It has been sixty days since Seokjin told Yoongi that he loved him…
Normally, Yoongi wouldn't have thought twice about this confession of love. They had always been close in their life and they would probably always be close given that they were best friends. Seokjin's been in his life for as long as he can remember and he would like to keep it that way however…
Seokjin wasn't talking about his love as a friend, no this was something else. Something you didn't talk about, something only discussed about in hushed tones, as if whispering the words turns them into something that isn't real; hushed and silent enough to be carried by the wind and then forgotten about.
Yoongi couldn't forget, he would probably never forget. This wasn't the kind of thing you could pretend that didn't happen – though he did try his hardest to forget the words that Seokjin had whispered to him sixty days ago.
It was the beginning of their third year and everybody seemed to be buzzing. They could start band practice again and everything seemed perfect and nothing would ever compare to the pure feeling of bliss they all felt.
Yoongi had caught Seokjin's eye at a party that was thrown by Hoseok (of course in Yoongi's house) to celebrate another year full of fun and practice. Seokjin had beamed at Yoongi and he had smiled back slightly, the same thought passing between the two, how they were so excited to compete again, so proud of each other and everything they'd done so far. At that moment, Yoongi felt like he was exactly where he wanted to be, everything was simply perfect.
Three hours later, Yoongi's world was shaken so hard that it would probably never be restored to its previous state of utter bliss and happiness. His whole world was rocked and turned on its head; Seokjin's drunken slurring as he whispered in Yoongi’s ear, whispered because the words he spoke were those kind of words. Yoongi had only been able to listen to so much, before grabbing Namjoon's arm as he went to walk past, pulling him towards them.
"Take Seokjin hyung upstairs, he's drunk," Yoongi muttered, not even looking at Seokjin before he walked away.
Yoongi couldn't remember anything else about that night, only that Jimin had been a very willing drinking partner and they had both suffered greatly for it the next morning.
There was only one person who didn't seem to be suffering at all the next morning and that was Seokjin. He was second of out his bed, after Taehyung and Jungkook of course and was still in the bathroom when Jimin and Yoongi rolled out of Yoongi's bed before staggering downstairs to the kitchen area.
"Good morning!" Seokjin's greeting was like a hammer to Yoongi's forehead and by the sounds of it, the others too. Yoongi hated the fact that he had drunk so much but it seemed like the only way to wash away the whisper that had thrown his world upside down. He wanted to desperately try to deny that Seokjin had said anything to him at all, but the whisper seemed to be stuck in his clouded mind.
"Hyung! Too early to be that lively in the morning!" Hoseok glared at Seokjin, who was grinning from ear to ear. He was in a good mood today and no one would take that away from him.
Taehyung laughed loudly. "Serves you both right!"
Yoongi laid his head down on the table, not really wanting to face Seokjin at the moment, and when he glanced up, he saw Hoseok giving Taehyung a finger, not that the younger cared, he even laughed louder and Yoongi winced at the sound. When his gaze darted over to Seokjin, Yoongi was confused. Seokjin was pouting and glaring at him with his 'You've pissed me off' look. Had Seokjin been so drunk the night before that he'd forgotten what happened? Was Seokjin so drunk that he was just spewing bullshit that meant nothing? Better yet, had Yoongi been so drunk that he imagined the entire thing? He certainly hoped so…
"Why are you up so early anyway?" Hoseok asked Seokjin, interrupting Yoongi's thoughts. "And why did you leave so early? You weren't that drunk, were you?"
Yoongi tilted his head to see Seokjin staring directly at him.
"No I wasn't," Seokjin mumbled, cheeks staining reddish.
There it was. He remembered exactly what happened.
Seokjin never said anything else; to Yoongi's utter amazement, his friend carried on as if it had never happened, as if he hadn't just dropped something monumentally huge onto Yoongi. It all seemed wonderful because Yoongi didn't want to think about it either. The only problem was that he couldn't stop thinking about it, it was all he ever thought about.
Every once in a while, Seokjin attempted to remind him as if he'd eventually forget and that's obviously not something Seokjin wanted. Yoongi would look up from his breakfast and catch one of his eyes before catching both of them, which would be appraising Yoongi slowly while the tiny tip of his pink glistening tongue ran along the curve of his bottom lip. Seokjin still came by Yoongi's every day to drag him out of his bed and they'd have breakfast together. It was one of their habits and Yoongi didn't exactly want to change that. However, whenever he saw that damn tongue, it would make him so angry that he wanted to throw himself over the small table and launch himself at Seokjin; use his fist to smash that smitten look right off his face, bust that lip open until there was no more blood to shed. Yoongi would get even angrier when he'd find himself thinking about running his own tongue along Seokjin's lip instead, and that would be the point where he'd throw his uneaten food away and storm out.
It's been fifty three days since Yoongi nearly walked away during their band practice.
Yoongi could feel Seokjin watching him, as he always did. In the past, it had never bothered him, in fact it made him feel special since Seokjin was always there to extend his hand when practice was over. However, it made his blood boil every time their eyes locked and Yoongi wanted nothing more than to disappear under the surface of the earth and never come up again. He didn't know how to handle the emotions that Seokjin was sending to him because he just didn't want to be loved in that kind of way. Sure, Seokjin had always been clingy and perhaps a bit too touchy and feely every now and again, but the mere thought of Seokjin loving him on a much deeper level made him feel sick and furious at the same time. Sometimes, when Jungkook was absent, Seokjin would be the one to handle the drums and on more than one occasion, Yoongi wanted to grab the damn thing and shove it down Seokjin's throat. His stomach churned as he then imagined shoving something else down the older’s throat. Yoongi continued to stoically play piano, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. He didn't want to lose Seokjin as a friend but honestly, everything had already changed and nothing had happened. Seokjin acted differently around him, or perhaps, he was still the same but Yoongi wasn't. He would now understand the shimmer in Seokjin's eyes when they looked at each other. Before it was just a sign that Seokjin was happy but now he knew better. Miserable as he was, He continued playing, gliding his fingers through the keys, his pride overpowering a heartbreak he didn't quite understand.
It's been fifty one days since Seokjin finally brought it up again.
Yoongi had been waiting for it to be honest, he knew Seokjin wouldn't let something like that go, no matter how much he wished things could go back to normal. He had secretly been challenging Seokjin to make the next move, so pissed off he was that Seokjin could so casually tell him and then say nothing for days on end. Words between the two friends were few and Yoongi longed for the days where he could tell the older anything and listen to his incessant chattering. He never said that much to Seokjin but he didn't need to because the older could just read his thoughts. However, it seemed that Seokjin didn't bother doing that anymore and Yoongi felt rather exposed in a weird sense. There were things he wanted or things he wanted to say but there was no one who understood his heart's desires. He just wanted his friend back…
Space between the two of them had always been tight, they sat next to each other in class, when they walked home their arms and hands would often brush…They were always together. However, over the course of that week, Yoongi had never felt so claustrophobic. He had never noticed just how narrow it was in the locker rooms when he had to squeeze past his friend; feeling but not seeing the pair of eyes fixed on him change from amusement at his discomfort to something darker and intense.
As more days passed, Seokjin would become bolder and Yoongi would cringe as the taller body of his best friend passed his back, the deceptively light pressing of Seokjin's groin against Yoongi's ass so very deliberate. The last time, Seokjin had the audacity to even release a small moan. Yoongi was so furious he spun to face the older male and had to stop himself from grabbing Seokjin by the hair and slamming his head against the wall. He snarled as visions of what could come after invaded his mind. He had Seokjin pushed against the wall and then he would take a step closer until their noses were touching.
Seokjin seemed taken aback as Yoongi stared him down; he was the first to back away at the murderous look he was receiving from him. He could read the message loud and clear; either say what you need to say or fuck off.
So Seokjin said what he wanted to say. He walked into Yoongi's bedroom because believe it or not, the raven-haired male suggested that he stay over tonight. Seokjin casually dropped himself down onto the mattress as Yoongi tried to ignore him. It wasn't really polite to invite someone and then blandly ignore that person but to Yoongi, it was the only thing he could think of. He concentrated on the stupid game he was playing. It didn't take long before long fingers that were definitely not his own, closed over where his thumbs were frantically tapping at the buttons on the controller and pushed it from his hand.
Seokjin sighed deeply and Yoongi could feel Seokjin's breath tickle his neck.
"We haven't talked in ages;" Seokjin said softly.
Yoongi just grunted, what did Seokjin expect him to say? He twisted his head away when he felt Seokjin toy with a few strands of hair. "Stop it," he muttered in annoyance.
"You used to love it when I played with your hair," Seokjin smiled gleefully, ignoring Yoongi's demand and twirling his fingers into his hair more.
Yoongi turned his head to face his hyung. "What do you want?" he snapped while he didn't mean to.
"I already told you what I want, do I need to repeat myself?" Seokjin smirked and even threw in a flirty wink.
Yoongi could feel his blood boil and he pushed Seokjin back as hard as he could, considering the older was a lot stronger. "I don't want you!" He yelled, louder than he intended and Seokjin tumbled off the bed.
Yoongi hated himself for being a little bit worried because the crash Seokjin made seemed painful. He glanced over towards him and he could see the shimmer in those eyes. He knew exactly what was on Seokjin's mind, he didn't even need words to understand this time.
Yoongi glared at the older male, heaped on the floor next to his bed. "You are my best friend or did you forget that?" He growled loudly hoping that Seokjin would finally snap out of whatever it was that was consuming him.
He turned on his side, his back facing Seokjin, indicating that the conversation was over. He was a little bothered by the smirk that Seokjin had plastered across his face. It was the omen of trouble…
It's been forty seven days since Yoongi snapped at Taehyung for asking what was wrong.
It was rather surprising that the others didn't seem to pick up on the tension between Yoongi and Seokjin. After a little while, the tension picked up even more and the others could finally tell something was up. Seokjin was doing much better than Yoongi, who struggled to converse with his best friend when asked direct questions. Yoongi was sure that Seokjin was tormenting him on purpose; Seokjin would joke and laugh as he always had, amazing Yoongi with his ability to pretend that their precious friendship wasn't falling apart. When Yoongi thought about it, that was probably what tore him up the most.
Naturally it was Yoongi who gave it away, and naturally it was Taehyung who asked. He had calmly told him to fuck off, and Taehyung never asked again.
It's been forty five days since Seokjin crawled into Yoongi's bed.
"What the hell?" Yoongi blinked sleepily as he felt someone pushing up against his back. He struggled to turn over in the tiny bed and groaned once he had succeeded.
"The fuck are you doing here hyung?" He asked, looking at the older male with an annoyed expression on his face. Seokjin once more spend the night at his house and Seokjin had tried to sleep in the guest room but he had had a nightmare and he wanted to be safe in Yoongi's arms. Before, Yoongi always held him when he had a nightmare so Seokjin pretended that this was just like old times.
"I had a bad dream," Seokjin replied, sounding spooked. He tugged at the blanket until Yoongi let it slip and Seokjin curled up against Yoongi's chest.
"Do you really need to be here?" Yoongi snapped, trying to flatten himself up against the wall in an attempt to put distance between them.
"I just want to sleep." Seokjin muttered, sounding hurt. He yawned into Yoongi's chest and threw his arm over his waist, keeping the raven-haired male safely trapped. Yoongi wanted to push him away but he simply couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to fight it, his natural instinct to provide his best friend comfort was getting in the way.
"What was the nightmare about?" Yoongi asked softly, brushing Seokjin's bangs out of the way.
"You were drowning and when I tried to help, it was too late," Seokjin explained.
"I see," Yoongi muttered.
Seokjin didn't reply and Yoongi wondered if his hyung had fallen back asleep.
"Just because you had a nightmare doesn't mean you can get all over me," Yoongi muttered, squirming at the feel of Seokjin's skin pressed up against his bare torso.
There was still no reply and Yoongi sighed. Convenient.
He yawned and tried to get back to sleep himself, though it was difficult with Seokjin in such close proximity, embracing him so intimately. A month ago when Seokjin had done the exact same thing he had thought nothing of it, but that was before.
There was complete silence for a few minutes before Seokjin decided to speak up again.
"I don't know why you try to push me away."
Yoongi froze, so Seokjin had just been pretending to be asleep. Well two could play that game. He shut his eyes swiftly and stayed silent for the rest of the night.
It's been forty three days since Yoongi got in trouble for not speaking to Seokjin.
"What is going on with you?"
Yoongi frowned up at Namjoon. "What?"
"What? What do you mean, what?" Namjoon's voice jumped up an octave with every word. "What is going on with you and Seokjin hyung?"
Yoongi's stomach dropped and he clenched his fists tightly. "Nothing's going on!" He was horrified. "We aren't doing anything!"
"Exactly," Namjoon said at him. "You aren't even talking and you need to sort it out now. Everyone has noticed and as far as I can see it's you that's ignoring him."
Yoongi gasped out a breath he didn't know he was holding as relief flooded through him. Then he was faced with the immediate problem of explaining why he was barely talking to his best friend. It was stupid of him really, to think that no one else was paying attention to the obvious rift that had formed between himself and Seokjin. Up until that point, he thought that he was doing ok; trying his best to appear normal at practice. Now here he was at the outside with Namjoon breathing fire down his neck.
They'd taken a few minutes break-time and in front of everyone, Namjoon had stormed off to corner Yoongi and confront him about his shitty behaviour. Yoongi sighed deeply, he didn't know what to say to their team leader. It was killing him that he couldn't talk to anyone about what was wrong. Before this, he always had Seokjin to talk to but his best friend had taken that away from him with just a few shocking sentences. He kicked the fence in frustration, he fucking missed Seokjin, it was actually painful not having his friend there as he'd always been.
He wondered if he should say something to Namjoon. It would be embarrassing but then he wouldn't be the one to blame for the obvious tension. Yoongi pictured the look on Seokjin's face and he realised he could never hurt Seokjin on purpose, even if he wanted to. He figured that if he ever told anyone, it would probably separate them even more and his heart jumped painfully in his chest at the thought. No, he could never let that happen.
Feeling shocked at himself for even entertaining the thought, Yoongi backed away from the fence quickly. He turned his back on Namjoon and started walking back inside.
"Sort it out Yoongi hyung." Namjoon sighed deeply.
"What was that about?" Seokjin's eyes were wide, shocked that Yoongi had just received a scolding from Namjoon. Yoongi blinked at the genuine concern on his friend's face, and for just a moment, he felt like things were back to normal.
"Nothing," Yoongi replied. Then Seokjin grinned widely at him, and Yoongi couldn't help but smile back. It was the last time he'd look Seokjin in the eye that day, but it was something.
It's been forty days since Yoongi nearly told someone.
Yoongi stared down at the phone vibrating in his hand, debating over whether he should answer it. After four rings he quickly hit the button and held the phone up to his ear.
"Hey Jimin, what's up?" He tried to keep his tone light.
"Hey! Not much, just thought I'd check in and see how you guys are."
Yoongi nodded, though it was pointless. "We're good, practice is good, everything's fine," he said in a rush.
Jimin laughed. "D'you have to be somewhere or something? What's wrong?"
He sighed. "It's just, you know, stress and everything."
"Stress from the practice? Is Namjoon pushing you to your limits again?" Jimin laughed a little and Yoongi smiled meekly. If only it was something as simple as that.
