1 - 20 of 82 Works by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) in Homestuck

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    "If you're hitting on me, queue's to your left," Dave replies, and then he looks.

    The man has nice arms. Solid shoulders, strong biceps. Baby face still, baby-blue eyes in the white strobe lights and friendly dimples. Someone got him with funny cat-whiskers paint that's just subtle enough to tickle Dave's funny bone, but with a body like that he's got to be at least twenty.

    "What, no!" The man blushes so hard Dave can see his face darken even through the flashing lighting and dim of the dance floor. He actually honest-to-God flails his hands, what a dork. "I just -- argh, and you totally know that, don't you?"

    --
    Anonymous asked: Dave/Naruto, hooking up at a house party (papabrostrider is to blame for this one)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,642
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    157
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1202
  2. Tags
    Summary

    "Yo. S'obvious our previous tricks aren't gonna work the same anymore, so let's open the floor to suggestions."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    637
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    79
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    354
  3. Tags
    Summary

    1. "Byrd," Kanaya says with even more careful enunciation than usual, and that's how you know she's kind of drunk. "I do not wish to impugn on your transcendental broship with John."
    --
    2. GG: hi byrd can i talk to you???
    GG: its not super urgent yet but ahhhh, i really need to talk to you!!!
    GG: byrd featherbutt strider!
    --
    3. Terezi has a problem with Dave's shower. A very grave problem. Dave chivalrously undertakes to fix it.
    --
    Collection of ficlets that might turn out to be canon for the main fic and deliberately branching-off plotlines.
    Will not make sense without having read Crash Standing.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,153
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    156
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1616
  4. Tags
    Summary

    So, um. Terezi is kissing her. By the way.

    "Wowza. Lesbos R Us, at long last. I knew that day would come. Anyone got a camera."

    Terezi has a lot more teeth to get nibbly with than Karkat and her tongue is way longer and oh lord does she know how to use it. Jade wonders to herself, vaguely, why she never kissed her boyfriends' girlfriend before. That was a really silly oversight.

    Mmm.

    "Haha, shut up, Dave, you've been modeling for the Gay Dudes R You catalogue for like three years now."

    "Like you can talk, Mister It's Not Gay If He Doesn't Have Balls To Touch."

    --
    oneshot, plus a couple of ficlet sequels.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,909
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    253
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    4464
  5. Tags
    Summary

    It is known well that the Signless one, the Blood-Pained one, he of the Selfless Sacrifice, was loved dearly by his Disciple, as is the rightful order of things.

    Thus one day came to pass that she asked of him, O you with no name, for even this you gave away to one in need, have you no need of your own?

    And he demurred, in greatest shame, and refused to share his greatest selfishness, but by force of love and care at last the Disciple received her Master’s confession.

    --

    "Okay, so where the heck do I even start hunting fur a meowniature hoofbeast around here?"

    --
    Wherein Disciple, Nepeta and Dirk go a-questin’ for a goddamn pony.

    (Sunlightverse is a post-game series where the players end up as gods.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,825
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    142
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1503
  6. Tags
    Summary

    -- terminallyCapricious [TC] started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
    TC: so yeah hi

    It's hard to believe his eyes at first. Karkat has seen Gamzee's handle lit up here and there in the last weeks -- often winking off a couple minutes after he goes online himself.

    He's been okay with it, kind of, in not-really-okay, afraid-to-make-it-worse ways. He's not really feeling like he has digested the last meeting they had, like he has figured out what he thinks and is ready to tackle more. But for Mister If I Pretend It's Not Here It Will Go Poof Somehow to contact him first?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    537
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    36
    Kudos:
    131
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1327
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Fighting fire with fire is okay in theory but Detective-Summoner Dave L. Strider figures trying to summon corporeal demons to the mortal plane to fight other demons is likely to backfire spectacularly. Sadly for him his inner Knight gets the vapors at the thought of letting anyone else play guinea pig.

    Yup, he is totally hogging the demon. What could go wrong? (Oh no, Dave, why did you have to think that.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    138,618
    Chapters:
    20/?
    Comments:
    485
    Kudos:
    826
    Bookmarks:
    225
    Hits:
    25683
  8. Tags
    Summary

    You can't control your lungs. It's ridiculous, this is just a bit of rope, you could bite or claw through it if you tried hard enough (no you couldn't, he's too good at this.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    608
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    97
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    730
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Contains Pail-Free Xenosexual Relationships Between a Male Mutant Troll and Male Human for the Purpose of Exhibitionistic Sexual Gratification, Polyquadranted Individuals Presented in a Neutral or Positive Way, and Puppets Used in Several Perverted Ways, One of Those Puppets Depicting a Rad as Fuck Big-Nosed Allusion to Our Glorious Empress, Which She in Her Wisdom Has Allowed to Keep Existing Because Damn Straig)(t I Got Da Biggest One.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,774
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    127
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    1216
  10. Tags
    Summary

    "I will trade you your shirt and undershirt... for my leggings!"

