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How The Other Side Lives

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“Can you just imagine it?” Morticia Addams shuddered, sipping away at her perfectly chilled cup of tea.

“I’m sure you must’ve overheard them wrong, Tish,” Gomez remarked, scratching his head, quite unable to comprehend what his wife had just told him was going on behind closed doors in their neighborhood. “They can’t possibly be doing such depraved things!”

She shook her head. “I’m very sure that I heard Betsy Johnson when she said she hugs her husband every morning before he goes to work. And that’s before the children head off to school!”

Gomez let out a gasp. “Practicing such deviance in front of their children! How outrageous!”

“It’s not just that! I’ve heard that Jean Carter actually kisses Bob on the cheek every night before they go to bed. Can you imagine?”

“They must be pulling your leg,” he sighed. “Why, they seem like such fine, sweet, upstanding people! I’m sure they’ve got an iron maiden hidden somewhere. Why I bet they even have a rack right between the TV and the closet! I've never seen a couple that didn't enjoy a little healthy homicide with their amour.”

“Well, I certainly hope so,” said Morticia with a sigh. “I certainly don’t want our children playing war games with families that are so…wholesome.”

“Now, Tish, we have to be patient with these folks. Not everyone understands the simple joys of knife throwing!”

“I suppose so.” She squeezed his hand. “That’s why they need us.”

“Bang on! We’ll be the best example any two parents could ever be!” he said happily, coming around her enormous chair to wrap both arms around her shoulders.

She kissed his lips with icy passion. “Speaking of knife throwing, Cousin Abelard sent over a lovely set from her trip through Prussia. It would be a shame if we didn’t try them out at least once.”

Gomez smiled. “Are the children are still at their Gloom Scouts meeting?”

“For the next two hours.”

Gomez’ eyes grew bright as he cupped his wife’s cool, alabaster cheek. “Tish, have I ever told you you’re a bonafide genius?”

“No,” she smiled, gently placing her teacup aside to take her husband’s hand, “but when you look at me that way I believe it.”

Any thought of what their neighbors were missing out on was swept away as Gomez took her in his embrace and dipped her into a bittersweet kiss.