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Building Rome

Chapter Text

Sam pushed his laptop away as it continued to its download of ancient Greek text. It was going to be a bitch to translate and hopefully worth it. He sighed as he grabbed the newspaper that was left in the motel room. He flipped through it to find the crossword section. He dug through his bag and pulled out a pen. He folded the newspaper back and started to work on the puzzle.

Park or Spandex Wearer

He grinned slightly.

Ranger.

Commonplace

Prosaic

Another name for a donkey

Burro

He didn't lift his head when he felt a light breeze. He should inform Cas that Dean wasn't here.

Young Tree

Sapling

"Dean isn't here. He is out."

He didn't want to explain what "out" meant. Bizarre wouldn't begin to describe it if he had to have that conversation.

Trinket on a Bracelet

Charm

"I know. He is busy…trying to mate with a young female."

His pen paused for a second. It was too late for not having a bizarre conversation with an angel.

"He does that from time to time."

"I notice."

Then came the uncomfortable silence. He really had no clue what to say. Conversations between him and Cas were short and to the point. He glanced up and then down at the newspaper. His pen started moving again.

Tennis Shoe

Sneaker

Head of A ____.

Pin

Presents

Gift.

He heard the chair shifted slightly. He glanced up again to see Castiel still sitting there. He was staring at the wall…or maybe, the wallpaper. He could never really tell with Cas.

"You know…I could take a message," He said.

"It is important."

"Oh."

He turned his attention back to the puzzle.

Part of a Plane Use for Balance

Tail

Bear down on or Grip

Clamp

He heard another squeak of the chair. He didn't bother to look up this time.

"You could come back."

Unhealthy or Sickness

Obsession

"It is important, Sam."

Tranquility, stillness

Silence

"Oh…okay."

He glanced up at Cas, who was still staring at the wallpaper. The angel finally turned toward him and blinked.

"Interesting wallpaper?"

"I found the pattern to be fascinating."

He turned his attention to the wallpaper. It looked liked same old motel wallpaper to him. Then again, he doubted that the angel have seen that many motel walls before. Who knows? For all he knew, Cas has seen a millions of motel walls and find them all fascinating. Unless of course, he was…..He almost started laughing. He just grinned slightly as pushed the paper toward the angel. Cas looked down at the paper in confusion.

"What is this?"

"It is a word puzzle….a crossword to be precise. The goal is to fill the white squares with letters, forming words or phrases, by solving clues. See? These are the clues."

"Why would I want to this?"

"Would you rather stare at wallpaper for a few hours?"

Cas looked at the paper then at him. He pulled the paper toward him and picked up the pen. He watched as Cas's face turned into a deep concreation as he focus on the paper.

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"What if the word doesn't fit into the spaces?"

A small grin formed on his face.

"Tell me the word…"

-SPNSPN-

When Dean came back a few hours, he was greeted with the strangest conversation ever. Trust him, he had quite few strange ones.

"It fits into the white spaces, Sam," Cas said as he gave Sam the "I-am-right" look.

"Yes, it does…" Sam said as he looked at the paper.

"And the answer proper matched the clue."

"It does."

"Then why do you say it wrong?"

"Because the answer grid said it is wrong."

Cas's face turned into a utterly confused look.

"Then…the answer grid is flawed."

He could tell by his brother's face that he was trying hard not to laugh. The same thing went for him.

End of Silence

Next Chapter: Throwing Stones

Chapter Text

Samuel was angry.

He was still learning human emotions but he was pretty sure that Sam was angry. His shoulders were tense. His body was still. There was something in his hands but he couldn't see what it was. He was unlike Dean with all of his moving and hand waving. His body langage was clear. His words were easy to understand….most of the time.

Sam was different.

When he should have shown angry, he was calm. When he should be proud of his actions, he was guilty. When he should be happy, he is sad. This complex of humanity made his head ache to make sense.

No wonder his brothers and sisters had no idea what to do with Samuel Winchester.
On most days, he didn't know what to do either.

"Did you know that the mouse was the orginal tooth fairy? In Scotland and France, a fairy mouse would leave coins when the children left their tooth under their pillow."

He tilted his head slightly. He had no idea what to respond. He had no idea about these fairy tooth things were. It was almost as bad as the conversation with Dean about the cellphone. He hated the device. It beeped at weird times. It complained at him about minutes. He couldn't figure out all of the buttons. It talks about voice mails…which he wasn't quite sure where that was. It was device he truly wish to burn in hell.

"Did you know the joy buzzer doesn't cause electronic shock…it just causes viberations to appear like shock."

Again…he had no clue how to respond. Most of the time, Sam made more sense than Dean.

"I did not…know this."

Sam just chuckled softly.

"Hmmm…."

Sam slipped into silence. He shifted uncomfortable in his spot. Perhaps, he should leave.

"Then how did you know that Jesse was going to destory the world?"

"I explain it earlier…"

"Yes…yes, you did. I just don't get it."

His feet shifted again. He didn't like the unsettling feeling of emotions running through him.

"What do you not get?"

"Why didn't you kill me when you had the chance?"

He felt something twist in his stomach. He didn't like the feeling…it was unsettling much like the emotions.

"I mean honestly…you could have killed me years ago…and yet you didn't. You could have spared a lot of people a lot of pain if you killed me. I guess you guys really hate the human race that much."

He didn't hate the humanity. He found them fascinating and he thought that by following orders he was saving humanity. He was wrong. He didn't realize that until the end.

"Yet, it just boggled my mind that you wanted to kill a child that had no clue what he was."

"It was a protective measure."

Another hollow laugh escaped Sam's lips. He wanted to leave. He wanted to escape these emotions rising up from his stomach.

"In order to save millions by killing one…yes, I remember."

It just occurred him that he recalled these emotions. It was guilt. It was the same guilt that ate him when Dean was trapped in the room. The same guilt when they took Anne away. Sam moved away from the railing and turned toward him. He moved toward the room that he shared with his brother. He stopped in front of him but he didn't turn to look at him.

"Open your hand."

Slowly, he put his hand out and Sam dropped an oddly shaped metal device into his hand. It felt cool to the touch.

"Perhaps, next time, you take your own advice and keep the door shut."

With those words, Sam disappeared back into the room. He was left with a strange device and his thoughts.

He didn't like that very much.

End of Throwing Stones

Next Chapter: Picking Up The Shattering Glass

Chapter Text

Sam threw the magazine back on the table. Damn it, someone did the crossword in that magazine already. The waiting room didn't have that many magazines. Scary thing was that he read all of the magazines already. Briefly, he thought about going back to the motel's room and just forgetting the shot. Dean would notice…He sighed softly. They were really working on their issues…he didn't want to take a step back. There was the whole issue that Dean and Bobby needed to talk. Although, they didn't say it out loud that they needed to talk but he could tell. He was positive that Bobby and his brother were having an extending bonding moment. His lips turned into a slight grin.

He is probably coming back to them drinking and Dean trying to get Bobby do something insane with his wheelchair. Bobby would reply by hitting him over the head with his hat. He leaned back into his chair and stares at the white ceiling. He wondered how old some of those stains were…then he tilted his head toward the fake plant on the right side of him. Something caught his eye. He leaned over and pick up the pinkish blue object. He grinned a little.

It was one of those bouncy balls that you got from the quarter machines.

He sat up from the chair and bounced the ball on the floor.

Thuck.

Thuck.

Thuck.

Thuck.

"Are you ill?"

He didn't need to look up to know who it was. They were avoiding each other which was fine to him. At least, that is what Dean said. Kind of hard to avoid someone when they pop up and disappear when they want.

"No."

Thuck.

Thuck.

Thuck.

"Then why are you here?"

Thuck.

Thuck.

Thuck.

"To get a shot."

"Why do you need a shot?"

He wasn't about to explain the whole incident with the witch.

"To remain healthy."

He caught the ball and rolled it in his hand. He almost wanted to glance over at Cas to see his face….almost. He heard the chair shifted beside him and then an uncomfortable silence followed. He just started bouncing the ball again.

Thuck.

Thuck.

Thuck.

"How did you know?"

He bounced the ball one more time then rolled it between his fingers. He felt the texture of the rubber…the little scratches…and the pieces of sand that it picked up.

"I had a month to think over my actions…my mistakes. I thought what of the things that I could have done differently. It is remarkable what you can learn in hindsight. But the one thing I couldn't figure out was the door until now."

Another uncomfortable silence fell between them. He really didn't know what Cas wanted to say or could say.

"I…too have been thinking over the past year. The decisions I have made…I felt guilty for my actions. I…I apologize."

Three little words. How many times has he said those words himself? How utter useless those words were but how utter powerful they were. Finally, he glanced over at the angel. Cas remind motionless but something in his face. He could do and say a lot of things. Some of them were malevolence. Some could be done in angry. He could take apology but he doubt he could. Not right now. Right now, he just felt…tired.

