I've heard it said that everyone has a secret, that everyone has something to hide. I know I do. What's more, I know what someone else's is, and somehow...if it came out, I don't think it would break him. That man is too centered, too focused, to let things from the past affect him.
And me? I'm not sure if it would. Not like him.
He's so happy. I'm thrilled for him. Being a father again, maybe having a son this time...you can't get that in a Wal-mart. I don't know what I was expecting when I ran into him again, but it's been odd how well we've managed to be friends. Maybe that old saying about getting the sex out of the way first makes sense: passion isn't that far removed from anger, and trusting somebody with my body's never been casual (even if I might've convinced myself of it at the time). I'm learning from him, and from Sara, what it means to be a homicide cop. They tell me that the string of cases we've had lately have been odd, even by their jaded standards, but that seems insignificant somehow.
Not when it's odd to look at Danny sometimes and know just how he looks like when he's so close to coming.
Oh, it was years ago, sure. One night, stranded by an airline with no more flights going out that evening, when I just old enough to vote and sure that I knew my way around. Back then, I was something of a minor celebrity on the surfing circuit, big enough that I had money and sponsors, but not big enough that I got first-class treatment when it came to flying. I saw Danny, and we clicked, or at least clicked enough that we ended up sharing a room for the night and a couple of damned good orgasms. I left in the morning while he was still asleep. He probably figured I fucked him in exchange for the room, but I didn't care then. Now, it's too embarrassing to admit he'd be right. Hey, I might've had money, but I was...oh, all right, so I was a cheap bastard.
Never in a million years did I think he and I would end up being partnered together this way. I'm not saying he was the greatest fuck I've ever had, or the first, or the last guy I'd ever fuck, but he's stayed in my mind for years. Maybe it was lust at first sight — the kind that never fades. Maybe it was the full moon. Maybe it was Memphis. All I know is that Danny is one man I'll never have again, not unless his wife has a more open mind than I know about, and I don't want to screw up this partnership. I'm not about to risk even asking; there's far too much at stake now.
Still, it doesn't stop a man from fantasizing, and remembering, and wondering if Fate has any more surprises in store for me. I hope not.
©7.16.02 Raine Wynd