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"I can't do this. I can't. I can't," Rodney repeated again and again, hunched up on a chair in the Conference Room, head between his knees.
"Yes, you can and you will," a female voice replied sternly.
He looked up, panic in his eyes. "No, I can't and you can't make me."
"Like hell I can and if I have to drag you down by your three remaining hairs!" The woman glared down at him with her hands on her hips.
Rodney swallowed audibly. Dear God, she certainly would. He was busted.
Where was a paper bag when he needed one? He was on the brink of hyperventilation and no paper bag was in sight. At the next meeting, he'd definitely suggest storing some under each chair, just in case he found himself in a similar position ever again.
"Mer, get your act together and go down there!"
Jeannie looked terrifying when she was angry. Rodney hoped he brought at least half of that look when he gave his underlings a piece of his mind.
"No, I can't! I'll be a laughing-stock!"
She snorted. "That's ludicrous and you know it."
"Look at me," he almost screeched in his desperation, getting up and pointing at himself. "I look ridiculous!"
He wore a white tux with white lace-ups, a black shirt and a white bow tie. With trembling fingers, he tugged on his collar. Gee, was it always this hot in here?
"You look gorgeous, Mer, better than ever." Jeannie's tone had calmed down but was nevertheless exasperated as she stepped forward, slapped his hand away and straightened his collar and bow tie.
It was easy for her to talk. She looked stunning in her emerald green dress, blonde locks arranged in a beautiful creation atop of her head. She didn't resemble a limestone wall like some or the other attendants. Namely him.
Jeannie'd followed him when she'd seen him running up the stairs and barricading himself in the empty Conference Room right after entering the Gate Room. He'd been completely overwhelmed at spotting all these people gathered there and had taken off immediately. It was pure reflex.
They were all here because of him. Even Jeannie had come all the way to another galaxy, her English teaching husband and their spoiled daughter in tow. It was supposed to be his great day. But he just felt nauseated and shaky.
When he didn't react to her words, she sighed and soothed, "Don't worry so much, Mer. You'll be fine."
He dropped his head, eyes staring unseeing at his polished shoes. This morning he'd thought the same. Now he wasn't so sure anymore.
"I don't get it. Why the long face? What's the problem?"
He remained silent.
But Jeannie wouldn't be a McKay if she didn't stick to her guns. "Is there someone else?"
He shook his head no.
"Have your feelings changed?"
Another head-shake.
"Did you fry your brain with your Ancient knick-knacks or something?"
He gave her the evil eye and mumbled something about those 'so-called knick-knacks being delicate devices.'
"What? It's a reasonable question! You've been together for what? Three years?"
"Three and a half," he corrected absent-mindedly.
She rolled her eyes. "Three and a half years. Even worse! You've never been as happy as in these past few years. You're practically thriving as... as if he was the sun that you'd craved for so long and you couldn't unfold your tender leaves until he... well, I think you get the picture." She cleared her throat. "Anyways, back on topic. Why aren't you already down there, being the happiest man in God knows how many galaxies?"
Rodney swallowed past the lump in his throat, a feeling of utter defeat settling in the pit of his stomach.
"Because he deserves someone better than me and I know that someday he'll figure that, too."
He'd had that thought before, of course, but never as nagging as it got the moment he'd stepped into the Gate Room and seen all these people, their co-workers and friends, their family. Many of them were much nicer and much, much more attractive than he could ever be - even if he did pay attention to his looks for once, if they were clad in rags, in comparison they'd still outclass him - and he was sure that more than a few had the hots for his boyfriend. Not to mention all the other billions and zillions of beautiful people out there.
A man like John could have them all without so much as lifting a finger.
And who was he to restrict John like that?
Naturally, self-interest played a role to a certain degree as well. Rodney didn't want to be dashed to the ground the day John was struck by the inevitable realization.
When Rodney finally looked up, he found Jeannie watching him blankly. He'd expected her to agree with his avowal. It was true. There was no reason to gainsay it.
"Come here," she said at last with her arms wide open.
Now it was his turn to stare at her blankly.
At his non-reaction, Jeannie rolled her eyes, grumbled "Oh, for Pete's sake!" and enveloped him in her arms, hugging him tightly.
Rodney was shocked at his sister's actions. He stood ramrod straight, not knowing how to respond. Then understanding dawned on him and he saw red.
