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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Now chatting with a live representative.
    TT: hey, babygirl. you can call me bro. i'll be taking care of you this evening.
    TT: you got some tenacity, hacking straight into my network.
    TT: i'm not charging for this, i'm too invested in the story.

    Jade finds credentials to hack Bro's network in the source code for one of his ironically-run websites. It lands her right in a live sex chat. Might as well take advantage of it, right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,394
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    103
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    1065
  2. Tags
    Summary

    The kids are raised and the nest is empty. Dave and Rose are both in college, Dirk still doesn't have a normal guy job, and Roxy's only getting better with age like the wine habit she's trying to kick.

    There's one less Lalonde in town though, as Dave starts his first semester under the Strider name.

    Just because they're all split up doesn't mean there's any less drama. Somehow, there's even more. Families have a way of doing that.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    43,710
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    87
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    841
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Everything is new, and you understand none of it. All the research you've done is seemingly worthless, no textbook can teach you what it's like to feel, and you despise feeling so weak about it all. However, Jake stands in front of you, real, solid, in person, so that has to count for something.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,608
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    67
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    851
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Sollux gets twice laid.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    512
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    68
  5. Tags
    Summary

    You know they're worried about you.

    (and you're worried, too.

    but not about yourself --

    about death and blood and blue eyes that haunt your dreams and make your chest ache.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,347
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    122
  6. Tags
    Summary

    John and Karkat separately ask Rose and Kanaya about what they should do in terms of their relationship.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    877
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    35
  7. Tags
    Summary

    The 19 year old Eridan Ampora needs to find out what happened with him and his best friend Sollux Captor.
    What has Eridan been keeping a secret for Sollux? Will he ever know? What will happen to their friendship?

    - A developing love story between Eridan and Sollux-

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,612
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    567
  8. Tags
    Summary

    And all at once there was calm. It was like the shocking realisation of inertia, a moment of sudden, abrupt peace and tranquility, staring into his eyes with a mixture of disbelief and. And love. You still loved this boy- this...this stupid, beautiful, selfish boy, trapped in a grown man's body. And all at once it was over, the storm dropped replaced by something all the more heated and charged, and he took the opportunity to say something unexpected. Not abruptly, not like an order. He just said it. Like it was expected and intended for you to do so.

    "Kiss me," He said.

    You did.

    - - -

    Inertia, noun.

    The tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

    Time apart doesn't always make something go away.

    - - -
    8tracks playlist:
    http://8tracks.com/bakeroni/inertia-a-johndave-fanfic-mix

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,591
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    95
    Kudos:
    176
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    2677
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Several people play a terrible video game.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,499
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    51
  10. Tags
    Summary

    In all fifteen years Dave has spent on this planet, it seemed nothing important ever changed, and he sat and watched and did what he always did.

    Then he makes an unexpected discovery and staying in his designated place is the least thing he wants.

    - - -

    Dave felt giddy from laughter that wasn't his own, and it was with a reluctant redundancy that he asked the question after the door to his room had closed behind him.

    “So, what do you want to do now?”

    John, already sitting on the edge of Dave's bed, scrunched up his eyebrows and tapped his finger to his lips as if he had to think up an eloquent response.

    “You.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,344
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    84
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    1285
  11. Tags
    Summary

    One day, the whole world is going to acknowledge you as that one guy who finally made contact with aliens, but if you had known that getting drunk was going to lead up to abduction, potential anal probing, and becoming the worst cult sacrifice this side of the galaxy, you probably would have just stayed at home.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,727
    Chapters:
    3/11
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    87
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    541
  12. Tags
    Summary

    There are many reasons not to become an actor. Hell, you could write several fucking essays on why being an actor is shitty. But having to talk to the guy in front of you crashes the feculent fucking horseshit scale. Seriously, he’s a 413 on the asscactus scale from one to five.

    “So did I get this right?” you say. Or maybe shout a little. “Because it’s by far not easy to pick the few things that are actually important out of the brain damaging fecal matter you just spouted at me. You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,426
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    242
    Kudos:
    342
    Bookmarks:
    49
    Hits:
    3184
  13. Tags
    Summary

    THE HAPPENSTANCE WHERE IN MACHO GUYS ARE PHYSICALLY POIGNANT WITH EACH OTHER.

    (A voice acted pesterlog, complete with illustrations!)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,953
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    154
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Meme prompt; http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/39716.html?thread=45650212#cmt45650212

    "So the kids win Sburb and they are placed on a restored Earth (both Alphas and Betas) all injuries healed and even some nifty God Tier powers left over; however there is one thing very wrong- the trolls didn't come with them.

    Everyone is confused and upset, but no matter how hard they try they just cannot locate the trolls anywhere so they become resigned to never meeting them again. As such, they just carry on with their lives and try to put Sburb behind them.

    Then, a decade later the Alternian Empire attacks Earth."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    202,740
    Chapters:
    26/?
    Comments:
    535
    Kudos:
    304
    Bookmarks:
    57
    Hits:
    7715
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Your name is Dave Strider and your universe is DEAD. You have to find a safe place for your nubby-horned, alien companion in the DEPTHS OF SPACE. Under normal circumstances, you would be deader than your old universe, but you're no longer a MERE HUMAN, having ascended to god tier. The troll has not, but it helps that you hitch a ride on a FANCY SPACESHIP.

    All you need to do is find your MISSING FRIENDS and you are golden.

    >>AU after the scratch.

    - -USS Enterprise began texting turntechGodhead [TG] at ??? - -
    UE: Hello. This is Captain James T. Kirk of the exploration starship USS Enterprise. We are on a peaceful mission of exploration.
    UE: My communications officer picked up an odd signal from this location. Can we offer any assistance?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,868
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    366
  16. Tags
    Summary

    "You mentally write up a pop quiz for Rose McMystery herself.
    Question 1: Why are you sending me to BCCorp Maryland?
    Question 2: Don't you live in Treesville?
    Question 3: What the actual fuck is going on, really?
    Question 4: Do you really expect me to hack the security of the biggest corporation in the world? "

    The impending end of civilization on Earth, Rose, Dave, and a connection that transcends a reboot of the universe.

    Totally normal shit and not at all weird and convoluted as fuck. Yeah.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,195
    Chapters:
    2/7
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    212
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Some cute pesterchum conversations between the Homestuck characters that are from roleplays I participate in on msparp.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,423
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    10
    Hits:
    195
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Vriska is emotional. Kanaya doesn't want to deal with her. Rose and Terezi haven't had time to act like proper moirails because everyone's quadrants have gone fucking bonkers. And wait, why is Feferi solving this shit? When did she have anything to do with this? When did she even come in?

    Continuation of Dictionary Definition; picks up right after the events of said story. Vriska<>Kanaya-centric

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,944
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    65
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Stories told by me and my twin in a pesterlog format.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    275
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Hits:
    3
  20. Tags
    Summary

    In which Terezi and Rose Lalonde discuss gender, childhoods, and pale romance.

    -

    His name is Terezi. He is three sweeps old. He is wondering why he has never heard of a male heiress before.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,806
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    31
    Hits:
    190

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