1 - 20 of 57 Works in Dick Jokes

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    In which Levi and Hanji are an old married couple, Jean and Marco have a long-distance relationship, dating older is a sign of maturity, and Eren is an adorkable ball of precious out of character.

    Discontinued (read new chapter)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,320
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    913
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Spock approaches Pon Farr quickly, and can't deny himself the pleasures of his Captain lover. Guys, they fuck in a broom closet.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,948
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    832
  3. Tags
    Summary

    (6:50) I thought you wouldn’t want to be left hanging re: my dick epic
    (6:51) Pun again unintended
    (6:52) And wow that makes it sound like I want to tell you the magnum opus of my own dick

     ***

    An AU in a modern setting where Edward and Winry don't know one another until he texts the wrong number.

    Inappropriately, naturally.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,791
    Chapters:
    16/?
    Comments:
    184
    Kudos:
    182
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    3384
  4. Tags
    Summary

    [Reposting by pairings due to some confusion!]
    Just a quick series of kinky drabbles. I'll expand more tags as I go. Some will be hardcore PWP, some will be fluff.
    Basically, really freakin' kinky. Kink is from Lords of acid- ABC's of Kinky sex.
    Going to be updating during the week.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,795
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    89
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    5758
  5. Tags
    Summary

    He didn't like Armin in that way anymore, it was only in memories that they survived. What could he even like about that blond anyways? He's irritating, with his fucking gorgeous blond hair. And eyes that make you want to swim in blue pools of water. What a fucking asshole.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,374
    Chapters:
    22/?
    Comments:
    78
    Kudos:
    87
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    2136
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Locke and Jean lose their memories and have a little adventure in Tal Verrar.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,219
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    202
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Elf loves Dwarf.
    Dwarf loves Elf.

    Wherein cross-species lovers are not exactly subtle, Faramir mutters some dirty talk in Numeanorian, Hobbits are not nearly as naïve as they seem, Sam is not so simple as you thought…and wherein love-stricken Legolas makes terrible, trilingual puns (not, however, always entirely on purpose).

    …Tolkien language fetishists of the internet, you’re welcome.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,887
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    875
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Based on a silly conversation, this is a special fic written for my special waifu for her special day. Happy birthday Lemonorangelime!!! I hope gives you so much happiness as you have given me! XD

    And now... Subway AU...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,537
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    464
  9. Tags
    Summary

    This is what happens when you shove Benedict Cumberbatch in a room with any number of his characters.

    PLEASE NOTE: there WILL be a sequel... currently being worked on, expect something in the next few days; subscribe to keep up to date!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,955
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1119
  10. Tags
    Summary

    July 26, 2022. An accident in the lab leaves Newt with an identity crisis.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    138,682
    Chapters:
    22/22
    Comments:
    287
    Kudos:
    210
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    3885
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “Who are Rhonda Hurley and Beth Grantham?”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    730
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    52
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Josh thinks he gets the gist of the show when suddenly, Eric and Sookie are very naked and Eric is on top of her on the living room floor, and Josh raises an eyebrow. His dick is hard instantly – like, literally instantly, because a van full of men isn't exactly the best place to jerk off and the closest thing he's been to porn in the last two weeks is peeking at the newest issue of Front magazine they're in with Vikki Blows on the cover. Also, he's eighteen, and Anna Paquin's boobs, but also Alexander Skarsgard's butt, and Josh must look as overwhelmed as he feels because Dan snorts out a laugh.

    “You alright mate?” Dan asks.

    “You said there'd be blood and guts but you completely failed to mention the extremely graphic vampire on human sex,” Josh says, shifting a bit as Eric fucks Sookie from behind.

     
    or, it's 2009 and dan is really into this new vampire show called true blood.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,397
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    184
  13. Tags
    Summary

    “Have you ever seen Freaky Friday ?” Stiles asks.

    “Yes.” Deaton says, the question clear in his voice.  

    “Well, welcome to Freaky Furday.

    Or, the one where Scott and Derek switch bodies.

    ETA: This story is no longer under hiatus. Posting is active.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    72,420
    Chapters:
    11/13
    Comments:
    112
    Kudos:
    233
    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    7290
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Prompt, "Don't Go -Dean Winchester".

    Determined to go down on Dick with their secret weapon, Sam and Dean first have to get through the last scrap of family they have left living -Castiel.

    The diminished angel won't let them fling their lives away, and tries to argue them out of taking Dick; whilst simultaneously feeling slightly shafted they won't let him come along for 'safety reasons'.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    473
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    54
  15. Tags
    Summary

    When Toby has a meltdown in the middle of the shoe department, Stiles has no idea what to do to calm him down.

    Derek provides a little helper.

    -

    An AU featuring tiny werewolves, awkward single dads, and an ill-timed clothing rack safari.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,538
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    128
    Kudos:
    1975
    Bookmarks:
    164
    Hits:
    17129
  16. Tags
    Summary

    For luck. Because, at this rate, that's all that will get the Normandy crew through the Collector campaign. With a commander more interested in getting laid than completing the mission, his friends come up with a neat solution.

    But where there's a will, there's a way...

    Set during ME2 with some references to the events of ME1.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,223
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    273
  17. Tags
    Summary

    One of Ymir's secret fetishes is chubby girls, and she takes time and money to train Sasha to be the perfect, round pet for her to play with on the side, with a diet heavy in freckled girl sausage.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,122
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    20
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    1738
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Enjolras is bored and that is awesome.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,692
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    126
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    2739
  19. Tags
    Summary

    A follow up to Pros and CONs (you're going to want to read that one first). This is what happens at the next year's Supernatural Convention in Vegas. (set slightly further into the future)

    Or

    The one where Richard Speight Jr. gets all gliddy-gloopy, Kim Rhodes is still the most fantastic human being on the planet (with Genevieve Padalecki and Danneel Ackles as close seconds), Mark-fucking-Sheppard apparently went to medical school, everyone still has a potty mouth (again, the reason for the rating), Ty Olsson gets a bit of redemption, and Osric Chau believes he actually is Han Solo.

     

    And yeah, Jared Padalecki was sooo right about the hugs thing (even if he did totally fuck up the magic hat).

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,368
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    167
  20. Tags
    Summary

    "The kid sitting on the bed is wearing the new-boy grey uniform, his hair a mess and his eyes slightly red rimmed from crying... But he looks so young, is the thing, and Louis quickly decides he must have a short sentence and only robbed a candy store for some jelly beans."

     

     

     

    Or the one where Louis is a senior inmate in his block and it's his mission to take Harry's prison virginity.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,756
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    385
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    9012

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