1 - 20 of 1175 Works in Dad (Homestuck)

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    'Are you mad at your parents? Don't want to spend Thanksgiving alone yet again? Well then I'm your guy. Yes, a dude for hire.

    Just send me an email and we can talk and do this on your terms. And what’s that you say, no price? How is such a choice deal like this up with out a price. Well, just a warm meal and the promise of a couple hours of fun is enough for me.

    And, if you really want to spice things up, I can do any of the following upon your request.

    Act drunk
    Ask about politics at the table
    Propose
    Break up
    Start a fist fight with your father on the lawn for all to see
    Check out other family members while you pretend to not to notice.
    Anything you come up with as long as it’s relatively PG'
    [AKA john hires dave to piss of his family on thanksgiving]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,851
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    44
    Kudos:
    97
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1249
  2. Tags
    Summary

    “Jackpot.” Dave almost purrs and you blink. He's kneeling in front of your closet.

    “Guess what, if you wanna hide your wanking material you should put it in a zip lock bag.” he chuckles and you jump up from the bed in time to see Dave effortlessly fishing a magazine out from under a bunch of rolled up socks in an open drawer. He holds it away from himself pinching a corner with two fingers.

    “Tadaa~!” you pale a little in horror, staring into his smug face, your wide open mouth and eyes reflected in his shades.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,485
    Chapters:
    3/10
    Comments:
    90
    Kudos:
    135
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    1289
  3. Tags
    Summary

    John Egbert planned for a nice and normal 18th birthday where his tattoo proclaiming the name of his soul mate would not be a major affair. Maybe a celebratory dinner and too much cake, but well that was why he invited Dave along. What he had not planned on was waking up with Dirk Strider's name on his back.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,326
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    23
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Karkat always assumed that his life would be over as soon as the Empire caught wind of the cherry-colored sludge pumping through his vascular system. No muss, no fuss--just a good, clean culling fork to the chest. Little did he know that there was something far worse in store...

    "Please tell me my auricular sponge clots are failing me here. Tell me I did not just hear you say that you are sending me to some shithole alien planet where I will be nook deep in squishy hairless monkeys.”

    Meanwhile on Alternia: the political tides are shifting and the disappearance of a certain mutant blood sets into motion a revolution which could entangle Alternia and Earth together forever--or destroy them both.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    144,976
    Chapters:
    44/?
    Comments:
    361
    Kudos:
    283
    Bookmarks:
    54
    Hits:
    6958
  5. Tags
    Summary

    What would have happened if John's game had not worked on John's computer, and simply crashed? This story explores that idea, and shows the extent parents will go to to do what's best for their children.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,858
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    255
  6. Tags
    Summary

    It was one day during the winter holidays, a tiny fire burning in the fireplace and John struggling to hang paper snowflakes from the ceiling (“What? Stop looking at me like that, Rose. I was bored.”) that Rose decided to drop The Bomb. Said Bomb went a little something like:

    “I believe that I have located Karkat and Kanaya.”

     

    Written for the 2014 Johnkat Secret Santa.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,234
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    19
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    164
  7. Tags
    Summary

    It's John's first Christmas living with Dave.

    (Christmas Present for D, my internet mother/daughter/sister/friend)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,398
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    13
    Hits:
    103
  8. Tags
    Summary

    In which it's Christmas, and Dave and John each try to prove their respective families do the dumbest, most embarrassing things during the holidays.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,756
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    150
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Sleigh bells ring/Are you listening?
    A case in which two boys grow up through the subtle nuances of disjointed family, question everything from infanthood to adolescence, and in which everyone finds their missing piece at long last.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,156
    Chapters:
    3/7
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    69
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Or: "Four Different Ways To Say 'I Love You'"

    In a world where people are born with their soulmate's name on their wrist, John Egbert has three. The trick to this is finding them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,400
    Chapters:
    2/4
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    84
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    972
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Your name is John Egbert and your dorm roommate is an asshole.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    973
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    12
    Hits:
    68
  12. Tags
    Summary

    This is the worst punishment he’s given you, by far. You've never felt so helpless. Your voice is long gone after begging, pleading with him to let you out, please, let you out.
    ---
    Dad is fascinated with Dave and kidnaps him, keeping him as his own personal slave. Obviously out of character.
    There will be alternate endings, and I'll add tags as I add/come up with content.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,832
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    80
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    3362
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Calliope and Caliborn are pretty much your ordinary neighborhood aliens, mocked for not being human but otherwise living on just fine. However, this is about to change as four long-term friends enter the scene, followed by another man, seemingly a full-time Internet resident. Suffice to say, he has been holding a dark secret concerning them all. Notices about the story are inside.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    80,218
    Chapters:
    74/91
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    648
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Bro and John (try to) make a cake. Things happen.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,563
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    13
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    148
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Dave Strider was most definitely not fine. In fact, he was pretty sure he had just woken up at the scene of his own murder.

    (Alternate Title: The Dead May Shed No Tears + Bonus Terezi Title: Corpses Don't Cry)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,096
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    393
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Repeated Measures ANOVA test: appropriate to use when having the same subjects tested three or more times in order to see if a treatment has had any affect.

    When The Scratch results in the trolls finding themselves on Earth with the kids having no recollection of the game, and have instead lived normal lives up to this point, it seems to be a result of a simple glitch in the system. As they unwittingly start peeling back the layers of this new reality, it becomes apparent that there is much more wrong with this universe than meets the eye.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,859
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    112
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you did NOTHING.
    You don't know how long you can keep up your FORCED SMILE or CHOKE on your TEARS.
    The CONSTANT SCREAMING doesn't seem to help either.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,606
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    121
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Who are these shining like one sundered star?
    [Like kindled lights in untempestuous heaven,
    Fair flower-like stars on the iron foam of fight]

    ---

    Teenage superheroes deal with hormones, mental illness, and extremely secretive guardians in a world of Horrorterrors, giant mutant lusii, mob violence, nightmares of a past life, warring anti-heroes, and asshole carapacians. AU divergence from Chapter 8 of Real Men Wear Tights.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,009,870
    Chapters:
    22/?
    Comments:
    652
    Kudos:
    683
    Bookmarks:
    162
    Hits:
    36099
  19. Tags
    Summary

    There is a color for every type of cancer, a little ribbon to show support, a symbol of survival or fight. Except lung cancer, because everyone figures the people who get that had it coming, what with smoking. Except sometimes you get lung cancer randomly, without doing anything like inhaling nicotine or pesticides or any of that shit. And sometimes its not caught until the last moment, when the tumors are developed and the cancer cells are spread throughout the body. And sometimes really shitty things happen in the most unfair ways to the best people for no acceptable reason.
    And out of all those people that are good and perfect and get the kind of cancer where they’re always blamed for it, one of them had to be your friend.
    And out of your three best friends, it had to be the one you were in love with.

    With a time limit etched into the cells of John’s body, Dave is left to decide whether to be there as John’s best friend or try to spend the remaining time he has with John as his boyfriend.
    Where John looses his breath, Jade tried to push the empty space away and Rose plunges back to darkness, while Dave looses time more and more everyday.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    71,296
    Chapters:
    21/?
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    131
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    1944
  20. Tags
    Summary

    The world is black white and nuances of grey, until you find your 'so called' soulmate. Then you start seeing these things called 'blue' or 'red'. Some believe it, some don't.

    John Egbert does.
    Dave Strider does not.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,656
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    208

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