Sex is Boring

Series Metadata

Series begun:
2011-02-02
Series updated:
2011-05-02
Works included:
8
Complete:
No
Word count:
17,376
Author:
Description:

Sherlock is asexual. John is not.

Notes:

I love the idea of asexual!Sherlock, and when I write him, I put a lot of my own experiences into it. This series is the biggest and loudest example of that. If I had my way, my partner and I would probably never have sex. But I very much doubt that this relationship would have lasted the 11 years it has if I did have my way on this issue.

Much as I adore asexual!Sherlock, I do tend to find myself rather annoyed by the way his relationship with John winds up being treated by the fandom. It’s easier for me to accept John as being perfectly accepting of the matter and willing to ignore it when he’s not paired with Sherlock. When they are in a relationship, though, it changes everything. Even with the approval to play away, that creates a whole new mess of issues. It’s very difficult to only have sex with one person and remain emotionally attached to someone else. There has to be overlap for the agreement to work, or else feelings will begin to become more distant until they vanish all together.

This series is one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever written, but at the same time, I feel that it’s something that needed to be written. I don’t think people really understand exactly what goes on in these sorts of relationships, especially if they have never had the conversation with their partner about how they enjoy X more than sex, or how they don’t find their partner sexually attractive. Those are not easy conversations to have, even if you’ve had them a dozen times already. It’s not easy to make a choice between doing something you find uncomfortable to make your partner happy and keeping your own personal space intact at the cost of seriously annoying your partner. And even if you are 100% OK with it, it can sometimes still be fucking infuriating when your partner chooses to go out with whomever they’re dating on the side because they know they’re going to get laid, rather than spend a quiet evening in with you and maybe cuddle, if the mood strikes.

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