Chekov finds Sulu, as he knew he would, practicing fencing. Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu has spent almost every spare moment of the last six days fencing, as if by remastering his blade he can master the transformation his body has undergone, or at least find his balance again.
Pavel hopes he does, because he loves him. He loved Hikaru as bodily male, he loves him as bodily female, and it hurts to see him this angry and this unbalanced. Also, when Hikaru calms down Pavel hopes he might let him play with those breasts. He's barely seen them -- they're shallow and high, and after one spectacular disaster with a bra Hikaru has been strapping them down with cloth bandages -- but he knows how they must look, rounded and tipped with pink nipples, and the main reason he hasn't asked is that Hikaru just might skewer him for it.
He stands now by the wall, watching Hikaru spin and lunge at invisible opponents, his short hair gleaming under the lights, his face set in a pale mask. To Pavel he looks as graceful as ever, his lines slender and clean, but after performing the same move a half dozen times he drops his head and arm and spits out a tumble of curses in Spanish, English, even some Russian.
Pavel stays still so Hikaru can notice him if he wants to, prepared to be ignored if he doesn't. He usually hates it when Hikaru is too upset to acknowledge him, but they've already had an epic fight about that, and besides, if Pavel felt so unrecognizably changed he'd be upset too. Mr. Scott and Dr. M'Benga are working on a transporter program to hopefully render Hikaru's body male again, but it's not guaranteed to work or to be safe.
Hikaru takes a couple of slow deep breaths, and Pavel watches his breasts shallowly curve the T-shirt he's wearing. Then he realizes by the shadow of Hikaru's chin where he must be looking, and when he pulls his eyes up he finds himself being smirked at. "Hi."
"Hello, Hikaru," Pavel says, ignoring his rising blush. "I have come to bring you to dinner," he continues innocuously, widening his eyes, offering his outstretched hands.
Hikaru wipes his forearm across his brow as he shakes his head. "I'm not hungry."
Pavel expected as much, and maintains forward momentum, hoping that this time Hikaru will accept his touch. Maybe if they can get that far Pavel can persuade him. "I hear it will be good tonight, non-replicated--"
Hikaru cuts him off with a flourish of katana. "I'm not hungry," he snaps. "I need to practice, my center of gravity's shifted and these fucking tits keep getting in the way."
Pavel would dearly like for them to get in the way of his mouth, but Hikaru is armed, and more importantly upset, so he doesn't say that. He reaches, and Hikaru lets him settle one hand on his rounded shoulder. "Come on," Pavel says as soothingly as he can, "you should not punish this body--"
There's a brief flash of motion, and Hikaru's blade is at Pavel's throat, a light deadly prickle just below the bump of his voicebox. "Don't psychoanalyze me," he snarls, the same angry tone shifted half an octave. "Just because I currently look like a girl doesn't make me irrational."
"Surely not," Pavel says quietly, trying hard to think against the dark glitter of anger in Hikaru's eyes, his surging breaths, the familiar scent of his clean sweat but with that rounded feminine savor rather than the former masculine musk. "I mean no such thing. I apologize--"
As fast as he raised it, Hikaru lowers his blade, holding it away as he leans into Pavel, pressing his face to Pavel's shoulder. He's eight centimeters shorter now rather than three taller, and his hair smells rich and sweet. "Shit," he curses, "shit goddamn fucking shit. I'm sorry, Pavel. I'm sorry."
Pavel lifts a cautious hand to his hair. "It is all right," he says. "I know you."
Hikaru winds an arm tightly around him. It's slightly narrower, but still firm with lean muscle. "It's not being a girl making me crazy, it's... being a girl that's making me crazy." Hikaru looks up at Pavel, which is still strange; he's so used to looking up into this face, used to heavier brows and a thinner mouth, but he always knows those deep brown eyes. "I really need to stop freaking out about this," Hikaru says wryly.
Pavel shrugs. All he wishes is that his lover would be happy again. "Hikaru," he says, and a thought hits him while his mouth is open and comes right out. "You have had no sex in eight days, of course you are all cranky."
