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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Arthur is the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he is the best. But with the Transfiguration professor smirking and interrupting him every hour, the Headmistress acting a little less like herself every day, the Daily Prophet sniffing for a story, not to mention the Ministry breathing down his neck, he's got a lot on his plate.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,481
    Chapters:
    4/17
    Comments:
    40
    Kudos:
    59
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    473
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Arthur is a middle-aged nightclub owner who is really just trying to keep the drag queens happy and the health department out of his kitchens. He doesn't have much time for the histrionics of his longtime partner, Eames, or these ultra-conservative in-laws that his daughter, Ariadne, is determined to bring home. "The Birdcage" film fusion AU.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,981
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    53
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    439
  3. Tags
    Summary

    “I think we maybe should just go to plan B now...”

    Eames and Arthur will let nothing stop them from getting on that shuttle to Mars--even if they have to lie, con, and shoot their way to freedom.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,690
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    20
    Hits:
    125
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Arthur slammed the cast list on Miles’ desk. “What is the meaning of this?”

    Miles grinned broadly and slid his glasses farther down his nose so he could peer at Arthur. “I am very glad to hear you are already practicing your lines, Arthur, but Washington says that, not Burr.”

    Arthur rolled his eyes. “Why did you cast Eames as Hamilton?” he snarled. "He isn't even American!"

    --

    In which Arthur wants to be Hamilton, Eames is obviously his arch nemesis, Yusuf is looking for a mind at work, Saito never says no to this, and Miles is just trying to produce a respectable musical about American History, hip hop and all.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,302
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    186
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1215
  5. Tags
    Summary

    by Jacob Nash

    A shocking reveal about the members of the hit band Inception.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    881
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    452
  6. Tags
    Summary

    "I was hoping you might join our Fantasy Football league."

    He wrinkles his nose like he smells something funky, which is really still a rather gracious reaction to the proposal, because Mal is very much aware that Arthur has no interest in football.

    "I think it might surprise you," she offers.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,402
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    511
  7. Tags
    Summary

    University-AU in which Arthur and Eames attend the same art class and spend too much time thinking of ways to piss each other off.
    Arthur is a bit self-centered, Eames has a past and both of them are stubborn as hell.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    83,012
    Chapters:
    12/20
    Comments:
    47
    Kudos:
    93
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    2548
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Bordeaux, so like Paris and yet so unlike any other place in the world in its narrow streets and soft-cornered architecture, casts romantic hues against his window, draping long, finger-like shadows through the length of his flat.

    He traces them with hooded eyes and thinks about impossible things: impossible people, impossible foods, impossible chefs and the impossible pleasure they get out of torturing innocent sommeliers.

    ***

    The one where Arthur's the new sommelier at a world-class French restaurant and Eames is the famous chef who makes Arthur's life impossible.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    57,855
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    235
    Kudos:
    349
    Bookmarks:
    80
    Hits:
    4421
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Eames is a college student dared by his teammates to spend the night in the woods alone. Arthur is the hermit who finds him, brings him home, and gives him an education.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,822
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    71
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    816
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Eames is a firefighter. He loves dogs, taking selfies and Arthur, not necessarily in that order.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,583
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    190
    Bookmarks:
    41
    Hits:
    2421
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Why is this British guy dressed like a watermelon, Arthur thought, but what came out of his mouth instead was “Arthur.”

    (Or, the one where they're all techies.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,356
    Chapters:
    3/7
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    60
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    973
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Arthur is an archaeologist. Eames is the spirit of a giant 500-year-old stone penis.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,301
    Chapters:
    10/14
    Comments:
    349
    Kudos:
    281
    Bookmarks:
    32
    Hits:
    3437
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Arthur and Yusuf agree to lose their virginity to each other before going off to college. Who better to lose it to than your best friend. No strings attached and no complications, just a safe covenant.

    It should be oh so easy.

    Only...it isn't.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,444
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    78
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Miscellaneous ficlets in the A New Kind of Stupid universe that didn't quite fit into the actual fic itself and were thus relegated to this little corner.

    Chapter 1: Sticking to the status quo, and our favourite crack ship.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    970
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    14
    Hits:
    200
  15. Tags
    Summary

    It’s supposed to be a simple road trip.
    A simple road trip in Eames’ black metal death trap un-roadworthy van.
    A simple trip that will get Arthur to New York in time to stop Robert Fischer, the love of his life, from saying ‘I do’ to another man.
    But in the suddenly full van, his best friend, Yusuf is becoming confusing and opinionated. The boy he loathes, Eames is uncompromisingly teasing. Ariadne is too young for this. Mal is too mature. And the hitchhiker Eames insisted on picking up just might be a murderer.
    Or the one where Arthur makes the mistake of going on a road trip with the craziest members from his LGBTA (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Anonymous) group all in the name of love.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,235
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    673
  16. Tags
    Summary

    “How about you, blade runner? Today a good day to die?”

    Eames' attempt to see Arthur again goes awry when he accidentally interferes with a bit of "business" between Arthur and some shady characters. Good thing Arthur's more than just a data analyst.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,439
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    55
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    561
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Eames is hard up and desperate for sex, but his duties and obligations as crown prince are making it difficult to find fulfillment. Will hiring a new bodyguard do the trick?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,346
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    606
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Eames is a solitary former detective and the FBI’s most successful unit chief on serial killers and assassins.

    Unkempt in his personal life and disillusioned with his profession, this is his last case before he retires to his book royalties and criminology students.

    It’s up to Eames to take a leap of faith in order to solve a case even more sinister than he could have ever imagined.

    But can he trust the unhinged, hunter of men sitting across from him in the interrogation room or has Eames bitten off more than he can chew with this one?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    103,866
    Chapters:
    28/28
    Comments:
    264
    Kudos:
    481
    Bookmarks:
    87
    Hits:
    10883
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Reality is breaking.

    He's seen it, over and over again. The look of horror in Harry's eyes as Eggsy pulls the trigger.

    Is that really Harry in the cell, or just a figment of his guilt addled mind.

    All he knows is the enemy has them and he has to fight.

    ---

    An Inception AU where Eggsy and Harry are taken hostage and tortured. The result rattles Kingsman to the core and leaves the two agents highly dependent on one another.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,710
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    972
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Spontaneity had never been Arthur's strong suit. He liked order and tailored suits and Eames's perfect smile. Although he didn't like the last one anymore.

    Or at least that's what he told himself before he somehow ended up being stuck on some godawful holiday in freezing England with fucking Nash and a cliff that somehow felt like it was taunting him. And ok, maybe Eames's smile was nicer than he remembered.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,246
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    657

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