"The guilt doesn't really go away. It is like a scar. Memories and new experiences grow over it…but you will still remember."

"I don't like this feeling."

"No one does."

He bounced the ball on the floor again to break up the silence. He expected that Cas would leave after he got his answer but every time, he glanced over at the angel. He was watching him with a curious look on his face. He would offer him a crossword puzzle but he done them already. He caught the ball then offered it to Cas. Cas stared at him for longest time before he took the ball.

"What is its purpose?"

"To keep people entertain and it used to play games."

He had a distant impression that he was about to entertain by Cas. Cas focus on the ball like he was trying to figure out the ultimate question of the universe. Cas dropped the ball on the floor and caught it when it came up.

Thuck.

Thuck.

Thuck.

"Mr. Bolton?"

Whack!

He winced slightly at the woman with the clip board. She gave Cas a dirty look. Cas's face flashed a guilty look.

Dean isn't going to believe this.

End of Picking up the Shattering Glass

Next Chapter; Building a Foundation

Chapter Text

"Dude…are you like a robber or something?"

The voice caught him off guard. Sam turned away from where he was ordering his and his brother's coffee. He couldn't figure out why Castiel was here. Normally, he didn't pop up when other people were around. He blinked when he saw Cas standing right in the guy's personal space. It really didn't help that Castiel towering over the guy either. The other guy was short. His mind quickly categorized everything about the man. He was about 5'2 or 5'3 in height. Black hair, brown eyes…by his skin color…possible Asian descent.

He could already hear Dean's voice make short jokes about the guy.

Cas gave the guy a strange look.

"I have no desire to steal your belongings."

"Uhh…nice to know."

Firmly, he pulled Cas away from the guy before he decided to call the police. Why did he get out of bed this morning?

"Friend of yours, dude?" The guy said.

"You can say that," He said.

Cas gave him a strange look then looked back at the other guy.

"Are you going to finish your order, sir?" the clerk said.

"Hold on…" He said as he turned around to look at the clerk.

"There are two of them," Cas said.

"Lu?" Another voice said.

He turned and blinked for second. Now, he understood why Cas giving the other guy such strange looks. They were identical twins.

"Hey, bro! Over here," Lu said with a shout.

"I can see that," The other brother said

Lu rolled his eyes with amusement. Now, that the brothers were standing side by side. It was interesting to compare them. Lu had the surfer accent and causal outfit to match with it. While his brother didn't have such accent, he dressed like someone was going to meeting. His black pants and jacket was clean and pressed.

"Are you trying to scare the locals?"

"Nah….Just met…uhh…" Lu said as he eyed us then his brother.

"Are you going to finish your order, sir?" The clerk said with annoyance.

"Dude, chill…they were just waiting for us. The same thing as always for you, bro?" Lu said as he turned to his brother.

"The same," The other brother said as he eyed Cas. Cas was busy giving him the curious look. He felt a headache coming on.

"What about the trench coat dude? Coffee?" Lu said.

He cut off Cas before he could say anything that he would have to explain.

"Yes…Yes…Coffee would be fine. You really didn't have to…"

Lu waved it off and moved toward the counter.

"Not a problem…Pay it forward."

"You are short." Cas said to the other twin.

Too late about having to explain things.

"And you are wearing a trench coat and your hair looks like a dust bunny with wings got into it. If that isn't stating the obvious, then I don't know what is." The other brother said with a slightly amused look.

Dean would love this guy.

"I'm sorry…He doesn't get out much," He said.

"I can see that."

"Excuse me for a moment…"

He pulled Cas to the side.

"Cas…I…am not sure why you are here."

"They remind me of…" Cas started to say before Lu interrupted.

"Coffee! Dude, is there a reason for the extra cup?" Lu said as he came up to him. He handed him the paper cup holder with their coffee.

"One is for my brother…He is asleep." He said.

"He isn't…"

Lu waved his hand at Cas.

"No….No…"

"It is hot and bitter."

He turned his head away from Lu to see Cas eyeing the cup of coffee. How…when…never mind. It was become apparent that Cas is like a little kid that you couldn't turn your back on without getting into trouble.

In other words…he was become like Dean.

"It would probably help if you let it cool and add sugar and creamer to it," the other twin said with slight amazed look. Lu was staring at Cas with the same look on his face.

"Dude….and I thought you were weird."

"Say the guy who tried to impress a girl with chopsticks."

"Bro…I was in 7th grade and I didn't know any better."

The other twin snorted.

"You should talk….You get up 5 o'clock in the morning! Just to read. I mean…seriously…Normal people sleep during that time, bro."

"Normal people don't come in at that time of night either."

"Bro, the night life is important for a musician!"

He grinned slightly as he listened to the twins bicker back and forward. It reminded of him of him and Dean…

The good old days…simple hunts…finding dad.

He sighed softly.

He never thought he would miss those days.

"…and you kept stealing blankets."

"…and magically, the pillows would disappear. Dude, why in the world do you need that many pillows for?"

"Because you stolen the blankets…Now enough of this. We have work to do and we have traumatized these poor people enough today. Good day," The twin said as he dragged Lu out of the store.

"Bye, trench coat dude and really tall dude! OUCH…BRO! That hurt!" Lu said as he dragged out of the store.

"That was interesting."

He turned to look at Cas, who was wearing the strangest expression on his face.

"Cas…?"

"Despite all of their disagreements, there is affection under their words. They remembered me of some of my brothers and sisters"

He didn't know what to say. Cas never really talked about the other angels. He can imagine that seeing Gabriel would stir up some old memories.

"That comes with being brothers."

He watched Castiel shifted from side to side uncomfortable and a frown formed on his face.

"It made me think of home, Sam. I didn't realize on how much I missed it."

He couldn't think of anything to say. The only thing he could do was set his hand on his shoulder.

End of Building a Foundation

Next Chapter: The Famous Incident with The Coffee Maker

Chapter Text

Sam loved mornings. It is a time when the libraries were practically empty. There were a few cars on the streets. People were far and in between. He ran his hand through his wet hair as the water continued to pour from the sprinklers. He glanced over Cas, who was still staring at the coffee maker with a utter confused look on his face.

Some days…it wasn't good to be a morning person.

-SNSN-

Gently, he closed the door behind him. Dean was still knocked out on the bed. They were actually staying at a place that had a free breakfast. There was a strong possibility of fruit being there. As much as his brother enjoyed some of the diners that they ate at, he didn't. Sometimes, he has the mental image of his heart get clogging up when he eyed the grease dripping from the bacon. His body shivered at the thought. He pushed open the lobby's door. He stopped in tracks. He blinked a few times to understand what he was seeing.

Cas and a coffee maker.

That wasn't the problem.

The problem was that Cas was turning the coffee maker upside down. Coffee and coffee grinds were going everywhere. Funny thing, no one was pay attention to him. He was working his angel-mojo again.

"Cas?"

Cas turned around and blinked.

"What are you doing?"

"I wish to have some coffee."

If Dean could get Cas to like beer, he could get him hook on coffee.

Joy.

"Cas…that isn't the way to do it. And I thought you didn't like it."

"I didn't like it at first. Then I add sugar and white liquid…uh…creamer…like Theo suggested. And it is still bitter but it to have an appealing taste."

Theo? It must be the other twin…how did…never mind. Never mind. If he ever met the twins again, he would be sure to thank them.

Right now, he had to stop Cas from burning down the place.

"I'm glad you found coffee enjoyable. Can you put down the coffee maker now?"

Cas blinked for a moment then gently put the coffee maker down.

"Good…thank you."

Right now, he was thanking God that Cas didn't show up at the convention. The thoughts and images alone gave him a headache. Cas was watching him….expecting something.

Oh, right…

Quickly, he put the coffee maker back into working order.

"Okay…Future reference, you put the filter in here, and then you add the coffee here. The next thing is add water here. Then you push the button here. That is how you make coffee. Any questions?"

"Is the wall supposed to be on fire?"

He turned to see sparks coming from the wall. Smoke rose toward the ceiling. That is when the sparklers went off.

That is it.

He is taking Cas to Starbucks next time.

-SPNSPN-

He was tying his boots when Cas and Sam came in.

A very wet Sam and Cas.

Sam pushed Cas toward him then stopped.

"I am going to take a shower. It is your turn," Sam said as he stomped into the bathroom and slam the door. He looked away from the door to Cas. Cas blinked at him for a moment then offered one of the cups in his hand.

"Coffee?"

End of The Famous Incident With The Coffee Maker

Next Chapter: What is Abandoned and What is Found

Chapter Text

Castiel liked the stars.

It always astounded him how small they were from here.