"No not really, I haven't been feeling all that well the past few days," He said quickly.
"Is Seokjin hyung helping you?" Jimin asked.
Yoongi's stomach dropped. "What? Why would he? What do you mean?"
There was a moment of silence on the other end and Yoongi sucked in a breath.
"Um, because he's Seokjin and he's your best friend and he's supposed to look out for you?" Jimin's reply was more of a question than an answer. "Seriously, is everything okay?"
Yoongi released the breath and struggled to compose himself. "Has Seokjin hyung ever said anything…weird to you?"
Jimin laughed and it was an odd sound to him.
"It's Seokjin hyung, everything he says to me is weird," Jimin snorted.
"I mean, about me?" Yoongi said immediately.
Jimin paused again.
"About you? No? Why, have you done something? Are you guys fighting?" Jimin questioned him.
"Not exactly," Yoongi mumbled, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He was dying to tell Jimin, to get it all off his chest. "He's just been acting a bit strange."
"Well, you know how Seokjin hyung can be, he's probably stressed out about school and other things." Jimin added his two cents as to why Seokjin might be behaving a bit weird.
Yoongi frowned. "It's not that, it's…" He trailed off, something catching his eye. He looked up and jumped up a little as he saw Seokjin leaning in the doorway of the locker room. "It's nothing. Hey, I have to go."
"Nothing? Wait, it doesn't sound like nothing," Jimin said, sounding worried. "Talk to me."
"I can't," Yoongi replied, looking down at where he was swinging his feet back and forth. "We'll talk later okay?"
Jimin reluctantly agreed and Yoongi ended the call, still not looking up at Seokjin. He wondered how long his best friend had been standing there, watching, listening.
"Feeling stressed Yongichii?"
"I bet I could help you relieve some of that."
Yoongi closed his eyes and then stood, feeling shaky and disoriented. Seokjin made his head spin like the worst kind of drug. He approached him carefully.
"I bet you could." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and Seokjin looked as surprised as Yoongi felt.
Shaking his head and feeling the heat spread over his cheeks, Yoongi pushed past Seokjin and all but ran outside to look for Namjoon and Taehyung.
It's been thirty nine days since Seokjin first kissed Yoongi on the lips.
"What's wrong?" Seokjin asked softly as to not to disturb Yoongi too much.
Yoongi looked up from his wringing hands and squinted at his best friend. "What?" He snapped a little but by now Seokjin was sort of used to it. Ever since he dropped the bomb on the raven-haired male, Yoongi's replies were curt and distant. He was never much of a talker but still, Seokjin could clearly see the shift in his behaviour.
"I'm just a bit nervous, that's all," Yoongi muttered. He didn't really want to admit that it was because he was alone with Seokjin right now. The others were going to come over for a fun movie night but they hadn't arrived yet and somehow, Seokjin's presence was nerve-wrecking for him. He would never admit it because then he would have to explain exactly why he was so nervous.
"Nervous?" Seokjin teased and Yoongi opened his mouth to form a reply but he never got the chance to say something.
Yoongi tensed when Seokjin's hands suddenly appeared on either side of his face. Seokjin was crouching over him and before Yoongi could ask what the fuck he was doing, Seokjin leaned in and placed his mouth over Yoongi's, sucking and licking his lips.
Startled, Yoongi grabbed both of Seokjin's wrists and opened his mouth to protest. He pushed him away when he felt the older male invade his mouth, tongue flicking over his teeth.
"The fuck are you doing Seokjin hyung?!" Yoongi gasped, gaping at him. How could he do such a thing? Didn't Seokjin realize what he was doing?
Yoongi wanted to say so much more but he was distracted by the door opening and Jungkook and Taehyung trodding into the room loudly, talking about needing drinks and finger-food.
Seokjin calmly sat back on the sofa and waited for Yoongi to turn and look at him. Seokjin smiled sweetly, pretending like the kiss was normal.
"Still nervous?" Seokjin teased and Yoongi simply gaped, blinking his eyes because this did not just happen.
Yoongi watched as Seokjin got up and flounced over to the others, happy as he please. He was utterly stunned. He felt like he should react more; yell or run away, perhaps even punch Seokjin. Instead, he sat back and watched as the other's helped themselves to drinks and snacks. Hoseok gave him a glass with a wide smile on his face and he took it, sipping at it dumbly.
The evening passed in a daze and the only thing Yoongi could remember when he was laying in his bed was that damn fucking kiss.
It's been thirty seven days since Yoongi got caught staring .
Yoongi had seen his best friend naked many times in their lives, more times than he could ever count or remember. But that was all before Seokjin had fucked everything up with his confessions of love, lust and any other strange things that may have been running around in his brain that he didn't want to think about.
Yoongi was casually picking up a towel from the locker-room and then Seokjin pranced in, clad in his tight boxers. He tried to put his focus on his locker and stuff but it was so hard. Seokjin was bending over as he dropped his shirt and Yoongi could do nothing but stare at Seokjin's behind as the boy was bent over.
"Uhm, Yoongi hyung, you do realize you're checking out Seokjin hyung's ass," Jungkook barked and Yoongi wanted to die of embarrassment. Leave it to Jungkook to jump up from out of nowhere to startle you.
Yoongi choked a little and he tried to remain calm and composed but his face was heating up so badly that it was a little hard.
Seokjin straightened up and turned to look at where Yoongi had flushed bright red.
"Fuck you Jungkook," He snapped and he seriously wanted to land one on Jungkook's face but that would only make Seokjin's grin spread wider and wider. Please let me die…
Seokjin laughed and Yoongi turned away, plucking at things in his locker. He wouldn't be Yoongi if he didn't ignore everyone for the rest of the day. He didn't even glance at Jungkook or Seokjin once and he wasn't on planning on doing so for days. Why did Jungkook also have to start teasing him? Wasn't everything so messed up already? How do you deal with the fact that your best friend suddenly has feelings for you?
It's been thirty six days since Seokjin stole Yoongi's lamb skewer.
Yoongi had been so hungry and when he returned from school, he just wanted to snack on the most delicious meat in the entire world. All of his friends had come along since they were planning on holding a study session but Seokjin was obviously being a tease and he was starting to get really frustrated with his behaviour.
"Give it back you dick!" Yoongi spluttered, eyeing the package of meat in Seokjin's hands. He was too hungry and too tired to deal with this.
"Make me," Seokjin whispered, smirking down at him.
"Oh god Seokjin Hyung, just give it back to him before the boy passes out from hunger," Hoseok said with an obvious roll of his eyes.
Yoongi tried snatching the package from where Seokjin dangled it in front of him but the older was too quick, whipping it away before he could grab it.
"Seokjin hyung," Yoongi growled, gritting his teeth.
Seokjin sauntered away with the package of meat, appearing to inspect it closely like it was the first time he had ever seen lamb meat. Seokjin smiled at Yoongi and he even dared to throw in a teasing wink.
"I don't know why you like lamb meat so much, what's so special about it?" Seokjin said, his smile only growing wider and more mischievous.
Yoongi huffed, face heating up.
"What would it take to make you stop eating it?" Seokjin asked, sounding genuinely curious.
Yoongi marched over to his best friend angrily. "Just give it back Hyung." His hand just missed the package as Seokjin held it up high, just a little too high for him to reach.
"I'm taller than you, remember?" Seokjin said breathily, grinning at him as he stood up on his tip toes, clearly stressing the fact that he was the tallest. As if Yoongi needed a reminder that Seokjin had outgrown him.
Yoongi heard Taehyung's giggle in the corner and he glared at Seokjin, his face just inches away from Seokjin's. He could see that Seokjin wanted him to really react but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
"Fine, keep it," Yoongi snapped, spinning on his heels and stomping back towards the kitchen.
Seokjin rolled his eyes and he followed Yoongi into the kitchen, setting the meat down on the countertop.
"Quit being such a baby," Seokjin teased and Yoongi could feel fury boil in his body.
"Quit being such a dick," Yoongi snatched the fish, throwing it into the grill to finally prepare his snack.
"You should really eat something else, why do you like that so much?" Seokjin prodded him, ignoring the insult that Yoongi had just thrown at him. Seokjin pretended that he didn't care but he did and deep down, it hurt.
Yoongi shrugged. "What does it matter?
"Do you like lamb skewer more than me?" Seokjin asked, hoping to close the obvious gap in their friendship. They were drifting apart but Seokjin didn't seem to realise that he wasn't helping at all.
"What the fuck kind of question is that?" Yoongi spat, his face beginning to turn an embarrassing shade of scarlet.
"I'm just saying, if you had to choose between me or the meat, which would you choose?” Seokjin crossed his arms, kneeing Yoongi gently to coax an answer out of the boy.
Yoongi wanted to reply but a loud snort from Hoseok stopped him.
"That's a really tough choice," Hoseok mused, stroking a non-existent beard and pretending to be deep in thought.
"Wait," Taehyung suddenly piped up. "Does he have to choose to have meat only once a week or never have it again?"
Taehyung and Hoseok cackled at their jokes, oblivious to Yoongi's annoyance. On an ordinary day he would have found them funny but he never seemed to have ordinary days any more.
"You already know the answer," Yoongi mumbled, glancing at the sizzling meat in the grill.
"Meat," Hoseok whispered to Taehyung, who nodded with a wink, resulting in a new round of giggles.
Yoongi ignored them, sliding the meat on a plate to join his friends in the living room. His eyes flicked over at Seokjin, who just beamed back at him.
There had never been a doubt in his mind that he would ever choose meat over Seokjin. Hell, there was nothing he would choose over Seokjin.
It's been thirty two days since Yoongi fell asleep on Seokjin's shoulder.
It was completely unintentional of course, Yoongi was exhausted after practice but Jungkook insisted that they all come down at his place since it was poker night. Of course, Yoongi could care less about some silly card game but Jungkook had insisted and he agreed. The others seemed to be enjoying themselves and Seokjin sat on Jungkook’s bed, just enjoying the spectacle in front of him. Yoongi took a seat beside his best friend and it was then that his eyes drooped and his head rested on Seokjin's shoulder, letting sleep take over his foggy mind.
Yoongi jolted awake with a gasp, panicking in the unfamiliar room, unsure of where he was.
"Hey," Seokjin whispered softly.
Yoongi jerked his head up so he could make out Seokjin's face peering at him, illuminated by the soft light in Jungkook's room. Then he remembered, they were in Jungkook's room and he had fallen asleep.
"Bad dream?" Seokjin whispered again.
Yoongi looked down and realised he had a handful of Seokjin's hoodie clenched tightly in his fist. He released it instantly and willed is heart to stop pounding. He nodded, answering Seokjin's question.
"Well, I think they're almost finished with their game and then we'll go home," Seokjin murmured. "You got drool on me."
Yoongi could just make out the wet patch on Seokjin's shoulder and connected it with the dryness in his mouth as he realized he had fallen asleep on his best friend.
"Sorry," he muttered, trying to press himself to the left a little, away from Seokjin.
"It's okay," Seokjin replied, smiling.
Yoongi looked towards the rest of his friends and they all seemed fine. Jimin was giggling like a little school girl, Jungkook was smirking and Namjoon was probably calculating his next move. Everything was as it should be, as it always was. Yoongi and Seokjin sitting next to each other, invading each other's space. It was all as it should be and yet Yoongi had never felt more out of place. He was shaken from his nightmare, on edge with Seokjin so close and he couldn't believe he'd let his guard down enough to fall asleep on him. It was usually Seokjin who ended up asleep on him.
He frowned as Seokjin laid his head down on his shoulder and Yoongi fought the urge to shove him away. It would only be for a little while and maybe he was just a little bit relieved that Seokjin was there, safe and sound. He looked down at the mass of sandy-coloured hair and he felt the familiar tugging in his belly, he longed for the days when things between them were perfect, normal. He missed Seokjin like crazy and couldn't shake the feeling that it was just a stranger with him then, one who looked like his best friend, talked like him but he could never be Seokjin, not Yoongi's Seokjin.
As he continued watching his friend, Yoongi mused over the fact that he was missing someone who never left, someone who was there more than ever. Seokjin wanted to give him everything and all Yoongi wanted was the piece that rightfully belonged to him and yet not nearly enough. The only thing he wanted was to have his best friend back.
It's been thirty one days since Seokjin flirted with someone else.
Yoongi didn't know why a girl that pretty was working in the convenience store in this small town. He had noticed her the moment he'd walked in, set on getting him an ice-pop that he could share with Seokjin. He wasn't the only one to notice however, Seokjin had already been inside the supermarket for a bit before he finally entered the shop. He could see that Seokjin was engaged in a conversation with the girl.
Yoongi could hear the girl's laughter as he trudged down the small aisles, looking for the freezers. As he neared the check-out, he looked up and caught Seokjin’s eyes. Seokjin smiled at him before turning back to the girl and whispering something that he couldn't hear.
He picked up his pace and marched over to Seokjin. Yoongi dumped the ice-pop down in front of the girl.
"I was here first," Seokjin complained.
"Yeah well, you're taking forever," Yoongi muttered. "Hurry up."
"Excuse my friend, he's very rude."
The girl just winked at Seokjin and Yoongi frowned when he saw her hand linger a little too long over Seokjin's as he handed her money to pay.
As they got back outside, Yoongi heard Jungkook muttering about how long they had taken.
"Seokjin hyung was drooling over the cashier," Yoongi sniped.
Just as Yoongi wanted to continue walking home, Seokjin's hand grabbed his and he smirked at the raven-haired male.
"What's the matter? Jealous?" Seokjin smirked and Yoongi wanted to wipe that smirk off his face so badly right now.
Yoongi simply huffed and unwrapped his ice-pop. He didn't even ask Seokjin if he wanted a part, like he would ever talk to him again when he so openly flirted with some dumb girl. He didn't want to be jealous but the fact that she touched Seokjin's hand, made him feel things he didn't want to feel. He would never admit it but he can't stand the idea of anyone touching Seokjin.
Yoongi didn't have the right to hog Seokjin but he had never had to share him either. He could never share his best friend and why should he? Wasn't Seokjin supposed to have feelings for him?
It's been thirty days since Yoongi first thought of Seokjin as he came.
It started out just like any other innocent sexy event. Yoongi was flat on his back in his bed, unable to sleep because his mind was still kicking about even though his body wanted to rest. It was late, the only sounds he could hear came from outside, the soft rustling of trees in the wind, small animals that still scurried around, it was a really peaceful and rather quiet night. In his mind he was replaying the conversation in the showers after their sports class. Hoseok had been there as well and the kid often boasted about his sexual conquests and it often annoyed Yoongi to death. Even so, Seokjin had also said a few things that made him flush even when he didn't want to. The thought of Seokjin doing anything sexual with anyone else made him feel sick inside. He didn't really know if Seokjin was joking or not but a huge part of Yoongi hoped so. He didn't want to imagine anyone touching the older at all. He had stayed silent during the conversation, trying to keep his mind set on simple things like washing himself or rinsing out the shampoo from his hair. However, it was hard since Seokjin was so close and the things they were discussing were…
Yoongi couldn't really believe that someone as innocent as Seokjin had discussed these kinds of things so openly. He had tossed and turned over it for hours before finally deciding that he needed a distraction from thinking at all. He reached down into his boxer shorts and started rolling his cock between his fingers, focusing as hard as he could on the sensation. It didn't take him long to get fully hard; a guy knew how to work his own dick better than anyone else and even if he didn't really do this all that often, his fingers were magical. In the past he had experimented with Jimin but neither of them had ever discussed it, so it was a well-kept secret between the two friends. Occasionally, they would go at it again but it was becoming quite a rare event. It had been weeks now and Yoongi realized it was because he was so messed up by Seokjin. Having sex with Jimin would simply not be enough to take his mind off his best friend. Sometimes, he wondered what it would do with Seokjin if he caught Jimin and him in the throes of passion. It would probably hurt him and a part of Yoongi actually really wanted to hurt his best friend.
