1 - 20 of 31 Works by gunboots

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    "Henry Hammer? That's your alias's NAME?" Napoleon scans Illya's fake passport just to reaffirm what he's just READ.

    Illya just gives him a blank stare.

    "Peril, you sound like an adult entertainer." Napoleon says, which to be honest, is just adding to the nightmare-like quality of this mission. “Henry Hammer. The man, the legend.”

    "Is just cover. I have chosen name based on American statistics, Cowboy.” Illya replies as if he doesn't understand how 'Henry Hammer' is perhaps the most obvious fake name that Napoleon has ever HEARD.

    "Porn statistics maybe. You might as well go with Shaft Mcharddick or even Dick Strongbutt." Napoleon would hope that Illya would have more common sense than to watch adult videos to improve his seduction and yet…"Couldn’t you have picked something…classy? Richard, for example, is a decidedly normal name."

    "Yes, because ‘Dick hammer’ is far more dignified."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,776
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    130
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    1364
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Steve hesitantly reaches out and takes the object in Tony’s arms to survey it. 'It' being a pillow upon which was an almost frighteningly accurate illustration of Loki, their on-and-off again nemesis. "I don't--how did you even get this? Who would MAKE this?"

    Clearly Steve doesn't find the attention-to-detail on Loki's costume as hilarious as Tony does, which whatever. Like he said. Killjoy.

    A.K.A The one time Tony buys Thor the world's worst souvenir and it somehow worked out in the end anyway.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    616
  3. Tags
    Summary

    “He’s lovely, just as beautiful as you are Madam Vinciguerra—you must be so proud.” Illya’s glower is instant, and Victoria gives an equally charming titter. She is proud, but not for the reasons Mr. Deveny must be thinking.

    Illya, after all, was the one who taught her how to fire a gun.

    She raised him well.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,600
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    148
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    1324
  4. Tags
    Summary

    They look, for all intents and purposes LIKE a typical bridal party, complete with tiny, adorable bride-to-be decked with a ribbon sash and glowing LED penis-crown. The bridal party even has matching obnoxious t-shirts and different colored feather boas and flashing LED Malibu shades. They look every inch the picture of friendly debauchery that Napoleon has come to predict.

    And yet, a giant blond man that fits every single one of Napoleon's fantasies steps in front of the party, protectively. He pushes up his flashing shades, businesslike and Napoleon almost misses the 'BEST BITCH' proclaimed loudly on the other man's chest in pink, glittering font.

    "Teller, party of seven--I make reservation." The vision says and Napoleon stares.

    aka Illya is the shared maid/man of honor for his best friend Gaby Teller and her fiancée; Napoleon is the pushy, hot waiter that won't stop hitting on him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,936
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    266
    Bookmarks:
    45
    Hits:
    2173
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Warden Solo smiles but there's no mirth in it, instead he raises his goblet: "In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice."

    Illya finds the strength to actually throw himself at the man, pure frustration giving him power. He doesn't manage much, but he does knock the drink from Solo's hand.

    It's a remarkable precedent for their future life together.

     

    The one where Illya is a mage from Kirkwall terrified of becoming an apostate and Napoleon is the Grey Warden who invokes the rite of conscription to save his life.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,094
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    853
  6. Tags
    Summary

    "All I'm saying is, there must be a plausible reason you put a COUNT and his posse in the hospital." Napoleon signals to get off the highway, getting ever closer to his place. "At least explain that one."

    "He had soft bones." Illya finally manages after a moment, Gaby cackles, high-fiving him. The both of them are still so full of vitriol.

    Napoleon meets her gaze in the mirror and it's more amusement than disapproval.

     

    The one where Gaby and Illya make the mistake of attending Uncle Rudi's 50th Birthday--Napoleon drives the getaway car and gets some answers.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,603
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    114
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1543
  7. Tags
    Summary

    "I can't believe you want to date me." Scott says for the millionth time because this is THE FALCON. And he wasn't lying when he said that he WAS his favorite superhero.

    Sam Wilson flashes his tv-perfect white teeth. Scott does not swoon because Scott has done hard time, has fought convicts and evil billionaires alike and he does not SWOON.

    "I'll pick you up at eight. Try not to embarrass yourself too much." Sam laughs, before turning on his heel and getting back on his bike. It's all very rom-com.

    "...Damn homie, you got it bad." Luis observes, swatting him on the back. "Cassie's gonna love her new step-dad."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,376
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    249
    Bookmarks:
    34
    Hits:
    1717
  8. Tags
    Summary

    "You MARRIED me off to a STRANGER?" Gaby is exhausted but she is furious enough to kill.

    "Mail-order groom from Russia--it was a highly rated website." Napoleon dodges a shoe thrown at his head. Gaby reaches for another of her flats, and aims again. "It was supposed to be a joke."

    "You filled out a green card form in MY name." Napoleon, even full of fine champagne, still dodges faster than she ever could. Damn him. Damn his irritating attitude. Damn the fact he's quite possibly her best and only friend and alas she cannot kill him. "What part of that is a JOKE? I just got my CITIZENSHIP."

    "A very elaborate joke?" Napoleon tries. Gaby's glare turns murderous.

