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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Napoleon isn’t quite sure he can put yes, because your superiors don’t get to see you gloating when you’re not playing chess against yourself, and they don’t get to discuss dumb opera plots with you, they don’t get to see you engrossed in cheap paperbacks and treat them like first editions because you care that much about what they say, and they don’t get to see that you have a personality and that it’s everything but unpleasant when one gets to know you, and I don’t understand why would anyone think it’s a good idea to treat you like an asset and not a person in words that might not sound completely ridiculous, never mind that he’s not even sure Illya would take such a rant seriously.

    Or: where Illya has issues asking for what he wants if it falls under the unnecessary-to-his-job radar and Napoleon just might be a bit over in his head, but he's entirely willing to rectify that situation.

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    05 Sep 2017

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Napoleon has had an absurd soulmark since birth. It is faded grey, like all soulmarks are until one’s soulmate speaks the words, and scrawled along the inside of his forearm. He wears a band around the mark, because he does not want anyone to try to say it while he is on the job; luckily, a lot of people cover theirs, so he never stands out. Illya, for example, also wears one, and he has no idea what Illya’s soulmark could be.

    Language:
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    2,830
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    1/1
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    50
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    05 Sep 2017

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Napoleon taps him on the shoulder in Istanbul and Illya almost punches him.

    Language:
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    4,707
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    37
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    1758
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    05 Sep 2017

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Steve Rogers, captain of a losing NHL team, has taken so many bad penalties this season he's worried he's going to get set down to the minors as punishment. His agent comes up with a plan to make Steve irreplaceable to the fans--a reality dating show. Where the contestants want to date Steve.

    Language:
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    83,320
    Chapters:
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    Comments:
    154
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    609
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    183
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    19 Aug 2017

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    In the first month of being co-opted into working with Illya Kuryakin full time at U.N.C.L.E., Napoleon stole Illya’s father’s watch four times, twice out of spite, once out of drunken curiosity, and once out of sheer boredom. After the fourth time, Gaby sprained one of Napoleon’s fingers and threatened to do worse if he did it again.

    “You are not a spy,” she told him firmly, dangling the watch out of reach as Napoleon curled in a wincing, fetal position on his Le Corbusier couch in his upstate apartment. “You are a thief with the self-control of a child. Now give me back my ring.”

    “What ring?” Napoleon asked innocently, even through the pain.

    “How fond are you of your nose?” Gaby shot back blandly.

    Language:
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    Words:
    46,875
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
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    16 Aug 2017