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Could Have Been

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Prologue

 

It had been a good day for Barry. He woke up early and very nearly made it to work on time, so the Captain only gave him a small scowl today. He managed to get all of his work done meaning he could go home early and relax. So, it was a good day. Until the phone call came.

‘Hello?’

‘Sebastian? It’s Blaine.’ There was a hint of something in his voice that Barry couldn’t recognise but it didn’t sound good.

‘Hey Blaine, how’s it going?’ Barry continued cheerfully.

‘Don’t act like you don’t know, you fucking asshole!’ Barry almost recoiled in surprise at the vicious tone of Blaine’s voice. He could feel the rage pouring through the line and was frozen for a moment at a loss as to what he’d done to deserve this.

‘Blaine? What? I don’t understand what you’re talking about, did I do something?’ He was genuinely confused, he’d made up with Kurt and Blaine enough that they were able to be civil, so this was entirely unexpected.

‘Kurt’s gone you idiot and it’s your fault, how could you do this to us?’ Realisation dawned on him as he remembered hearing about their short lasting marriage. He predicted it would end that way.

’Shit yeah, I heard about the divorce-‘

’Not the divorce, Sebastian, he’s gone, he’s gone and it’s your fault!’ Now he was stumped, he didn’t understand the situation and how it could possibly be anything to do with him. Even with their civil acquaintanceship, Barry hadn’t spoken to either Kurt or Blaine in a year if not more.

‘Blaine, can you just slow down and actually explain to me what’s going on?’

‘Kurt killed himself.’

Barry felt like he’d been punched in the chest, all the air left his body and he felt like he’d been plunged into freezing cold water.

‘Oh my god, Blaine, I’m so sorry’ He tried to comfort Blaine knowing he must have felt terrible.

‘No you’re not. This is your fault, if it weren’t for you he wouldn’t have been so insecure, he wouldn’t have trust issues, he wouldn’t be gone!’

Barry fell silent.That wasn’t true, right? That was years ago and Kurt had forgiven him. As for trust issues he was pretty sure that could have been attributed to Blaine cheating, but still, there was a part of him, a sickening feeling growing in his stomach that said ‘yes it was your fault’

‘Blaine, I’m sorry, I don’t know what else I can say-‘

‘Don’t say anything, nothing can ever bring him back and I hope that fact haunts you for the rest of your fucking life.’

Barry heard Blaine hang up

Barry tried to carry on with his life but the guilt and regret was a huge weight he had to drag around with him at all times.

A few days later

‘Hey, are you feeling ok, you don’t seem like yourself?’ Barry looked up at the sound of Caitlin’s soft voice breaking through his trance. He’d been doing that a lot recently, zoning out, not being able to take his thoughts away from that phone call. He cleared his throat.

‘Um, yeah I’m fine, just tired I guess.’ He couldn’t tell them, he felt too ashamed, what would they think of him if they knew?

They resume their training, he started running laps. At first he tried his best to maintain his focus but eventually felt his mind slipping back to the dark thoughts that had been plaguing him.

He doesn’t even notice it when it happens, doesn’t notice himself speeding up or Caitlin calling for him to stop. He does however, notice the flash of blinding white light encompassing him, the feeling of being pulled in every direction all at once. By the time he notices, it’s too late.