1 - 20 of 94 Works by Vulgarweed

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    "It's a bonny thing," said he. "Just see how it glints and sparkles. Of course it is a nucleus and focus of crime. Every good stone is. They are the devil's pet baits. In the larger and older jewels every facet may stand for a bloody deed.” - Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle, Arthur Conan Doyle

    Sequel to With Both Hands Thou Shalt Give It. After Melkor murdered Finwë and stole the Silmarils, fleeing to the lands across the sea, Fëanor, the Silmarils’ maker, led an army in hot pursuit to avenge his father and reclaim his treasure, swearing an oath that would doom them all. And the Fëanorians were followed by the eccentric, brilliant, and fearlessly kinky Maia detective called Sérelókë, who can always be trusted to stick his nose (and other parts) into the meat of any fascinating and dangerous crime. In Beleriand, he will find a rich playground for all his passions, and meet a companion who will change his life forever.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,472
    Chapters:
    6/7
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    54
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    811
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Adam and Pepper, now married with children of their own, worry that their kids might be losing some of the magic of the season. Adam calls in a little favour from some old friends - with a nice little bonus that's in it for them. Established relationship A/C, a little fluff, a little comedy, a little Bentley smut.

    Written for AJ Crowlor in the 2015 Good Omens Holiday Exchange

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,738
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    316
  3. Tags
    Summary

    So Polyshipping Day is actually a monthly thing? First day of every month? FANTASTIC. I will try to add to this every month. Each chapter is a different ficlet or drabble.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,200
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    442
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Sauron and Thuringwethil are summoned to their Master's throne to serve His pleasure. They are not sure that they'll survive it.

    A 1,000-word PWP written entirely in rhyming couplets - I think that merits a warning all its own.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,006
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    228
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “There was a growling sound outside, and a noise as of some great animal scuffling at the door. Bilbo wondered what it was, and whether it could be Beorn in enchanted shape, and if he would come in as a bear and kill them. He dived under the blankets and hid his head, and fell asleep again at last in spite of his fears.” [The Hobbit, Chapter 7 "Queer Lodgings," J.R.R. Tolkien)

    That wasn’t entirely fear Bilbo felt when he first saw Beorn change - seems our hobbit has a bear kink (figuratively and literally). Beorn and Thorin manage to co-operate long enough to indulge him.

    Written for the “Animal Play” square in Seasons of Kink

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,001
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    93
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    2073
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Mary is stuck in a self-loathing spiral because she thinks she’s fucked up badly - and she’s not used to fucking up badly being something one can survive. She needs confession and catharsis. Who’s she going to to go to - a therapist? A priest? Nope. She’s going to seek out the type of specialist who actually can help her. (Spoiler alert: Irene does.)

    There's a surprise guest star cameo at the end.

    For both Femslash June and the ‘Humiliation’ square on my Seasons of Kink card.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,181
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    28
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    886
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Of all the residents of Valinor, the eccentric and disreputable Maia called Sérelókë would be the last person you’d expect a Valië to call upon in time of need. But Sérelókë is known for his observation and insights, and Yavanna Kementári will stop at nothing to learn the truth of who killed her beloved Trees, and why. Once set upon the trail, Sérelókë will also stop at nothing.

    Really. I mean he’ll stop at nothing.

    And while I can’t take credit or blame for the original idea . . . oh wait, yes I can. I claimed my own prompt.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,761
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    74
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1186
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Inspired by Chapter 1 of Happiness by unreconstructedfangirl. It’s a WIP, only one chapter up so far, so that’s all I had to go on. But it’s lovely and (she promises) hopeful, a beautiful story about aging John and Sherlock facing serious illness, and there’s already a lot to work with for a poet. I offer up this slightly mangled and subverted villanelle.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    150
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    277
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Temeraire has searched long and hard for his lost captain, in a strange and distant land. One very large obstacle presents itself and demands his attention. And other things.

    Fulfillment of his quest comes with a price, and Middle-earth's future is subtly altered.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,243
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    985
  10. Tags
    Summary

    I had a mess of these sitting around on my Livejournal, and will likely write more. Odds and sods that don't fit in the larger stories. Each drabble will be its own chapter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,231
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    165
    Kudos:
    156
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1861
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “When you've begun to think like a gun / the days of the year have suddenly gone” --John Cale, “Gun”

    Three addicts, now never hurting for a supply for their danger fix. They’ve warped and changed each other to fit together better. They really do love each other deeply, never more so than when they’re being terrible role models.