The grip he had on his cock was almost painful, Yoongi was pumping himself for all he was worth and cursing his best friend for fucking things up so badly. He didn't have to be quiet and for once, he let go of all the sounds that bubbled up in his throat. The conversation in the showers invaded his thoughts once again and he tugged furiously at his length. The angrier he got, the harder he pulled and he knew it wouldn't take long.
He grunted as his balls tightened between his legs, gasping as the memory of Seokjin in the shower flashed in his mind. Face flushed for more than one reason, Yoongi spilled into his hand with a sharp cry, shuddering as he imagined Seokjin's naked body next to him, squirming under his expertly moving hands.
"Oh no," Yoongi mumbled as he turned his head and buried his burning face into the pillow. "No no no no."
He curled up tightly in his bed, shaking as the tingling aftershocks of his orgasm began to dissipate. "Fuck you, Seokjin hyung," he whispered to himself. "Fuck you for putting that shit in my head."
It's been twenty nine days since Yoongi gave Seokjin his favourite pair of boxer shorts.
Yoongi only owned one pair of boxers shorts that were too loose on him. He didn't often wear them but when it was hot outside, he loved the fact that they were loose and didn't add more heat than necessary. Needless to say that because they were loose on him, they were a perfect fit for a certain male.
Yoongi hadn't wanted to give his favourite pair of boxers to Seokjin, he didn't even plan it. But when he couldn't find his lucky pair of satin blue boxer shorts and stumbled across Seokjin wearing them, he hadn't wanted them back. The two friends had a lot of problems brewing between them but Seokjin still spent a lot of nights at his house. He was casually rummaging through his drawers when Seokjin walked into his bedroom, fresh out of the tub.
Yoongi gaped when Seokjin strolled into the room, wearing nothing but his boxers. His body was still slightly wet and he could see several drops of water rolling over those rock-hard abs.
"Hyung, those better not be mine," Yoongi pointed at the boxer shorts and then he mentally slapped himself because he had been staring at a certain part of Seokjin's body.
Seokjin tilted his head but he kept his mouth shut, a blush slowly creeping over his face and body.
"Hyung!" Yoongi shouted, exasperated by the actions of the boy. It was simply becoming more ridiculous by the minute. Not even his own underwear was safe now!
"Sorry," he heard Seokjin squeak.
"Please tell me this is the first time," Yoongi groaned.
"Do you want me to take them off again?" Seokjin asked, his fingers already hooked under the waistband. Yoongi's eyes widened and a look of pure shock was plastered on his face.
"Keep them!" Yoongi screwed his face up and desperately dug around in his drawers to find a new pair.
It's been twenty seven days since Yoongi kissed Jimin.
Yoongi had had enough. He wasn't some guy who wanted to have sex all the time but the sexual tension in his body had become so unbearable that he desperately sought release. Jimin wouldn't even think about it anyway since it wouldn't be the first time. They weren't really emotionally connected and in the beginning he was even skeptical about this arrangement but now it just seemed like a very good idea to hook up with the younger. They decided to go to a bar and Yoongi leapt at the chance. He wasn't much of a drinker but when Seokjin said he wouldn't be joining them, he thought this was the perfect opportunity.
With his best friend not around, Yoongi felt the most relaxed he had in a long while, throwing backs drinks almost as quickly as they were being served to him. Jimin and Jungkook weren't lagging far behind.
Jungkook quickly gave up the drinking game and decided it was a good time to go home. He didn't want to be too drunk considering Taehyung wasn't much of a fan when it came to alcohol. As soon as the youngest left the bar, Yoongi allowed himself a few hours of fun flirtation before finally leaving the bar with Jimin. They didn't need to flirt with each other but sometimes, it was just what Yoongi needed to really feel his body burn with desire.
The walk home was filled with Jimin's giggles and at times, Yoongi enjoyed the joyous moments he was sharing with Jimin but those moments were also filled with gut-ripping guilt. Sometimes, he even pretended it was Seokjin who was giggling next to him, looping his arm through his and stumbling back home. Yoongi tried to forget the fact that Seokjin was not with him but it was hard, especially when they walked right past his house.
Yoongi fished out the key from his pocket but Jimin apparently decided he already wanted a taste. He pushed Yoongi against the door, plunging his tongue right into his mouth.
Yoongi let it happen, he had just enough alcohol in him to push aside the thoughts of anyone seeing what was happening and right then, it was everything he needed – almost… They pulled apart for some air and Jimin backed off so he could open the door.
The smile fell from his face as he spotted the last person he wanted to see right then, standing in the middle of the living room. Seokjin had a key to his house and apparently, Seokjin wanted to check whether he had made it back in one piece. Jimin had thrown his arms around Yoongi's neck, attacking that sensitive column of skin. The younger didn't see Seokjin standing there given that he was facing the boy with his back. Yoongi's stomach dropped at the obvious hurt etched across Seokjin's features as his best friend stood there dumbly, still processing exactly what was going on between Jimin and him.
Jimin moved his lips and soon, Yoongi felt Jimin's lips against his own. He did kiss back but it was with a lot less enthusiasm. He never closed his eyes and he saw Seokjin running away through the backdoor and Jimin never knew they had a visitor. Yoongi felt confused; hadn't he wanted to hurt his best friend? He decided right then that the reality of doing that to Seokjin was a lot more difficult than he had ever thought it could be and he had to force himself to kiss Jimin back with more vigor because otherwise the other might notice that something was horribly off.
Yoongi took a deep breath and he led Jimin upstairs towards his bedroom, reminding himself that this was what he needed and that it was Seokjin's own fault anyway; if Seokjin hadn't let his feelings get carried away then none of this would be bothering him now.
As soon as they got inside the bedroom, Yoongi pushed Jimin onto the bed and yanked his t-shirt up over his head. Jimin never was one to take things slow so within a minute, he was completely naked, eyes blazing with lust and want, waiting for Yoongi to join him and have some fun. Yoongi let his eyes dart over Jimin's body and he loved what he saw. Jimin had a gorgeous body and that innocent face just made the picture even more perfect. He was perfect in every way and yet, Yoongi couldn't deny that there was one person that was even more perfect, easily worth the first place in any sort of 'beauty' competition. He dropped his pants, kicking them away from his feet and repeated the process with his boxer shorts until he was completely bare.
Yoongi sighed as he crawled up and stretched over the younger, sliding his chest over Jimin's and loving the feel of Jimin against him. The younger wrapped his legs around his waist and nibbled at his chin until he finally kissed the boy.
Jimin's mouth was hot and wet and those delicious lips were doing everything to make Yoongi's body burn with anticipation. He savoured every moment, every kiss, every nibble and every bite. He knew his neck would be covered in bruises but he didn't care, he was finally doing something normal. Jimin was also his friend but he wasn't his best friend and to Yoongi, doing anything sexual with his best friend was simply out of the question, he didn't deem it to be normal at all!
Yoongi's stomach still felt unsettled and he knew it was because of Seokjin. He couldn't get the image of Seokjin's face from his mind, but he was going to damn well try.
Jimin's body beneath Yoongi arched up as he slid down and placed his mouth over one of those perky nipples, teasing it with his lips and tongue. Soft moans slipped pass Jimin's lips as he turned his attention to the other nipple.
It was perfect, he couldn't have asked for better because Jimin was pretty good between the sheets. It only took a few minutes of messing around that Yoongi realized that something was amiss and he wasn't the only one to notice.
"Yoongi hyung, is something wrong?" Jimin titled his head to the side as he gripped Yoongi's chin, urging the boy to look at him
Yoongi stilled when he felt Jimin wrap his hand around his cock, which hung limply between his legs.
"No, it's fine," Yoongi assured the other, rubbing himself against the insides of Jimin's thigh. He was panicking though because it was not fine, it was far from fine to say the least. He would normally be rock hard by this stage but now…
Yoongi let himself be pushed over on to his back and Jimin immediately went to work on his cock, alternating between his hands and mouth. He couldn't understand what was wrong; it wasn't that it didn't feel good because fuck it did. His cock just would not come to the party. He saw the way Jimin's brows knitted together in determination and Yoongi couldn't help but be reminded of Seokjin. The look of determination and focus on Seokjin's face was one of the most beautiful expressions he could have and Yoongi couldn't help but think that Seokjin would really have no problems getting him hard.
"Fuck," Yoongi whispered to himself, feeling sick as the thought flashed for just a split second in his mind. How could he have been thinking about Seokjin right then? He cursed his best friend for being a fucking cock blocker without even being anywhere near them.
He sighed, all thoughts of Seokjin leaving him feeling drained and not anywhere close to being in the mood any more. He threw Jimin an apologetic look as he finally pulled away, sitting back in defeat.
Jimin flopped back down on his back. "It's me, isn't it?"
Yoongi rolled his eyes. "Fuck no, it's not you." His eyes slid over Jimin's naked body regretfully and he silently cursed his stupid dick for passing up the opportunity to get inside him. "It's not even me," he added softly.
"Maybe you had too much to drink?" Jimin offered.
"That's probably it," he replied, knowing it wasn't the explanation.
Yoongi sat back on his bed as Jimin picked up his clothes and started to get dressed again. He wanted to talk to Jimin more and explain what was wrong but he simply couldn't. This was already painful and embarrassing enough and he didn't feel the need to explain that thoughts of Seokjin turned this night into a disaster.
"Catch you tomorrow?" Jimin added as he slipped on his jacket.
"Come here," Yoongi motioned and Jimin sat down next to him. The younger smiled at him and Yoongi nuzzled his neck, placing a gentle kiss.
"You're still the sexiest," he muttered and Jimin chuckled softly.
"Goodnight hyung," Jimin whispered softly, pressing a really soft kiss on Yoongi's lips. Yoongi slumped back on the bed and Jimin left the bedroom, making his way outside to go back to his own house.
Yoongi rolled off his bed and then made his way to his bathroom, a good soak would probably wash away all his problems. The hot water was soothing and he slumped back a bit, finally feeling his body relax as he closed his eyes.
Yoongi opened his eyes and he blinked a few times, the water had gone cold and he couldn't even remember the last time he fell asleep in his tub. He got up and quickly dried himself off. He cursed as he noticed that he didn't bring his clothes into the bathroom. He tied the towel around his waist and then made his way to his bedroom again. He blinked as he noticed the lights were still on, he was sure he turned them off when he left.
Yoongi jumped at the greeting and spun to see Seokjin sitting calmly on his bed.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, Seokjin was just going too far.
"I just wanted to check you were okay," Seokjin muttered. He hated the fact that he now had to have a reason to visit Yoongi. In the past, it didn't matter when he came in but now he always had to justify his visits.
"Oh." Yoongi shook his head, trying to clear it.
"Did you have fun?" Seokjin asked, looking at Yoongi's bedside table as if it was the most fascinating object in the room.
"No, I didn't," Yoongi said honestly.
"Really?" Seokjin's attention had been caught, he looked up at that. "How come?"
"None of your business," he replied gruffly.
Yoongi picked up his boxers shorts and pants and he looked at Seokjin with a blank expression. Seokjin rolled his eyes and flopped down on the bed, keeping his eyes away so that the boy could get dressed.
"It's fine," Yoongi mumbled and Seokjin turned on his side, his eyes catching Yoongi’s ones. Yoongi held Seokjin's gaze for a long time, neither of them speaking. Yoongi couldn't escape the feeling that anything he might say at this point could change something, maybe everything, so instead he simply said nothing.
It's been twenty five days since Seokjin asked Yoongi if he would still die for him.
They made a pinky promise before and Yoongi was determined to keep it. Seokjin was often bullied when they were younger and Yoongi always stuck around to protect him. To him, it didn't matter that the bullies were taller and stronger than he was. He would die protecting Seokjin so giving up his own life was something he would do for his best friend, he would even do it gladly.
The question had taken him off guard, though he should have been used to that. He looked up from where he was standing next to his stove and he blinked at Seokjin a few times. Seokjin was watching him intently, his mood unreadable as he shoved a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth.
"I'm already dying for you," Yoongi said softly, turning his attention to the sizzling fish in the pan.
During the rest of their breakfast, Yoongi pretended not to notice Seokjin was watching him closely, eyes sparkling bright.
It's been twenty three days since Seokjin got into Yoongi’s shower.
Yoongi was enjoying his afternoon shower at his house so much. He didn't feel like soaking in the tub so he opted for a warm shower, loving how the streams of water would massage his whole body.
He'd been under the water a good ten minutes, already lathered himself up fully, when all of a sudden he found he had company.
He opened his mouth to ask what the hell his best friend was doing but found he couldn't even form the words. He just gaped as Seokjin pushed his way into the shower, completely naked and oblivious to the awkward tension he was creating.
"What the fuck? Hyung get out!" Yoongi finally spluttered, thrusting a hand down to cover himself and keeping his own eyes strictly above Seokjin's shoulders.
"I can't!" Seokjin almost yelled. "Dad had to shut down the water because we have a leak!"
"Yeah right." Yoongi mumbled.
"Go check for yourself if you want." Seokjin replied, hands reaching out behind Yoongi to grab the shampoo.
"So then fucking wait!" Yoongi shouted, his ears turning bright red.
Seokjin shook his head frantically, squirting a dollop of shampoo on the top of his head. "I need to be somewhere and I just wanted to take a shower, please Yoongi," he pleaded as he massaged the shampoo onto his hair.
Yoongi banged his head against the shower wall in frustration. There went his nice relaxing afternoon.
"Still, you can't fucking walk in on me in the shower," he grumbled.
"Oh fuck off Yoongi, we've showered together heaps, we do it all the time at the pool."
"But then we're not alone," Yoongi replied, trying to keep his eyes fixed on Seokjin's face.
"Even so, we've done this when we were alone as well, stop fussing over nothing," Seokjin answered, his eyes locking with Yoongi's.
"That was before," he said stiffly.
"Before what?" Seokjin asked, hurriedly soaping up his underarms.
Yoongi paused, did Seokjin really need to ask? He decided that now was the time to be blunt, it was time to be honest and get an honest response from his best friend.
"Before you wanted me," he replied bravely.
Seokjin laughed, and Yoongi wanted nothing more than to punch his friend right in the face. Though it just got worse when the older spoke.
"Oh Yoongi, did you really think there was a before?"
Yoongi felt as if he were going to suffocate in the tiny space as the meaning of Seokjin's words sunk in. Without replying, he pushed his way past him and all but ran from the bathroom.
It's been twenty one days since Yoongi took his best friend's virginity.
They were drinking at Yoongi's house, all seven of them. Seven guys, a bottle of vodka and three bottles of wine. Both Yoongi and Seokjin had stuck to the vodka. Hoseok had drunken the most, polishing off one and a half bottles of wine before attacking the vodka that Yoongi and Seokjin barely touched.