Hikaru huffs, rolling his eyes, but then drops them. "I... I don't know." he murmurs. "This doesn't feel like my body. Like me."
"No, of course. But... It is body you live in for now." Hikaru looks dubious but receptive. "Why not enjoy it?" Hikaru looks at him from the corners of his eyes, exactly as he always has when he thinks Pavel's not quite inhabiting reality; then he peels away, and Pavel bites his lip in frustration, thinking of how to apologize.
But all Hikaru does is stow his katana, gather up his gear, and return to Pavel, folding their hands together; his bones are finer but the strength is the same. "Okay, here I am."
Pavel smiles at Hikaru, his same patient, listening expression, these slightly finer eyebrows, and kisses his plusher mouth. It's been eight days for him, too, two while Lieutenant Sulu was on an away mission and six since he stepped off the transporter pad with a female body, and masturbation really does not count; Pavel breathes in deeply of Hikaru's slightly changed scent, feeling his narrowed waist flexing under the press of tightening arms, and despite Hikaru's skepticism he parts his lips and his quiet moan is the same tune in a different key.
At length, too soon, he pushes Pavel away, but now he smiles quietly and sweetly, and Pavel's heart absolutely sings to see Hikaru finally look happy. Hikaru narrows his eyes at his giddy expression and strides forward, but keeps hold of his hand.
When they reach Hikaru's quarters Pavel settles on the bed, taking off his boots and uniform as Hikaru peels out of his sweaty exercise clothes. he pauses with his hand on the clip holding the swaddling round his chest, looking back over his shoulder, and in that moment he looks crystalline and unreachable, utterly changed. Pavel almost cries out in dismay, almost reaches to grasp him.
But then he smiles, unsure and brave and familiar, fundamentally Hikaru. "All right, I guess this is the moment you've been waiting for," he says, his voice low, and Pavel tries not to look too eager and probably fails. Smirking, Hikaru tilts his head, turning to face Pavel as he unwinds the bandage; his breasts are even lovelier than Pavel had imagined, the very curves sweet mathematics made flesh, the nipples hardly changed but for their widened rosy halos.
Hikaru stands there, his arms crossed beneath them, wrapped around himself. Eventually Pavel stops feasting his eyes long enough to look up at Hikaru's face, and the unhappiness he sees cuts through him like a cold knife. "Hikaru," Pavel says, holding out his hands, and when Hikaru waves him near he gets up obediently.
"You can touch them if you want," Hikaru says listlessly, and Pavel knows in this moment he cannot. Instead he sets his hands on Hikaru's shoulders, stroking them lightly; there's a fine layer of softness now between the muscles and the skin.
"What do you want?" Pavel asks, and Hikaru sets one hand where he's always touched Pavel since their second kiss, where his jaw meets his throat. "What would you like?"
Hikaru shrugs, the obvious answer echoing unsaid. "They're... abstractly, they're pretty," he says, looking down at himself, "I'm just not... I'm not used to them being mine." He slides his hand up into Pavel's hair. "I don't know. Show me what you want?"
"I want you to feel beautiful as you are," Pavel says, leaning in, not hearing himself until Hikaru bursts out laughing.
Then he blushes, because that was terrible, and smiles at Hikaru smiling at him, eyes shining as he says, "If you keep on trying to be inspirational, I swear I will kick your ass."
"I promise, I will not." Pavel kisses his cheek, fine soft skin without a hint of stubble.
He kisses Hikaru's throat and feels him breathe a soft pleased sound, as his hands curve around Pavel's shoulder and his head. "I'm all sweaty."
"I like you sweaty." The dip between Hikaru's collarbones is the same shape beneath his tongue, the taste of his skin slightly changed as with his scent. "I always do."
"Yeah, you do." Hikaru pushes on Pavel's shoulder, sending him to his knees; he looks down at Pavel, eyebrows up in surprise, then sinks to the floor with him. "Pavel," he murmurs, tasting the name, and kisses him instead of further words, fingers tightening in his hair, tongue stroking into his mouth.
