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Lyle Norg and the Three Questionably Sociopathic Coluans

Summary:

Cracked version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears but with Prime/Earth one/Earth-247 Invisible kid and Brainiac 5. What happens when Lyle Norg of Prime runs into not one but three Brainiac 5s?

"Six geniuses should not be in the same house no matter how well we work and look good together."

Notes:

READ: Everyone is pretty much 'legal' but I decided to put the under-age tag since Prime Lyle is 'kind of' under-aged in this universe even though in the Legion comics the age of maturity changed a lot (from fourteen to seventeen.) Since I wasn't sure I put it up to cover my own behind.

I have no idea what I was on when I made this but I don't regret it. Horribly inspired by a lack of porn on this pairing or this series in general.

I also thank Conjure_Lass' wonderful writings for giving my muse the motivation to work on this again.

Chapter 1: This is why you don't go into stranger's houses

Chapter Text

On the far reaches of Earth in Metropolis near the Time Institute housed three Coluans whom left their home planet through circumstances for a better life. The oldest, Querl Dox Senior or Dox the first, had shoulder length blond hair pushed back with the exception of a few long loose strands tickling his sharp cheekbones. His facial features older and firmer but held a gentle disposition. The middle child, Querl Dox Prime, wore his hair completely slicked back to make himself look older. His eyes bore a constant no nonsense proud attitude along with his stern face. 

And finally the youngest Querl Dox the second. Unlike the others they would often call him 'Q' or 'Querl' for short.  A firm but cute baby face with strands of short blond hairs reaching near the middle of his ears. The only exception from his brothers stood out in the form of three identical silver disks on his forehead along with two rectangular chips on his cheekbones.

The three siblings worked in the lab housed in the back of their dwelling. Despite being outcasts (both on Earth and their home planet) they would often do things for the sake of good or 'greater science.'

"I'm telling you we should run this with zero point eight bio feedback. The system isn't one hundred percent calibrated yet."

The oldest Dox stopped welding and pulled himself out from under a panel. He tugged down his goggles to stare at the middle sibling hovering over him with his arms folded. The Coluan considered himself dressed down wearing half of his purple one piece jump suit. His top clothed with a tight strained black shirt soaked with perspiration.

"Preposterous. It would take too long and we are already behind as it is fixing the Time Bubble." Their latest experiment, a time machine, purpose is towards finding out more behind their youngest sibling's odd transformation.

"Yes but the mainframe is cracked due to your insistence on adjustments which resulted in the wrong configuration." Prime snorted and put his hands on his hips revealing a purple top with the Brainiac three point insignia from Colu.

Querl paused from his work on the other panel near the base of the bubble to watch his siblings argue back and forth. They would often bump heads due to their conflicting personalities and the fact that Prime hates authority figures. The end results usually with Dox Senior giving up in moments of maturity or Prime getting frustrated to the point of using juvenile name calling such as 'grandpa,' 'old man,' and 'old fart Coluan.'

Or worse Prime would perform practical jokes such as hiding tool parts or change food bottles around to rile him up. Thankfully Prime regarded Querl as an equal being closer to the same age. Sort of.

'I might as well stop this.' He sighed and floated over using the anti gravity black boots he invented, putting his hands on his hips. Querl wore only a long black shirt and black on purple spandex bottoms. 'I want to finish this and take a sonic shower.' Querl watched the two Coluans debate further and further, their faces growing more and more greener, before he interrupted.

"Did you disengage the external inertial dampener?"

They both paused and turned towards him. Receding. "Ha ha very droll baby." Prime spoke first sardonically and rolled his eyes. 'That was actually a good joke.' On the inside he couldn't help a chuckle. Not that he would ever tell his sibling that.

Querl ignored the baby comment and continued. "Arguing is not going to help us manipulate time faster and find out who this 'Time Trapper' is. I suggest we go into town to gather parts and consume our dinner once we return."

Dox Senior sighed. 'I am grateful that at least one of my siblings is focused on the main problem.' "He is correct. We should take a break. I want to work on this thing as much as you Prime and Q but futile debates will get us nowhere."

So they went out the lab and upstairs to their living quarters. The three agreed to get cleaned up and dressed before meeting downstairs. Hair and bodies barely dried, Dox put on a heavy black winter pea-coat with a yellow scarf on top of his thick black sweater. Prime (the one with the list) wore a purple military coat with black earmuffs and matching leather gloves. Q (who hated the cold) had on a gray raincoat style winter coat with a monkey hat on his head along with matching mittens.