     

    The one where Gaby runs her own garage, Napoleon is a male model/her bff, and Illya is the mail-order groom Napoleon orders for her.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,267
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    169
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    1953
  9. Tags
    Summary

    "Hypothetically, since vampires don't exist Agent Kuryakin...I'd ask you where you've hidden all the bodies." Napoleon says, heart pounding in his ears and wondering if Illya can hear it too.

    "Hypothetically then, I do not need to hide bodies, there are many who volunteer for me to feed from them. " Illya's almost smirking and when he opens his mouth Napoleon realizes just how sharp his teeth are. "I would assure that neither you or Gaby would be in danger...unless you wanted me to bite you."

    AU where everything is pretty much the same, except this time Illya is a vampire. Napoleon is very interested.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,473
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    319
    Bookmarks:
    61
    Hits:
    3028
  10. Tags
    Summary

    "Would you like anything else, sir?" The girl behind the counter, (Gaby, her sky blue nameplate reads) smirks, actively smirks at him. "And no, you can't have his number."

    "What if I simply wanted to give my compliments? “ Gaby considers him for a moment, then the line of women behind him.

    "You got 15 minutes?" Technically Napoleon doesn't, but he's not about to go rushing back to Victoria's fits of rage regardless.

    AKA the one where Illya is a hot baker, Napoleon is in love and Gaby is entertained.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,654
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    751
    Bookmarks:
    128
    Hits:
    4444
  11. Tags
    Summary

    The thing is, Henry Cavill, man of steel, potential Christian Grey (and god, Armie's laugh is still ringing in his ears), and most sought after bachelor of the hour is hopelessly, endlessly, infatuated with his happily married, straight co-star.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    947
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    62
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    785
  12. Tags
    Summary

    But since high school basketball is basically a network of everyone in each other’s business anyways, news starts to spread around pretty fast.

    Kagami's gay, he dates athletes, and they're unusually exceptional in their field. Aomine wasn't even aware there were THAT many people that swung that way until this all started, apparently Kagami's dick was magic and able to summon every gay athlete in the area.

    Doesn't have a type, Aomine's ass.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,075
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    173
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    1700
  13. Tags
    Summary

    “What do you want from me?” Before he was Captain America, before he was Steven G. Rogers, Captain in the 107th, he was just Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers, after all this time, all this science, and all this power is still human. If it means making a deal with the god of lies to bring back his best friend, he’ll do it.

    Every time.

    Loki’s smile shifts. It’s ancient and terrifying, and it seals his fate.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,912
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    119
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    2410
  14. Tags
    Summary

    "It's not 'Midorin', it's Midorima." Midorima intones sternly, mid-rant about how Oha Asa's recent selections of lucky items were appropriately patriotic to the Jouishishi cause, "Daiki, if you are concerned about employment you could always come back to the Joui."

    "I'm not joining a terrorist organization to pay for basic cable." Aomine snorts, balling up the hamburger wrapper in his hands.

     

    aka Four times Aomine was treated to food by friends and the one time he treated someone else/the dreaded gintama au.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,160
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    60
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1746
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Note to self, next time there's a gang of yakuza and you and your partner/boyfriend are supposed to be tailing them until reinforcements arrive, try not to blow your own cover.

    Also try not to have a really passive-aggressive fight that led to blowing said cover because now Aomine and Kagami are both feeling more than a little worn out mentally along with the physically. Not like Aomine could really help himself though, that drug dealer in his nasty fake Versace suit totally had his hand on Kagami's thigh and what the shit was THAT about.

    Jump Street AU for Kaeilash's birthday.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    975
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    644
  16. Tags
    Summary

    There are words on paper, actors in movies, and a grand story that fills a whole corner of a museum defined by history. There are words, there are pictures, there are movies, but they're limited, fragmented. They can't do justice to the sniper that Captain America trusted, the man that grew into a boy in the streets of Brooklyn with his best friend at his side. The man that could be James Buchanan Barnes leaves a legacy that is barely defined.

    The man that Steve Rogers says he is.

     

    CA:TWS Spoilers.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,993
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    2362
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Aomine later claims that he was flirting, Kagami champions that it was harassment that eventually wore him down.

    Kuroko translates it as Aomine wearing Kagami down with his presence. It's Aomine's form of flirting.

    a.k.a: the one where Aomine, Kagami, and friends work in a strip club and have crazy shenanigans.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,110
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    400
    Bookmarks:
    92
    Hits:
    4811
  18. Tags
    Summary

    But Jean's not drift compatible with Ackerman, and it's a shame because they'd be able to do good together. He just knows that together, they'd be the best.

    "You still sulking? Seriously, how old are you?" Ymir can't fucking complain--she's paired up with Reiner. She doesn't have to worry about him going off the fucking rails.

     

    a.k.a Jean and Eren's first time in the drift and how it wasn't a complete failure (depending on who you ask).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,798
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    196
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    3323
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Liebgott could never quite figure Webster out. Years later, it'll hit him why.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,155
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    19
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    714
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Kagami uses bad hip-hop lyrics to hit on Aomine.

    Aomine has no idea what the hell is wrong with Kagami.

    Everyone else despairs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,920
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    145
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    2343

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