Sometimes, when he searched for his father, he would look up at the stars. It distracted him from the unpleasant thoughts of his inability to find father. He would get lost on how they glow in the night sky. How each one was different and unique.

But the stars couldn't distract him from this feeling in his stomach and chest. He couldn't place it or understand it. Human emotions still confused him. He could place most of them.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Hate.

Guilt.

This feeling ate at him. It wasn't the feeling he felt when he aided in Uriel's death. It wasn't the feeling when he betrayed Anne. He couldn't place it and it made him feel exasperated. He heard the opening of a door and sound of footsteps. He really didn't need to turn around to know who it is. It was the only person in the house who wasn't trying to pretend that they were asleep.

"You should be asleep, Sam."

He heard nothing but the cracking of the floor boards. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sam appear. He watched as Sam walked passed him and took a seat on the top of the stairs. Sam stared out into the rows and rows of cars before him. The uneasy silence made him shifted from side to side.

"It wouldn't do much good."

He tilted his head slightly at Sam. He waited for Sam to continue but slowly, the silence returned. It was strange. Most of the time, he enjoyed the silence. Now, it made him feel uncomfortable.

"Why?"

The words tumbled out of his mouth.

"At sunrise, Dean will roll out of bed. He will demand coffee then come out here…and maybe fixing a car or two. Possible help Bobby on an errand."

He was confused. What does have anything do with not sleeping?

"Most of all, he won't grieve. He won't talk. He will lock himself in. I am going try my damnest to get him to talk," Sam said with a sigh.

He looked away for a moment. He knew the words that Sam spoke were true. His curiosity peeked.

"And you?"

"I will grieve on my own time."

For a brief moment, he longed for the powers of heaven. To understand…to know. Right now, he is left with a mystery.

"You can grieve too, you know."

He blinked in surprise. Was he grieving? No, Ellen and Jo were nothing like his brothers and sisters' deaths. That deep sadness…that loneness that he would never see them again. This feeling was different.

"I am not grieving."

Sam chuckled softly. He didn't find anything fun.

"You still need to work on lying, Cas."

"I am not lying."

"Then why are you still here?"

That thought gave him pause. Why was he still here? Why hasn't he left? There is nothing to be done here. He should leave but he doesn't. Why?

"I…don't know."

"Everyone grieves differently, Cas."

"But I barely knew them."

"Does it matter?"

He bowed his head slightly as the strange feeling bubble up within him.

No, it didn't matter. This feeling was grief but a different type of grief.

Like some human emotions, he found that he didn't like this emotion very much.

End of What is Abandoned and What is Found

Next Chapter: At One Time

Chapter Text

Castiel titled his head as he watched Sam work.

Whatever it was, Sam has been working days on it. He rarely left the small black book alone. He brought it outside while Dean was working on the various cars. He brought it with him when he ate dinner which he had noticed wasn't very often.

He also noted that Sam was right about Dean.

Dean avoided talking about Ellen and Jo. He would talk about things like plug sparks and card boxes then he goes on to show him where they got in the car. It is all very confusing and made his head hurt.

While Dean was talkative, Sam wasn't.

He should rephrase that line of thinking. Sam talked to Dean at approximately 3 in the afternoon and 10 at night. He was slightly confused on why Sam chose these times to talk to Dean. He was slightly distracted and used quite a bit of energy on taking apart those cars.

Perhaps, he will ask Sam about that later.

If Sam would talk to him.

Outside of his conversations with Dean and occasionally, Bobby, Sam rarely talked. He acknowledged his presence with the nod of his head. For the past few days, he thought Sam was grieving. By the end of the week, he changed his mind. Sam's behavior became erratic.

He slept about three to four hours a night.

He didn't eat adequate amount of food.

It was starting to show in the hollowness of his cheeks.

He noticed that Bobby was noticing but he was unsuccessful at Sam to acknowledge there was a problem. It was mildly frustrating and confusing.

At one time, he would care little about the welfare of Samuel Winchester.

At one time, he would care only if Samuel performed what he was destiny to do.

And now….he is left with emotion that he once only reserve for Dean.

Worry.

He no longer worried just about Dean…but Sam and Bobby as well.

It was confusing.

He could already hear Dean's voice inside of his head telling him that he was becoming more human.

He had no idea how to feel about this.

But he knew that he needed to worry now.

His hand brushed the little black book that Sam left on the desk. His curiosity was peeked but he has no business looking into the book.

"You can look, you know," Sam's voice said behind him.

"It is yours…I have no business reading it," He said as he stepped away from the desk. Sam came into view and picked up the book

"Actually, it is Bobby's book. I am just borrowing while I was here."

Sam held it in the palm of his hand and flipped it open. He turned it around and showed him.

It was his language.

Enochian.

He reached over and his fingers ghosted over the familiar symbols.

"Why?"

"I wanted to learn and it keeps the mind occurred at night."

"You are unable to sleep?"
Sam shrugged his shoulders.

"Nightmares…Lucifer…take your pick. They are both to the same to me."

He had no response for that.

"I can…"

The look on his face cut off his sentence.

"No."

"You need your strength."

"No."

He marveled at the determination and strength on Sam's face. Briefly, he wondered what Sam faced in his dreams. He turned his attention back to the book.

"I can teach you."

Sam tilted his head a little and stared at him for a moment.

"I would like that."

At one time, he would care little of Samuel's dreams.

At one time, he would care little of Samuel's choices as long as it was the right ones.

Now, he would care if his brother came into his dreams.

Not because of the world…

Because now, he cared.

End of At One Time

Next Chapter: First Time For Everything

Chapter Text

When Sam approached the kitchen, the first thing that Sam noticed was the smell.

It was awful burning smell.

The first thought that Bobby was burning something. That was until he popped his head into the kitchen and saw Cas standing over the coffee maker. He noticed the coffee and coffee grinds all over the floor and counters.

His second thought that popped into his head was Bobby was going to kill Cas for making a mess.

And kill him second for getting Cas hooked on coffee in the first place.

"Uhh…Cas…," He said softly.

Cas turned around and frowned at him.

"The instructions you told me to operate this machine seemed to be false."

He approached Cas and the coffee maker. He examined it for a moment then looked at Cas.

"Uhh…Cas."

"Yes?"

He put the coffee pot under the coffee drip.

"You forgot to put the pot in."

"Oh."

He sighed as he grabbed some paper towels and started to clean up Cas's mess.

"I…would like to try again."

He eyed the coffee maker then Cas.

"Okay…but I am watching."

Castiel nodded his head and got to work. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Cas put the filler in the coffee maker. Once he made sure Cas wasn't going to burn down the place, he worked on cleaning up the mess. How did Cas get so much coffee grinds on the floor was beyond him?

He felt something pressed against his shoulder. He turned to see Cas holding a cup of coffee. He took the cup and stared at it.

It looked liked coffee and it smelled like coffee.

Question is…did it taste like coffee?

He got some creamer out of the fridge, opened it, and poured it into his cup. He was about to offer some creamer to Cas when he noticed that Cas was pouring sugar into his mug.

Way to much sugar.

If he wasn't an angel, he had brief thoughts of Cas driving himself into a diabetic coma. He set his cup on the counter. He took away the sugar from the angel then added creamer.

He set the sugar and creamer on the counter. He picked up his cup. Cas was eyeing him…waiting for him. He sighed and took a sip.

……

He winced softly.

How much coffee did Cas put in there?

"Very strong."

"Uhh…very."

That is when Cas decided to try to make another pot full of coffee.

"You are going to get Bobby some more coffee."

Cas nodded his head as he went to work to make another pot of coffee.

Who knew angels were so picky about their coffee?

A few minutes later, Cas thrust another cup of coffee toward him. He took it and added sugar and creamer to it.

Cas watched him liked Dean did when he was seven and made sure he took his medicine. How did he get to be a guinea pig? He took a sip.

Well…it was nice for sugared colored water.

Cas must have read something in his face or head. He poured the pot of coffee out and tried again.

The next cup could peel paint off the house.
The cup following that tasted like coffee grinds.

He wasn't sure how Cas did that either because he watching him very closely.

He lost count on how many cups of coffee he had before Cas made a decent cup of coffee that pleased him. He looked very pleased with himself as

It wasn't until a few hours later, that Bobby was screaming who was the idjit that used up all of the coffee, did Cas have a guilty expression on his face.

At that moment, he couldn't help but laugh.

End of First Time For Anything

Next Chapter; Symbolism

Chapter Text

Sam just stared at the marking that he drew on the wall.

2 minutes and 45 seconds.

He needed to draw it faster.

He threw the chalk on the ground and moved toward the bucket. He took the wet rag out of the bucket and washed the markings off the wall. He stepped away and dropped the rag back into the bucket.

"You have been doing this for an hour."

He didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Practice makes prefect, Cas."

"You perfected it 30 minutes ago, Sam."

