For all the time's Mike had thought about it, played out the scenario in his head, a thousand times, a hundred different ways, it had never been anything close to how things had actually turned out. And he should have known better, should have let it be just that, a stupid scenario in his head, should have let Harvey be just that, something unattainable, someone he couldn't have, someone he knew he wouldn't deserve in a million years. But then alcohol had gotten involved and told logic to go screw itself, and that's why Mike was now standing out on some random street corner, his chest tight, tears pooling in his eyes. He wasn't even sure where he was exactly, from the bar they had been in to where he stood now had been one gigantic blur. He had run, literally run, out of the bar and down the street,as if it were some stupid nightmare that if he ran far enough, fast enough, that he'd wake up and everything would be back in order, and all he'd have was a sweat soaked shirt and a rapidly beating heart to remember it by.
They had been at some boring after hours get together for the firm, one that Harvey had initially told Mike that he couldn't go to, didn't need to be at, but Mike had worked him over with the puppy eyes he knew Harvey was so weak to, and Harvey had decided to give in and let him go, stating that he was only letting him go because he knew it would be boring and it would really be more like punishment than anything remotely resembling pleasure. Mike didn't really care what Harvey's reasons for letting him go were, or how boring it was going to be, because all he had really wanted was just a little extra time with Harvey.
Harvey had been right, it was pretty boring. Especially since Harvey had told him to go off and play while he discusses things with the adults, so Mike resided to standing awkwardly by the refreshments, having some flashbacks of the awkwardness of middle school dances of the past. Except at those dances there hadn't been free, unlimited alcohol, which tended to make things slightly better, at least, at the moment. In the end free, unlimited alcohol tends to make things infinitely worse.
By the time the clock rolled past 10:30 Mike was feeling pretty good. Really good, actually. The alcohol had caught up with him and his mind, usually sharp and crowded with thoughts was the polar opposite of that, fuzzy, relaxed, and in turn, that made Mike feel relaxed as a whole. Maybe he should go find Harvey. He was tired of talking to the people that approached them, trying to impress them with his supposedly brilliant mind for the benefit of Harvey. Mike didn't need to search Harvey out after all, because as it turns out, Harvey had decided to come find him.
"Mike. I've been hearing good things about you. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea bringing you here."
"Uh, yeah. Thanks. I guess I needed something to do since you abandoned me."
"Sorry about that. Just had business to attend to. Don't take it personally."
"Never do," Mike said, as he polished off the rest of the alcohol in his glass.
"How many of those have you had, kid?"
"Just 7..8..," Mike held out his fingers and counted to himself before giving up, "I don't know, more than I have fingers," he said, hiccuping on the last word.
"Maybe we should get you home. Everybody's starting to leave anyway."
"But..I didn't even get to spend much time with you."
"What are you talking about, you spend Monday through Fridays with me. Every week."
"That's work, it's not..really the same. Y'know?"
"Not really, Mike, but for the sake of this conversation ending before it progresses into anything weird, let's just pretend I do."
Mike stares at Harvey for a moment, just wordlessly stares, like he's sizing him up or waiting for Harvey to say something else. And the alcohol has definitely gone to Mike's brain, because all he wants to do in that moment is kiss Harvey. It's not like it's the first time that he thought about it. His eyes have lingered on Harvey's lips a little too long, far too many times, but there's something about the way the light is catching Harvey's face, highlighting those eye crinkles that alone Mike is sure make up at least 25 perfect of his attraction to him, but instead of pushing the thought to the back of his head, arguing to himself logically about the whole thing, and all the reasons he shouldn't, and can't do it, he just does it. He steps forward and kisses Harvey. And he doesn't even get the chance to enjoy it, before panic and regret sink in, because Harvey doesn't kiss him back, just moves his hands down and pushes him off of him.
"What the hell are you doing, Mike?" Mike can't quite make out the tone of Harvey's voice. Confused. Angry. Maybe both. Maybe something entirely different. He doesn't stick around to find out though, because he feels so fucking embarrassed that he needs to leave.
