roachpatrol
Fandoms
- Homestuck (51)
- Doctor Who (2005) (4)
- Doctor Who (1963) (4)
- Doctor Who (1)
- Organ Trail (1)
Recent works
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Summary
The night-time sleeping period is the longer one, from midnight-ish until nearly dawn, but you feel like this time you spend almost the whole night tossing and turning. It helps to have an idea of what you're going to do, but you're still so nervous. He said yes. You never expected him to say yes.
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You keep trying to pretend this is just some kind of awful dayterror. You'll wake up any minute and go bitch to Kankri about how being on this planet is bad for your sensitive temperament. Any minute.
Not this minute. This minute the humans are shoving you into a scraped-bare ablution block that reeks of unfamiliar, cloying-sweet chemicals and letting you just fall on your front like a miserable mistreated tool.
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You don't want anything to do with anyone who wants anything to do with this shitty record label, right? Except you do honestly need a social circle that's bigger than just your moirail and your kismesis, so you might as well practice interacting like a real live troll while you’re out here. You find yourself attempting a smile that feels dumb as hell, and you try to think of something relatively not-obnoxious to say.
Series
- Part 6 of Imperial Pop Star
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Summary
A fantasy: Dave doesn’t leave a block as soon as you enter it.
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“They’re crazy. We’re all crazy. Space makes you crazy. I wish we were told.”
“I’m glad we weren’t,” Eridan says. “It was fun findin’ out.”
Recent series
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Let's admit Alternia gets the celebrities we deserve.
—Troll Nicole Blackman- Words:
- 61,080
- Works:
- 6
- Bookmarks:
- 61
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Summary
Twelve kids. Four trolls. Twelve guardians, four ancestors, one doloros, four lusii, seventeen lands, one megaplanet, one session,
onetwothreeone teams.One more chance to win.
- Words:
- 72,930
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 102
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Summary
Alternia: where warm blood defines a troll's nobility, cold blood their commonalty, and Her Imperial Luminescence Aradia Megido struggles to keep her people together. Whether or not she can do it before Ascension Day is another thing entirely.
- Words:
- 122,187
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 281
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Summary
In which all sixteen kids live reasonably happily ever after in the Veil.
Alternately: that one AU where trolls have sex by barfing blood into buckets.
- Words:
- 8,206
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 25
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
"When in Alternia, do as the trolls do." - Troll Biggie Smalls
At no point do you ever want to say "Is that an octopus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"
Except when you do.
(John and Equius's first time.)
Series
- Part 5 of Nerdstuck!
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
21 May 2013
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Summary
Your name is Jane Crocker, and you're starting to understand why people say you're the one who needs a moirail.
In which Dirk Strider is a nervous mother hen with golden pipes, Jake English and Roxy Lalonde have met their matches for sexual tension, Karkat Vantas and his romcoms are pervasive, Gamzee Makara may or may not have a little black crush, John Egbert ruins all of the undercover shenanigans, John Egbert's car is tragically lost in the line of duty, the Midnight Crew are devious scoundrels, and Jane Crocker gives everyone heart attacks.
Series
- Part 2 of Life with Dirk and Jane
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
21 May 2013
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Summary
Your name is Dirk Strider, and you need a place to live on account of your current jobless homelessness.
In which Jane Crocker is not the same as she was in high school, Detective Karkat Vantas has the patience of a god, the Felt is disposed of off-screen, Lord English is a scrawny thirteen-year-old for most of his life, Gamzee Makara is a troll unhinged, Dave Strider is Not Amused, and Dirk Strider has no idea what he's getting himself into.
Series
- Part 1 of Life with Dirk and Jane
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
20 May 2013
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Summary
So, um. Terezi is kissing her. By the way.
"Wowza. Lesbos R Us, at long last. I knew that day would come. Anyone got a camera."
Terezi has a lot more teeth to get nibbly with than Karkat and her tongue is way longer and oh lord does she know how to use it. Jade wonders to herself, vaguely, why she never kissed her boyfriends' girlfriend before. That was a really silly oversight.
Mmm.
"Haha, shut up, Dave, you've been modeling for the Gay Dudes R You catalogue for like three years now."
"Like you can talk, Mister It's Not Gay If He Doesn't Have Balls To Touch."
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
20 May 2013
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Summary
“You have tits? When did that happen??”
He facepalms; “Last molt,” he grumbles from behind his palms.
“When you disappeared for a while? That’s what that was?”
“Yes Dave, when trolls reach that special molting phase, they grow rumblespheres. Mammals.”
He spits the last word as a curse and you’re pretty sure you’re offended.
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
20 May 2013