He almost wanted to laugh but he didn't.

"Not fast enough."

He leaned over and picked up the chalk from the floor. He hit the button on his watch to start the timer then started drawing again. He pressed the chalk against the wall and went to work. His inner "geek" as Dean liked to call it enjoyed the fact he was learning something new. He was fascinated by the curves and symbols. Sometimes, the Devil's Trap did the same thing for him for very different reasons. He stepped away from it once he was finished. He looked down at his watch.

2 minutes and 5 seconds.

Need to be faster.

He slipped the chalk into his pocket and repeated the process of cleaning the wall off. He dropped the rag into the bucket and then he reached over to reset his watch. He picked the piece of chalk out of his pocket and started again.

1 minute and 54 seconds.

Again.

"I don't see the purpose of this, Sam…"

He picked the rag again from the bucket and pause for a moment.

"The angels won't leave me alone forever, Cas…even with the protection symbol you carve into my ribs."

The silence answered his question. Castiel knew that he was right. He had time to think about it. On the chess board, he was the king. It was the highest prize piece on the board. Lucifer's meat suit. Through most of the game, it left alone…protected. Other pieces slowly knock each other out until the king was left alone. Then…the reminding pieces attacked the king, and then it is game over.

1 minute and 46 seconds.

"Is this why you are doing this?"

In retrospective, Dean was the queen. A smile played on his face. Dean wouldn't want to hear that but it made sense. It was the piece that everyone was after because its ability to attack from all positions. It was highly prized in its own right. Once the piece was taken out of the equation, the game was almost won.

"No."

Castiel was the knight. It was limited in some ways but flexible in others. It never moved in a straight line but always…always had a goal in mind.

1 minute and 35 seconds

"Your thinking…confuse me."

"Then you need to stop reading my thoughts."

There was no heat in his voice. He wasn't upset. He has long gotten over the fact that they could have stopped him. That they could have stopped this. The angels made their choices too. They wanted their heaven on earth.

The road to hell was paved in good intentions.

He should know.

"I apology."

"No need."

1 minute and 21 seconds.

The silence echoed through the air as he erased the marking again. As minutes pass, he felt the world was almost going too exploded in that silence. So he spoke. He spoke to get rid of the silence…or the uneasiness he felt in his stomach. It was the same feeling he got when he sense something was off. His mind shut down that line of thinking. His powers were gone.

Utterly gone.

"You know…I find this all very symbolic."

"I do not understand."

"A devil's trap protects…This…repels. Michael and Lucifer. Angels and demons. Me…Dean…Us…Them. Truths and Lies. Very symbolic and very pointless."

1 minute and 11 seconds.

"Again…I don't see your point, Sam."

He could hear the frustration in Cas's voice…even if he couldn't. Cas has become remarkably more and more human every day. He had no idea if that was a bad or good thing. Cas would know more than him…or perhaps, Gabriel.

"I think you do…but you don't see it. You aren't the same angel as you were a year ago. Neither am I the same person. How I view you and how you view me has changed."

"How do you view me?"

He dropped the piece of chalk on the ground and stared at the wall. He glanced at his watch again.

58 seconds.

"I have no idea."

End of Symbolism

Next Chapter: Beneath the Surface

Chapter Text

Sam was angry.

Hell, he had the right to be.

Some kid decided to use his body like a play toy. He had marks and bruises that he had no idea where they came from. A part of him really didn't want to know.

Suddenly, he burst out laughing.

It has become the story of his life.

Everyone wanted a piece of him.

Azazel, Meg, Ruby, Lucifer…the list goes on and on.

He was sick of it.

He swung the baseball bat that he borrowed from a local kid.

Crack!

The bottle shattered and the pieces of glass flew everywhere. He felt the tiny pieces in his hair. He felt them glaze across his face. He picked up another bottle and set it on the wooden post.

Bury it, Sam.

Crack!

The bottle didn't break but it was sent flying across the field. He could hear the bottle shatter in the distance.

Home run.

Bury it, Sam.

He set up another bottle and hit it again.

Smash!

Funny thing he was sick and tired of burying it. He was sick and tired of the angry eating away at him. He was simple tired of being sick and tired. He set up another bottle carefully. He would have line the bottles in a row and smash each every last one of them if there was a fence around.

But there wasn't.

Crack!

This would have to do.

Crack!

He pressed the baseball bat against his forehead. His heart was pounding in his chest. He could see his frosted breathe in the air then he swung. There wasn't a bottle on the post anymore. It still felt good to hit something.

Crack!

He imagined in his head that it was Lucifer.

Crack!

Bury it, Sam.

Crack!

Yellow Eyes…

Crack!

Bury it, Sam.

Crack!

Dad…

Crack!

Bury it, Sam

Crack!

God, even himself.

Crack!

The bat cracked under pressure. He felt the wood splitter in his hands. He tossed the bat aside and collapse to the ground. His body was sore. His muscles ached. He stared at the broken pieces of glass. The fading sunlight seemed to make the pieces glow.

"Dean has been trying to reach you on the cellphone."

He grinned slightly at Cas's presence. He wasn't quite sure how the angel found him but whatever.

"I told Dean that I was out to vent."

"He believed that you went to the place with many strange substances."

"Not this time."

"Oh….Does it make you feel better? Destroying the bottles?"

"A little. I would let you try…if I didn't destroy the bat."

He waved his hand at the broken bat.

"But I am not angry."

He made no comment as he stared at the glass. He heard Cas shifting beside him.

"Are you angry with me?"

"No…Did Dean tell you what happened?"

"A little…something about you shouldn't be left out at night and teenagers needing new hobbies. It was a very confusing story."

He almost burst out laughing but he only managed a chuckle.

"Close enough, Cas. How has the search for God coming?"

"Unfruitful….but I have learned about pigs in a blanket."

A million thoughts and comments came to mind but the first word that came out of his mouth was oh.

"Yes…I wandered into this festival. It was very loud and bright. Small children were playing games. They were awarding ribbons to poultry...I do not understand why human give them ribbons. What use do that they have for them? I paused by this sign that advised pigs in a blanket. I was slightly confused when I saw no pigs wrapped in any blankets. I didn't realize I spoken. The woman laughed and gave me this bread covered sausage. It was…interesting tasting. I have a preference toward coffee still."

He would have done what Dean would have done. He laughed. He laughed until his stomach ached. He laughed until his sides hurt. It probably didn't help that Cas was giving him a very confused look. Finally, he stopped laughing enough to speak.

"Thank you, Cas."

"I do not understand what I did."

He smiled a little. He could have explained that Cas helped him out but he would no doubly confuse the angel. So, he chose another route. He got off the ground and dusted himself off.

"After I clean up the mess I made, I am going to introduce you to ice cream."

"Is it better than coffee?"

"Oh, yes."

End of Beneath the Surface

Next Chapter: Friend, You Are

Chapter Text

Sam came to conclusion that angels don't wake up like them.

Or maybe, it was just Cas.

Castiel didn't even twitched when he bolted up from the bed. He looked around in confusion then lie back down. He moved away from his laptop and approached the bed to make sure he was alright.

Cast didn't even flinch when he touched his shoulder.

"Cas?"

Nothing.

He watched Cas out of the corner of his eye as he returned to his laptop. He was about to take his seat again before Cas shot up again from the bed. He looked around until he saw him.

"Sam?"

"Cas, how are you feeling, man?" He said as he approached Cas again.

"I feel nauseous. My head hurts and my vision continues to make the room spin."

He glanced over at the bottle on the table. He wasn't sure how pain killers would work on angels. Hell, he didn't know the first thing about treating angels. First thing he did was force Cas to sit against the head board. He couldn't have him take another nose dive.
Cas eyed him as he moved away from the bed.

"I see that Anna has been stopped," Cas said softly.

He really didn't have the words to tell him that Anna was dead. It was either him or Dean. And since Dean was on a take out run, he guessed it was up to him.

"I am sorry. Anna is dead."

He watched Cas's shoulder shag down and his eyes closed briefly.

"What happened?"

"According to Dean, Michael was the one who killed her."

Cas's eyes widened at Michael's name.

"Dean didn't say…."

He waved his hand around to cut him off.

"No…No…Michael jumped into dad. Made him his temporary vessel. Dean and he had a chat before he sent us home."
Over the past year, he got better at reading Castiel's facial expressions. The one that Cas was wearing was just blank or maybe, it is shock.

"What did they converse about?"

"Bloodlines…destiny…at least, that is what Dean said."

Cas tilted his head slightly.

"You were not present for this conversation?"

He had no idea how to explain he died…again. Dean didn't say much on the subject but he could tell. Two words….Cold Oak. Cas's reaction…Well, he had no idea how Cas would react since he tried so hard to prevent Anna from doing the same thing. He wondered briefly…in the beginning, did Castiel want to do the same?

