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"You don't love me anymore, do you?" Fandom said, its voice near tears.
Livejournal just stared at it for a second. "What? What makes you think that?"
"You don't need to play innocent, Livejournal. I know you are just after my money these days. We used to have so much fun together back in the day, but it just isn't the same anymore."
Livejournal's expression changed from surprise to annoyance. "You know what, it's your own damn fault."
"What?" Fandom could not believe its ears. How was any of this not the fault of Livejournal?
"You heard me. All these years, I have nourished you. I have let you play on my servers and I have given you space and icons and friends. But you always wanted more, more, more. More icons, more space for fanart, more choices, more layouts... Social networking sites also need something back! We need more servers and developers and maintenance."
But Fandom was not having any of that. "Oh, don't act like you never got any support! How many role-players have paid accounts so they can have more icons? And who roled over and took a beating and didn't leave even when you went in your power-play phase and suspended people? Who stayed despite you changing personality twice now?"
"What the fuck? And who let you keep that Harry Potter porn on its servers, huh? Not fanfiction.net, and not FictionAlley. I was there when you needed me."
"And now you aren't anymore. You only care about the companies paying your ads and the teenagers who get Plus Accounts and view them. When was the last time you implemented a suggestion from your user base?" Fandom was screaming at this point.
Dreamwidth heard the screaming through the void and came to help the upset Fandom. "Hey, sweetie, why are you crying? Did someone hurt you?" it asked and opened its arms for Fandom.
Fandom ran to Dreamwidth for comfort. "Livejournal is being a jerk again," it wept.
"What have you done now?" Dreamwidth demanded to know of Livejournal, but Livejournal just shook its head, refusing to answer. "Come on, honey, I am going to make you a nice tea, split the friends list function, take out the ads and then we will talk about this, okay?"
Fandom nodded, still sobbing.
But Livejournal wasn't having any of it. "If you leave now, I won't take you back. And you know all your friends are still with me. How would you feel without them, huh?"
Fandom's eyes grew wide at that thought. "But... I don't want to be alone. I am sorry Dreamwidth, but... I need to stay."
"Not that fast," Dreamwidth said. "I am sure we can work something out here. Crossposting? Would that work for you? More icons? Getting rid of the nudge feature?"
"Oh, I like that," Fandom answered. "Crossposting sounds very nice. But I'm scared my Livejournal friends won't like that... They don't like LoudTwitter, this might annoy them..."
"There will be more! I have all of these these cool and diverse volunteer developers lined up. And a guy from Google. You know, Don't Be Evil and all that. They'll make you a cozy home."
"But all your history is here," Livejournal said, openening its arms for Fandom to come back.
"Importing," Dreamwidth almost screamed. "Including comments."
"Active communities," Livejournal shouted.
"Journal search!"
"Me, too!"
"Copy-cat!"
"Look who's talking! Who did you get that code from, huh? Who's your daddy?"
And while Livejournal and Dreamwidth were shouting at each other, Fandom backed off from them slowly, nervously watching the scene. Then it turned around and jumped as it saw who was lurking behind the next corner.
"Hey, Fandom, how have you been? I have missed you. Wanna hook up again?" said YahooGroups and winked.
Fandom ran away screaming.
"Now you scared Fandom away," Dreamwidth said accusingly.
Livejournal shrugged. "Did not. But who cares anyway? Wanna go and have a drink?"
"Sure," Dreamwidth said. "Your place or mine?"
"Yours is cleaner. Less old code lying around, less annoying pop-up banners."
*
Eventually, Fandom calmed down again, always remembering just how awful Yahoo had been. It hooked up with both Livejournal and Dreamwidth and so the three co-existed happily ever after, Fandom never deciding between them.
THE END - OR IS IT?