"Taehyung," Yoongi whined. "Don't let Hoseok drink anymore."
"Yeah," Seokjin chimed in. "He's going to kill us tomorrow morning for letting him drink that much."
"He's going to feel like shit," Yoongi added softly.
Taehyung grinned, pouring Hoseok another shot. "It's so worth it," he snickered as he studiously ignored the other wines from his boyfriend Jungkook.
Yoongi could swear he saw Taehyung's eyes take on an almost fiery glow for a split second.
"You're evil and twisted," he mumbled.
"You can be the one who holds his hair for him while he pukes," Seokjin sang, pointing at Hoseok.
"Because you know he's going to," Yoongi scolded.
Taehyung looked between the two of them from where he and Hoseok sat on the opposite side of the table. He smiled at them.
"What?" Seokjin asked with a slight slur in his delivery.
"You're doing that thing," Taehyung said, his smile breaking into a huge grin. "The best-friend thing."
Yoongi blushed, glancing sideways at Seokjin, who was smiling a warm and broad smile.
"To best fucking friends!" Hoseok suddenly announced, raising his shot glass in the air. He threw it back into his mouth, most of the vodka missing its target and streaming down his chin instead.
Yoongi couldn't hold his laughter in at the sight of Hoseok, and neither could anyone else. He felt something bash against the side of his knee and looked over at Seokjin. His friend grinning at him. He returned the grin and swung his knee sideways to hit Seokjin back.
"Ow!" Seokjin squeaked, giving him a pout.
"Wimp," Yoongi teased.
The last two days had been very difficult for Yoongi; he couldn't look at Seokjin without remembering what the boy had said in the shower. At first, he felt so sick he could barely function and he had to snap out of that pretty quickly with all the demands Namjoon placed on them as a team. He had thought a lot about what Seokjin had told him and had finally come to the conclusion that there was nothing better that Seokjin could ever have said. If what he had said was true, it meant that his friend had never changed at all, he was still the Seokjin that Yoongi had always known, the only difference was that the little secret had slipped out.
Yoongi knew that a part of him just needed to rationalize the whole situation, and what Seokjin had told him allowed him to do that. He would now focus on trying to mend the rift, perhaps he would just get used to Seokjin's odd feelings towards him. The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself that it could be easy- hadn't they always flirted with each other? Been closer than normal? It never had to go any further than that.
Yoongi thought he had it all figured out.
Tonight was looking promising as far as building bridges went, Jimin had pulled out the bottles and announced that it was a drinking night. Yoongi had protested at first, he hadn't been really drunk around Seokjin since the night that he had confessed his feelings and Yoongi was only slightly paranoid about what might happen if they drank too much again. But Jimin and Jungkook had convinced him anyway given that his house was the house of all parties. He had given in but he was reserved, careful not to drink too much too fast and so he noticed, had Seokjin.
For the first time in weeks, he felt almost normal. He couldn't completely forget the awkwardness of the situation, but Seokjin was making it easier by acting much more like his old self, the Seokjin that Yoongi knew, the Seokjin that he missed so deeply. He was simply Yoongi's best friend again.
Seokjin had been teasing Yoongi all night, bringing up embarrassing tales of him, making fun of him at every opportunity and occasionally giving Yoongi a look that Yoongi wasn't used to being directed at him. Or at least, he had never noticed that look before. It hadn't taken long for Yoongi to relax into it, and start giving back just as good as he took. The others had seemed ecstatic at their easy bantering, something they hadn't heard in a long time.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Jungkook suddenly mumbled, clutching at Taehyung's shoulder.
"You better not puke on my carpet!" Yoongi yelled, panicking. Both he and Seokjin sat back slightly, afraid of what was to come.
Taehyung simply laughed and slid out from behind the table. "Come on you dork." He waited for Jungkook to slowly slide across the seat before pulling him to his feet. Jungkook swayed slightly as he stood on his own two feet and Taehyung only just managed to catch him before he landed on the floor. Taehyung grunted, holding his heavier and taller boyfriend up.
"Don't look at us for help," Yoongi said with a blank expression.
"Yeah, he's your responsibility," Seokjin added, laughing.
Taehyung muttered and was glad that Jimin stood up to help him. The three of them sauntered off, Jungkook making all kinds of whining noises.
All of a sudden, Yoongi was alone with the older male; it was the first time since Seokjin climbed into his shower.
"You're upset with me," Seokjin said immediately.
"What?" Yoongi had been taken by surprise. "No...I'm not."
Seokjin snorted. "Well that's a lie."
It was a lie, of sorts. Yoongi was upset, had been upset with Seokjin for weeks, but right then he was feeling okay, and didn't really want to think about it, if even just for a night.
"You kissed me first, you know," Seokjin said suddenly.
Yoongi whipped his head towards him. "What?"
"When we were twelve," Seokjin said, as if it were an answer.
Yoongi had to think back for a moment. "Hyung, that was when we were playing truth or dare with the kids next door, I was dared to do it."
Seokjin shrugged. "You still kissed me first."
"Whatever, I'm going to bed," Yoongi replied quickly, standing up. He hadn't drunken nearly enough alcohol to be having this conversation, he decided. He didn't think it was a conversation they should ever be having.
Seokjin grabbed his hand as he stood. "Wait."
Yoongi groaned as Seokjin stood up too, not letting go of his hand.
"Can I come?"
"Come? No you can't come," he stammered out, wrenching his hand away from Seokjin's. "You know that."
Seokjin placed his hand on the small of Yoongi's back. He was standing close, much too close.
"Just to talk," he said quickly. "We can talk you know, best friends do talk."
Yoongi gulped. "Not while they're doing that," he insisted, referring to the way Seokjin was tracing circles over his back. He could only look at the floor. He knew he was probably being silly, and shouldn't they talk about it? They would never be able to move past it if he ran away every time Seokjin brought it up.
Seokjin laughed. "What about when they're doing this?"
Yoongi squealed as Seokjin's hands suddenly attacked his ribs, where he was most ticklish. Of course Seokjin knew he was ticklish there; Seokjin knew everything about him.
"Stop it!" Yoongi cried, trying to push Seokjin's hands away but failing hard. He couldn't help the hysterical laughter that always accompanied being tickled. He tried to move back and away but he lost his balance and he fell to the floor. Still clutching at Yoongi's waist, Seokjin followed, landing with an 'oomf' on top of him.
"Are you ok?" Seokjin panted, crawling up so that he was straddling the raven-haired male.
"Yes, ugh now get off me," Yoongi complained, not liking the way Seokjin was looking down at him as he sat atop him.
Seokjin just laughed softly and placed his hands on Yoongi's ribs, threatening to tickle him again.
"I mean it Seokjin hyung," Yoongi growled, twisting beneath him. "Get the fuck off me!"
Seokjin pouted. "You're no fun at all," he said, before flicking Yoongi's nose hard with his fingers.
"Ow fuck Hyung!" Yoongi cried, his hands flying up to his nose. His eyes were watering. "Oh no you don't," he said as Seokjin rolled off him and began crawling away.
He grabbed hold of one of Seokjin's ankles and dragged his friend back towards him.
Seokjin laughed as Yoongi flipped him over and pinned him down with his body. He quickly covered his nose. "No, not the nose!"
"Not fair," Yoongi grunted, trying to pry Seokjin's hands from his face. "You did it to me."
Seokjin laughed beneath his hands and wrapped his legs around Yoongi's waist, pulling him down closer.
"What are you doing?" Yoongi growled, giving up on the hands and struggling to get out of Seokjin's grip.
"What?" Seokjin panted, removing his hands from his face and wrapping his arms around Yoongi's waist. He thrust his hips upwards. "You got on top of me."
"To pay you back for hurting my nose!" Yoongi exclaimed hotly. He used his arms to keep his upper body as far away from Seokjin's as possible.
"Whatever Yoongi," Seokjin replied, smiling. "You've been flirting with me all night."
Yoongi gasped as Seokjin's hands flew down to his ass and pushed down, grinding their groins together. "I have not…been…flirting!" he grunted, panicking slightly as he felt himself begin to harden at the inescapable friction. "Oh shit," he mumbled.
Seokjin's eyes widened and then he grinned. "You have."
Yoongi wanted to slap the smug look right off his best friend's face, instead he grabbed a chunk of Seokjin's hair and pulled on it, hard. "Let me go," he growled.
"Ow!" Seokjin yelped before slapping Yoongi right across the cheek. His legs loosened around Yoongi's waist, giving Yoongi enough room to roll away. He was shocked at what he had just done but not nearly as shocked as Yoongi was to received such a harsh slap from his best friend. Yoongi had never been slapped before and there were times when he had definitely deserved one.
"Stay away from me," Yoongi warned. "You're fucking crazy." He was so stunned; never did he think Seokjin would attack him so openly, and he never imagined ever talking to his friend so harshly.
"Yoongi," Seokjin whined as Yoongi got up and turned to walk away.
"I mean it," Yoongi said, looking back at his best friend who was picking himself up off the floor. "Leave me alone."
Yoongi quickly made his way upstairs, to his bedroom because he really needed to get away from Seokjin. On his way upstairs, he heard the unpleasant sound of Jungkook vomiting coming from his bathroom. Then he heard another sound, like someone running. He didn't even have the time to turn around in his bedroom before something slammed into his back.
"Seokjin hyung what the fuck are you doing?" Yoongi growled as he got pushed on top of his bed. He was on his stomach, face smashed into his pillow. Seokjin must have climbed in after him, because he could feel the other's weight as he pinned him down, Seokjin was laughing.
"Oh come on Yoongi, I just want to play. Play with me," he whispered. His mouth was much too close to Yoongi's ear.
"Hyung, we both know you don't want to play," He hissed through gritted teeth.
Seokjin sat up slightly, Yoongi felt the weight disappear from his back. He was too scared to turn over.
"Go away," he mumbled into his pillow, hoping that Seokjin would get bored and leave. He jerked when he felt Seokjin begin to grind against his ass, he was rubbing himself against him. It was enough to make him flip over, but he realized that was a mistake instantly. Seokjin was straddling him and immediately pressed down against his semi hard cock through his jeans.
"Tell me what I want then," Seokjin grunted as he ground down onto Yoongi. "If I don't want to play then tell me what I want."
"Fuck," Yoongi hissed, aware of how his cock was growing harder and harder.
"Tell me, Yoongi," Seokjin said, panting.
Yoongi growled and reached up to grab Seokjin's hair again. Yanking hard, he pulled Seokjin down fast and flipped him until he had him on his back. The older stared up at him, laughing a little through his breathlessness. Yoongi held him down and leaned towards him, just inches from his face.
"Is this what you want?" he snarled as he thrust hard between Seokjin's legs.
Seokjin gasped and pushed his hips up.
Yoongi knew he was heading into dangerous territory, he was so worked up he could barely think straight, all he knew was that he had the cause of weeks of frustration beneath him and he wanted to make Seokjin pay.
"You know what I want?" Yoongi said, leaning close so that he was speaking directly into Seokjin's ear.
"What?" Seokjin asked, trembling slightly.
"I want to hurt you," Yoongi replied. "So bad." He bit down hard on Seokjin's earlobe.
Seokjin yelped, and Yoongi felt ten sharp nails scraping down his back.
"No you don't," Seokjin said smugly. "You just think you do. I know what you really want."
Yoongi snarled. "No," he pulled back a bit to grab Seokjin's t-shirt at the waist. "I really want to hurt you." He used Seokjin's hair to pull him forward slightly so that he could pull the t-shirt over his head. He pushed him back down and pinned his arms to the mattress. Seokjin's breathing was becoming more rapid, his chest heaving.
"Admit it," Seokjin gasped. "From the moment I told you, it's all you could think about."
Yoongi pulled back, sitting up and he shook his head. He glanced sideways before he replied with a sharp no.
"Yes," Seokjin said, baring his teeth. "It's always been there, you just needed me to say it."
"Shut up!" Yoongi roared. He grabbed Seokjin's discarded t-shirt and jammed it into Seokjin's mouth. Seokjin moaned through the fabric as Yoongi pulled his own shirt off and he watched quietly as Yoongi yanked down the zipper on Seokjin's jeans. He kept his eyes on Seokjin's face the whole time as he pulled his friend's jeans and boxers down, and then his. Seokjin took the t-shirt away from his mouth and licked his lips as Yoongi exposed himself. He leaned down and jammed Seokjin's lips together with his hand.
"Ow, shit!" he pulled his hand away quickly when he felt Seokjin bite down on it.
Seokjin just grinned and swung his legs up and over Yoongi's back, urging him down.
Yoongi grunted as he landed on the older male and immediately tried to wriggle away when Seokjin yanked at his hair so that they were face to face.
"Kiss me," Seokjin whispered, rocking his hips up.
Yoongi groaned as he felt his cock colliding with Seokjin's, a sensation he'd never wanted to experience. He couldn't stand how good Seokjin felt against him, bare skin to bare skin. It made him feel sick and dizzy and angry and so hot, all at once.
"No way," Yoongi grunted back, trying to claw at Seokjin's hands to get them out of his hair while keeping himself up at the same time. He thrust against Seokjin, cringing at his friend's moan of approval. Seokjin’s hands were still in his hair, so he let himself drop down to rest his chest against Seokjin's to free his hands.
"Let go!" he insisted, squeezing Seokjin's wrists.
"Not until you kiss me," Seokjin ground out. He raised his head and clamped down on Yoongi’s chin with his mouth.
Yoongi cried out as Seokjin's teeth sunk into his skin, twisting his head away. He released Seokjin's wrists and tugged on his hair instead. "I'm not going to kiss you, let go!" he repeated, yanking Seokjin's hair.
Seokjin let Yoongi's hair go and growled, raking his fingernails down Yoongi's chest and around to his waist, digging into his sides. "I know why you don't want to," he hissed. "It's because you know you'll like it!"
Yoongi pushed his forehead down against Seokjin's and glared at his friend.
"I'm going to fuck you," he said, half growling. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it?" He slammed himself against Seokjin, grunting at the sharp bolts of pleasure that ran from his cock all the way up his spine.
Seokjin didn't say anything; he just stared back at Yoongi and yelped as Yoongi's cock pushed against him.
"You can't just do it Yoongi," Seokjin finally muttered, straining beneath him. "I… it's my first time…"
"Is that right?" Yoongi bit back, "I told you I wanted to hurt you didn't I?" He dragged his mouth across Seokjin's and bit his lips. Seokjin made a small sound and pushed Yoongi up with his hands. His eyes were wide, and for the first time that night he actually looked scared. He relished the look of fear on his best friend's face; no, he would never even think about doing what Seokjin thought he was planning, but he wanted to punish him, he wanted Seokjin to feel as intimidated and out of control as he had been feeling lately.
"You wouldn't," Seokjin said meekly.
"Wouldn't I?" Yoongi replied, swooping back down and giving Seokjin the kiss he'd been wanting.
Seokjin moaned into his mouth and squirmed, and then slapped Yoongi's back hard. Yoongi pulled back and glared at him.
"I won't let you," Seokjin spat.
"Who said I was asking for permission?" Yoongi snarled. He kissed him again and dragged his mouth down, using his teeth on Seokjin's chin and neck. When he reached his collarbone he bit down as hard as he could. He could feel Seokjin's cock digging into his stomach; it both excited and sickened him a little.