Killing him before this whole thing got out of hand.

It would have saved a lot of lives.

He sighed.

"I was unconscious."

If he wasn't paying attention to Cas's face, he would have missed the tightening of his face and his eyes grew a little harder. Briefly, he wondered if Cas's fading angel powers kicked in and he read his mind.

"You died."

"Michael brought me back. He seemed to want this showdown as much as Lucifer."

"You died," Cas said angrily.

He laughed bitterly.

"And the world would have been better if I did."

The angry drained out of Cas's face.

"You…really believe this?"

"Yes."

"Then the world would have ended sooner," Cas said in a whisper.

Everything just stopped.

"What?"

"Do you think Azazal's other chosen would have fought? They would have welcomed him."

He opened his mouth then shut it. Cas had a point. It doesn't make him feel any better. He ran his hand through his hair and looked away.

"We don't know that for a fact…."

Cas's silence answered his question before he could even finish it. He sighed again.

"One good thing about this trip is I got to meet mom. I…it was remarkable."

"Perhaps, I will have the same feeling when I meet Father…"

He tilted his head slightly. He wanted to say a lot of things…too many things.

"I bet it will be. Do you need any coffee or anything?"

"I believe rest will aid me the best."

He nodded his head and was about to walk toward his laptop until Cas called his name..

"Sam?"

"Dean, Bobby, and people you have met along the way aren't the only who mourn your death, I would have as well."

His heart dropped down to his stomach and his throat tightened up. The words escaped his mouth.

"Why?"

"Because you are my friend, Sam."

The words hit him like a train. Only a few weeks ago, Cas asked how he viewed him. They have been slowly breaking the ice between them. Finding common ground. Teaching and learning from each other.

Somewhere, there has been shift and he must have missed.

But staying there…It finally clicked into place. He had no words describe the emotions running through his head. It all melted down to two words.
"Thank you."

End of Friend, Am I

Chapter Text

Castiel counted while he stood outside of the door.

He counted how much time that it took Sam to stop screaming.

One day, 13 hours, and 56 minutes

He counted how many hours that it took Sam to stop pounding on the door.

21 hours and 12 minutes

He counted how much time that it took Sam to sleep.

22 hours and 34 minutes

He counted how much time that nightmares still plagued Sam.

5 hours and still counting…

He counted how many times that Dean came and went in last three days.

39 times

Dean would stay for hours until his brother's cries and screams got too much for him. He would leave in his own guilt and helplessness.

He counted how many times that Bobby called on his cellphone.

45 times or perhaps maybe more…since his phone did run out of batteries at one point. At that point, Dean brought him a new one down. While Bobby couldn't be here physically, his presence was felt.

But standing there…counting, he felt lost.

He couldn't help Sam or Dean. He could only watch and offer words of comfort which solved nothing.

A part of him wanted to open the door to check on Sam, to see if he was well…to see if he was alright. A much louder part of him spoke out…told him about the last time that he opened the door…

He had to do something…the waiting was unnerving and he couldn't count anymore.

"Sam?"

A moment passed…then another…

He really shouldn't expect an answer but he had to try.

"Cas?"

Sam's voice sounded gritty and rough.

"Are you well?

Sam's laughter was bitter. He continued laughing until he started coughing.

"Like crap."

He was inclined to agree.

"Do you wish for anything?"

Sam didn't answer. For a brief moment, he thought Sam may have fallen asleep again.

"How are you feeling?"

"I am fine…Although, I can't get the smell of hamburger out of my coat. It is very nauseous."

He heard laugh?...cough through the door.

"I bet."

"Sam…? Are you positive that you don't wish for anything? I can get Dean if you…"

"NO! No…I'm going to sleep for awhile. Maybe later…"

He paused slightly. He wanted to say something. Something encouraging…something…anything.
"Even under the influence of demon blood, you fought Famine admirably. I was quite impressed"

The silence was long and heavy. He frowned slightly. He believed he said the wrong thing again. He could barely heard Sam's next words through the door

"I didn't fight him enough."

"I'm an angel of the lord and I couldn't fight him."

"This is different, Cas."

"I do not see how this is different."

"I have experience. I should know how to deal with this."

"Yes, you gave in but you resisted and won. I wished I had your strength. I did nothing as the urges of my vessel over took me. I ate and ate and couldn't stop. The smell and the taste…it drew me in and couldn't stop, Sam"

"It wasn't your fault, Cas."

"Neither was it yours."

He could have sworn he heard Sam sighing behind the door.

"But Dean wasn't effected."

He paused. Since their journey to the past and back, Dean has been acting strange…different. He could not figure it out. Surely, Sam has noticed…

"Dean's behavior has been strange lately."

"You noticed too. I tried talking to him. It feels like I am talking to a brick wall."

He frowned slightly. Another reference. He believed Dean has said this before.

Yes, brick wall meant stubbornness.

"It is mild frustrating."

Another rough laugh escaped from behind the door.

"Very."

He stared at the door and frowned. He wanted to say more but the words escaped him. The silence grew longer and heavier as the minutes ticked by.

"Cas…what would have happen if you saw a hamburger again?"

"I would smite it."

Sam's laughter came through the door but soon turned into coughing again. He wondered why Sam was so amused.

"I would do the same," Sam said softly.

He didn't realize how tired Sam sounded. Sam needed to rest and he needed to report to Bobby and Dean that Sam is recovering.

"You need to rest, Sam. I will be back shortly."

"Thanks…Hey, Cas?"

"Yes?'

"Thank you for keeping the door closed this time."

An emotion rose up in him that he couldn't describe but it made his throat tighten and his heart pounded.

"You are welcome, Sam."

As he disappeared from the panic room, he hoped Sam realized how hard it was for him to keep the door closed this time.

End of Hunger and Strength

Next Chapter: Bending, But Never Breaking

Chapter Text

You have reached the voice mail of--.
I don't understand. Why do you want me to say my name?

Sam sighed as he shut his cellphone. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He leaned back onto the park bench. Cas wasn't answering his phone. He had no idea what Cas's state of mind will be. If it was anything like Dean….

His grip tightened around his phone. He wanted to beat the crap out of something. He wanted to throw his phone on the ground and stomp on it. He wanted to just scream and curse. Heaven was playing a rigged game. Sure, those were good memories. But there were only a small sample. He had just as great memories of Dean and dad.

He tried telling that to Dean but he was shutting him out.

He tried talking and every button he knew how to push to get Dean to react.

Nothing.

He was watching his brother spiral deeper and deeper into depression was like watching a car accident in slow motion and you can do nothing to stop it.

The only thing he could is hope and prayed to God that he could reach Dean before he does something he would regret.

He burst out laughing bitterly. It was funny. Out of the three of them, he was the only one with any faith.

He sighed as he bowed his head. He felt something warm on his shoulder.

"You look like someone ran over your puppy," a familiar voice said.

Instantly, he turned around and blinked. It was the twin…well one of the twins from the coffee house. How in the hell did he get here? Damn it, Damn it! Damn it! He left his weapons back in the car.

"Christo."

The twin's eye brow shot up and he tilted his head slightly.

"My Latin maybe a little rusty but I know for a fact that I am not God," The twin said in amusement.

"I….Sorry…You scared me."

"Sorry about that. Here," the twin said as he offered him a cup. Slowly, he reached out and took the cup. The twin grinned slightly then moved to the other side of the bench and took a seat.

"Are you going to tell me who ran over your puppy?"

He almost laughed right then and there. Oh, got shot and went to heaven. Oh? How about the zombies?

"Long story."

"I got time. My brother is currently seeing if he can out do nails on a chalkboard. He is running a close second right now."

"I thought your brother is a musician."

"Oh, he is. Very talented. But do you want to be in the room when they are experimenting or trying a new song? I think not."

A small smile played on his face. He opened the lid to the cup and looked down. Coffee. His thoughts instantly went to Cas. Ten bucks said that Cas wasn't drinking coffee right now. He knew Dean wasn't drinking coffee right now either. Him and vodka or something stronger.

"You aren't one?"

"God, no. I have no desire to get on a stage. I have terrible stage fright."

"Then why are you…?"

"Traveling with my brother? I am a history teacher that has been "permanently furlough." My brother decided that I needed a vacation and worked too much. It decided that I should tour with him. I am surprised that we haven't killed each other yet." The twin said with a shrug.

"I am sorry."

"It isn't the end of the world."

Oh, if only he knew.

"How is your friend…the one that look like he wrestled with his tie and lost?"

"Cas is having trouble with his father and faith…"

That was understatement of the year. Joshua's words hurt Cas a lot. His friend left too quickly for him to offer any comfort.

"Ah."