Pavel moans for him, melting beneath him, sighing, "Hikaru, Hikaru" over his mouth between kisses. Each time he speaks Hikaru shivers all down his spine and kisses him back, and soon they are laid out on the carpet between the desk and a rack of plants, Hikaru atop, hips curved beneath Pavel's hands.
Hikaru pushes up to look at Pavel, shaking his head and grinning as he glances towards the bed. "We could be up there, you know."
"I like this here." Pavel wiggles down, bracing his feet against the desk, and licks up the curve of Hikaru's breast. He makes a soft noise of pleased shock, without any 'no', and Pavel does it again, the nipple firming against his tongue. "I like you on me." The carpet tingles beneath his back, Hikaru's weight welcome on his chest and belly, his breath deepening and speeding, little quivers of reaction rippling from Hikaru's thighs to his ribs as Pavel slides his lips along tender flesh and tastes Hikaru's familiar skin, his changed shape.
"God, Pavel," Hikaru sighs, arching his spine, pushing towards him, not away. He seals his mouth over a nipple, sucking and laving, the halo tightening into spiral rows of puckers as Hikaru groans through his teeth, alto rather than baritone but still the sound Pavel always delights to hear. "God, I -- Jesus, that's just --" as he tightens his teeth, "fuck, I -- oh!" Voice sharply high, Hikaru bucks against Pavel, and he feels wet curls brush above his navel, smells savory arousal. Hikaru's wet, Pavel thinks like an announcement. He made him so, and for a moment the throb in his cock blots out his brain, for a moment his hands tighten on Hikaru's hips and he nearly pushes them towards each other.
But he can do better by Hikaru than that, Pavel reminds himself, licking once more over the curve of breast before tightening his lips so Hikaru shakes into another sharp cry. "Oh," Hikaru gasps when Pavel grazes his flesh with teeth, "do that again," and when Pavel obeys his growl is just the same but a half-octave higher, hands tightening on Pavel's shoulders. Pavel lets himself squeeze Hikaru's thighs a little so he gasps, his back flexing, pushing into Pavel's mouth. "Come on, fuck," Hikaru moans as Pavel slides his hands over the rounded glory of his bottom, pillowy firm instead of tautly hard, and braces one on the small of his back. "Pavel, I want, please," as Pavel slides his other hand carefully between their bodies, his fingertips between slick crinkled folds. "Just, I -- oh, huh."
Just a huff of breath, but in a diffident tone, and Pavel's heart aches with sudden worry. He bites down on his bottom lip so the stab of pain stills him enough that he can make himself glance up, pulling his hand away, pressing his palm to the carpet. Hikaru is biting his lip too, staring into infinity for a long moment before he looks down to see Pavel trembling with waiting for him. "I -- it's weird, but -- no," as Pavel starts to shift away. "Come here, touch me." His cheek curves up, just a little, fully enough. "Kiss me."
So Pavel does, eagerly, the warmth of Hikaru's lips spilling all through him, his pulse drumming beneath his skin as his balls ache with fullness. He slides his hands up Hikaru's sleek thighs, his cock twitching untouched when Hikaru's moan tingles into him. He thinks desperately of touching himself but keeps stroking Hikaru, skimming fingers down the small of Hikaru's back, stilling his mouth in concentration as he brushes one forefinger over the slippery bump of Hikaru's clit and the other over the crinkled pucker of his ass. Hikaru stiffens and shivers, rocking between Pavel's hands, breathing a delighted stream of curses against his buzzing lips; Pavel lets him control the pace, shuddering under Hikaru's trembling as they trade gasping breaths.
But Hikaru's chest-deep moans take on a higher, needier, almost desperate edge, and Pavel wants to feel him come against his pleasantly aching lips. So with a last lingering stroke of tongue over lip Pavel pulls back enough to say, "Hikaru, please, let me lick you?"