    You frown. "What the fuck. Am I supposed to wear your leggins under my pants, or as a shirt somehow? And I know your thighs are ridiculously bony but they're still going to explode the fuck out of my sleeves."

    You can hear her groan right between your shoulder blades. "I will go around without mine if you go around without yours!" she yells, and headbutts your backbone. Ow.

    --
    God Tier Karkat and Terezi explore the kink possibilities of their new regalia, in a suave and sexy manner.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,055
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    82
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1007
  11. Tags
    Summary

    The only thing that saves them is that even in the throes of berserk rage Kankri has no clue how to fight.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,093
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    122
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    1168
  12. Tags
    Summary

    It's been eight days since the end of Sburb and Davesprite is not coping especially well.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    80,650
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    421
    Kudos:
    715
    Bookmarks:
    136
    Hits:
    16454
  13. Tags
    Summary

    "So what's an ashen kiss like, then?"

    Karkat demonstrates various quadrant-appropriate kisses to Jade.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    817
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    150
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    1158
  14. Tags
    Summary

    "For the last time, cease hitting yourself," Equius said sternly, and left the remote engaged for another two seconds before Vriska surrendered with a groan.

    Sitting on the other operation table, Tavros had a hand on his mouth and his ridiculously powerful shoulders were shaking visibly. Which wouldn't have been an issue, except that Vriska was starting to glare again, and she would become unmanageable if she suspected Equius of bias.

    --
    sionnachsskulk asked: Equius♣Vriska♣Tavros, first official date, mood: awkward/flirty.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,041
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    78
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    426
  15. Tags
    Summary

    "Well of fuckin' course troll JKR wasn't forced ta have Voldie be a fake sea dweller with magicked-on fins in the end, he was a fake who was aimin' higher than his station in life all along, this is the only readin' that makes any sense! If he were a real sea dweller then his motive for offin' the landdwellers makes zero fuckin' sense! An' his lack a any true class, are you even serious?"

    "I find it remarkable that a single being should be so consistently and hugely self-blind," Rose mused, and bared her teeth in a pleasant (not) grin.

    --
    Anonymous asked: Rose spade/diamond Eridan, the differences between troll and human Harry Potter.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    723
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    101
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    656
  16. Tags
    Summary

    "Umm, I don't need to be a troll to notice that hating on each other makes you guys miserable."

    --
    mitsuhachiinthehive asked: Jade c3< karkat c3< sollux, first kiss.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    714
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    121
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    681
  17. Tags
    Summary

    You can't help but like your upstairs neighbor, even though he's a little shit who turns his music up way too loud at odd hours. He's this plucky little rustie with amazing horns, he knows how to slice and dice a guy in like two seconds, and once when you broke your thermal hull during the dim season he was neighborly enough to ask his palebro to fix it for you, even though ain't no way to get to know him in the course of normal conversation.

    Also, when his featherbeast lusus died... You weren't there when it happened but afterwards he was just like a little robo-dude, rambling on automatic behind his facade and not even knowing it was cracked to hell and back, pretending like it was just a fact of life and he didn't mind.

    So yeah okay you are vaguely pale on your upstairs neighbor.

    --
    How does a normal troll with no clue that the game ever existed see an ex-player, anyway? Especially one who used to be an alien. Hopefully a series of various outsider POVs.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,096
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    68
    Kudos:
    252
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    4943
  18. Tags
    Summary

    -- undyingUmbrage [uu] started trolling centaursTesticle [CT] --

    uu: WHAT THE FuCK IS uP. WITH THIS CHAT CLIENT.
    uu: TROLLING IS FOR LOSERS. WHERE IS THE JEERING OPTION.
    CT: D --> I beg your pardon
    CT: D --> Who the heck are you and why are you on my chumproll in the first place with your l00dicrous and despicable hemoanonymity
    uu: I COuLD ASK YOu THE EXACT SAME FuCKING THING.
    uu: BuT I WON'T. BECAuSE I'M NOT A DuMBASS.
    uu: AND I ALREADY ASKED DIRK WHO THE FuCK YOu WERE. AND WHY YOu WERE ON MY CHuMPROLL.

    --
    This will make negative sense if you have not been reading the previous fics in the series, especially Oasis Reunion. Not that it makes a ton of sense with it, mind.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,988
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    156
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1509
  19. Tags
    Summary

    "...understand something unexpected might have happened, but in most circumstances he would still be able to find a minute to text us a warning! This is surprisingly inconsiderate."

    Karkat flicks a glance up the body under him, wedged on its back against the wall, just under the open window. He wants to arch an eyebrow, make a face that says, your friends are assholes behind your back, wow, you guys really did find each other. Kankri's arm is still thrown across his eyes, his face turned, tucked defensively into the crook of his own elbow. His mouth opens onto a silent moan.

    --
    theunvanquishedzims asked: Karkat ♠ Kankri, the first time they were both totally quiet in each other's presence.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,322
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    166
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    1671
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Eridan and Rose set up their extravagant ashen commitment ceremony to Karkat. Without Karkat. This is not the smoothest process in the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,765
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    115
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    743

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