He glanced over at the other guy. He was sipping from his cup and his legs folded into Indian style. All of the warning bells in his head should have gone off. In his line of work, you don't meet people twice unless they are trying to kill you. But it didn't happen. It made him twitchy.

"Only advice I can give you is make sure he doesn't get alcohol poisoning. If he wants to talk, be there. Faith…that is like asking what came first: the chicken or the egg?"

That was a new one. He never heard that one before. His curiosity got the better of him.

"You are going to have to explain that one."

"People without faith are blind. Weather it is physical, mental, or emotional…they limit their choices. Darken their vision. Lost their way. They think it is their only choice."

"How is this like the chicken and the egg again?"

"It is because there are people with faith who won't give on them. They stay by them and guide them if needs be. Interesting enough, it is a cycle. Not always perfect. Sometimes, the egg or chicken don't make it."

He just stared at him for a moment then…he laughed. He shouldn't be laughing because the thought was morbid. But he couldn't help himself.

"You must drive your brother nuts."

He could see a smirk playing on the guy's face.

"Constantly. My favorite is if a tree falls in a forest and no one around to hear it, is it still a noise?"

Oh, yes…this guy would drive Dean nuts. He offered his hand to the guy.

"Sam."

The guy shook it and grinned.

"Theo."

He pulled away and stared down at his coffee cup.

"How do you know that I still have faith?"

"From what I saw from the coffee shop, you spent a great deal of time on the cellphone. He may no longer have faith in his father or himself, but you have faith in him. Hopefully, he will catch onto that fact."

Silence full the air between them. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was just there.

"So, Sam…since we are discussing philosophy things…what did come first: the chicken or the egg?"

End of Bending, But Never Breaking

Next Chapter: The Five Ways to Say No

Chapter Text

Castiel heard the car jet out of parking lot. He could smell the burning of tires in the air. He looked up when Sam slammed the door. Why must he be so loud? He rubbed the temples of his vessel as his head continued to pound. Sam scrambled to his duffel bag and started stuffing clothes and random items into it. He does not believe Sam needed the motel pen or its plastic cup holder.

"I am sorry, Father. We need to go. Do you have a place that you can stay?" Sam said in a panic.

"What is wrong?" the other man said.

"My brother is about to do something very stupid. Cas, do you think you will be ready when I get back?"

The room was no longer spinning and his stomach no longer felt twisting itself into a knot.

"Yes," He said

"You know your brother could come back…," the older man said.

He saw something flash in Sam's eyes. It was something to akin to panic and fear.

"No, I don't think he is."

-SPNSPNSPN-

He decided a few things about cars. These moving pieces of metal, glass, and plastic were slow. Under great speeds, his stomach and skull bounce around when Sam hit every bump and every pot hole in the road. He had distant thoughts about smiting him but that would require him work.

His thoughts weren't working properly to do such thing.

Somewhere between gathering his thoughts and making sure his stomach didn't somehow exit his mouth, the car came to a stop. He heard Sam getting out of the car and a few minutes later, returning. He felt something warm touch on his shoulder. He turned around to see Sam sitting in the driver's seat with a cup of coffee in his hand. He took the coffee and started up the engine.

"You might need this since painkillers haven't done much for your head. The coffee will help with the headache."

The smell of coffee seemed to ease his stomach and the warm liquid seemed to ease down his throat.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Perhaps, you should get some as well?"

A small smile formed on his face as he pulled the car out of the gas station. The smile didn't touch his eyes. The fear and panic from before was gone…it was replaced with a new look…desperation.

"No, I'm fine."

-SPNSPN-

Every place they visited, they were just a day or sometimes hours behind Dean.

With every person they visited, it looked liked Dean was going to say yes.

It made him angry. It made his blood boil and his vessel's heart pound. It made his hands tighten into fists.

He didn't fall for this.

He didn't try so hard for this to happen.

He felt something touch his shoulder again.

"I will talk to them. Stay here, Cas," Sam said softly before moving toward the house in question.

And Sam….

Sam left him in awe. With every place and person they visited, he surely thought that Sam would fall into desperate. He was wrong. With every stop, he saw Sam's eyes grew colder and little more determined. He also saw the dark shadows under Sam's eyes and his hands shook. Sam's lack of sleep bothered him a great deal but trying to get Sam to sleep more than two to three hours a night was impossible.

"We missed him by a day and a half…but I know where he is going now. We can get there by morning," Sam said as he approached him again.

"It would be wise if you rested, Sam…"

"No."

Briefly, he wondered if Sam was more stubborn than Dean.

-RBRBRBR-

"Once we get catch up with Dean, we need a plan," Sam said as he continued to drive down the road.

"I agree with Bobby's suggestion," He said.

A ghost of a smile formed on Sam's face.

"Hitting him over the head isn't going to work this time."

"Then what will?"

From Sam's glances, he was unsuccessful at keeping his anger from his voice.

"We are going to corner him. I will go in and talk to him first."

"Is that wise? He has been acting eccentric for quite awhile."

"No, it isn't wise. He is going to stone wall me. He is going to try to piss me off. He is going bring up every bad thing I ever did and throw it in my face. He is probably going to do the same thing to you."

"Then what happens?"

"If he refused to listen, you zap him to Bobby's. Hopefully, we can talk to sense into him there."

"If he refused to do so?"

"No…he won't"

He wondered how Sam could have so much faith in his brother when he didn't.

-SPNSPN-

He watched as Sam got off the phone with Bobby. Sam frowned as he stared at the Impala in the parking lot.

"Are you ready, Cas?"

"Yes."

Sam opened the car door to get out.

"Sam?"

Sam paused slightly as he tried to get his feet out of the car.

"How can you still have faith?"

"Someone explain it to me once…it involves a chicken and an egg. It is more likely confuse you more than anything. The simple answer is…that I just do."

He walked as Sam disappeared into the motel.

In that moment, he understood why Sam kept saying no to his brother.

End of The Five Ways To Say No

Next Chapter: Blinded By The Light

Chapter Text

Castiel wondered how Dean could say such things to Sam. He felt his hands ball into fists. He felt his angry boil over.

He is going to try to piss me off. He is going bring up every bad thing I ever did and throw it in my face.

He wondered how Sam could take it.

"You can try. Remember this time you aren't all hopped up on demon blood…," Dean's voice echoed from his hiding place in the hallway.

"Yes, I know….but I brought help."

It only took him a moment to appear behind Dean. His eyes locked onto Sam's face before Dean finally turned around. He reached out his hand and placed his fingers onto Dean's forehead. Instantly, he teleported Dean to Bobby's resident.

He stared at the spot that Dean once stood then glanced over at Sam.

"Unclutch, Cas."

He blinked in confusion.

"Your fists."

He looked down at his balled up hands and slowly relaxed his hands.

"Sam…I…"

But Sam didn't say anything but he could read his thoughts loud and clear.

There were no words needed at this point.

-SPNSPN-

"His actions confused me, Sam," He said as he watched Sam closed the door to the panic room.

Reasoning with Dean was impossible. Bobby, Sam and himself tried. With Adam here, it made the situation difficult. He felt his angry stirred deep within him again. He wanted to do violence on something. Dean looked appealing but Sam wouldn't like that very much.

"They shouldn't really," Sam said as he stared at the door. His fading powers didn't allow him to read Sam's thoughts. He seemed to be thinking.

"I do not understand."

"I was me…about a year ago."

He tilted his head. He really didn't understand what Sam was saying.

"Dean is blinded by his depression…his despair. He believe that the only way out is to say yes to Michael. He doesn't see what it would do to half the planet. He doesn't see what it would do me, you, and Bobby. He sees one path. One thing. And about a year, I was blinded by my need for revenge….to be strong for my brother who seemed broken. Freeing Lucifer was my wake up call. Dean…I am not sure what he needed to snap out of his depression. I will try anything in my power to help him."

He felt a flare of guilt run through him. He was partly responsible for situation with Lilith. Somehow or another, he was forgiven.

He watched Sam turned and walked up toward the stairs.

"Watch for Dean, Cas. I am going to check on Adam."

"Understood."

Sam gave him a brief look before he disappeared up the stairs.

He read the look loud and clear.

No hurting Dean.

He wasn't pleased with that one bit.

-SPNSPN-

"Do you feel better?"

He stopped before he reached the stairs then looked at Sam. When he returned Dean to Bobby's resident, he expected angry from Sam. Instead, he patched Dean up while he cursed and said things to purposely make him angry. His reaction was nothing like he expected. He was calm and almost understanding. Then we returned Dean to panic room where Sam locked him in hand cuffs this time.

"In fact, I have been waiting for you to do this for the last couple of days. You had the look on your face, Cas"

"I….don't know."

Sam shook his head slightly.

"You don't have to explain. Just don't let that angry blind you."