Hikaru laughs breathlessly, forcing his rocking hips to stillness, pushing up on Pavel's shoulder to look him in the eye. "You're being chivalrous," he accuses, eyes dark and shining as space, hair beautifully mussed, "and you have to be so hard it hurts." Hikaru grabs a deeper breath, shifts back and he wraps slender searing fingers around Pavel's cock. "Don't you want to fuck me?"
Hikaru strokes once and Pavel's spine snaps taut, his neck arching. "Oh, God, yes, yes, so much," Pavel groans, fighting to keep his eyes open as Hikaru's cheek creases with a sly smirk. He responds with a flicker of fingers, just so, and Hikaru's eyebrows slant, mouth falling open, but he holds the pose, a trembling tower above Pavel. "But I want to taste you, too, come sit on my face."
Hikaru's stunned mouth shapes to a grin. "But you already know I love you," he sing-songs, and Pavel has to throw his arm across his eyes and laugh breathlessly too, Hikaru takes his wrist to ease his hand away, and they both groan at the loss of contact. Pavel shoves his fingers in his mouth, and Hikaru's eyes widen as he watches Pavel lick sweet-savory musk off them and moan helplessly. "How do I taste?"
"Wonderful, always," Pavel answers, and Hikaru laughs again, lets go and leans down to kiss Pavel, licking his lips, tasting his mouth. Hikaru's sigh is edged with a moan, lips wet and tender, thigh pressed silkily to Pavel's woefully neglected cock. Hands tightening in Pavel's hair, Hikaru wriggles a little, his teeth smooth and sharp on Pavel's lip, and Pavel could just, they could just--
Instead he resolutely rocks them upright, slides his hands around Hikaru's sleek waist and settles his back against the desk. There's a plan, after all, Pavel reminds his insistent cock, as he leans forward between Hikaru's shapely legs, kissing the round of his calf just below his knee. Hikaru's breath catches on a hushed, "You never did that -- before."
"I should have," Pavel murmurs against his thigh, remembering Hikaru's lips on his thigh, tongue and teeth and broader grin, his wider hand behind Pavel's knee. He pushes his hand there, cupping the rounded swell of Hikaru's thigh and remembering the former hardness of muscle now padded, kissing his way up the soft skin.
"Yeah, but." Hikaru settles a hand in his hair, breathing through parted lips. "Not so gentle." Pavel glances up, pressing his cheek to warm flesh; it takes him a little while to pull his gaze along the astonishing curves of Hikaru's body, but when he reaches Hikaru's face it's too serious. "This is still me, remember?"
Pavel nods, pressing his mouth to the salt-sweet crease of thigh as he answers, "Who else could you ever be?" Brushing his lips over redolent curls, Pavel thinks of what Hikaru likes while having his cock sucked as he nudges and licks him open, as he finds his clit and fastens his lips around it and sucks hard.
Hikaru screams in piercing shock, shuddering in Pavel's hold, hand clenching and releasing his hair as he shoves his head up. "J-Jesus," he gasps, his cheeks flushed even deeper as he looks down, his lips rounded and red and shining, "What -- that, that was intense."
Pavel almost says 'I will go easy,' until he makes himself think, and besides Hikaru's eyes gleam the way they did the first time he had Pavel fuck him; the dip of his throat glistens and his breasts tremble so toothsomely Pavel has to have his mouth on Hikaru again, so what he says is "You can stand it," and matches grins with Hikaru before ducking his head. Hikaru gasps when Pavel sucks him again, rolling his clit between eager lips, but this time he's braced for it, fingers easy around the curve of Pavel's skull.
Pavel remembers how to do this, though, how to lick and suck and tease with the flat of his tongue and two circling fingertips, taking his cues from Hikaru's increasing tremors, the moans bleeding into his voice as his hand tightens and his hips rock until he whimpers and Pavel's heart drums a tattoo of triumph. "Pavel, Pavel, you--" he cries out, voice sliding into another scream as he pulses tight around Pavel's fingers, under his tongue, and Pavel moans to feel him, grinds against the raspy carpet and keeps going. Hikaru gasps something like "whoa" and groans surprise, Pavel pulls his fingers out of the way and licks as fast as he can until his jaw starts to ache and Hikaru's coated his throat and he's screaming again, Pavel's scalp burning under his clutching hand, his legs tight over Pavel's shoulders and his voice going hoarse.
