So Does Everyone
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17 Jun 2014
He's nearly uniform grey like the sky outside, with his grey, unremarkable jacket and equally unremarkable grey cap. Just scruffy enough that most people would avoid eye contact in case he asked them for change. But his eyes are startling blue and stark and wild, and he looks at Sam and Sam looks at him, and yeah. Turns out he knows where Bucky is after all.
Except, Sam reminds himself with a slow, cold slide of fear down his spine, this isn't Bucky. This is the Winter Soldier, who's gone completely, absolutely still like an animal trying to decide whether to attack or run. And Sam is suddenly, terribly aware of all the people around them: all the tourists and the kids on their field trips; all the families with their babies and toddlers; all the sentimental fools like him come to visit Captain America on an overcast Wednesday afternoon.
But Sam has also seen that expression on the men and women who come to his counseling sessions. He's seen it in the mirror more times than he cares to count. He knows that kind of fear and pain, just like he knows that the man who was once James Buchanan Barnes could have already killed him. Killed as many people as he wanted to, and run.
He could have, but he didn't.
- Part 1 of Dread and Darling Boys
Fandoms: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies), Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Stargate Atlantis
12 Sep 2014
"Yeah, well." Tony gestures at Bucky. It should feel stranger than it does that they're both watching him sleep. Maybe more invasive, too, and Pepper thinks it probably would if she couldn't tell how concerned Tony is. "Turns out I was a little premature, when I said we all came through all right."
Pepper looks at him. "What do you mean? What's wrong with him?" She gasps. "Is it Steve? Is that why Bucky's not with him?"
Tony shakes his head. "Steve's fine. Well, physically fine, considering." He takes a breath. "Remember last year, when Sam and I found Bucky trashing that bank vault where Hydra'd been keeping him?"
She nods. "You called it the 'Vault of Evil'. Oh my God, did they try to capture him?"
"No, but it's almost as bad." He grimaces. "I'm not explaining this right. You remember why we took him to Asgard? I mean, of course you would, it was your idea. But, how he had, like, four different people running around in his head?"
"Of course I do. But, they fixed him." Her eyes go wide at the misery in his expression. "It's been over a year…I thought they fixed him?"
"They did fix him," Tony says. "He got broken again."
01 Oct 2015
Bucky had completed missions while in more terrible pain. It was amazing what you could push through when the punishment for failure was so much worse. But he hadn't needed to do that for over a year now. He'd gotten used to not being in pain, remembered what it was like to be human.
He knew no one would ever put him in the chair again. He knew he was safe here. He knew Tony could fix his arm without hurting him. Of course he did. But it didn't make a damn bit of difference to the terror that shook him like a dog at just the thought of sitting down and stretching his arm out for Tony to fuck with. Might as well stretch out his neck to have his throat slit. Hell, that'd be easier.
Easier to die. Yeah, he was losing his fucking mind.
- Part 14 of You Make Me Feel Like I Am Home Again
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel, Captain America (Movies)
15 Jul 2016
Steve Rogers met Tony Stark in Afghanistan in 2011, when they were taken captive after their convoy was decimated by the Ten Rings.
Three years later, Steve is slowly getting his life back after the trauma of an imprisonment he can barely remember. He still has nightmares and attacks of paranoia and panic, and still blames himself for the death of the soldiers under his command. But he also has his friends, a cat and a good job. Most of the time he's happy.
Then he comes back from a weekend away and discovers someone's been staying in his apartment. And then he sees a beautiful, haunted man who shouldn't be familiar, but is. Steve's nightmares suddenly include a stranger with blue-grey eyes, and he wakes up mourning for someone who may not even be real.
And then Steve learns in the worst way possible that there was another soldier with him and Tony in the cave: James Buchanan Barnes, who kept them alive and then supposedly died helping them escape. And who no one told Steve about, because he couldn't bear to remember.
Bucky is alive, and he was in Steve's apartment. But with his careful, quiet life unraveling under the strain, Steve might never be able to find out why.
19 Oct 2017
Spencer Reid had spent a lifetime keeping one very important secret. Only, now, it looks like that might not be a secret for much longer. When Nick Fury shows up at his work, asking for a favor, Spencer would move Heaven and Earth to get it done. Keeping his secret doesn't matter so much anymore. The only thing that matters is bringing his brother home.