Kestrel is going to finish his education. Kestrel is going to be a law-abiding citizen. Kestrel is going to keep his head down, do what his family says, and hopefully not disappoint them too much in the process.
Unfortunately, the pirate crew of the Nimble Fingers (collective bounty: 300,000 gold crowns) is in need of a new cabin boy.
The story of a quest for an unspeakable treasure, stranger things in heaven and earth, the semantic differences between vivisection and dissection; and a bunch of total assholes being assholes to each other.
The first mate of the Merry Recidivist - and what kind of person called herself "Deathscream", anyway? Thank god that wasn't too ominous or anything - had led Ren down there, muttering something about 'show you your quarters', and then locked the door behind her when she'd left.
And now it was just Ren and the onions. There were a lot of them. And pickles. And for some reason, pots of what seemed to be lime jam. That was weird. Maybe they ate it all together. Maybe they couldn't afford nice food. Maybe they were smuggling onions? No, that was stupid.
None of Ren's bemused reflection on the onion problem altered the fact that the pirates had locked him in the hold of their ship, which, far from containing a mountain of pirate gold, seemed to be the repository for sixty per cent of the world's onion supply.
It occurred to Ren that perhaps he was not cut out for a life of piracy after all.
(Mayhem. Treasure. Escapes. Escapades. Dashing rescues. Bounty hunters. The heart of an unfriendly god. A wee bit of murder here and there. And, occasionally, actual piracy.
A lot of onions.)
Poor, unfortunate souls. In pain, in need.
Peccant Scofflaw built an empire. You can't build empires without making a few hard choices, but there's no reason those choices had to be hard for him. The trick to successful management is good delegation.
Yes, I've had the odd complaint. But on the whole, I've been a saint! To these poor, unfortunate souls.
A series of Mobsterswitch shorts that don't fit anywhere else. Some AU.
A gumshoe and a mobster walk into a bar, and everyone can play nice when there's a bottle of White Hoofbeast involved.
(Or, how Peccant Scofflaw and Snooping Scout first met.)