Then he coughs and shoves at Pavel's head, and when Pavel looks up he pants, "Sorry, sorry!" Pushing up to face him, Pavel coughs up a hair and a questioning noise, and Hikaru grips his shoulders, kisses him crackling-hard and whimpers, "Oh, my fucking God, that was selfish--"
"Awesome, was awesome," Pavel chokes out, his jaw still not wanting to work for him, and Hikaru's eyes narrow as his mouth widens in a laugh, as he shoves Pavel so he tumbles onto his back.
"Fuck, just look at you." Hikaru leans over him, writhes over him, the muscles of his back surging under Pavel's hands. "Your face all wet from me, your dick so hard you're leaking. I'm gonna fuck you through the floor."
"Yes, fuck me, yes," Pavel gasps, only able to think as far as gripping the soft rounded curve of Hikaru's hip to guide him, which he doesn't even need because he's Pavel's pilot, he pushes back unerringly--
--but at the first warm nudge Hikaru's eyes go wide, and then press shut as he jerks forward, leaving Pavel's cock wet and cool in the empty air. He opens his mouth to babble confused concern and apologies, but Hikaru hangs his head and curses a fervent stream of rapid Spanish, clutching Pavel's shoulders so hard the bones creak. "Madre de Dios," Hikaru gasps at last, shaking his head, and Pavel's shoulders throb under his grip almost enough to distract him from his aching cock, if not quite. "I--"
"Hikaru," Pavel gasps helplessly, feeling him tremble a moment longer before he pries his hands from Pavel's shoulders. "Hikaru?" he asks, trying to include all his concern and love, hearing his voice crack and the need drip through.
Hikaru leans back enough to look at Pavel. "We need a condom," he announces, breathless and smiling with something wide-open in his eyes. "Let me just--" He motions to the bedside dresser, pushing back against Pavel's hands.
"Oh," Pavel says as he lets go, though he doesn't understand, and then, "oh!" when he does, and Hikaru puffs a laugh like a kiss and brushes their mouths together. Then Hikaru rocks back, pulls himself up and scrambles to his feet as Pavel pushes up on his elbows and watches the dynamic harmony of his moving curves. They stopped using condoms months ago but still have a few in the last package, and Hikaru rummages one out, flourishing it overhead as he drops to his knees again.
Pavel kisses Hikaru as he rolls it onto him, and Hikaru laughs against his mouth and flickers his tongue between Pavel's lips before sitting back. "Where were we?"
"You were to fuck me through the floor?" Pavel reminds hopefully, curling fingers over Hikaru's hip, and he smiles brightly and swings a leg back over Pavel, thighs tightening around him.
"Sure you don't want to be on top?" Hikaru asks, because he has always been the chivalrous one, and Pavel would object if he could think.
Instead he nods and whimpers and pleads, "Yes, yes, come here before I die--" until Hikaru pushes down onto him and he cries out, arching upwards.
Hikaru hisses, shoving their bodies flush, sinking them together as directly as they've done before and yet differently; a twinge of concern pierces through the haze of pleasure and Pavel pries open eyes he didn't notice having closed, but Hikaru smiles down at him, eyes bright as the stars they chase together. "C'mon, you," he says, lifting Pavel's hand to his breast, closing fingers over his wrist and bicep. "C'mon," as he pushes up, thighs tight and sleek, knees bracketing Pavel's waist.
Pavel rolls his head on the carpet, as if he could resist Hikaru squeezing slick and tight, the plush rounded breast under his hand, the eager resolve on Hikaru's face as he rides, gasping each time Pavel thrusts to meet him, watching him with fluttering eyes. Hikaru's spine flexing under his fingers, Hikaru rippling around him, Pavel opens his mouth, trying to say, 'yes' or 'I love you' or 'Hikaru' but all he does is scream and buck as the pulses of pleasure take him, as Hikaru makes him come.
