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You Should Play this Game, OK?

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Okay, so there's this little girl, right? And you don't know this at first but her name is Ida and she's a princess and she don't wear nothing but white. And when you first tap the screen there's all these psychedelic trippy things like a happy acid trip--or maybe a kaleidoscope or something--and you tap to enter a doorway and then the princess is right there, and you've gotta turn and twist the things in the world so they look like they're touching even though you're sure they can't be touching because nothing works that way, but it does. And once you're through the tutorial, man.

So, Ida, right? She's totally a princess of some sort and she's carrying this sacred geometry shit around in her totally pointy cone hat, right? And she never says nothing and it don't even look like she's got a face. And that shit right there, that shit is both dope and weird and I might be a neocubist guy but the game's got you warping reality like my man M.C. Escher, right, so what's a little girl got no face going to do to upset you?

So then you get past the first couple of levels, right, and the game is wicked weird, but you keep going because this shit is intense and you hit this level and Ida ends up all in the dark and shit, like a cave or something or some dude's basement or whatever and just when you think maybe you got this shit figured out, esé, a ghost shows up.

And man, that ghost knows some shit, dog, he knows some shit and you think maybe he seen some shit, too, but just like in the rest of the game it's all mind bendy and twisty-turny and the ghost says, like "whoa, what're you doing here, thief, y'all ripped us off our sacred geometry and now you're silent and lost" and Ida keeps going down and up and down and the world turns and you can twist the walls man and it's all an optical illusion is what I'm telling you and then there are these crow things—

What?

Oh, man--So the crow things are always getting all up in Ida's grill, right, like blocking her way? And they go "Caw, caw" and are all raucous and shit like real crows getting ready to pick up some roadkill or maybe peck her eyes out 'cept she don't got no eyes because she ain't got no face, man. And you got to figure out how to illuse yourself around them by twisting the walls or spinning the floor or shit like that or Ida can't keep going, like she's stuck in one place. Only you get deep enough in this and you can't see Ida but you can see an all-white crow thing with a crown that's walking just where you got Ida walking only on the other side of the mirror.

Oh, and the totem, man, the totem. Dude, how could I forget the totem, like, it's an awesome part of the game on account of it's kind of like a moving wall and it gets all tall and short depending on where it is and what you need it for even though it never really changes shape and it's got this one eye, right, like it's always looking at Ida or you when you touch it, man, and it is some weird shit coz but you get, like, totally attached because it's like a dog or something. But then you have to crush the totem so Ida can get to where she needs to go and that totally sucks, man, like that pink heart-cube thing in that other game, that shooter thing.

And every level it's just warp reality, let a shape out of Ida's hat, lather, rinse, repeat. Until the last level, when the ghost says some probably unimportant shit like "hey little princess you returned all the sacred geometries you stole so go you" and then Ida joins up with the crow people and they all look at each other and then the crow people get color — like, they're black beforehand, you know, 'cause crows? — but they're all technicolor and then Princess Ida takes off, too, cause it turns out the mirror was right, yo, that Ida was a crow person all along and so maybe when the other crows were all in her lack of a face they were trying to remember her who she really is.