Wynn

Profile of Fiona Apple



Recent works

Recent series

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Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark *

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    “Oh my God,” Lance says as he covers his face. Keith’s tinny voice blares from his laptop speakers: “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” See, this joke might have been funny if someone charismatic and charming had said it, but Keith’s flat voice and even flatter expression effectively kidnaps, tortures, and then decapitates any chance of it being remotely humorous.

    --

    Keith accidentally starts a YouTube channel. Lance, of course, refuses to be left out. It goes about as well as you'd expect. (Ft. copious amounts of wine and a truly shameless number of references to MyDrunkKitchen, DailyGrace, and general pop culture)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,333
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    125
    Kudos:
    936
    Bookmarks:
    278
    Hits:
    7574

    21 Jul 2017

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “And then other times,” Lance said. “I’m just, like, dying to know what a mouth would feel like around my dick.”
    Keith choked on air and said, with absolutely no go-ahead from his brain, “I have a mouth.”
    Half-laughing, Lance said, “Is that an offer?”
    He pushed his wet hair out of his eyes. His throat was dry. “Is that an acceptance?”
    --
    The summer after freshman year of college, Lance drags Keith back to their hometown to hang out. But the two of them rarely spend time together without Hunk and Pidge around, because things had a way of getting out of hand real quick. This summer is... no different.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,031
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    77
    Kudos:
    836
    Bookmarks:
    233
    Hits:
    6525

    20 Jul 2017

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    FROM THE DESK OF ALLURA ALTEA
    Director
    The Rex Alfor Memorial Space Museum

    Dear Mr. Coran,

    I am writing to entrust to you the care and supervision of the young man who will be working with our custodial team starting this coming Tuesday. The young man’s name, as I’m sure you already know, is Keith.

    As you also have been made aware, the incident that occurred two weeks ago was his first criminal offense, and thus I have elected not to press charges against him, in the hope that a little community service and a few kind words will go a long way.

    Please see to it that our new volunteer gets a basic but thorough introduction as to what it is we do here at RAMSM. Unless any more untoward situations arise, there is no need to report to me further. I trust your good judgment, as I always have.

    (Additionally, I would like to commend you for successfully managing to keep this story out of the press. Your service to the museum over the years has gone above and beyond your job description. We will have to talk about this very soon. When are you free for coffee?)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,588
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    181
    Kudos:
    964
    Bookmarks:
    311
    Hits:
    14562

    19 Jul 2017

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    At twenty-four, Keith decides to figure out what this 'tumblr' thing is. It's confusing at first, but Keith learns to have fun with it with help from a few new friends. AKA Keith's adventures on tumblr.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    55,157
    Chapters:
    23/23
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    731
    Kudos:
    1080
    Bookmarks:
    233
    Hits:
    10985

    15 Jul 2017

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Hello, welcome to Burger King, can I take your order?”
    And that’s about when it all comes crashing down on him, and like a tidal wave of terrible, Lance realizes, on an emotional level, how truly awful his day was. For no good reason at all other than here’s a human voice – steeped in apathy perhaps, but not overtly antagonistic – and literally all he wants is a little human comfort… he starts sobbing in the Burger King drive-thru.

    Keith is a junior in high school just trying to get through working the midnight shift at Burger King when Lance staggers into his life. The course of true love is a freaking disaster.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,980
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    101
    Kudos:
    1216
    Bookmarks:
    333
    Hits:
    9214

    15 Jul 2017

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