
lancelot: and then kiss her again, for real this time
smoakandmirrors: yeah ok i’m going to do it!!!
lancelot: which 1???????
smoakandmirrors: the 2nd one!!!
lancelot: ugh u couldnt have done this in like 2 weeks tho???
smoakandmirrors: i’m guessing that’s the date you bet on?
smoakandmirrors: wait, so if laurel actually wanted to date me, who would actually win the bet???
lancelot: shut up laur does want to date u idiot
lancelot: fliss u still there???
smoakandmirrors: you gave me this pep talk even though you knew it would mean iris beats you????
lancelot: i love u dumbass
lancelot: more than any stupid bet
lancelot: and like u kno that u gotta take ur chances when u get them right???
lancelot: look im w/ nys now and everythings awesome
lancelot: but i died ok and so did laurel and im not saying something like thats gonna happen again anytime soon
lancelot: and id never change the fact that the last person i spoke to that time round was laurel
lancelot: not for anyone
lancelot: but i do wish id rang nys up 1 last time to tell her i loved her
lancelot: so yeah
lancelot: go!!! now!!!
smoakandmirrors has left the group
lancelot deleted the group hey
lancelot joined the group operationlaugh
lancelot added speedygonzales, allthatglitters and nr to the group operationlaugh
lancelot changed the group name to operationSUCCESS!!!!
speedygonzales: WE DID IT GANG
lancelot: i mean, it depends on what laur does, but lbr we all kno whats gonna happen
speedygonzales: WE POPPIN BOTTLES IN THE CHAT 2NITE
speedygonzales: yh yh bottles of ginger beer
irisbest: WAIT WHAT?????
puppydanvers: YOURE SAYING YOU GOT FELICITY AND LAUREL TOGEHTER????????
agentdamnvers: oh right, this
birb: oh wow!!! that’s great!!
irisbest: though I can’t believe you actually did it????
speedygonzales: i mean sara had literally nothing to do w/ it
agentdamnvers: okay yeah that makes sense
lancelot: excuse u i gave an awesome pep talk????
allthatglitters: good for you
birb: oh hi, have we met???
allthatglitters: lisa snart
irisbest: caitlin’s girlfriend
birb: oh!!! it’s so nice to finally meet you!!
allthatglitters: should i know you?
birb: I’m Kendra, I used to be on the same team as your brother?
allthatglitters: right, the bird lady
birb: well, yes
nr: It’s good to meet you. Sara’s told me many stories about you
lancelot: totally good 1s tho!!!
lancelot: this is nyssa btw!!! were back 2gether now!!!!
birb: oh hi!!!
birb: I’m so happy for you guys!!!
nr: Thank you
lancelot: thanks babe!!!
speedygonzales: so think yall can make it to a party round mine???
irisbest: probably not, sorry
birb: sorry, I’m not exactly nearby?
nr: I’m dealing with an urgent matter
nr: People will die if I leave now, Thea
speedygonzales: excuses excuses
lancelot: i can make it tho!!!
speedygonzales: see!!!! a tru friend!!!!
nr: Aren’t you meant to be looking after the timeline?
lancelot: it mostly looks after itself tbh
birb: no it doesn’t
lancelot: ugghh fine
lancelot: sorry thea but ive got 2 do my stupid job
agentdamnvers: you’re literally looking after the whole of reality
lancelot: huh,,,, ur right,,,,, i am super important
agentdamnvers: not even close to what I said
speedygonzales: aw cmon guys rlly???
allthatglitters: sorry little queen, but ive got stuff to do
allthatglitters: of course
lancelot: y dont u call the bby team round?
speedygonzales: oooh ok
speedygonzales: gotta remember to get curtis to swing round dinahs then and see if shes in
lancelot: she didnt go to the party???
speedygonzales: nope she skipped it
lancelot: lol get rekt ollie
irisbest: WAIT A MINUTE, THIS MEANS I WON THE BET!!!!!
speedygonzales: ohhh no
lancelot: oh i was hoping ud forget
nr: You bet on Laurel’s love life?
birb: really guys??
irisbest: PAY UP LADIES!!!!
agentdamnvers: of course they did
puppydanvers: ....*we did
agentdamnvers: really kara? really?
allthatglitters: i guess its time for me to make an exit
allthatglitters: give the happy couple my best
allthatglitters has left the group
lancelot: hey so
lancelot: some1 close 2 me jst took a leap w/ their love life
lancelot: even tho they thought they might’ve messed up, theyre still trying
lancelot: and in all likelihood, everythings gonna turn out alright
lancelot: bc i guess its weird the things we can forgive when we love some1 huh
snowqueen has left the group
sara: i love u dumbass, more than any stupid bet
felicity: *the smallest of gasps*
(i'm not saying iris got cisco to tell her when to place her bet but i am saying that there are a lot of benefits to being friends with a psychic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)