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Joel wanted to think something like he couldn't believe it was going to end this way, but the truth was he was almost sure it was going to end this way and it would, in fact, be a fitting end to his time in Alaska; freezing to death in his truck by the side of an empty road the nearest human life being fifty miles in any direction. And it was beginning to snow.
He had opened the hood and found a bit of whitish gauze to tie to the truck’s antenna just in case someone drove by but he'd been out treating flu on a rural homestead and he'd been the first person down that particular stretch of road in a week.
He thought about writing a note. He had his prescription pad. He could write some final thoughts to his parents, and leave very explicit instruction that he was to be shipped back to New York. Being a doctor in Cicely was bad enough; he had no desire to be buried there.
He watched the wind pick up and whip about the piece of gauze. There was a soft whistling as the same icy wind pushed its way through some cracked rubber around the passenger side window. Joel wrapped his arms tighter around himself and wondered why he didn't at least pack a book of matches or a lighter or something. It wouldn't have been easy to make a fire but he could have tried. It would have given him something to do since he had no idea what was wrong with his truck.
Joel started to hum to himself; his lips were too cold to whistle. There was a tune tickling the back of his head but he couldn't quite find it. He hoped when it did show up it was a good one. He could think of little worse than slowly freezing to death with a crappy song stuck in his head.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and felt his teeth begin to chatter. He knew this was early stage hypothermia. If someone showed up now he still had a chance. Odds were the shivering would increase to uncontrollable levels then it would fade as his body gave up that tactic. He would feel a little warm after that, then sleepy, then he would close his eyes and then... Well the rabbi was never really clear about what happened after that and Joel's not really sure he would have believed what he was told anyway.
Joel was still trying to hum something, that sounded like it might have been Simon and Garfunkel, as his teeth clacked together. He tried to curl up his toes in his boots. The end of his nose had gone numb some time back but he wouldn't have been surprised if there was an icicle hanging off the end. He knew he was about to cry at the sure stupidity and indignity of it all and they would talk about it at the Brick; poor Doctor Fleischman who was from New York and didn't know how to keep an engine up and running properly in the dead of winter and didn't even think to bring matches. They would shake their heads, sip their beers, then go back to speculation on the next year’s salmon run.
“Fuck!” Joel screamed at nothing and no one, just the dark of the early Alaskan night. He looked up at the sliver of sky he could see between the trees. He hoped to catch maybe a bit of aurora in the thought that maybe the universe would give him a glimpse of something pretty to look at before he died but the sky was dark like everything else.
He pulled his arms out of his sleeves and wrapped them around his middle hoping for just a little more heat. He could hear his shocks squeak as the shivering reached spasmodic levels.
Joel closed his eyes and prayed. Truthfully it was half prayer and half curse and mostly just a desperate plea for anything.
The shakes began to slow. Joel took a deep breath, and then heard a noise. A distant crunching noise is what his ears reported. Pre-death auditory hallucination his brain supplied.
Then there was light. It grew in Joel's vision. It was a little bit disappointing to think that he was having such a generic death experience, with the light at the end of the tunnel and all.
Then everything lurched to the left.
Joel tumbled from the cab of the truck and only a quick grab by Maggie kept him from cracking his head on the frozen gravel of the road.
“Jesus, Joel!” Maggie yelled.
Joel found he was shivering again. He tried to speak but his teeth were clacking together with too much force. He tried to stand but his legs kept crumbling beneath him.
Maggie half dragged him into the cab of her truck where the heat was blasting full strength. Joel thought it just might burn him. They were a good 15 miles up the road when Joel finally found his voice to cut through Maggie's monologue on all the different ways he was an idiot.
“You found me,” he managed to choke out. He still felt cold.
“Marilyn said you were late and that you were probably stranded by the side of the road.” Maggie grumbled.
“You found me,” Joel said again.
“Yeah, well, we've finally trained you up so you're almost tolerable to be around, Fleischman, and I didn't want to think about trying to break in a new doctor.”
Joel smiled with lips that felt like they were about to crack open. “Thank you.”