Actions

Work Header

Some Hell of Good Eats

Work Text:

“We need something from you.” Castiel said in greeting as Crowley appeared.

“Hello to you too, Castiel. How am I, you ask? Busy.” Crowley sassed out.

“I did not ask how you were. And if you were busy, why did you come?” Castiel asked as he raised a confused eyebrow.

Crowley sighed dramatically. “This isn’t as nearly as fun as it is with Moose and Squirrel. Where are they? Or have you been promoted to errand boy?”

“They are busy getting the remaining ingredients for the ritual. I’ve been tasked with getting the less humanly accessible parts.” Castiel replied.

“So why can’t you just use your heavenly contacts to get what you need again?”

“You already know I am not Heaven’s favorite. Me asking for any more favors is an insult.”

Crowley smirked. “Oh I know. I just enjoy hearing you repeat it.”

“Can you help or not?” Castiel demanded, losing his patience.

Crowley gave another dramatic sigh before reaching out his hand. “What do you idiots need?”

Castiel barely took his hand out of his inner pocket before Crowley snatched up the paper and read through the ingredients. “I can get two out of the five things on here.”

“You’re the king of Hell.” Castiel stated.

“And you’re a fallen angel of the Lord. Doesn’t mean you have any better luck getting these things than I do. They fall under different religions. Some of this stuff going all the way back before humanity, so the protection on these wards are more than we can easily by pass…unless the boys are willing to wait half a century.”

“You spent equal time with both of them. You know patience isn’t their strong suit.” Castiel frowned as he snatched back the list. “So…there’s no way of getting the rest of the items in a quicker way?”

“…”

“What?” Castiel asked when he saw Crowley make a face.

“There may be one way. But I hate it.”

Castiel’s frown was deep. “That doesn’t normally mean I’ll like it. What is it?”

“Some brotherly love.”


 

Sam and Dean were keeping on eye on Rowena as she prepped the ritual while they waited for Casiel to return. When he did, he wasn’t alone. They more than have expected to see Crowley, but the other person?

“Alton Brown?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Hiya kids. What’s shaking?”

“I am…confused.” Dean said as he looked as shocked as Sam.

Rowena on the other hand crossed her arms and glared at the new comer. “You never call, you never write…you’re as ungrateful as Fergus.”

“With that attitude are you really surprised? And it’s not like Ferggy and I hang out that much anyway.” Alton said with an eye roll as he approached her work station. He stuck a finger in the cauldron and then licked his finger.

That made Sam and Dean wince and look even more confused.

“My name. Is. Crowley! Is it really that hard for you to comprehend!?” Crowley yelled in indignation.

“Of course not. It’s just fun to rattle you.” Alton claimed before he looked at the Winchesters. “Pleasure to meet you. Huge fan.”

“I…I am too. More Iron Chef America and Cut Throat Kitchen. Sam really liked Good Eats.” Dean said, rolling with the punches. But then he motioned between all of them. “You know them? Oh god. Don’t tell me you sold your soul for your success! Come on, man! That…that kind of breaks my heart.” Dean really did sound devastated.


“Calm our wits. Or whatever remains of them. Squirrel, meet my Moose.” Crowley drawled as he waved his hand towards Alton who smiled cheekily as he waved.

“Wait…what? But-“ Sam stuttered looking between all of them.

“Yes. The one who I had such high hopes for. His abilities in magic were amazing! Such a disappointment when he ran away.” Rowena bemoaned.

“You were insufferable when you were pregnant. I couldn’t stand it. So I left. Years later I do hear about my darling baby brother making his up the demonic scale, but since my magic is more natural, we never really crossed paths.” Alton said dismissively.

“So…you’re not a demon?” Sam asked.

“And you didn’t sell your soul for magic?” Dean followed up.

“Nope and no. Though people highly question the legitimacy of my soul, I do have one…whatever color it may be these days.”

“Wow…kinda a shame you don’t run Hell’s Kitchen. Ultimate irony, am I right?” Dean asked with a laugh.

Alton smirked and chuckled. “I did try to buy it from him, but he wouldn’t budge. Still, CTK is doing ominously fine…anyway, Crowley says you need help.”

“How did you manage to obtain things that even Crowley has trouble getting?” Castiel asked.

“Well, I’m very well traveled and know a guy who knows a guy who knows a minor god who knows a monk who knows a priestess. Plus, ever since Crowley took the throne and people realized how much we weren’t close…a lot of people were more than happy to help me if they knew it would spite him.” He turned to Crowley and gave him a shit eating grin. “Thanks for that bro.”

“Now…let’s see if this ritual is Good Eats.”