He felt fingernails clawing at his face and digging into his neck. Yoongi grunted and lashed out with his hand without looking, whacking Seokjin's jaw. Seokjin cried out and Yoongi looked up. Within seconds a fist slammed into his cheek.
"Fuck!" Yoongi's hand flew to his cheek, it stung like hell and he was sure it would leave a bruise. He raised an arm to retaliate, but before he could strike, Seokjin threw his arms over his face as if to block him.
"Sorry! Shit, sorry Yoongi," Seokjin gasped.
Yoongi stopped, holding his fist in midair as he looked down at his frightened looking friend. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he cursed over and over. He looked down at the red marks scattered all over Seokjin's chest, at the scratches down his. What the fuck were they doing? He shuddered as the reality of the situation hit him. He was on top of Seokjin and they were naked.
"Get out," he pleaded quietly. He clambered off Seokjin and crawled backwards near the end of the bed. "Out of here, out of my head. Out." He was shaking with unresolved anger and shock at what they had nearly done.
Seokjin scrambled towards him. "No," he said firmly, climbing over Yoongi's legs to straddle him and sit on his lap. Yoongi tensed, but for some reason he couldn't push Seokjin away. "I'm in your head?"
Yoongi closed his eyes. "How could you not be? The way you've practically been throwing yourself at me, tormenting me…how could you do this to me, Hyung?" his throat ached as he tried to swallow a large lump. "You've really fucked with my head." He jerked when he felt Seokjin's lips against his forehead, and his hand wrap around his cock. "Ugh… don't," he whispered desperately, but his hips tilted up reflexively as Seokjin stroked him slowly. Why did his hands have to feel so fucking good?
"I'm sorry," Seokjin mumbled. His lips tickled as they trailed down to his ear. "It's not really your head I want to fuck with." He squeezed Yoongi gently, rubbing his thumb across the tip.
Yoongi sucked in a harsh breath. "Oh god," he moaned. "What the hell's gotten into you?"
The chuckle in his ear was low and Seokjin's next words sent shivers racing up Yoongi's spine. "Nothing….yet."
Yoongi groaned as Seokjin's lips found his neck, sucking it softly.
"Does this feel good?" Seokjin asked, lightly tracing a finger down Yoongi's length. Yoongi was so hard it actually hurt.
"You know it does," Yoongi gritted out. "I wish it fucking didn't but it does." He was sure Seokjin smiled against his neck.
"Tell me what you've been thinking about, what's been in your head?" Seokjin's tongue licked around the curve of Yoongi's ear, his breath hot against Yoongi's skin.
"You," he said quickly. "You, of course."
"What have I been doing in these thoughts of yours?" Seokjin slid down Yoongi's chest, never taking his eyes off him as he crawled back to settle between his legs.
"No," Yoongi protested weakly, panicking at the sight of Seokjin's lips hovering far too close to his groin.
"Have I been doing this?" Seokjin purred before gently running the tip of his tongue over the slit in Yoongi's very erect cock.
Yoongi clamped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from howling out as Seokjin's wet tongue licked at the silky fluid that began weeping out in response. Seokjin hummed, looking pleased with himself before taking Yoongi into his mouth fully. Yoongi did cry out then and prayed that it had gone unnoticed. He felt light headed as he watched more and more of his cock disappear between Seokjin's lips, until he couldn't bear to watch any more. He closed his eyes and let his head flop back slightly.
He couldn't believe how badly his body was betraying him, just the thought of Seokjin sucking him off should make him go soft surely, and yet he was most definitely and quite painfully hard. Seokjin sucking him in and out at the slowest pace imaginable wasn't helping, Yoongi could barely stand the feeling and put a shaky hand on Seokjin's head with the intention to push him away.
Seokjin sucked even harder and flicked the tip of his tongue against the underside of Yoongi's erection. Yoongi's hand stilled against Seokjin's head and with a frustrated growl he began using it to guide Seokjin instead, cursing himself as he rocked his hips up and fucked the willing mouth with short shallow thrusts.
Seokjin moaned around him and Yoongi wanted to shove his dick so far down his throat he'd choke him, he was certain if he didn't pull Seokjin off soon, it would happen. He didn't end up having to decide though because the older released him, wiping at his mouth and giving Yoongi a strange and dangerous looking smile.
"What are you doing?" Yoongi whispered hoarsely as Seokjin gripped the backs of his calves and pulled gently until he was flat on his back.
"Just getting you more comfortable," Seokjin murmured, trailing his hands up and down the insides of Yoongi's thighs which he had spread apart. Yoongi blushed, he was fully exposed, all dignity thrown out the window along with his morals so it seemed.
He threw an arm over his face and bit the inside of his cheek as wet lips roamed over his entire body.
"Fuck," Yoongi hissed, his legs jerking at the sensation of Seokjin's mouth on him.
As he lay there he wondered how the hell he had ended up there, hidden in his room with friend doing things to him they shouldn't do to each other. How it was that the boy he call his bestfriend was now sucking on him like he was the last piece of candy they'd often fought over. Yoongi felt tears trickle down his cheeks as flashes of their past flittered across his mind's eye, every play fight, every stupid argument, the crying over scraped knees, the shared excitement over every Christmas and birthday, the teasing, the whispered conversations in the dark after a bad nightmare, all the things they'd shared as best friends. Things they hadn't shared with anyone else...
Had it been the extremes of the life they now lived that had pushed Seokjin over the edge? Would it have ever happened had they not become the people they were today? These thoughts and more were nagging at Yoongi as he tried to figure it all out.
The worst part was that his body reacted so strongly to everything Seokjin was doing, Yoongi couldn't remember ever feeling such intense desire and wondered whether it was fuelled by his natural resistance to the situation, or whether his reluctance hampered the potential for an even more mind blowing sexual experience. None of it made sense to him, and the only thing that he could come up with was that everyone had their kinks - perhaps this was just his, the most forbidden fruit, the unthinkable, untouchable.
He choked out a sob as he thought about what kind of person that must make him and he felt Seokjin release him, the chill curling around his dick as cool air met with wet skin.
"Hey," Seokjin whispered, pulling Yoongi's arm away to reveal his face, wet with tears. Seokjin was on top of him now, peering down at him. Through the blur Yoongi could tell he appeared concerned.
"Shhhh." Seokjin gently brushed his thumbs around the corner of Yoongi's eyes and bent down to press kisses against both his eyelids.
Yoongi let out a shaky breath and placed his hands on the small of Seokjin's back in an awkward attempt to hug him. He'd never felt so vulnerable, and he needed to be able to lean on his best friend as he always had at the more difficult times in his life. What he was going through definitely counted as one of those times. He looked up at Seokjin and tried to convey his feelings to his friend by expression alone, wanting Seokjin to understand that he needed to know why.
"It has to be you, Yoongi," Seokjin said after a few moments. "It can't be anyone but you….I just can't."
Yoongi closed his eyes and tried to find any reason in what Seokjin was telling him. It was fucked up, it made sense, and yet it didn't. Seokjin wanted intimacy and was apparently convinced that he could only find it with Yoongi, he wasn't going to let anyone else near him.
Yoongi looked up at him again and nodded. He nodded because just like when he'd given Seokjin the last piece of candy every time, had backed down in any argument they'd ever had, he was going to give in to him as he had always done, was going to give Seokjin what he wanted as he always did.
Seokjin's face relaxed a little and he brushed his lips against Yoongi's, perhaps to test his reaction. Yoongi let it happen, opened his mouth to his friend as Seokjin kissed him softly, a strange taste sweeping over his tongue as he did so, and Yoongi realized that he was tasting himself on Seokjin's lips.
Seokjin sat up and pulled Yoongi with him, Yoongi was no longer drunk but his head felt like it was all over the place, he may as well have downed the entire bottle of vodka for all the good his senses were doing him then.
"Wait," he mumbled as Seokjin tried to pull him against him. He reached over to his night stand and dug around the miscellaneous items of junk he had stored away until his hand found what it was looking for. "I would never have… you know," he said quietly, showing Seokjin the bottle of lubricant he had clutched in his fingers
"I know that," Seokjin replied with a smile, he ran a hand smoothly down Yoongi's chest. Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remind himself that this was just for Seokjin, he was doing this for his friend and that was all. Seokjin wanted to lay back but he stopped him.
"I'm not going to do you right now… you can do me," Yoongi whispered. Even if he still wanted to hurt Seokjin, he didn't want to do him this way. It had all started off with a fight and it wouldn't be the setting that Seokjin deserved. Given that he had experience with bottoming, it would just have to do.
"But Yoongi, I… we… uhm,…" Seokjin stammered out, his cheeks turning bright red. He had always figured that Yoongi would be the one to enter him and the sudden change of plans threw him a bit out of balance.
"I really want it that way Hyung," Yoongi replied and Seokjin nodded shyly, burning with anticipation of finally becoming one with Yoongi.
Seokjin groaned softly and dropped his head as his stomach cramped up at Yoongi's words, his cock throbbing in time with the pounding of his heart, with the ache in his head. Taking a deep breath, Seokjin crawled in between Yoongi's legs and began rubbing his cock against him in long and slow strokes.
Yoongi gasped and tugged Seokjin down for another kiss. The biggest part of Yoongi's mind still knew that what they were doing was messed up but his body was responding as it always did to having another naked body with him. Seokjin was sucking Yoongi's tongue and tickling his chest with his fingernails and all Yoongi needed to do was let his body take over the situation. He could just keep his eyes shut and pretend it wasn't Seokjin writhing above him. Only, Seokjin's scent was all around him, he was all Yoongi could smell and right then he wasn't sure if he wanted it to be anyone else. He broke the kiss, attaching his mouth to Seokjin's neck instead as he reached down between them and grabbed his erection. He felt Seokjin's body stiffen.
"Oh…you're touching me," Seokjin grunted, pushing his hips down.
"That's usually how this works," Yoongi mumbled into Seokjin's neck. He squeezed the older male gently.
Seokjin rolled a little, pushing Yoongi to his side so that they were lying chest to chest. He slid his hand down Yoongi's chest again, sliding all the way down until his hand wrapped around his cock. Yoongi was trembling all over. He let Seokjin kiss him again and groaned loudly when Seokjin's hand twisted him at the head. A loud moan bounced off the walls and Yoongi was surprised that Seokjin could pleasure him like that. It was… amazing.
Yoongi grunted and shifted so that he was back on top of Seokjin. "Okay," he gasped, carefully removing Seokjin's fingers from where they were playing with him.
"We really have to be quiet or the others might hear," Yoongi whispered as he looked down at Seokjin. Seokjin looked mildly disappointed but he nodded anyway.
Yoongi's cock twitched at the sight of his friend splayed out across his bed, his eyes kept flickering over Seokjin's entire body. His face flushed and he picked up the bottle he'd placed on the mattress and he straddled Seokjin properly now. He was going to prepare himself and then ride Seokjin nice and slow.
Seokjin didn't say a word, he just watched as Yoongi smeared some of the slippery substance over his fingers. Yoongi's fingers disappeared behind his back and with a small gasp, Yoongi eased the first finger in. Seokjin could do nothing but watch in awe as Yoongi's face slowly but surely contorted in pleasure. He had never seen Yoongi like this before and it was the most breath-taking sight ever. Small moans and gasps started spilling over Yoongi's lips and he let his hands roam over Yoongi's chest, playfully toying with his nipples.
"Oh god," Seokjin blurted out. Yoongi rocked his hips up and started riding his own fingers. Yoongi continued preparing himself until he was ready. He eased his fingers out and poured a good amount of lube on his hand and fingers. The raven-haired male began to rub the lube over Seokjin's cock and he threw his head back in pleasure.
"This is so wrong," Yoongi whispered, wanting some kind of reaction from Seokjin, anything to show that Seokjin knew that what they were doing wasn't normal.
Seokjin opened his eyes and pulled Yoongi close to him. "Let's do it anyway."
Yoongi hesitated for a second before letting himself relax against Seokjin's chest. The older arms wrapped around his back and he pressed his cheek against him. He was shaking as he ran his fingers through Seokjin's hair and trailed his hands down his chest.
"Kiss me," Seokjin said quietly, running his hands over Yoongi's behind.
Yoongi squirmed, rocking himself against Seokjin. "Why aren't you scared?"
"Because it's you and it won't hurt me as much as it will hurt you," Seokjin answered immediately. He had never had sex with anyone and he always feared the moment. However, now that he was going to do it with Yoongi, everything just seemed natural.
Yoongi groaned and mashed his mouth down on Seokjin's. Seokjin opened up instantly and trashed his tongue against Yoongi's. He pulled back, gasping for breath.
"I'm going to do it," he rasped. He waited until Seokjin nodded before sitting up slightly and properly straddling his friend again. Yoongi raised himself up and reached down behind his back to hold Seokjin's cock in place as he positioned himself over it. He slowly eased down Seokjin’s length and he could feel his thighs tremble a little and he was glad that Seokjin held him up. He had chosen to do it this way because it would keep the spell going between them, they would only be able to look at each other and he wanted to make this as special as possible. Once he was fully seated on Seokjin, Yoongi wrapped his arms around his neck and leaned forward to rest his forehead against him. He felt so full and stretched; it was always a little overwhelming for him given that he didn't do this all too often. Seokjin pulled Yoongi closer and trapped Yoongi's cock tightly between them. Yoongi closed his eyes and concentrated on Seokjin's hands, which were running up and down his lower back in long and soothing strokes.
Finally he felt ready to move, Yoongi lifted up slightly and rocked his hips a little, eliciting a short, quiet grunt from his friend. He felt Seokjin's hands digging into him, tightening his grip. His movements were slow and deliberate; he lazily rode Seokjin's cock at a pace which he knew must have been driving Seokjin crazy, because he could barely stand it himself. Seokjin's cock slowly grazed over his spot inside, and Yoongi's cock was sliding between their stomachs, which were now hot and slicked with sweat.
Yoongi pulled his head away from Seokjin's to look at him again, his belly flipping hard at the darkness in Seokjin's eyes and the intensity of his stare. Their mouths found each other again and Yoongi was lost in the sensation of Seokjin all over him, inside him, everywhere. Everything around them was quiet except for their panting breaths and the only thing Yoongi could really do was feel.
Right now, this thing with Seokjin wasn't something that he needed to understand, it was just something that he needed.
Seokjin needed it too, he pulled back from where he had latched his mouth over Yoongi's neck and threw him a pleading look. His hands were moving Yoongi's hips insistently, needing more, needing it faster.
Yoongi let go of his friend and leaned back, resting on his elbows. Seokjin followed him down and shifted until he was lying between Yoongi's legs. Yoongi wrapped his legs around Seokjin's waist and gripped his friend's shoulders as Seokjin thrust into him deeply. He gasped and tried to control his breathing; this was where it was hard to stay quiet, Seokjin made him want to scream.
He felt a hand reach between them and grab his cock, making him jolt in surprise. Seokjin's lips were suddenly on his again, and Yoongi let himself moan into his mouth as he was stroked both inside and out. He arched his back and rocked his hips up in time with Seokjin as the older thrust steadily into him.