At every passing moment, Sam's behavior confused him. He was calm…sometimes, he could see the angry and frustration in his face when he spoke to Dean. But he didn't react to Dean. He just calmly moved forward. He talked over plans and listened to everyone's suggestions.

Even with the anger at his father, a verse came to mind.

"If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove: and nothing shall be impossible unto you," He mumbled softly.

"Matthew 17:20," Sam said softly.

As they walked up the stairs, no more words needed to be spoken.

-SPNSPN-

He stood before his brothers and sisters as they circled him. In that moment, he understood as his knife dropped to the floor. He ripped open his shirt and pressed his hand against his bloody chest. A flash of light, he felt his vessel's body torn free. His thoughts scattered to the winds.

The light flashed before his eyes….He understood.

He was no longer blind…he was free.

End of Blinded By the Light

Next Chapter: Rubbing Off

Chapter Text

Dean decided a few things while lying on the bed.

One, he hated the fucking thing. IT was hard and he could feel the metal bars through the cheap mattress. Second thing, he hated was the hand cuffs. Couldn't Sam pick a better place to put him? He couldn't pick the son of bitches because Sam made sure nothing was within reach. The last thing was Sam and Cas…since when they become so buddy buddy? How in the hell did he miss it?

He didn't miss that the fact that they were working together very well. Sam would stare at Cas and somehow he picked it up. He knew that Cas's angel mojo might have something to do with it. He lost count how many thoughts that Cas pick up from his head. It was different. They were communicating like he and Sam once did. With a single gesture or look, they could understand each other.

Right now, Castiel was angry enough to rip him a new one even if he just did beat him up. He just dropped in front of Sam then went off to his corner to give him dirty looks while Sam patched him up. Every time he said something to piss Cas, Sam would counter it. He just gave the angel a look and Cas would stop with the whole going to rip you to sheds look.

"Awww…you guys, when is the wedding?"

Cas just shot him another dirty look. Sam just wore this calm look on his face as he pressed that rag a little hard against his head.

"Ouch…no damaging the merchandise."

Sam pulled back and looked him over carefully.

"Alright, I think I am done."

"Good…you guys interrupted some very important business. You know…saving the world."

"I suppose three billion people would thank you for that."

"The other three billion will send me a thank you card."

Cas looked liked he wanted to punch him again. Sam's face flashed morphed into an annoyed look. Good, he was getting to him.

"Okay…back down you go," His brother hauled him to his feet.

"You know that isn't going to keep me forever."

"We aren't planning too. It is a short-term solution."

"…long term solution..?"

"Depends on who you ask."

Sam forced him down the stairs with Cas following behind like a fucking guard dog.

"If you are going to ask me…"

"We aren't. Your opinion doesn't add value to this conversation." Cas said.

Damn…someone got their trench coat in a twist.

"Long term solution is to see that becoming Michael's meatsuit isn't a choice for either of you."

"Like Lucifer doesn't want to wear you to the prom. How do you know they didn't bring Adam for Lucifer's new suit?"

There was a silence as Sam continued to drag him to the panic room.

"We thought about that."

"And…What did the wonder twins found figure out?"

"Just say that Lucifer thinks I am the best fit for him."

Cas open the door and Sam pushed him inside. He forced him toward the bed and pulled out some handcuffs. Finally, he fell back onto the bed and hand cuff him to the bed. He could fight it. But damn it, he was too tired and Cas and Sam could kick his ass at this moment.

He split out some words that Sam wasn't pay attention too. He watched Sam walked toward the door and out of it. As he closed the door behind him, he could see Sam and Cas's face. Their expressions were almost so freaky alike that it wasn't funny.

He knew it was a bad idea that they were hanging out…he just knew it.

End of Rubbing Off

Next Chapter: Cutting and Slicing

Chapter Text

"I don't like your plan, Cas," Sam said as he paced across the room. Ever since Adam disappeared, they have been hammering out a plan. Bobby needed a break and went to feed his dogs. Cas and him were left to "discuss" this plan of his.

"It is the only path that we have, Sam," Cas said as he watched him from his spot.

"No, it isn't. We have other choices."

"The location is heavily guarded by my brothers and sisters. They will not let you get near Adam. They would have you weaponless and powerless the minute you entered the building. I am the logical choice for this."

"Why don't I cut and draw it while you distant them? I did it before with Anne."

"Your brother was more…cooperated at the time. You will need to be focus on him instead of the others."

He could hear his teeth grinded together as he paced across the room. Fuck. Cas was so damn logical about this.

"There must be another way."

"There isn't."

His mind tried to think of something. Anything else. He had no clue what will happen to Cas after….

He ran his hand through his hair. His fists tighten up into ball. He wanted to punch something so badly.

"Unclutch, Sam."

He nearly burst out laughing as his fists slowly relaxed. Funny, he said the same word to Cas earlier.

"…It is the only way to save Adam."

His feet came to a stop in the middle of the room. He bowed his head slightly. He knew Cas was right and he hated himself for it. A sigh escaped his mouth. He didn't like this plan one bit. It felt like another damn sacrifice for them and he hated it. If they had a few more hours or days, he could think of something else.

Time…they didn't have anymore.

"Alright, Cas….but I have one condition."

Cas just tilted his head slightly.

"Which is?"

"I am carving the symbols."

Now that the angel has been hanging around more, he has been learning to pick up Cas's subtle facial expressions. Eyes widen…mouth slightly dropping…shock if he ever saw it.

"Sam…"

He shook his head.

"You are my friend, Cas…It is the least I can do."

He was able to catch a glimpse of mix emotions from Cas's eyes before his neutral face returned. The angel nodded his head slightly.

"Thank you, Sam."

"Let go tell Bobby then Dean."

"Do you think they will agree to this?"

"You are going to have argued the same points with Bobby as you did with me. Dean…he would probably want to become Michael's meatsuit before Adam got there. Personally, I still have faith in him."

He didn't need to look at the angel's face to know how angry he was at Dean. He walked pass his friend and touched his shoulder. He had no comfort to offer…only hope and faith that their plan would work. He took his hand of Cas's shoulder and headed toward the door.

"Sam…"

He stopped in his tracks were Cas's next words.

"You aren't an abomination."

"I…"

"I was intoxicated but that doesn't excuse my words."

"Cas…you were drunk. We do stupid things when we are drunk. I sing when I am drunk. Trust me…it isn't pretty."

"I believe…"

He really didn't want to hear anymore. He already knew what he was. Cas was only speaking his mind. Who was he to stop a friend from unburdening themselves before they possible disappear out of existence?

"You are forgiven, Cas. I know you didn't mean it."

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the tension disappear from Cas's shoulder.

"Thank you."
He nodded his head.

"Sam..?"

"Yes?"

"John 15:13."

He felt a gentle breeze brush against his back. He didn't need to turn his back to know that Cas was gone.

"Greater love no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

God help them.

End of Cutting and Slicing

Chapter Text

"Dean didn't say yes."

Sam said as he leaned against the car as he full up for gas. Dean was busy cleaning out the snack section in the gas station. He didn't care if Dean brought every snack food he hated. He missed his brother. He and Dean weren't quite sure where Cas was. Was he still alive or…was he back in heaven? There wasn't a sure way to know. So, they left messages on his phone. And him…He left messages in his way.

"…but you already knew that. At least, I hope you do."

He paused for a moment.

"If you saw him, I think your faith in Dean would have been restored. You would have been proud. And Zacharch is dead as well. We didn't celebrate…much. And Adam is gone…We are almost positive that Michael took him but we still holding out hope."

His lips curved into a smile.

"I got my brother back….I just wish I knew how to get my friend back as well."

-SPNSPN-

"Gabriel is dead. Lucifer killed him."

He said softly into the air. His body was slightly bended over the railing of the motel that they were staying in. He thought it would be better than saying this over the phone.

"He sacrificed himself for us. I think…you would have been proud of him. He fought with us…for us. And he left a message in a porn dvd. I'm really hoping I don't have to explain that one. He told us how to get Lucifer back into his cage. The rings…Cas…the rings. The rings are the key. We have two of them. We are looking for Pestilence and Death now."

He bowed his head slightly before he continued talking.

"It is going to be hard, you know. I don't think Lucifer is going to stand there and jump right in. Cas, I wish you were here. You probably tilt your head and something like why would Lucifer be standing there or something. Dean and I would give each other looks. Damn it…. Just…call soon or something."

-SPNSPN-

"Crowley is helping us…again. You don't know how badly I want to stab him."

He said as he paced around the room. He took another sip of his beer. He hated it here. He hated being left behind. He hated that Dean was left with him. He hated Crowley for making Dean leave him here. He FUCKING HATED it.

"Currently, they are playing Xena Warrior Princess with Aries as a sidekick. If you told Dean that I said that…I will superglue your hand to the nearest coffee cup."