"I'm..I'm so sorry..I shouldn't have..I need to..just go," Mike says.
Harvey grabs his arm, tries to pull him back, tells him to wait, but Mike doesn't hear it, all sounds have been drowned out by the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears. He shakes himself free of Harvey's grip and he shuffles through the bar, disappearing out the door.
And that's how Mike ended up where he was now.
He stood there for a long while. Just focusing on trying to remember how to breathe. His phone ringing startled him. Seeing Harvey's name on the screen made it all the worse. It made his head spin in a way no amount of alcohol alone could ever achieve and his heart felt trapped in his throat. Why would Harvey be calling him? He was probably pissed. Maybe he was going to fire him, a thought that had just now crossed Mike's mind. 'Fuck', he thought, ignoring the call and stuffing the phone deep into his pocket. He couldn't deal with this. He needed to go home.
He was able to get a cab, take it back to his apartment, absentmindedly toss some bills at the driver and stumble up the stairs, his balance was off, and he didn't know if that was all the champagne or maybe his knees were just weak, and he felt like he was going to collapse under the weight of his own regret. He collapsed face first onto the couch. He figured he'd just stay there until he no longer ceased to exist, but those plans were disrupted by his phone vibrating again. He hesitated before checking it, this time it was a text messages from Harvey. He clicked into it.
We need to talk, Mike. Call me.
'Oh god,' Mike said to nobody but himself. Harvey never wanted to talk. Half the time Harvey didn't even want to listen to anything he had to say. He was undoubtedly going to be fired. He decided it would be best to just turn off his phone now. Cut the last thread connecting him to the outside world.
He was starting to feel tired, increasingly nauseous, and a migraine was coming on strong and fast, but none of those had felt even close to as bad as the feeling of being rejected by Harvey had felt. Which is weird, he guesses, because he had always expected nothing but rejection from Harvey, so he was a little surprised that it still hurt so damn bad. He felt the tears start to freely fall from his eyes, hot against his skin, as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and tried to focus on thinking about absolutely nothing.
His eyes shot open when he heard someone knocking, rather, pounding at his door. He wiped at his eyes with the sleeves of his suit jacket, as if that would somehow erase even the slightest evidence that he had been crying. It was pointless to pretend that he didn't know who was at his door, or to pretend that he'd go away if he just stayed quiet. He was already miserable, so why not open the door to Harvey and let him add whatever insult it was he was planning to add to injury.
"Glad to see your door answering abilities haven't dwindled like your ones to answer a phone apparently have," Harvey said when Mike opened the door.
"Harvey, could we please just not do this now? I feel like shit."
"Good. You should."
"And that right there is why I didn't answer my phone, because I knew you were going to be a dick about this."
"Let it be a lesson in why you shouldn't drink so much, especially when at an event for the firm."
"God, Harvey. Is that it? Is everything some stupid fucking lesson with you?"
"Well, if you think that lesson's stupid, you're going to hate the one about not shoving your tongue down your bosses throat while at work related events."
"Glad this is so funny to you. Why don't you just fire me and get this over with? I've had enough humiliation for one night."
"I didn't come to fire you, Mike. I actually came to make sure you were okay. I was worried."
"Right. You realize to be worried about somebody implies you care? Which you've told me countless times you don't."
"So why'd you kiss me if you're so sure I don't care?"
"I don't know, Harvey! Because I was drunk! Because I'm a fucking idiot! I don't know. But I'm sorry, and I'm tired of talking about this and I just want to sleep so could you please just leave?"
"All right. I'll leave, under one condition, you come into work tomorrow night, 7 PM sharp, not a second late."
"Fine. Whatever, Harvey."
Mike figures that whatever workload Harvey was planning to dump on him as punishment, on a Saturday, no less, was well worth just being able to make him leave, plus it was good to know he still had a job. He walked back to the bathroom, and found some Aspirin in the medicine cabinet, and washed them down with a handful of water from the sink faucet, before drying his hand off on his pants. He changed into something more comfortable and climbed into bed, closing his eyes tight as a means to put an end to the way the room had still been slightly spinning around.