Seokjin squeezed Yoongi's cock gently and in return Yoongi squeezed him back, tightening his muscles around where Seokjin was inside him. Seokjin slammed forward into Yoongi, pressing hard against his spot, and twisted the head of his cock. Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut and opened his mouth in a silent scream as he came, his body shaking. He was barely aware of how his fingernails nearly drew blood as they clawed Seokjin's shoulders, or how he clamped down on his cock with his body as Seokjin milked him of his release.
Yoongi fell limp beneath Seokjin and watched in a daze as Seokjin's face twisted up in pleasure before he smashed it into Yoongi’s neck and came too. He held his shuddering form close, feeling wetness between his legs and all over his stomach.
It was a long time before either of them moved again, Yoongi closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, feeling satisfied and still full as Seokjin was still inside him. Finally Seokjin slid out, rolling to his side but not letting go of Yoongi. Yoongi felt lips on his neck, he turned and kissed Seokjin softly, his breathing not quite steady yet. Not another word was uttered between them that night. It wasn't needed, pools of brown were firmly locked with pools of black and that was all they really needed tonight…
You're the part of me I wished I didn't need…
It's been twenty days since Yoongi made Seokjin cry .
When Yoongi woke up after the night he'd had Seokjin in his bed, he was relieved to find that the older wasn't still there. He remembered falling asleep with him beside him, but some time during the night, or that morning, Seokjin had left his bed. He felt around for his boxer shorts and when he stood up to put them on, his limbs were shaking. His chest and stomach hurt, inside and out. He could still see the scratches down his front. Clinging to wall next to his bed, he felt a wave of dizziness pass over him and he stumbled through his bedroom to get to the toilet. Once inside he fell to his knees and emptied the contents of his stomach into the bowl in a series of massive, painful heaves.
A quick check in the mirror and he could make out the redness on his chin from Seokjin biting him, but luckily enough there were no teeth marks, it just looked like a large blemish. His cheek felt tender from the blow but he couldn't see any bruising. He inspected his neck and couldn't find any love bites, though he'd have to put a shirt on as soon as possible to hide the red marks all over his chest and back.
He didn't see Seokjin until he got dressed and dragged his feet down to where everyone was sitting around eating breakfast. Well, Jimin was just sitting around; he looked in no state to be eating anything. He couldn't even take any pleasure in his friend's misery as he slumped down next to him, completely avoiding looking at Seokjin at all. He knew he probably looked just as bad as Jimin.
"Hooo you too huh?" Taehyung bleated with glee.
Yoongi just nodded, keeping his head down. He would let everyone think he was hung over; it seemed a good enough explanation as any. Jimin's head fell against his shoulder.
"Just kill me now," Jimin moaned.
"Did you throw up?" Taehyung asked. He was way too cheerful.
He nodded again. "Yeah." His voice came out croakier than he expected.
"Yeah Jimin was hurling all night, weren't you Jimin?" Taehyung leaned over Yoongi to ruffle Jimin's hair.
"Fuck off, I mean it," Jimin growled.
Taehyung laughed and walked away.
Yoongi spent the next two hours in complete misery. He felt trapped in his own house, he wished his friends would just leave but Taehyung was hell-bent on sticking around some more. He didn't want to be around Seokjin, but at the same time, he was too scared to go and curl up in his bed, where Seokjin could easily corner him. So he sat next to Jimin on the couch, the man lolling his head against his shoulder in misery.
He didn't even know if Seokjin would want to talk to him anyway, or whether he was looking at him, ignoring him, not ignoring him – Yoongi wouldn't look at him. He was glad that Seokjin didn't try to talk to him. He was having enough trouble with his own thoughts without input from Seokjin; he'd close his eyes and remember what they'd done, how it had felt, how Seokjin had looked. It made him cringe and worst of all it made him hard.
He knew he couldn't escape Seokjin forever though, and sure enough the older started trying to talk to him throughout the day, as they were keeping themselves busy with watching movies and playing video games. He refused to even look at him, and any time Seokjin even tried to get close, he would back away and slide up against the others.
Seokjin finally cornered him though, as Yoongi knew he would, as he'd been dreading all day.
Yoongi heard his name being called out as he tried to slip unnoticed from the heavy zombie-killing to use the bathroom. He quickened his steps, ignoring Seokjin who had started to follow him. He rushed into the bathroom and hoped that the other would back off now. Unfortunately, Seokjin did no such thing and he followed Yoongi into the bathroom.
"Yoongi!" Seokjin leaned against the door, eyes flickering over to Yoongi who remained motionless.
"Yoongi, look at me," Seokjin urged as Yoongi studied the floor intently. The tiles were marble, sleek and shiny to match the rest of the bathroom. Yoongi felt like he was making it dirty just by being there; no shower could wash away his hyung and what they'd done. Neither of them belonged in a place so clean.
"You've been avoiding me all day...why?"
Yoongi snorted and finally looked up. "Why do you think?"
Seokjin sighed. "Because of what we did, because I..." he trailed off and Yoongi noticed that he was blushing.
"Because I let you fuck me," Yoongi finished for him. There it was again; the best friend thing. He could almost laugh.
"Don't say it like that," Seokjin said quietly.
"Why not?" Yoongi snapped. "It's the truth." He folded his arms across his chest and glared at his friend. "I let you fuck me, and it was wrong and disgusting and we shouldn't have done it."
Seokjin's face fell slightly at the harsh words and Yoongi could barely stand to look at him.
"No Yoongi, we...that was...I made love to you," Seokjin stammered.
Yoongi's mouth dropped open. Is that what Seokjin was thinking? "No hyung...that wasn't...oh shit," he fumbled over his words as he tried to get his head around what Seokjin was implying. It was only supposed to be that one time, one time to get Seokjin past his first, he had stepped up as a friend and gone beyond the call of duty, or so he felt.
He saw Seokjin's lip start to quiver and it made his chest tighten uncomfortably.
"I don't understand," Seokjin whispered, a tear gliding down his thick lashes and landing on his cheek. "What's wrong?
Yoongi clenched his hands into fists; he wanted to be angry with Seokjin again, he was angry, but he wished he had the same fire in him as he did the night before. He wished Seokjin would stop acting like a lovesick puppy and bring back the fiery minx who had so easily seduced him, the one that he could bring himself to loathe. He took a step forward and pressed Seokjin back into the door.
"What's wrong? What's wrong? You took the best fucking thing in my life and you ruined it," Yoongi hissed, screwing up the front of Seokjin's t-shirt in his fists. "That's what's wrong."
A loud sob escaped Seokjin's lips. "But we could be better," he said, his voice heavy with sorrow.
Yoongi let his t-shirt go and leaned against Seokjin, pressing his forehead against him. "What could be better than us?"
Seokjin seemed to lose it then, Yoongi had to hold him up as he began to sink down against the door.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Yoongi," he whimpered through his sobs.
"Shhh," Yoongi said, alarmed at the way his friend was falling apart. "It's okay." It was frightening how different Seokjin was behaving, and he supposed it was his own fault. Seokjin had told him how he'd felt, he had been aware of it when he'd let Seokjin take him and shred both of any innocence. At the end of the day, he was the one to give in and make Seokjin do those things to him.
Yoongi heard the door of his bedroom open and footsteps across the hallway. He pressed a finger to Seokjin's lips and waited for whoever it was to pass by. Once they were alone again, he took his finger away and sighed.
"Is that how you want it to be hyung? Us hiding away from everyone else, always talking in whispers? Because that's how it would be."
Seokjin sniffed and gave him a pleading look. "All I want is you, I don't care about anything else."
Yoongi felt his throat tighten. "You already had me Seokjin hyung, always," he said desperately. He knew it was true, he had always known that even if he one day fell in love, he could never love that person the way that he loved Seokjin.
Seokjin shook his head, fresh tears forming. "Not like that, not the way I want."
"But, you can't want that," Yoongi sputtered. "You just can't." He was nervous, he had fucked up big time.
"You know you wanted it too Yoongi, it wasn't just me," Seokjin said, once he started to calm down. He wrapped his arms around Yoongi's back.
Yoongi squeezed him hard, wanting to hold him and break him at the same time. "It was for you, you are the only reason that happened." He ignored the voice in his head that told him otherwise.
"No," Seokjin replied, shaking his head where it rested on Yoongi's shoulder. "You would never do anything you didn't want to do, I know you too well."
Yoongi sighed. "No, you just don't know what I'd do for you." He wondered if the words were true.
Seokjin sniffed again. "Do you hate me?" Yoongi's heart ached at the desperation in his voice.
"No," he mumbled, truthfully. "I just want to hate you."
It's been eighteen days since Seokjin knocked on Yoongi's door.
Yoongi sat on his bed alone, just a music pad and some pencils for company. He cradled the pad on his lap and let his mind wander. He'd barely seen Seokjin since his friend had broken down in his arms; Seokjin had obviously sensed that he needed space, and perhaps he needed some himself.
The fact that he hadn't really spoken to Seokjin didn't mean he hadn't been thinking about him, he rarely thought of anything else. He didn't even try to push thoughts of Seokjin away when he touched himself anymore; instead he welcomed the memory of Seokjin's body around him, the heat that radiated against his own burning body. They'd already done it, he couldn't see how not remembering would make that fact go away.
He looked up when he heard a knock at the door, figuring it was Jimin or Taehyung.
The door opened slowly and Yoongi was startled to see Seokjin standing there, biting his lip.
"You never knock," he said questioningly, his heart feeling heavy. How much had things changed between them?
Seokjin shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. "I thought maybe I should," he said, wringing his hands together.
"Don't," Yoongi said softly, lowering his eyes for a second.
Seokjin smiled and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Yoongi, his hands in his lap and eyes on the floor.
"This is weird for me too," he finally said. "I've just had longer to get used to it."
Yoongi slid the music pad off his lap and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He felt Seokjin's hand on his shoulder and didn't push it away, he was done with that. He couldn't push Seokjin away after he had been inside of him.
"Seokjin hyung, I just need you to be...you for a second," Yoongi mumbled. "Okay?"
Seokjin paused and nodded, removing his hand.
Yoongi took a breath. "Please tell me you know that this is fucked up, no matter how you feel, or I feel. Can we just, think about it for a second?" It wasn't as easy for his brain to function as both a friend and lover as it was for him, the two things were still separate.
"Yeah okay," Seokjin said quietly. "Yeah it is, I do know that."
Yoongi nodded, it was all he needed for the moment. It was what he'd needed from the start only Seokjin was so busy priming him he'd neglected to see that.
He sat up again and shuddered slightly as Seokjin's hand appeared against his chest, he caressed all the way down his arm until his fingers rested hesitantly over Yoongi's knuckles. Yoongi slowly turned his hand over until he felt Seokjin's fingers graze his palm.
"Do you believe me now?" Seokjin whispered. He placed a tiny kiss on Yoongi's shoulder as their fingers laced together. "I told you this was always going to happen, it was always there."
"No," Yoongi said shakily. "I don't believe in that," he paused and saw Seokjin's face drop slightly. "But I don't deny that it's happening now."
Seokjin nodded and shifted a little to better face Yoongi. He dropped his free hand into Yoongi's lap and rested it against his groin. Yoongi's breath quickened instantly and he knew that something would happen, they'd do it again, and he wouldn't try to stop it because the memory of Seokjin, so deep inside was too fresh, too arousing. It was different from the last time, this time he knew there was no going back, he knew that Seokjin wasn't using magical powers to turn him on. It just was what it was and he had to accept it.
He let out a soft moan as nimble fingers worked their way into the front of his boxer shorts and curled around his hardening length. Yoongi felt dizzy when Seokjin slowly pushed him back until he was lying on the bed, his legs hanging over the side.
Seokjin pulled at Yoongi's boxers until his legs were free of them, before straddling Yoongi's thighs. He was sitting upright, running his palm up and down the underside of Yoongi's cock slowly.
"When we did it, did you like it?" Seokjin asked him shyly.
"You were there," Yoongi panted, his stomach clenching as Seokjin rubbed him. "You know I did. It was the best…ever." He was being honest.
Seokjin looked pleased. "Yeah, physically you liked it," he murmured. "I mean, how did you feel? Did you like being with me?"
Yoongi frowned, stuck for an answer and unable to explain how he felt. Yeah, he'd loved the sex. Physically he was screaming for round two, emotionally he was just screaming. He closed his eyes, distressed because he didn't want to hurt Seokjin's feelings. It was harder to hurt him after what they had done, as a best friend it came with the territory, as for what they had become...Yoongi had no clue.
Thankfully Seokjin understood. "It's okay," Yoongi opened his eyes again and saw Seokjin hovering right over his face. "I know."
Yoongi nodded and leaned into Seokjin's hand as it caressed his cheek. Seokjin's lips were wet when he pressed them against Yoongi's mouth. He wasn't forceful, his kiss tentative and Yoongi instinctively opened his lips to let him in. His eyes fluttered closed and he actually felt disappointed when Seokjin pulled away. The older was merely using his mouth elsewhere, trailing hot kisses across his throat and collar bone.
Yoongi sucked in a breath and tried not to squirm when Seokjin caressed down Yoongi's sides as he moved down his body. He looked up and saw that Seokjin had slid off the bed completely. His friend had pure concentration written all over his face as he ran his tongue up Yoongi's length.
"Oh," Yoongi breathed, his head falling back.
"No," Seokjin said softly. "Don't look away."
Yoongi tilted his face up again and stretched his arms up to rest his hands beneath the back of his head. He wasn't sure he could ever get used to the sight of Seokjin sucking him, but if he wanted him to look, he didn't feel like he could refuse. His hips flexed of their own accord, pushing upwards as his cock tried desperately to get as far down Seokjin's throat as possible.
Seokjin released him with a wet sound and Yoongi groaned.
"Do you want…in my mouth? Or…do you want to, you know?" Seokjin asked him, ducking his head slightly and watching Yoongi through lowered lashes. Yoongi couldn't believe Seokjin could be so coy after the things he'd said and done to him just a few nights before.
He squirmed and made a small desperate noise in frustration. Yoongi didn't want to have to choose because choosing meant he was condoning what was about to happen.
"Both," he whispered finally, hiding his face in his hands. He hoped hell was big enough to hold them both.
Seokjin happily obliged him, and got his first real taste of Yoongi.
It's been sixteen days since Yoongi went to Seokjin.
Yoongi was stretched out on his bed. In the darkness, he was alone with his thoughts and as usual those were centred on his friend. Seokjin had been unusually quiet since the night he'd come to his bedroom though he wondered if that had something to do with needing recovery time.
He flushed with shame when thought about how many times they'd done it that night. Seokjin had been perfectly willing, and Yoongi wondered if Seokjin had known that it was something Yoongi needed. He couldn't explain it, but it almost felt like he was punishing Seokjin in his own small way, taking out his anger, confusion and shame on his friend. He hadn't been overly rough, but he certainly hadn't been gentle. He had let his body take over entirely, while his common sense and all its pesky protests and doubts receded to the back of his mind. He'd filled the room with his cries of pleasure as he'd filled Seokjin for the first time, with every ounce of passion he could release.
Seokjin hadn't been angry with him afterwards; he'd seemed completely satisfied and had left Yoongi with more than just a kiss the following morning. But while he expected Seokjin to be all over him after his apparent surrender, the older had kept his distance.