At length the tight cord of his spine unravels and he slumps and lolls across the carpet. Hikaru breathes a satisfied little noise and eases forward, kissing Pavel as he slides down, breasts pressed to his side, leg across his belly, head beside his. Hikaru palms the condom; the brush of his fingers makes Pavel twitch, and he opens his eyes to see Hikaru smiling at him, so beautiful his heart hurts.
"Thank you," Hikaru says. Pavel rather feels he should be thanking Hikaru, and puts that into his eyebrows while he tries to recall how to speak. Hikaru's smile widens, and he knots the condom and tosses it over his shoulder at his trashbin, then sets his hand where Pavel's jaw meets his throat. "I... okay, I still feel..." Hikaru trails off, frowning slightly. "But this was a good idea."
"Good, then." Pavel trails his fingers over the curve of Hikaru's arm, and he shivers a little, lifting up for a kiss, soft and lingering.
When Hikaru pulls back again his smile has changed, receding from his eyes. "I have something to ask you, actually." Pavel nods, worry welling up amidst the warm contentment, and Hikaru looks down, across his chest, at nothing. "I asked Scott and M'Benga to let me tell you."
"They have a solution?" Pavel's heart thumps, excitement and fear enmeshed. If it were simple Hikaru would look happy.
"Well, they're not sure, since we're dealing with a mystery of science here." Pushing against breathlessness, Pavel manages to produce the laugh Hikaru expects. "They want your help to refine it, of course, but Scott agrees with your hypothesis about what happened with the data buffer, so he's got a plan to reverse it. It's just that... M'Benga gave me the odds today. Right now, we stand a 62% chance of successfully making me -- my body male again."
"Two in three is not so bad," Pavel says slowly, hopefully.
Hikaru nods, stroking Pavel's cheek. "There's an eighteen-percent chance I'll just stay like this, in which case I'd have the option of starting the process to transition, or, well, not."
"And the rest?"
"Twenty percent that it scrambles my genes and kills me." Hikaru shrugs with false unconcern. "I should've told you as soon as I saw you, but you just..." Hikaru lifts his eyes to Pavel's again, his smile creeping back up to their corners. "You're just irresistible."
Pavel smiles, because his throat is too tight to laugh. "Will you try it?"
Hikaru's smile fades entirely. "Do you want me not to?"
Pavel's first panicked thought is to beg, 'Not at these odds'. He tightens his arms around Hikaru, his heartbeat a trapped-bird flutter in his chest as he remembers another span of days when Hikaru hung between life and death, when the fear possessed him that he would have to guide the Enterprise and trudge forward in his career and at all attempt to live without Hikaru. And he remembers the next mission Hikaru went on after his recovery, when he looked at Pavel with wary eyes, expecting Pavel to ask him not to go, expecting to have to argue. So Pavel didn't ask that, he just kissed Hikaru until his eyes shone, and watched him step onto the transporter pad.
Now Pavel holds onto Hikaru, and holds his tongue, until his own pulse eases somewhat, until he can feel the hard bicep beneath Hikaru's cushioned skin, until he can make himself think again. Pavel can't look at Hikaru as he says it, but he can look up at the ceiling and he can be truthful as he says, "I will make it safer if I can. I want for you to be happy."
Hikaru exhales, relaxing against Pavel's side. "Even if that means no more pretty tits to suck on?" he asks, the joke a little sharp.
So is Pavel's snicker, but at least he can manage it. "Then I can suck your cock?"
Hikaru pushes his smiling face against Pavel's shoulder, kisses his throat and chin and his mouth again. "Pavel," he murmurs, his voice so low it almost sounds unchanged, but when Pavel touches Hikaru's throat he feels the smooth column without a bump, the difference. "Thank you."
Pavel has no words, so he kisses Hikaru again, and again, until his belly rumbles hungrily and they have to break the kiss to laugh.