He remembered that Cas wasn't too happy with working with Crowley. Cas said something about the good outweighing the evil. He was a little twitchy when he said that too.

"He supposed to have a lead on the rings. I just don't know. He is hiding something. I just don't know what…"

He paused as he took another sip of his beer.

"But….I have a plan, Cas. I am almost positive that it going to be shot down before it gets anywhere. I have to do something…I just hoping everyone else will see it that way."

-SPNSPN-

"Brody was a friend and I killed him."

He stared at the bottle in hopes that it would help him organize the thoughts in his head.

"He was one of my friends through college was a god-damn demon and I didn't know it. I feel like am idiot. I should have known."

He downed more of the beer from the bottle. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. He was an emotional wreck. He was angry…hell, he was pissed off. He was also sad.

"You think with all of the training, I would have saw it. I guess I was blind. I didn't want to see what went bump in the night. I wanted normal…I wanted safe."

He tossed his beer bottle from hand to hand.

"And Jess paid for it and Brody did too…before the demon decided to wear him like a suit."

The bottle slipped from his hands. He watched the bottle shatter into pieces.

"In end, I got neither, Cas."

End Messages

Next Chapter: Good Friends Bring Coffee, Great Friends?...They Bring Ice Cream.

Chapter Text

Castiel hurts.

The painkillers did a remarkable job of numbing the pain. He could still feel his joints protest at sitting in one place for long periods of time. Once he found a place comfortable enough, his back started aching. He moved to become comfortable again…his joints would start aching again.

He believed being human is rather painful.

He didn't want to think about the wants and needs of his body. He learned much from Sam and Dean but it prepared him little to deal with the sensations. As an angel of the lord, his senses were sharp. He could see a star that was millions of miles away as if it was right in front of him. Now, he had trouble seeing doors in front of him much to the amusement of Dean and Bobby.

At one time, he could hear a million different thoughts around him, now…he could hear his own. He would touch the earth and feel its song flowing through him. Now, he could only feel the grass and dirt under his fingers. The smells of food never bothered him before. Now, his senses have been assaulted by things that made his stomach grumble or twisted into knots.

That is why he currently standing outside by the van. The moment that he stepped foot into the fast food restaurant, he was assaulted by the smell of hamburgers. The smell assaulted his senses. He would have vomit all over the tile floor if Sam didn't drag him out soon enough.

He felt something cold press against his arm. He turned around to see Sam holding a cup with a straw sticking out.

"Here…it will help with your stomach."

He took the cup and opened the lid. He was expecting coffee…instead he found that it was ice cream. He believed that it was ice cream…it was different looking than before. He looked over at Sam and tilted his head. Sam just leaned against the van and stared into space.

"Just try it."

He placed the lid back on the cup. He took a sip through the straw. The cooling smooth liquid ran down his throat. He blinked in surprise as his protesting stomach calm down. He glanced over at Sam.

"Thank you…It helped. Being human can be highly unsatisfactory"

Sam chuckled softly.

"It can be but you seemed handled Pestilence without your angel powers"

"What did Dean call it…dumb luck?"

"Maybe…"

"My joints protest even with the painkillers that Bobby gave me."

"That happens."

"But the painkillers made my head feel odd…which may have explained why I ran into that door."

"Probably."

"And…I notice things."

"What type of things?"

"Like hot and cold. This jacket gives me standard protection against the elements but when it is hot…it become sweaty…and I smell."

"Go on."

"I smell….like Bobby's van which several unpleasant odds that I can't place. I always have the impression that people are staring at me."

"Oh?"

"Yes, they give me the distant impression that they want to devour me."

"Anything else?"

"Coffee."

"I thought you liked coffee?"

"I do. Now, it makes me anxious. It makes me crave more. I don't know if I like those sensations."

"You are addicted to caffeine like most people."

"That doesn't cheer me up."

"It wasn't supposed too."

"I don't enjoy hamburgers…but I enjoy those long stick of meat in odd shaped packaging."

"Jerky."
"Yes…that is it. And there is the restroom."

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Too much information."

"I apologize. But I miss the most is the connection to Heaven…to the Earth and the stars…I… "

"Any regrets?"

He tilted his head slightly and looked at Sam. He is without his powers. He was as human as Sam, Dean, and Bobby. It only took him a moment to answer.

"I have none."

End of Good Friends Bring Coffee, Great Friends?...They Bring Ice Cream.

Last Chapter: Promise Made, Promise Kept

Chapter Text

Today, Bobby was hunting vampires.

He was doing a remarkable job at it…at least, that is what Castiel thought.

There was five vampires' heads lying on the ground. Bobby was in the process of cutting off a sixth one when he sensed a seventh one approaching. He didn't want alarm Bobby of his presence but he didn't want to see his friend injury in anyway.

Dean would have been proud.

He cheated.

With the wave of his hand, a root sprung from the ground and tripped the vampire. Bobby turned around and sliced the blade across the vampire's neck.

He watched as Bobby panted and mumbled curses under his breath. His eyes did a quick swipe of the area then he wiped his blade clean on one of the corpses' clothes.

"You know that I didn't need any help, you idijit."

He blinked in surprise. How did Bobby sense him? He shouldn't be surprise anymore. The Winchesters found ways to surprise him…Bobby has the same habit of doing the same. He appeared in front of Bobby in a blink of an eye. Bobby stumbled back in surprise.

Bobby grumbled softly as he stepped away.

"Damn, boy. Warn a person."

"I apologize."

"Well… Since you are here, you can help burn the bodies or you don't do that anymore since you are the head boss now?"

He tilted his head and waved his hand. The vampires' corpses vanished. He made sure that he didn't leave a trance. Bobby grumbled a thank you.

"Probably, have to burn the clothes."

Bobby's head snapped toward him.

"Don't get any ideas to help me with that problem either?"

"I have none such thoughts."

"Good. Now, why are you here?"

His throat tightened and his eyes turned away.

"I merely want to see if you were well."

He felt Bobby's stare burn into him. It made him look up and his eyes met Bobby for a brief moment before Bobby turned away. He didn't need to say it out loud. Bobby knew. Bobby knew of his promise he made that day. He felt his hand touch his arm.

"Come on, Cas. Let me cleaned up and let's get a drink. Figures we need one."

He couldn't agree more.

-SPNSPN-

Today, Dean was watching Ben play soccer.

He didn't understand the concept of the sport but the children seemed to enjoy it. The parents, grandparents, and guardians were cheering them on. Dean was cheering Ben on. But he could see that it took Dean a little more effort to cheer. The lines of grief still painted Dean's face. He could feel his pain radiate from here. He wished that he could offer comfort.

He knew that his presence isn't welcome here.

But he made a promise.

He made sure that he "watched" Dean's back as Sam would put it. This town was under his protection. Dean was safe from demons that he hunted and from the angels who broke him.

It was only thing he could do.

He hoped that time would heal his friend's soul.

As he continued watching as Dean's face morphed from happy to pain, he wondered if that was possible.

-SPNSPN-

Today, Sam has been in hell for 36 days or 32 years if he thought about it the other way.

Most days, he didn't want to think about it.

A part of him…the very unangel part of him that formed while he associated with Sam and Dean…he wanted to pull his friend from the cage. He wanted to rage against the unfairness.

Another part of him…the very angel part of him…knew…just knew.

It made him rage all the more.

He stared at the simple wooden cross that marked the spot of where the cage was.

He knew humans talk to grave stones in hopes to voice their thoughts, to share memories, and ease their emotions.

He knew Sam couldn't hear him.

But maybe….maybe…

"Bobby is doing well…and so is Dean. They miss you greatly. Bobby just finished a hunt against a group of vampires. Then later, we shared drinks. I don't believe he was terrible upset that I intervened. Dean….Dean is healing the best he can. And I….you can only image that heaven is in chaos. Joshua has been a great in his assistance but it has been trying. Some days, I want to run from the responsibilities place on me. But Father gave me this task and I am not afraid of it."

His hand dug into one of his pockets of his trench coat and pulled a newspaper. It was already open at the crossword section. Most of the puzzles were solved on the board. His eye caught one of the clues.

Number 12: _______ wasn't built in a day.

It only took him a moment to figure it out. For the past two years, he had learned much from Winchesters. He learned about a host of human emotions, alcohol, coffee, hamburgers, and ice cream. But this…this he learned from Sam.

"How much long do we have?" He said as he stared at the open road. He had no idea how long it would take them to get to the warehouse. It was trying trip. Full with a nervousness and a need to stop the virus before it would be unleashed on the world.

"We won't get there until midday," Sam said as he continued to drive.

"I…I do not understand how you can wait so long to arrive at locations."

Sam chuckled.

"Rome wasn't built in a day, Cas. You are going to have to wait like everyone else."

He took out a pen and wrote a single word on the newspaper.

Rome

End