"I don't want your pity," he said, trying to break away from her.
But Jeannie just held on. "This isn't pity, you dumbass. This is a sisterly oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-how-you-made-it-so-far-in-your-life-while-being-so-dense-hug."
Rodney tensed, lost for words.
Sighing, Jeannie loosened her embrace but kept his shoulders in a firm grip. "John doesn't give a flying fuck if he deserves someone better. Actually, I'm pretty sure he thinks the same about you. What really matters is that you, my dear brother, are the only one that he wants."
Despite Jeannie's piercing glance and her convincing posture, Rodney couldn't help still being doubtful.
Jeannie kept at it. "He loves you. An emotionally stunted Wraith would see that."
A slight smile tugged at his lips upon hearing her words. True, he knew that John loved him although neither of them generally communicated it verbally. It was the small gestures that made Rodney sure of John's feelings towards him.
Well, that and maybe the fact that John had been the one to propose.
But that didn't change that John might ultimately tire of him and then...
"Oh no, Mister!" Jeannie slapped his arm. Hard.
"Ow! What the fuck!"
Rubbing the mistreated spot, he considered if kicking her shin in return counted as self defense.
"You don't get to obsess over your doubts any longer! I already had you there."
For a few endless seconds, they fought a duel with McKay glares like they used to do as kids, both too stubborn, too McKay to give in. But they weren't the kids from back then anymore, they couldn't go on like this forever, Rodney realized when Jeannie caved in at long last.
"Look, Mer, your soon-to-be husband is waiting for you. I'm dead certain that he'll be heartbroken if you don't show up. He'll be looking like a drowned rat. A gorgeous drowned rat, but nevertheless a drowned rat."
Rodney's eyes widened in shock. "Oh my God, you're right. You're right!"
Crap! He hadn't thought about that! He'd only had John's future happiness and, granted, self-protection in his panic-ridden mind and hadn't spared a thought about John's feelings if Rodney walked out on him on their wedding day. After all, it was a pretty big step for John from a clandestine relationship under the radar of a homophobic organization to a forced nonchalant "By the way, folks, Rodney and I are together" after the repeal of DADT to a straightforward "Marry me, Rodney?" during the afterglow of particularly phenomenal nookie. Rodney'd embarrass them both and betray everything they were, everything they'd gone through to reach this point, if he chickened out now.
No, he couldn't do that to them, to John. For once, Rodney'd have to be the one to take a chance.
Before he followed the almost overwhelming impulse to turn around and rush out immediately, he stepped forward and gave Jeannie a squeeze.
"Thanks, Jeannie, thanks so much." The words were muffled by her neck.
"Always," she replied solemnly, hugging him back with all her might.
"Now, stop thinking, get your ass down there, say 'Yes, I do' at the appropriate time and get your personal happily ever after, Mer!"
He let go of her, nodded and walked to the doors. Before he reached them, he looked back at his sister who'd kept him from making the biggest mistake of his life and said for probably the first time ever, "I love you, Jeannie."
She grinned from ear to ear. "I love me, too."
Smiling at her impossibility, Rodney had to admit that his heart felt much lighter than it had mere minutes before.
Taking a deep breath and tugging at the hem of his jacket, Rodney thought the doors open and made his way to the stairs which would lead him down to his favorite person who he'd left waiting for far too long.
Ten minutes later, Rodney didn't even remember why he'd ever had second thoughts as he stood next to John who was eye candy in his black tux with a white shirt.
John had looked crestfallen after waiting for Rodney in front of the Gate beside Richard Woolsey, all of his usual laid-back attitude, his coolness gone. When he'd spotted Rodney at the top of the stairs, John's body had tensed up before sagging in relief at seeing Rodney's reassuring smile.
Rodney'd understood just then that he held the key to John's happiness in his hands.
At Mr. Woolsey's question, "Do you, Meredith Rodney McKay, take John Sheppard to have and to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, 'till death do you part?" Rodney answered unhesitatingly with a heartfelt "Yes, I do."
He swore to himself that no matter what, he'd do everything, anything, to make this work, to make John happy. He'd never let John get tired of him. If necessary, he'd fight for this man and his love against a whole battalion of Wraith or space bimbos or whoever wanted to snatch John away from Rodney.
This was his happily ever after and he'd damned well never let it go.