1 - 20 of 106 Works by Vulgarweed

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Written for Daxarve in the 2016 Good Omens Holiday Exchange. A long historical view of two of Crowley's favorite pleasures of the world: sleep and houseplants.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,290
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    108
  2. Tags
    Summary

    I had a mess of these sitting around on my Livejournal, and will likely write more. Odds and sods that don't fit in the larger stories. Each drabble will be its own chapter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,258
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    238
    Kudos:
    224
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    2511
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Dark secrets of Mary’s past are coming to light, with unimaginable consequences for her, and for John, and for Sherlock.

    The trigger word is “architeuthis.”

    ***

    (That’s really all the summary you’re getting right now. It’s cracky and smutty, and it’s true that No Archive Warnings Apply, and that’s all I’ll say. If you want to find out what Mary’s dark secret is, you have to read it. Mind the rating and pairing.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,034
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    60
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    519
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Slightly spoiled by the safety of Menegroth, Iaun wanders far from the city and takes a swim in the River Sirion - and finds himself in the clutches of questionable Ossë, the Maia of water and storms who was seduced for a time by Melkor himself. Iaun is not pleased by his concern-trolling and kink-shaming about the nature of his relationship with Sérelókë. Sérelókë is even less pleased.

    Insult is given; satisfaction is demanded.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,939
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    53
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    985
  5. Tags
    Summary

    John Watson is just fine with being in danger - because it's the quiet, slow times that often feel more dangerous.

    This story riffs on the opening scenes of “The Adventure of the Cardboard Box.” Title comes from “The Unknown Soldier” by the Doors. Written for the program book for Sherlock Seattle/Watson Washington 2016; it had to be an exclusive until after the con but now it can run free.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,226
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    83
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    590
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “You’re certainly not the Mary Morstan my Watson married. But you’re a Mary Morstan that a Watson married.”

    Time-travel shenanigans have 19th-century Sherlock Holmes (as played by Jeremy Brett) having to team up with 21st-century Mary Morstan to restore everyone to their proper timelines.

    Written for the flashfic challenge during the Writing Erotica panel at Sherlock Seattle/Watson Washington. Jinglebell provided AMAZING prompts for characters, sexual acts, locations, and quotes. I got:

    Mary, Granada-Jeremy Brett Holmes, Collaring, Rough Sex, Mycroft's Private Plane, "What a thing to say, and on my birthday besides"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    538
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    314
  7. Tags
    Summary

    “Of course it’s very wrong, but we can’t all be moralists, and the distribution of wealth is very wrong to begin with.” (AJ Raffles, “The Ides of March,” E.W. Hornung)

    “Mary Morstan” is a down-on-her luck assassin who’s been wanting to reform, but she finds herself deep in debt and thereby with even less hope for a retirement plan that isn’t made of lead. In desperation she appeals to a wealthier acquaintance - Irene Adler, The Woman, one of the top pro Dommes in the world. It turns out that Irene has another, even more lucrative source of income that isn’t quite cricket - and that’s where she needs an assistant. But before Mary is initiated into all Irene’s secrets, she first must pledge her loyalty. And it's Irene's business to deduce just what Mary really needs.

    This belongs to an AU I’ve had in my head for a long time, starring Irene and Mary as a kinky lesbian jewel heist team. Apologies are due to Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the Velvet Underground, and most of all to E. W. Hornung.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,755
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    482
  8. Tags
    Summary

    (Bookverse: post-quest, post-Scouring of the Shire). When Frodo falls ill while Sam is off planting trees to restore the Shire with the aid of Galadriel’s gift, it falls to Rosie to help tend to him. His wounds go much deeper than flesh - and so does Rosie’s healing offer.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,931
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    20
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    140
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Captain John Watson endures bondage and sensory deprivation, among other enhanced interrogation techniques. Worst of all: manscaping.

    Consensual kink play, established John/Sherlock/Mary poly triad. Almost certainly a scene from Genetic Markers-verse, but just a few lines strongly suggest that.

    Written for the "Sensory Deprivation" or "Shaving/Waxing" squares on my Season of Kink card.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,120
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    65
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    768
  10. Tags
    Summary

    "It's a bonny thing," said he. "Just see how it glints and sparkles. Of course it is a nucleus and focus of crime. Every good stone is. They are the devil's pet baits. In the larger and older jewels every facet may stand for a bloody deed.” - Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle, Arthur Conan Doyle

    Sequel to With Both Hands Thou Shalt Give It. After Melkor murdered Finwë and stole the Silmarils, fleeing to the lands across the sea, Fëanor, the Silmarils’ maker, led an army in hot pursuit to avenge his father and reclaim his treasure, swearing an oath that would doom them all. And the Fëanorians were followed by the eccentric, brilliant, and fearlessly kinky Maia detective called Sérelókë, who can always be trusted to stick his nose (and other parts) into the meat of any fascinating and dangerous crime. In Beleriand, he will find a rich playground for all his passions, and meet a companion who will change his life forever.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,525
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    105
    Kudos:
    87
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    2008
  11. Tags
    Summary

    For the Wits On Tap Challenge - a slightly dysfunctional English sonnet for two slightly dysfunctional Englishmen. A poetic remix of the wonderful, atmospheric My Heart the Red Sun, Your Heart the Moon Clouded by tiltedsyllogism.