Mike tossed and turned, and felt generally lousy the entire night, unable to fall asleep until morning greeted him through the window, and then he subsequently spent the majority of the day in bed. Eventually he figured he should get up and try to make himself resemble something that at the very least, looked human. So he crawled out of bed and showered, and then spent the rest of his time going over some briefs, as it never hurt to get a jump on work. He made sure to allot himself plenty of time to get to Pearson Hardman, because he definitely was not going to be late. Not tonight.
Pearson Hardman was always quiet at night, but it felt amost eerily quiet on Saturday nights. It's not the first time Mike's been here on a Saturday, but it is the first time he's been here on a Saturday night after trying to kiss his boss the night prior. He's hoping that it's not awkward between he and Harvey and they can easily fall back into some semblance of a routine. He almost laughs at that thought, because the one sided kiss hasn't left his mind since it had happened, and he was sure it hadn't left Harvey's that quickly either.
When Mike got to Harvey's office, it was empty. He glanced at his watch, it was 15 minutes before 7, which meant Harvey should already be here. Unless he went for coffee or something, which, in that case, he didn't understand why he'd bother turning out all the lights. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, quickly sending Harvey a text to let him know he was here, and asking where he was. Mike sat down on the sofa and waited for Harvey to show up or text him back. The text came first.
I'm on the roof. Come up.
Despite how completely bizarre Mike found that, Mike didn't question it, and just made his way up to the roof.
"So, instead of firing me, you're just going to toss me off the roof instead? Interesting," Mike said as he closed the door behind him.
"Trust me, Mike, if I haven't tossed Louis after all these years, you're certainly safe."
"What is this then? Why'd you call me up here?"
"Come here, and just look," Harvey said, turning and motioning Mike towards him.
Mike walked over and stood right next to him. The view was gorgeous. Twilight was crawling across the sky, deep purples and blues mixing, with a vibrant orange swirled through for good measure. A soft breeze blew against their skin. It was unseasonably warm for this time of year. The lights of the city were moving all too fast beneath them, but from where they stood, life felt like it was stilled. Mike could have watched that sky all night. With his head usually buried in paperwork and books, it wasn't often that he got to see a view like this.
"You like it?" Harvey asked, turning towards Mike.
Harvey reached his hand over and gently cupped the side of Mike's face, turning his head to meet his gaze before pressing his lips to Mike's. His kiss was soft, gentle, not a trace of demand in it. He wanted Mike to choose, he could accept it or he could push him away. It didn't take long for Mike to decide, parting his own lips, and Harvey took what Mike was offering, moving his hand up to the back of his head, holding him still as his mouth crashed hard with Mike's this time. Mike moaned into Harvey's mouth and Harvey took his time, tasting every last bit of Mike's mouth, memorizing everything he could about it.
They eventually broke apart, both breathless, but wanting more.
"Harvey..I'm confused," Mike finally said after a long silence. "When I kissed you last night, you didn't even try to kiss me back..and now..this, and I'm not complaining but..I don't get it."
"When you kissed me last night you were drunk. I needed to know that it wasn't just the alcohol or lack of inhibitions because of the alcohol that made you kiss me. I didn't want our first kiss to be some drunken mistake or just a regret you have. So I thought maybe we'd try it again, when you were sober, and in a more appropriate setting. And since I never kissed you back, technically this counts as our first kiss."
"That's actually...very sweet of you."
"Just don't let my secret get out. I have a reputation to uphold, you know."
"Secrets safe with me."
"Good. Now if we're done being all sentimental and sharing emotions on the roof top, I have reservations booked for us for dinner. You hungry?"
"Starving, but what about work?"
"We'll get to it on Monday. Let's enjoy the weekend until then, okay?"
Mike didn't say anything, just stepped forward and kissed Harvey again, slow and leisurely, like they had all the time in the world.