The older siblings didn't laugh but Dox the second felt their eyes contemplate about his hat. He ignored them and grumbled low. "Damn nass heads." He bought the item on a whim one time during a trip in the city because it reminded him of the pet monkey he lost a while ago.

The three Coluans went out their home/lab and traveled towards Metropolis on their hover snow vehicle.

 


 

"Oh man I'm so dead!" Lyle Norg the youngest, or Kid, gripped his brown hair in distress at the sight of his cruiser crashed in pieces in the middle of nowhere. 'Florg why did I try to impress that girl.'

Unlike others his age Kid is a genius. Nothing special in his family considering that his other two brothers were smart as well. Sadly due to being the youngest (on the cusp of hormones and girls) along with his mischievous middle brother's influence he would often find himself in the butt end of bad situations.

Like this one.

Gazelle the name of the girl this time. He tried to show off his invisibility as well as the fact that he could do loops in a rented air car. During a snowstorm. Sadly it malfunctioned mid flight and trying to impress her again worked on the schematics mechanics on his own. The girl didn't stick around since she 'didn't do cold' so defeated but determined for another day tried to ride back home. The cruiser bailed out on him and he had to make an emergency landing.

He ended up stranded on the outskirts of town in unfamiliar territory. Laminating his loss, Kid breathed out puffs of air and rubbed his hands. "I can't get Lyle to bail me out on this one. Oldest bro is going to be mad." The eldest would give him an earful for wasting credits. He tried to strain his vision to see anything. Only white appeared before him in a haze outside of wreckage. 'Why did I forget everything at the apartment including the communicator! Foob Kid! You're a real Foob head alright!"

The brunette walked in the direction he assumed to be towards Metropolis, shivering as the wetness started to seep through his coat. 'I'm starving. Why did I skip lunch?! I could go for some Terran cooking right now. Hell anything. Well almost anything. I wouldn't want to eat Vyrga food.' Kid rubbed his arms and grit his teeth. Determination as well as persistence helping him tread through hills of sleet, snow and cold. He seemed to wander for hours until he spotted a place that stood out like a beacon. Kid let out a choked sob at the mammoth two story floored home. 

"Thank Gød!" The brunette ran towards the facility as best as he could and banged on the large metal finished double leaf door with his gloved hands. "Hello? Anyone home! I need help" He tried again but heard a hollow noise vibrate from inside; empty.

Kid groaned; it appeared to be abandon. 'Great. My luck strikes again.' He shivered, brown hair blowing in the wind, weighting his options mentally. He had no idea where the hell he was and it could be miles before he reached another source of civilization. His boots could last due to being made for this weather but his clothes are another matter. Kid assumed he would score with the girl for a date so he only put on jeans, a cotton white top, and a wool jumper under a long winter coat, earmuffs, and leather gloved hands.

"Damn it." He noticed a side panel ajar near the door and pried it opened with a grunt. A rapid complex stream of codes greeted him. A normal person would find it gibberish but Kid being Kid punched in the codex schematics easily as if he played an old fashion video game. 'Yes!' He almost jumped in the air when one of the doors creaked open in welcome.

"Hello?" Kid called again, hoping on by chance that someone might still be here. The lights came on automatically and he stared in awe. A giant homely complex appeared before him. A holo vision barely used next to a lamp as well as three sets of chairs. He stepped inside and took off his boots, earmuffs, and coat, shaking his hair. The heat generator kicked in at once and surrounded him with instant warmth. The place appeared to be lively with science tools as well as a bookcase housed with various kinds of material yet absent of knick-knacks or festive items. Almost subdued and absurdly clean. Even the hard paneled floors felt polished and squeaked as he walked.

'Not even a tree for the up and coming holidays.' Kid searched through the home and found gadgets as well as machines; advanced beyond his imagination. Even the kitchen had a science station next to the cookware and replicator. 'Wow. I want to met the people who live here!' Of course he said it in jest. Kid aimed to call his second oldest brother Lyle and try to wait around until he arrived. He wouldn't yell too much and had his back.

Scents flooded his nose suddenly, drawing him to the kitchen counter with three plates of food laid out to him like a buffet. His mouth watered but he shook his head. 'No Kid you're already breaking and entering. Although I could use 'a life or death situation' to bring the sanction down.'

The teen heard his stomach growl in protest and knew he fought a losing battle. '...Well three plates could mean that the person had a ton to spare, not three people per say.'

