Work Text:
This Warehouse thing is going to take a while to get used to. If Steve didn’t catch that from his first case, trying to do inventory would’ve been a dead giveaway; what’s on the shelves looks like such a random jumble of stuff that he’d have a hard time seeing it as very dangerous, if not for the firsthand experience.
He’s wondering if it’s worth taking apart a toolbox to see if everything inside is present and accounted for when it hits him - that sinking feeling of really, really having to go to the bathroom. He can handle that, no problem, he’s handled it dozens of times before.
Except when he checks his pockets, it turns out he’s the least prepared person ever.
“Dammit,” he says to himself, digging out the Farnsworth with a sigh. He was really hoping he could make it at least a month without this coming up, but no; maybe it’s cosmic payback for no one at the ATF finding out.
It’s a few buzzes before Claudia picks up the call; fortunately, it looks like she’s in the Warehouse and not at Leena’s. “Hey, Steve. What’s up?”
“I...” Steve sighs. “I really hate having to ask this question. Do you have a pad I could use? Or a tampon, I guess, beggars can’t be choosers.”
Claudia just looks at him for a long few moments - long enough that Steve’s worried this is going to be one of the awkward conversations - but then she says, “Jinkies, Jinkies. Sure. Where are you right now?”
“One of the Carlsbad aisles, I lost track of which.” He makes a mental note to start keeping better track of that before he gets permanently lost.
“Okay, there’s a backup terminal at the end of Carlsbad 15. I’ll meet you there.”
“Sounds good.” Steve closes the Farnsworth, puts it away, and starts looking for the backup terminal in question. The conversation was too short for him to be sure, but the fact that Claudia’s still using the nickname it took her all of two seconds to give him seems to be a good sign.
Claudia gets to the backup terminal about five minutes after he does; she hands him a pad and says, “I think I’m contractually obligated to ask, under the circumstances. This isn’t because of an Artifact, is it?”
“That would probably require having picked one up.”
“True, that.” She turns to the terminal and punches something in. “Looks like the nearest bathroom to here is... back of Portland 35. Not that I don’t have more questions, but by all means, stem the tide - and no matter how bad it gets, don’t let yourself get sidetracked by any outhouses or port-o-lets you might find on the way.”
“...I’ll take your word for that. Thanks.” Steve grins, almost despite himself, and heads for the bathroom. Maybe, depending on what Claudia’s questions are, this won’t be so bad after all.
***
He doesn’t see Claudia outside of meals for a few days after that. When he finally does catch up with her, it’s in the Warehouse again - in a corner off Allentown that she appears to have decorated, with some sort of mechanical project spread out on a table.
“Claudia?”
She jumps, but only a little, and grins. “Hey, Steve. Welcome to the Claudia Cave.”
“Nice digs. Does Artie know you have this setup back here?”
“First, he’d really be one to talk, considering I think he just sleeps in his office most nights. Second, I’ve been using it since I started working here - I figure if I’m well on my way to having my own shelf and then some, I might as well do the work in here too.”
It’s only then that Steve thinks to read the tags on the shelf nearest Claudia’s work station; sure enough, her name’s on no less than four of them. “Huh. Won’t argue that one with you. So...” He hesitates for a moment, then decides there’s no time like the present. “You said you had more questions.”
“More - oh, right. The other day.” Claudia looks up from her work; he’s sure she’s doing it on purpose, but Steve still appreciates knowing she means it when she says, “Mostly I’m wondering how this works with your whole ‘rar, I can tell if you’re lying’ thing.”
“It works the same way it works with anyone else. When I was fifteen, I realised I couldn’t meet my own eyes in the mirror, say ‘I’m a girl and I’m happy with that,’ and believe it. Took me a while to find the right words for it, but I got there in the end.”
Claudia nods, and looks back down at her work. “So... don’t answer this one if you don’t want to, but why keep the bleedy bits for so long?”
“Time hasn’t been right. I mean, Mom’s family has a very long history of breast cancer, so that was an easy one. But...” He shrugs. “Maybe one of these days it’ll feel right.”
“Well, if it ever does, there’s probably something around here that would fix it for you - really, I’d be more surprised if we didn’t have anything. We’d probably have to ask Dr. Calder or Mrs. F, to make sure it didn’t get into nasty side effect territory, but if you want a little extra research-fu, just say the word.”
Steve blinks. “You - really? They’d do that?”
“Artie would try to veto on principle, but it can’t hurt to ask. I mean, it’d probably be better results than any surgery could give you.”
“Even though no one seems to really want me here?”
Claudia sighs. “I’m not gonna try to tell you we’re not all hoping Myka will come back. But you’re part of this whacked-out family now, and we look after our own. We just take a little while to adjust to change, is all.”
“Who doesn’t?”
For lack of anything better to do, he hangs around and watches Claudia work. After a while, she says, “Not going to say you have to, this is your bag entirely, but you might want to read everyone else in.”
Steve frowns. “You sure about that?”
“You want Artie to make assumptions if it comes up in some kind of medical emergency? I mean, he’ll probably make assumptions anyway, but if you tell him when we’re not all running for our lives, I can tell him to knock it off. Besides, Mrs. F’s probably known all about it from the minute she nominated you for the surprise transfer.”
“Well, if that’s the case, at least she respects the pronouns.”
Claudia grins, and fishes a screwdriver out of her tool belt. “Good thing. I also can’t promise you won’t have to 101 anybody - Pete’s decently Tubes-savvy, but I don’t think that includes anywhere he’d find out how to handle the conversation. But you never know until you try.”
“I guess not. I’ll think about it.” Steve hesitates, then adds, “Thanks, by the way. For... taking this so well. It’s nice when people don’t freak out.”
Claudia meets his eyes again. “Why freak out when you’re still you? Besides, I’m still surrounded by dudes. It’s just that one of ‘em actually knows the pain of the Viking hordes.”
“The Viking...” As the euphemism sinks in, Steve grins. “I like it.”
“Well! There’s a lot of blood, you feel like you’ve been pillaged, and it neatly sidesteps the ‘pirates versus ninja’ meme. What else would you call it?”
From there, the conversation drifts away from Steve’s personal life; by the time he thinks to check his watch, they’ve completely missed dinner at Leena’s. But as they leave the Warehouse and head back to town in search of dinner, he feels a lot better about this assignment than he has so far.