    Author’s Note: This is an AU where everything’s the same except Mary was never pregnant. (I just didn’t feel like dealing with a baby in this one.) For the Porn Battle XV prompts: John Watson/Sherlock Holmes/Mary Morstan, games, voyeurism, secrets, truth, lies, vows, danger, guns, adrenaline, forever,

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,181
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    96
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1462
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Some babies are born with hair, or with teeth. Some with a caul, some with a tail. Sherlock Holmes was born with an olive drab bandana in his right pocket.

    Written in about 7 hours for the Come at Once 24-hour porn challenge, Mildredandbobbin tagged me with the prompt: “retribution”. The title is a British and Canadian military slang term that refers to long, hard, punishment or hardship, particularly when disproportionate to the infraction.

    HUGE thanks to Winter_of_our_discontent for the very fast beta (in-person in a coffee shop, no less)!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,059
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    112
    Kudos:
    585
    Bookmarks:
    97
    Hits:
    7011
  13. Tags
    Summary

    In the spring of 1916, some in London and Dublin were fighting a war on two fronts. Three, if you include the heart. (Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of it.)

     

    Written in the 2014 Good Omens Holiday Exchange for tomato_greens, who wanted references to Yeats's poems "Easter, 1916" and/or "Leda and the Swan," especially with a historical setting and Yeats as a character.

    If you notice any especially beautiful lines in this story, you can be sure they’re Yeats, not me.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,669
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    421
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The war is ending and the troops are returning. They do not always mean well. Their loved ones are not always glad to see them. A case straight out of an old folktale has deep repercussions for Sherlock and John.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,397
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    61
    Kudos:
    220
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    2131
  15. Tags
    Summary

    One dark autumn night in the Shire, a rejected suitor leaves a harvest festival with a heavy heart - and a head swimming with eerie stories. Particularly of a new terror never seen in the Shire before: the ghastly spectre the locals call the Faceless Horseman.

     

    Those familiar with The Red Book of Westmarch will recognise this as a rustic, romanticised, and garbled hobbit-centric account of certain alarming events that occurred in the Shire in the autumn of TA 3018, on the eve of the War of the Ring.

    Those familiar with more recent literature will note that this story bears such a strong resemblance to the plot of Washington Irving's story "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow," one realises Mr Irving must have had some passing acquaintance with Middle-earth folklore.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,106
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    139
  16. Tags
    Summary

    “Mr Holmes, I'm not in the habit of approaching . . . consultants. But you are correct. I have great faith in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. And until recently, I also had faith in the rule of law. Only the second one has wavered. Three years ago my fiancé, Sgt. Neil Howie of the West Highlands Constabulary, went to investigate an anonymous report of a missing child in a remote place called Summerisle. He never communicated with me while he was there, and he never returned.”

    Summerisle is not a welcoming place to visitors, but it shows its best face at May Day. For ulterior motives.

    ***

    Now featuring The Straw Man Fallacy Fanmix!

    Two hours of mood-setting folk, folk-rock, and metal arranged to loosely follow and build on the original soundtrack of The Wicker Man. (Also includes much incidental music straight from the film.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,422
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    336
    Kudos:
    483
    Bookmarks:
    179
    Hits:
    9211
  17. Tags
    Summary

    There’s a dead body in the ball pit. Luckily, Sherlock’s on the case (and John’s on Sherlock. Not like that. Okay, maybe a bit like that. But those balls are slippery!)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,748
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    72
    Kudos:
    111
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    2087
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Well, maybe Sherlock was feeling a little bit left out of that whole parenthood business. Not anymore.

    Written for Porn Battle XV. Prompts: marriage, clues, robe, babyroom, sharing, baby, arrangement, co-parents, hormones, polyamory, big bed, together, forever

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,146
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    49
    Kudos:
    340
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    6716
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Set in that big ol' West Virginia farmhouse in Bone-Fiddle-verse, on a wintry night. The 1970s were probably the last decade that anyone could have sex on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace unironically. You decide if Sherlock and John managed lack of irony or not.

    Content: Dirty talk, boundary-pushing and also fur. This story is not vegan. Do they even spare a thought for the bear who helped bring them together in the graveyard scene in The Bone Fiddle? Probably not. It's not the same bear, though. This story takes place in between the two main scenes of Splat! and might make more sense if you've read that.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,302
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    123
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    2524
  20. Tags
    Summary

    He is the proud King of an arrogant race - but there is still one who can bring him to his knees.

    Written for Porn Battle XV. Prompts: smoke, gold, rise

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    968
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    527

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