So the youngest Norg settled down on the bar stool on the kitchen table directed towards the first plate. It looked like vegetables in a type of stir fry along with what he assumed to be bean curd but couldn't identify what source planet they originated from. It smelt good though so Kid reached near the plate and decided to top it with sauce nearby (traditional ketchup the label read,) before munching a forkful.

He moaned. 'Mmmm this is pretty good.' It had an array of flavors along with a certain spice he couldn't conjure. The spice started to grow and he found himself crying and panting in pain as it exploded in his mouth like a flame. "HOT HOT HOT!"

By good fortune he found a canned drink next to the first plate and gulped it down. 'Thank Gød it's yogurt!' The brunette gasped and coughed several times to try to get his breathing back in order, his nose burning like Hades and his tongue in pain.

"What in the Florg?" He turned the bottle over several times to see the label starting to peeling off. Underneath it revealed a rooster icon as well as the interlac for 'Capsicum Rooster Sauce.' "Someone changed the labels on this? Who would do such a thing?"

Sighing at the ruined meal he decided to change seats and try the next one. Unlike the first plate this had more food and separated into even portions of meat/pasta/vegetables. 'It doesn't look appetizing.' Kid grimaced and decided to use the fork to put a corner of what appeared to be 'meat' against his lips. 

Kid shook his head. "Too cold." He could warm it up in the instant micro he spotted near the microscope in the kitchen but he overstepped his bounds enough. He decided to go for the still steaming last plate.

Unlike the first two this had what he could identify as a type of rice. He put a spoonful in his mouth and moaned. Terran fried rice to be exact! "So good!" Cooked firm and had a variety of egg, meat, and vegetables in a harmonious balance that sung against his taste buds; rising them from the pits of Hell. 

He found himself eating more and more until he stopped himself. "Nass!" Kid put his left hand on his head. "I ate the whole bloody thing!" The brunette put the fork down, bowing his head. "I'm sorry and I promise to pay you back!"

Kid found the holo comm easily and managed to leave a message to his second oldest brother Lyle. "What can I do until then?" He debated out loud and sighed. 'I could wait out the blizzard.' He glanced outside near the front door and winced at the snow continuing to rage and hit the panels outside. 'I could watch the holo vision in the meantime.' 

Finding the button to turn it on was no trouble and resulted in little chaos. Kid discovered the three chairs near it and decided to sit down in the first one, a standard gray hover chair. Without warning he found himself sinking backwards into it, legs in the air.

"Arg!" He pulled himself off with much effort gasping. "What in the..." The teenager assumed that the hover chair had a reclining feature, the calibration off. Kid tried to fix it by opening up the side panel near the base, but it seemed to be that the person who did it locked anyone else out but the original owner. "Whoever did this seems...weird." He questioned himself out loud and rubbed his head. "Or it could be a prankster." Considering the switched bottle labels that reminded him of his brother, Kid settled on the latter until further evidence.

The second chair wasn't a chair but a purple beanbag. It housed various tools as well as a plushie already on it so he shook his head no on that one. The last one he came upon Kid wanted to squeal. 'The latest Lazy Earth hover chair!' He seen it in the stores, never had the chance to sit in one. Kid groaned as he sunk into the plush felt. He couldn't help but snuggle into it and relax as he watched animated twentieth century programs.

Kid yawned as he became tired from eating and relaxing. He didn't hear a reply from his brother yet. 'I'll keep trying. I guess in the mean time I could find a blanket or something to cover me while I wait near it. I hope they don't mind.'

He stared at old fashion stairs that lead upward and decided to remain down stairs. The brunette walked along, feeling for doors, until he accidentally came across a huge lab. The panel door responded with a 'swoosh' and he grinned.

"Damn." His brown eyes lit up and he couldn't help but explore. "I could lose myself in this place!" All of the machines screamed science and he even saw the workings of what appeared to be a time machine. He changed the calibration on a panel and smiled to himself. "I wouldn't mind meeting whoever did this and exchanging ideas." If they didn't kill him for breaking inside, eating their food, and overturning chairs. 

Near the middle of the lab he found three cots. One of them had a lot of length for what he assumed for a grown man but the middle one seemed to be a few inches taller than him with purples and blacks. Lyle yawned again and told himself he would take a power nap before the resident (or residents) came home. 'I have to keep an ear out for broth...er.' Kid yawned again and without bothering to take off his clothes laid down on the comforter and fell asleep.