It was maddening because Yoongi didn't know how he should be behaving, what he should be doing, if Seokjin wasn't deciding and doing it for them, it was a whole new game. He even wondered if perhaps Seokjin had it all out of his system now and everything was supposed to go back to the way it was before. He didn't even know how he felt about that; he knew it should bring him relief, but something told him it was far too late for that.
Yoongi slid out of his bed and stood awkwardly in the blackness of his bedroom debating with himself whether or not to just go to Seokjin, talk to him. But he wasn't supposed to go to him, it was always Seokjin who came to him.
A quick walk in the cold night air and he found himself at the Kim residence. He could see light filtering through Seokjin's curtains and he knew Seokjin was awake. He used the spare key and entered the house. With a quick excuse to Seokjin's parents, he tiptoed his way upstairs, heading straight for Seokjin's bedroom.
Seokjin was there, but had his headphones on and his eyes closed, his fingers tapping the edge of his Ipod in time with the music he was listening to. He took a moment to watch his friend, sprawled flat on his back, naked but for Yoongi's satin blue boxer shorts. He smiled and quickly took off his clothes except his boxer shorts.
He didn't want to startle Seokjin by looming over him or grabbing his leg to get his attention, so he climbed up and sat on the edge of the mattress. Seokjin's eyes flew open when he felt the bed shift beneath him at the change of weight, and gave Yoongi a huge grin when he saw him.
"Hey," he said softly, slipping the headphones off.
"Hi," Yoongi replied lamely.
Seokjin sat up and leaned forwards to kiss his cheek and Yoongi felt stupid and clueless because he didn't know what he was supposed to do. It was easy for Seokjin to just be so forward with him, and yet he was like a fish floundering around out of water.
"So," Seokjin said, still smiling.
Yoongi waited for him to continue but he never did.
"So…we haven't really talked much," Yoongi said, tracing an invisible pattern on the bed sheet with his finger. "You've kind of been keeping away...or something." He kept his eyes down.
"Um yeah, well I thought maybe you might need me to leave you alone for a bit," Seokjin replied. "So I stayed away."
Yoongi looked up at that. "Don't," he said, and gave him a small smile.
Seokjin's smile widened. "Also…well, it was kind of sore." His cheeks flushed crimson and Yoongi thought the colour suited him well.
"Oh," Yoongi said, only a little embarrassed. "Sorry."
Seokjin shook his head. "It's fine, it's good."
"Is there anything I can do to help, or something? I don't know." Yoongi looked down again, feeling foolish.
Seokjin laughed quietly. "Why? So we can do it again?"
"Oh, no that wasn't…I mean…" Yoongi looked up at him, flustered, and saw the teasing glint in Seokjin's eyes. "Well…maybe." He raised his eyebrows and cocked his head slightly. He realized he was actually flirting with him.
Seokjin looked delighted. "It's fine really, but I think I just need a bit more time maybe," he said softly, resting a hand on Yoongi's knee. "Do you want to stay anyway?"
"What for?" Yoongi asked bluntly, feeling a little confused.
Seokjin gave him an odd look and appeared a little lost for words. "Um, just to be with me. Come here." He tugged lightly on Yoongi's arm and Yoongi allowed himself be pulled all the way onto the bed.
He felt like an idiot, it was all so new and he felt as if he were doing and saying everything wrong. Seokjin guided him down until Yoongi was lying on his side and Seokjin was covering them both with his blanket. The light was switched off and Yoongi waited for his eyes to adjust.
Before that could happen, Seokjin curled an arm over Yoongi's waist and rubbed his nose against him. Yoongi laid a tentative hand on Seokjin's shoulder and willed his heart to stop racing. It only sped up however when he felt Seokjin's lips brush against his softly, a prelude to the gentlest kiss he'd ever experienced.
Seokjin was tracing circles over Yoongi's back as their tongues barely collided, lips merely hovering over each other and their breathing the only heaviness in an embrace so tender, Yoongi could barely stand it. He trembled as Seokjin's fingers ghosted over his skin, trailing over his back, his chest and arms. It was as if Seokjin were treating him like he was made of glass, and it was like nothing he had known before.
His hand shook as he tried to show the same care with his touches, Seokjin was showing him what he liked and Yoongi was learning quickly. The strange tingling feeling in his stomach made no sense to him, it kind of reminded him of first crushes as a kid, first real kisses with Jimin or some girls, only this was much more intense and was something he couldn't understand at all. It was more important, Seokjin wasn't Jimin or any other person, and Yoongi was terrified of screwing it all up. As Seokjin kissed and caressed him, he began to shake and the nervousness he felt was beyond anything he'd endured before a show.
Seokjin held him tight and whispered things that Yoongi couldn't make out as he tried to calm him down, he was gasping for breath and wondered if he was going to hyperventilate. He held on to Seokjin and prayed for his nerves to steady themselves. In his boxer shorts, his cock was hard and aching, throbbing in response to the innocent and yet most erotic moment he had ever had.
Seokjin rubbed against him and quickly slid his hands into Yoongi's shorts as soon as felt the stiffness pressing into him. Yoongi clung to him and tried to muffle his moans into Seokjin's hair as the older jerked at his length. Yoongi had already felt on the edge of orgasm and it wasn't long before he was sobbing with relief into Seokjin's shoulder, as his friend showed him how it felt to be truly loved.
It's been thirteen days since Yoongi lied to Seokjin's mother.
He wouldn't have had to lie, if she just hadn't called him, hadn't asked where Seokjin was.
"I don't know," had been his immediate reply, heart pounding.
"Well, he's not answering, I just tried to call his phone and got no answer." Seokjin's mother sounded worried.
"He's asleep." That wasn't a lie.
"How do you know? I thought you just said you didn't know where he was?" Why did she have to go bringing her logic into it?
Yoongi looked down and ran his fingers gently through strands of Seokjin's hair. He could hardly tell Seokjin's mother that they'd just had one of the wildest and most erotic moments of their lives and that Seokjin was now sleeping like a baby on his chest.
"Because the only time Seokjin hyung doesn't answer his phone is when he's asleep, you know that," he told her.
She sighed. "Yeah you're right, of course. Are you home?"
"Yeah," Yoongi replied, feeling slightly sick with guilt over lying to Seokjin's mother with his naked friend sprawled all over him.
"You'll come over again soon right?"
"Yeah," Yoongi said, a little more eagerly. He suddenly longed to talk with Seokjin's mum, they'd always been close and he couldn't handle being dishonest with her.
"I'll drop by when I can."
"I'll take what I can get," she said. Yoongi could tell that she was grinning through the phone. "You've been looking after yourself?"
"I have Seokjin hyung to look after me," Yoongi groaned, rolling his eyes.
"Well you're looking after him as well I hope."
Yoongi smirked, and then remembered who he was talking to. "Always. Oh, speaking of Seokjin hyung," he suddenly remembered. "Jungkook's birthday is months away and he's already starting to plan the party."
Seokjin's mother laughed on the other end. "Oh yes, I know."
"He says he's going to make me wear a fucking suit auntie, tell him I don't have to," Yoongi whined.
"I can't tell him anything Yoongi, you'll have to sort it out yourself," she replied.
"I'm not wearing it!"
He heard her laughing and it only annoyed him more. "Oh god Yoongi, don't get your knickers in a twist. He doesn't actually expect you to wear it."
"How do you know? He told me I had to."
"He's just riling you up, he told me so himself," she said. "He would never make you wear a suit."
"Oh, well good," Yoongi mumbled, feeling foolish. He made a mental note to give Seokjin a whack when he woke up.
"Although, it wouldn't hurt you to maybe give in to him just once," Seokjin's mother suggested.
Yoongi had to almost jam something into his mouth to prevent it from sputtering out a response Seokjin's mother would have, in no way been prepared for.
"Uh yeah, I'll think about it," he replied moodily.
"Call me later if Seokjin wakes up okay? We can all talk."
"Cool, I will," Yoongi said, his hand brushing against Seokjin's forehead.
"Okay then, talk to you later."
He threw his phone on the bed side table and wondered if that would be the first of many times he wouldn't be able to tell Seokjin's mother or his own the truth.
'Is it worth it?' he asked himself.
He looked down at the sleeping form on top of him. He ran his thumb lightly down the curve of Seokjin's nose, smiling as his face twitched just a fraction at the disturbance.
"Yes," Yoongi said out loud, to no one in particular.
It's been ten days since Seokjin and Yoongi nearly got caught.
"You like that?"
Seokjin kissed Yoongi's shoulder as he rocked into him slowly. They were lying in Seokjin's bed , Yoongi facing the wall with Seokjin spooned right up behind him. Seokjin was barely moving, teasing them both with the slightest roll of his hips against Yoongi's behind. It was early morning and Seokjin was in a lazy mood, enjoying the delicious sensation that Yoongi provided as he sunk himself into him.
He could feel Yoongi's breath, hot on his hand as he cradled his face. A gentle squeeze on his cock had him uttering nonsensical garble right in Yoongi's ear.
"I love when you do that," he murmured against Yoongi's earlobe.
They knew it was risky doing it in Seokjin's bedroom, especially with his parents roaming around in the house. Yoongi had snuck in during the night and that is how he now found himself pressed against the wall with Seokjin rocking behind him. They were willing to take the risk of having sex because they both needed it so badly. With Seokjin deep inside him, pushing them both towards shattering climaxes, he could forget that what they were doing was still, in his opinion, wrong. He had fast become used to having sex on hand whenever he wanted it. Seokjin was willing and available to him night and day and Yoongi's body simply couldn't get enough.
Yoongi clenched around him again and Seokjin gasped, thrusting into him with a little more force.
"God...Yoongi, can you just...keep...oh, yes," he hissed as Yoongi rewarded him with an extra crippling squeeze, followed by another, and another. Seokjin grunted and sped up his movements. He was done being lazy, he wanted more.
"Hyung…, oh shit," Yoongi panted as Seokjin deliberately rode hard over the spot inside him that Seokjin knew would be his friend's undoing.
There were many things that Yoongi now knew about Seokjin that no one should know about him. He knew the exact expression Seokjin's face would make the moment he was about to come. He knew how to make him come so that he'd be begging for more just minutes later, or if he wanted, how to make him come hard enough to put him to sleep straight away afterwards.
He now knew that Seokjin's mouth provided better stress relief before a big test or a body-shattering practice and he also knew that a simply encouraging smile, a brief touching of fingers or a discreet kiss on Seokjin's forehead was enough to calm the older down in any situation.
Seokjin could feel Yoongi begin to quiver, and Yoongi thrust his hand against the wall, his fingers scrabbling for something to grasp so that he could brace himself.
"Yes yes yes," he chanted over and over. "Hyung, I'm-oh god..."
"I know, I know," Seokjin panted. He slid a trembling hand down Yoongi's side, ready to grab his cock. Yoongi's body was starting to tense.
"Hyung..," Seokjin hear one of his cousins staying over mutter.
He froze instantly, clapping his hand over Yoongi's mouth. Yoongi was still moving frantically and squeaked into Seokjin's palm.
Seokjin's heart stopped. He could only hope that his little cousin wasn't planning on climbing into his bed. He quickly rolled away from Yoongi, making the raven-haired male hiss softly at the sudden loss of contact.
"What's up sweetheart?" Seokjin hastily yanked his blanket up to his chest, while Yoongi stayed facing the wall. He tried to keep the panic from his face as his cousin took small little steps towards him.
"I have no one to play with me," the kid pouted and he reached out his hands towards Seokjin. His natural instinct was to pull him in his lap but with an obvious problem in his southern-regions that might not have been the best course of action.
"Is Yoongi hyung in your bed?" His cousin asked as he stood on his tippy-toes trying to look at the other lump on the bed. Seokjin quickly nodded and the kid's face began to light up like the lights in a Christmas tree.
"Please play with me?" He asked softly and Seokjin nodded and the smile on his face widened when he saw the happy twinkle in his cousin's eyes.
"I first have to wake Yoongi up, so why don't you already go to your room and collect everything you want to play with?" Seokjin whispered as he tucked a few strands of the kid's hair behind his ear.
"Okay!" He beamed and he left the room with a happy giggle.
When the kid left the room, Seokjin let out a shaky sigh of relief. "Oh my god."
It soon became apparent that Yoongi was laughing, and Seokjin couldn't believe he was able to find it funny.
"Wow, that was close," Yoongi muttered. " I was so close." He punched the mattress lightly.
"Close?" Seokjin hissed. "Close? We're lucky he didn't find you flat on your back with your ankles wrapped around my ears."
Yoongi's eyes lit up. "Can we do that next?"
"Ugh," Seokjin groaned in disbelief. "No we can't, Jesus Christ you actually expect me to be able to continue after that?" He tried to pull away but Yoongi yanked him towards him suggestively rubbing himself against Seokjin again.
"I want to play with you as well," Yoongi breathed out and Seokjin couldn't help but agree and pray that his cousin would take a long while picking out her toys.
It's been six days since Seokjin claimed Yoongi as his.
It was the last day of school before the summer holidays began and all the students were busy packing up their things and putting them into boxes. The classroom was full of chatty pupils and Yoongi tried to ignore them as best as he could. He didn't like going to school but the last day always felt kind of heavy on him. It would mean that the routine would be shaken up a bit and he seemed kind of lost at the moment.
He was almost done loading his books and folders into his box when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Seokjin, a gummi worm hanging half way out of his mouth. He was smiling but his eyes told a different story.
"You're sad it's nearly over aren't you?" Yoongi asked him quietly.
Seokjin shrugged, dipping his fingers into his bag of sweets. Normally, pupils aren't allowed to eat in the classrooms but on the final day exceptions were made.
"Yeah, next year will be our last year here and I'm already beginning to feel sentimental…" Seokjin whispered, fingers fondling with the gummi worms in his bag.
"I know what you mean," Yoongi whispered back as he dropped another book in his box.
"Yoongi," Seokjin suddenly said. "I want you to only be with me, not with anyone else."
Yoongi snorted. "Do you see me with anyone else?"
Yoongi's hands stilled in the box and he turned to face Seokjin. Seokjin looked at him with a strange mixture of confidence and apprehension.
"You're mine," he added.
And because he was a teenager with raging hormones, smitten, and clueless, Yoongi agreed.
Seokjin smiled and after a quick glance in either direction, noticing that all the pupils had already left given that the official bell to announce the summer holiday had gone off like two minutes ago, he leaned towards Yoongi with half a gummi worm protruding from his lips. Yoongi laughed softly and quickly pressed his lips against Seokjin's in a short kiss, snatching the remainder of the worm.
"Good," Seokjin said, smirking slightly. "You never had a choice anyway, you've always been mine."
Yoongi raised his eyebrows and shook his head with a smile. Seokjin refused to give up on the idea that what was happening between them was inevitable, was always meant to be.
Yoongi just poked his tongue out and flashed him a dazzling grin before picking up his own box and leaving the classroom.
It's been four days since Yoongi and Seokjin had a fight.
Hoseok was housing one of his famous parties and Yoongi was reluctant to go at first but considering everyone wanted to go, he went along. Things were going great in the beginning, Seokjin was all over him but not to make anyone suspicious of the nature of their relationship. The more that Seokjin sipped from his obvious alcoholic-drink, the more the boy started socializing, leaving him to sulk and watch Seokjin closely.
