“Hey, did either of you two remember to buy paper towel—” Ben stopped in his tracks and in mid-sentence, looking down at the floor and shielding his eyes from the flash of blowjob he just caught. “You're watching pornographic movies in the living room.”
“Uh huh,” said Andy brightly. “Wanna join us?”
Ben stole a peek at his roommates. “Are either of you wearing any pants underneath that blanket?”
“Nope,” Andy giggled.
“It's okay,” April said. “We're sitting on a towel this time.”
“One of your own towels?”
April smiled mischievously, but Ben thought that might just have been her trying to mess with his head again. At least they weren't using his comforter.
“Okay, well, I'm going to go to the grocery store and—”
“Noooo!” Andy cried. “Come hang out with us.”
“You can go to the grocery store later,” April chimed in.
Ben frowned. “You want to hang out? