Late on the evening of December 24th, Troy tiptoed into the darkened study room. His family didn’t celebrate Christmas, but Nana still demanded presents, and what Nana wanted, she got. Her present was just where he left it – a box of chocolates, tucked beneath his chair so he wouldn’t lose it during Abed’s Claymation hallucination journey.
Abed’s voice rose out of the darkness, a bare few feet away. “‘And Troy and Abed made out on the study room table. The End.’ Do you think that’s too cliché?”
Troy shrieked. The box of chocolates went flying. “What – making out – what?” Troy squeaked, heart pounding in his throat.
The light flipped on. “Do you think I should add some heartwarmingly iconic lines?” asked Abed.
“Uhhhh,” said Troy, who still couldn’t think over his furious heartbeat. “What are you doing?”
“This is yours,” Abed added, holding out one of Nana’s chocolates. “It fell on my head.”
Troy stuck it back in the box and jumped away from Abed to search for its fellows. Nana’s eyes weren’t so sharp anymore. Maybe she wouldn’t notice that the chocolates were a little dusty.
(He wiped the chocolates clean very, very carefully anyway.)
Abed hit the spacebar ruminatively a few times. “What do you think of ‘You complete me’?”
Troy had thought this about Abed. Once or twice. (Per study session.)
“‘Abed stared at Troy across the study room. “You complete me,” he said,’” murmured Abed. “No. ‘“You complete me,” Abed whispered.’ No…”
“I think you’re already the completest person I know,” Troy said.
“True,” said Abed, and he erased it. “Staying with Jerry Maguire. ‘You had me at hello’?”
Troy scrunched up his face. “Did we ever actually say hello?”
“I tend to skip the formalities,” Abed agreed. “Gone with the Wind. Rhett Butler. ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn’?”
“You better be giving a damn if we’re making out on the study tables!” objected Troy.
“You’re right. It’s not heartwarming,” said Abed. He tapped the delete key.
“Abed! What are you doing?”
“I got behind when we were all Claymation,” said Abed. “So I’m finishing my last Yuletide treat tonight. So many fics, so little time…”
“You’re - huh?”
“Yuletide,” said Abed, and his fingers started tapping across his keyboard even faster than he talked. “It’s a fanfic exchange. People sign up to write stories about their favorite characters for each other. The Community College Chronicles got nominated, so I’ve written a few fanfics for it.”
“But you filmed The Community College Chronicles,” said Troy. “How can they be fanfiction?”
“You’re right,” said Abed. “But I use this as a holding pen for story ideas that are difficult to integrate fully into canon. I’ve almost got them all done, but the Dean Pelton/Jeff Winger 101 Dalmations crossover took longer than I expected.”
Troy shuddered as horrible images flashed through his mind. “Did anyone request stories about us?”
“We’re everyone’s favorite pairing,” said Abed. “So far I’ve written two. In the first we fought a giant spider which bit you and you would have died but I sucked the poison out of your wound and then I nearly died, but Annie cried Disney Princess tears which saved me and we had a group hug. In the second Pierce locked us in the meat locker in the cafeteria and we cuddled to stay warm but it wasn’t enough so we took a hot shower together to recover.”
“So basically an average everyday week at Greendale,” said Troy.
“Pretty much,” said Abed. He hit the enter key three times. “This last story I’m working is about us, too, but it’s different. Special.”
“With dragons?” Troy said hopefully.
“No. I already had dragons in the fairytale where Britta kills a dragon to save Jeff, even though dragons are an endangered species,” Abed said. He typed a little more, then stopped and stared vaguely up into space.
Troy looked up too. “Why is there mistletoe tacked up all over the ceiling?”
Abed typed some more. “Pierce did that,” he said. “Jeff told him mistletoe contained alien sex pollen that he could activate with his laser lotus powers.”
“Pierce wanted us to – ”
“Have an orgy,” finished Abed. “But the only people who have had sex in here are Jeff and Britta. They didn’t notice me because I was writing a fic where I was invisible.”
“Wait. Jeff and Britta – ”
“But then I thought maybe the story would be better if Jeff was invisible. Or what if Pierce was invisible?”
“We’d all be so much happier,” said Troy, leaning against the table next to Abed. “So, Jeff and Britta – they had – ”
“Right where you’re leaning,” Abed said vaguely.
Troy leaped away from the table and brushed himself off.
“Maybe I could do a fic where we all go invisible, one by one. I hope that The Community College Chronicles are still eligible for Yuletide next year,” Abed said. “I don’t think I’m doing this story justice.” He twisted his head to look up at Troy with sad dark Bambi eyes.
(“Ooooooh,” Annie said, when Abed looked like that. “He looks like a gazelle. I just want to pet him so much.”
“He’s right here, Annie, he can hear you,” said Jeff.)
A sprig of mistletoe detached from the ceiling and drifted down to Abed’s hair. He went cross-eyed watching it as it skimmed over his forehead and down his nose, and puckered up his lips to blow it away. It spun into Troy’s face. He caught it.
Abed leaned over his keyboard and pounded out a sentence, erased it, typed again, then said, “I only need fifty-eight more words.”
But even as he said it, his computer chimed. Abed closed the computer. “Uploading’s closed. They’ve already sent out the stories.”
“What?” said Troy. “But our story! Our special story!”
Abed looked at his screen with big gazelle eyes. “We’ll go back to innuendo. Longing looks during study group. I’ll wear your letter jacket, just to tease hopeful viewers. We’ll be handcuffed together during the Valentine episode…Abed and Troy’s Epic Kiss will have to wait another year.”
“No!” said Troy again.
“Are you sure?” Abed said.
“I don’t want us anywhere near Dean Pelton and whatever he’s doing with Jeff and those poor Dalmatians,” Troy said.
Abed looked at him with big gazelle eyes.
“Come on, Abed,” Troy said. “You don’t need fifty-eight more words; just three.” Troy kissed Abed beneath the mistletoe, and whispered, “Let’s be canon.”
And Abed kissed him back.