Yoongi slammed the door of Hoseok's bedroom closed behind him and kicked the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be Hoseok's nightstand, making various things clatter loudly to the ground.
Not caring that it was probably a bad idea, he grabbed a bottle of vodka from Hoseok's secret stash and took a huge gulp. He screwed up his face at the taste of the first gulp but by the fourth, he wasn't all that concerned at the bitterness running down his throat, and it was helping him to shoo away the bitterness he felt inside.
He paused as he heard the door open behind him.
"Oh, finished entertaining then?"
Seokjin frowned as he closed the door. "What do you mean? Why did you disappear? One minute you were standing in the kitchen with Hoseok and then the next thing I see you storming out the door!"
Yoongi slammed the bottle down on the nightstand that was cleared of the clutter Hoseok had kept on it. "Maybe I was sick of watching my best friend eye-fucking everything with a dick downstairs."
Seokjin stood still, his mouth open. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh don't play innocent," Yoongi snapped. "I've got eyes, I could see you, and them. You were practically begging for it."
"I was socializing!" Seokjin replied angrily. "I was mixing with people, you're supposed to at a party!"
Yoongi shook his head and sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing his temples.
"You were flirting," he mumbled.
"I wasn't flirting, geez," Seokjin said. "I thought I was supposed to be the jealous one."
Yoongi whipped his head up to face Seokjin. "I'm not jealous."
Seokjin rolled his eyes. "Well...you are."
"Ugh." Yoongi hated admitting it, it was a reminder that he'd been weak, given in. He was falling hard. "Fine, I am. But how can I not be? We're downstairs and all of them, all of them are ogling you and trying to talk to you and touch you. It's always been like that, only now..."
"Only now you feel you have the right to say something," Seokjin prodded.
"No, it's not like that! I didn't give a damn before!" Yoongi insisted, failing to convince either one of them. "Look," he stood up again. "To everyone else, you're available, up for grabs and they will try. It's not like you can tell people that you're... you're..."
"Fine," Yoongi said, flushing red. "Taken. You go down there looking...completely breath-taking and everyone loves you and I could see they all want to get in you so bad I'm surprised they didn't ask me where to buy fucking tickets."
Seokjin seemed taken aback by that, he was quiet for a few moments. "I'm not saying you're wrong, but..."
"But what? There is no but," Yoongi muttered.
"But," Seokjin continued. "It doesn't matter anyway Yoongi. I don't want any of them, you know that."
"No I don't know that."
"Yes you do!" Seokjin cried. "What do I have to do to convince you of that? I thought I'd already given you everything of me that there is to give!"
"So then why do you let them think they have a chance?!" Yoongi yelled back. "Maybe you don't realize you're doing it, but you do flirt back Seokjin, you do."
"Well, I'm sorry," Seokjin said, crossing his arms. "Maybe I didn't realize that, but it still doesn't mean you have anything to worry about. I'm not even gay."
Yoongi laughed incredulously. "That doesn't even make sense!"
"Why not?" Seokjin demanded, tapping his foot and looking pissed. "Why doesn't that make sense?"
"Oh I don't know!" Yoongi roared. "Maybe because of all the stuff you let me to do to you? Not to mention the things you do to me!"
"It doesn't work like that," Seokjin sniffed.
"Well you happen to love a very personal part of me," Yoongi argued.
"Because it's a part of YOU!" Seokjin bellowed.
Yoongi didn't know how to respond, so Seokjin continued.
"God Yoongi, you know how I feel about you, and…" Seokjin was turning red now. "The things you do to me, just even with your fingers..." It was Yoongi's turn to blush. "Trust me, a person wouldn't have to be gay to enjoy it."
Yoongi looked down at his shoes. "Oh."
Seokjin took him by the hand and pulled him down until they sat side by side on the bed.
"It's not about what you are or what body parts you have," Seokjin said softly. "We're more than that, how else could we do what to do to be together? I'm not saying I understand why, but I've always known we were different, that we'd eventually give in…"
"Give in? To what?" Yoongi said, snatching his hand away. "When are you going to stop going on about how this was always going to happen? That it was meant to be? That's a load of bullshit Seokjin. I already told you that it was you who made this happen, not anyone or anything else."
Seokjin stomped his foot. "Oh yeah, I forgot – I held a gun to your head and forced you to let me take you!"
"You held my… well it's close enough," Yoongi muttered.
"Oh don't even-just...Ugh!" Seokjin leapt from where he sat and began to pace. "You'll never stop fighting this will you? From the start you blamed me…"
"Because it's your fault!" Yoongi yelled, he could feel rage burning through his chest, much stronger than he had ever felt before he'd given in to Seokjin. He got up from the bed, crossing his arms and glaring at him.
"Okay, fine," Seokjin snarled. Yoongi blinked as Seokjin stepped towards him. "You want to blame me? Punish me? Take it out on me? Then go ahead!" Yoongi just continued to blink at him, unsure of what he meant.
"Come on!" Seokjin yelled, holding his arms out. "Hit me, punch me, kick me – do whatever it is you need to do to get this out of your system."
"Don't be a fucking idiot," Yoongi spat. "I'm not going to hit you." He almost wanted to.
Seokjin stepped even closer, Yoongi could see his nostrils flaring. "Didn't you say you wanted to hurt me? Well now's your chance." He poked Yoongi hard in the chest with his finger. "Come on."
"Hyung, don't!" Yoongi swatted Seokjin's hand away and moved backwards. Seokjin just followed him, roughly jabbing at him. "I'm not going to hurt you! I can't."
"Don't lie Yoongi," Seokjin hissed. "Just because we do what we do doesn't mean you're not still my friend. You can hurt me plenty." Yoongi was getting more and more riled up as Seokjin pushed and pushed, with words and his fists as he began to thump them against his chest. "If I remember correctly, you once punched my nose so hard it bled."
Yoongi had to dig around his memory to bring up the incident Seokjin was referring to, and when it surfaced it hit him like a ton of bricks and he shoved Seokjin hard, backing him up against the wall beside the bed.
"You remember Yoongi, I kissed that girl the day after you did and you hurt me for it," Seokjin snarled out. Yoongi had his arm across Seokjin's throat, pinning him to the wall.
Yoongi could remember it well; he remembered seeing Seokjin with that girl, he remembered the rage and jealousy he had felt at seeing someone kiss his friend, his best friend, his Seokjin. He hadn't been able to take it out on the girl, so he had taken it out on Seokjin. Then he had discarded the memory like an old pair of shoes because he didn't understand the feelings it gave him, they were much too scary to deal with.
As if he was trying to steal the kiss back, Yoongi slammed his lips against Seokjin's and almost relaxed into the embrace as Seokjin moaned into his mouth. He felt a sharp sting and tore his lips away.
"What the fuck? Ow!" Seokjin had bitten him.
"Go on Yoongi, punch me, get it over with," Seokjin gasped.
"I'm not going to fucking punch you." Yoongi insisted. "Calm down, or I'll make you calm down."
Seokjin snorted. "I am very fond of your behind but that doesn't mean I don't get to kick it anymore."
Yoongi was thrown back by the force of Seokjin's push, and he struggled to steady himself, to keep his balance so that he didn't topple over.
"Just do it!" Seokjin yelled. "Finish this so we can move on!"
"Move on?" Yoongi's stomach dropped. What did that mean?
"Yes, move on from your idiotic hang up about us!" Seokjin elaborated.
"Well you know what?!" Yoongi roared. He could feel his face turning red with anger. "If you want this fight so badly, why don't you punch me?!"
Seokjin didn't hesitate a second before pulling his arm back and taking a swing. Yoongi caught his wrist, Seokjin's knuckles just inches from his face.
"You were actually going to hit me?" He dropped Seokjin's arm in disgust.
"You told me to," Seokjin said. His lips curled up defiantly.
Yoongi shook his head disbelievingly. "Well, if you're so good at following orders, how about we stop fooling around and get down to business?"
Seokjin just stared at him open mouthed for a minute, looking as though he didn't know quite what to say. Then to Yoongi's surprise, he doubled over where he stood and began to laugh so hard Yoongi could see tears streaming down his cheeks. Realizing the utter ridiculousness of the situation, he started laughing too, until he had to lean against the wall to keep himself up.
Once Seokjin was finally able to compose himself, he stood up straight and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Me too," Yoongi replied immediately. "I don't want to fight."
Seokjin nodded and lowered his face, he looked ashamed. Yoongi took pity on his friend and wrapped his arms around him, enveloping him in a big hug.
"It doesn't matter who started what, okay?" he murmured into Seokjin's hair. He felt him nod. "We're both still in this, whatever this is." He loosened his grip on Seokjin and tilted his face towards his. This time, Seokjin didn't bite, and kissed Yoongi back enthusiastically.
"I only want you," Seokjin told him in a small voice.
"I know," Yoongi replied softly, gently pushing him towards the bed. He pushed until Seokjin was lying on his back on the mattress, looking up at him in amusement.
Yoongi lay down on top of him and threaded his hand through Seokjin's hair as he kissed him thoroughly, slowly, but with as much force as he could muster. He could feel Seokjin smiling against his lips.
Yes, they fought, they'd always fought. But making up had never been so much fun.
It's been one day since Yoongi said it back.
Namjoon had planned a camping trip for all of them and Seokjin had been particularly excited about spending some quality time with all of their friends. Yoongi hadn't minded the trip at all but he couldn't deny that the separation from Seokjin was getting to him. They weren't really separated; they were still together for most of the day but not like Yoongi was used to. They did sleep in the same tent but they'd made an agreement, for the few days they spent with their friends, there would be no touching, kissing and definitely no sex.
Yoongi caught himself musing over the fact that it wasn't even the sex he missed as much as just being able to really curl up with Seokjin when they were alone and simply enjoy the closeness. If it were to Seokjin, he had long told his friends about how close he really was with Yoongi, but he simply wasn't ready to share that secret with everyone just yet.
They had made it through the first few days without any major incidents, just sharing meaningful looks and loaded smiles when no one was around, but Yoongi knew he wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer.
Yoongi was laying in the tent, thinking about how much things had changed between him and Seokjin. A part of him was still annoyed with his best friend; Seokjin may have been a virgin before he got to him, but he could fuck a person's mind like no other. The way he so easily switched from the sweet, innocent looking creature that everyone adored, to the pushy, magnificent seducer that Yoongi had become acquainted with. How Seokjin had toyed with him when he could have seen what it was doing to him. They'd argued about it a few times, and each and every time, Seokjin shrugged and told him that he needed to be pushy because otherwise Yoongi wouldn't have come around.
Yoongi was amused when he realized Seokjin would still pull his inner vixen out when he wanted something badly enough, and it almost always worked. It had worked with him, as much as he hated to admit it, and he was what Seokjin had wanted more than anything else. Seokjin was still utterly convinced that the changes to their relationship were meant to happen, and he didn't understand why the older was so sure. It was more that Yoongi just didn't want to give into him completely that he disagreed. He told him that just because Seokjin had been destined to want his sexy body, didn't mean he was meant to fall for him in return. For that he'd received a whack around the ears.
Yoongi turned and saw Seokjin at the entrance of the tent, holding up the flap. He looked so well-rested and he was glad to see Seokjin being totally relaxed.
Yoongi crossed his arms and looked at Seokjin, raising his eyebrows in acknowledgement but without saying anything.
"What are you doing?" Seokjin asked, entering the tent and sprawling next to Yoongi.
"Just being lazy," he replied, watching Seokjin in amusement.
"Can I stay with you?" A cheeky smile decorated Seokjin's face.
"Come here," he said softly.
"I don't know if I should," Seokjin said shyly.
"I think you should."
"But we said…you know." Seokjin reminded him.
"We're not going to do anything," Yoongi replied exasperatedly.
Seokjin adjusted himself, draping his arms and legs over Yoongi and sighed contently as he dropped his head against Yoongi's shoulder.
"Hey, I didn't mean get all over me," Yoongi complained, but he wrapped his arms over Seokjin and had a smile on his face when Seokjin tilted his head up to look at him.
"Whatever," Seokjin said. He wasn't worried too much, their friends were busy playing football and that was something Yoongi could never enjoy.
"Miss me?" Seokjin whispered.
"What do you think?" Yoongi replied, tracing Seokjin's hand lightly.
"I miss being in you."
Yoongi snorted. "Oh nice, that's all you care about? You don't just miss me?"
Yoongi elbowed Seokjin in the stomach and laughed at the pained screech he received in his ear.
"Okay fine, I miss you, all of you," Seokjin said.
"Good," Yoongi replied with a smile. Then he scrunched up his face. "Ew, fuck hyung."
"You made me all mushy, you little bastard. That is not cool," he added when Seokjin began to laugh.
"Well neither are you, so it all works out," Seokjin said smoothly. He cried out again as he got another elbow in the guts. "You know I'm kidding, I think you're cool."
Yoongi huffed, but he smiled.
"I really do miss being intimate," Seokjin said quietly.
Yoongi shifted a little, it was a bad idea to even talk about it, he knew. "I know, believe me."
"Ah well, we're leaving tomorrow," Seokjin murmured, tugging Yoongi's ears softly.
"Yeah, that doesn't help me now does it?" Yoongi said.
"Oh, you have a problem now?" Seokjin asked playfully.
Yoongi grinned, he'd missed the flirting. Though he knew, it wouldn't be fun anymore if it got too heavy and there was nothing they could do about it. Still, he continued.
"Mmm. You could just…touch it, maybe rub it a little?"
"I'm sorry Yoongi," Seokjin said seriously, still playing with his ears. "That is just something a best friend wouldn't do."
Yoongi couldn't contain his laughter, and had to clutch at his stomach as it began to ache. "Oh fuck off." He tilted his head to look up at Seokjin, who was grinning down at him. He squeezed his hand and smiled, he was beginning to see that he hadn't lost his friend at all. He could still have his Seokjin, and he could have Seokjin too. It was overwhelming and scary, but Yoongi knew that if he had the chance to put things back how they were before, he couldn't, wouldn't want to.
Finally Yoongi leaned back and kissed Seokjin as hard as he could on the mouth. Seokjin let out a soft, high pitched sound in surprise and rubbed his feet slowly against Yoongi's. They were breaking the rules, but weren't they always?
Yoongi felt dizzy when he pulled away, his heart was jack hammering in his chest because he had something to say. He was terrified, but it had to be said, and said on his terms alone.
"I love you," he blurted out, feeling his cheeks burn as if they were on fire.
Seokjin smiled. "Of course you do." He caressed Yoongi's cheek lovingly and resumed playing with his ears.
Yoongi sucked in a breath. "I mean...I'm in love with you…or something." He didn't realize he'd have to almost spell it out.
Seokjin's eyes widened for just a split second, but then he just nodded, something akin to a smirk on his lips.
Yoongi narrowed his eyes. "And you already knew that, didn't you?"
Seokjin said nothing, but couldn't keep the grin from spreading across his face.
"Ugh." Yoongi rolled his eyes. Stupid Seokjin, always being right. It was infuriating.
"You know what hyung? Fuck you," Yoongi said, crossing his arms over his chest and trying his best to look annoyed, difficult when he couldn't stop grinning.
Seokjin laughed, and then brushed his lips against Yoongi's ear. "Tomorrow, you can," he whispered.
It's been one day since Yoongi told Seokjin he loved him.