    Syl's story is a songfic inspired by Mystery by the Indigo Girls, so I took my title from that song as well.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    153
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    33
    Hits:
    233
  12. Tags
    Summary

    During the all-too-brief years of Balin's reclamation of Khazad-dûm, the Ranger Aragorn of the Dúnedain embarks on a mission to gather information and warn the Dwarves of peril. The Doors of Durin are still shut, and the peril that lurks nearby is one no one had imagined.

    Written for Porn Battle Amnesty. Prompt: Aragorn/Watcher in the Water, tentacles, lust, pheromones, wet, indignity, body, shame, undressed, slime, dark, mud

    HUGE thanks to Besina for very quick beta work!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,921
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    737
  13. Tags
    Summary

    The ageing housing stock of central London is picturesque but delicate, and often harbours destructive pests who wreak havoc on the fragile structures. If such damage is spotted, building owners and managers are advised to contact a skilled professional who is well-versed in the control of vandalous creatures.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,875
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1232
  14. Tags
    Summary

    This is a scene from the world of the Bone Fiddle stories I’ve co-written with htebazytook: set in Appalachia in the early 1970s, where urban exile!Sherlock and Vietnam vet!John explore the seamy southern Gothic underbelly of the fog-shrouded mountains. Through a new case and an old acquaintance, John learns a bit about Sherlock’s past and certain elements of his undercover work - just how far was he willing to go for a case? And just how far will John go with him?

     

    Written in 24 hours for the Come_at_Once challenge. Prompt: "I thought it was obvious." Beta'd at HEROIC SPEED by Persian Slipper (Luthe)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,757
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    153
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    2253
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Adam and Pepper, now married with children of their own, worry that their kids might be losing some of the magic of the season. Adam calls in a little favour from some old friends - with a nice little bonus that's in it for them. Established relationship A/C, a little fluff, a little comedy, a little Bentley smut.

    Written for AJ Crowlor in the 2015 Good Omens Holiday Exchange

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,738
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    74
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    880
  16. Tags
    Summary

    So Polyshipping Day is actually a monthly thing? First day of every month? FANTASTIC. I will try to add to this every month. Each chapter is a different ficlet or drabble.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,200
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    585
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Sauron and Thuringwethil are summoned to their Master's throne to serve His pleasure. They are not sure that they'll survive it.

    A 1,000-word PWP written entirely in rhyming couplets - I think that merits a warning all its own.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,006
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    350
  18. Tags
    Summary

    “There was a growling sound outside, and a noise as of some great animal scuffling at the door. Bilbo wondered what it was, and whether it could be Beorn in enchanted shape, and if he would come in as a bear and kill them. He dived under the blankets and hid his head, and fell asleep again at last in spite of his fears.” [The Hobbit, Chapter 7 "Queer Lodgings," J.R.R. Tolkien)

    That wasn’t entirely fear Bilbo felt when he first saw Beorn change - seems our hobbit has a bear kink (figuratively and literally). Beorn and Thorin manage to co-operate long enough to indulge him.

    Written for the “Animal Play” square in Seasons of Kink

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,001
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    143
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    3204
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Mary is stuck in a self-loathing spiral because she thinks she’s fucked up badly - and she’s not used to fucking up badly being something one can survive. She needs confession and catharsis. Who’s she going to to go to - a therapist? A priest? Nope. She’s going to seek out the type of specialist who actually can help her. (Spoiler alert: Irene does.)

    There's a surprise guest star cameo at the end.

    For both Femslash June and the ‘Humiliation’ square on my Seasons of Kink card.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,181
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1317
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Of all the residents of Valinor, the eccentric and disreputable Maia called Sérelókë would be the last person you’d expect a Valië to call upon in time of need. But Sérelókë is known for his observation and insights, and Yavanna Kementári will stop at nothing to learn the truth of who killed her beloved Trees, and why. Once set upon the trail, Sérelókë will also stop at nothing.

    Really. I mean he’ll stop at nothing.

    And while I can’t take credit or blame for the original idea . . . oh wait, yes I can. I claimed my own prompt.

    UPDATE March 17, 2016: now with fantastic FANART by elfrightsactivist, commissioned as a gift by Sunhawk. THANK YOU!

    This tale now has a sequel: The Dark Fire Will Avail You.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,761
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    96
    Kudos:
    89
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    2055

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