FunnyWinter



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    Bilbo Baggins is born with a weak heart, requiring a cuckoo-clock to keep it from stopping. All is well for the next fifty years, but when his mechanism begins to act up, he will have to embark on a journey to find the only person who can fix his heart: A dwarven clockmaker by the name of Thorin.

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    27 Jul 2017

  2. Public Bookmark 72

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    After the Battle of Five Armies Bilbo went back to the Shire.
    It was the expected thing to do, after all.

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    24 Jul 2017

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    “Right,” Fili said. “We need to all stay alive, then. That shouldn’t be too hard.”

    “You try it,” Bilbo muttered. “See how well you do.”

    ~

    By a curse or a blessing from the Valar, Bilbo finds himself repeating the same horrific day of war outside of Erebor again and again. His repeats are always triggered when someone from the company falls. He suffers days and days on his own before the others begin to repeat the day with him.

    One would think that with the whole company, an elf king, and a bowman all knowing what was to come, Bilbo would have an easier time getting them all through the day alive.

    One would think that, wouldn't they.

    Language:
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    13,227
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    24 Jun 2017

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Bilbo would never be so self-righteous as to describe everyone who disagreed with him as a troll. It’s just that most of them were. This one, however, was different from the rest. Their comment was grammatically correct and properly capitalized. It was firm, yet there was a distinct lack of the F-word or demands that Bilbo “get a real job.”

    Still, it was incredibly pompous.

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    12 Jun 2017

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Bilbo remembers saying no. And still finds himself at Hogwarts a week before term is about to begin, having tea with Headmaster Gandalf. Who has not only convinced Bilbo to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, but now wants Bilbo to join the staff Quidditch team as well.

    Never, vows Bilbo.

    Obviously, this results in him playing seeker for a team lead by ambitious captain Tauriel and grumpy vice-captain Thorin.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    4/4
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    05 Jun 2017

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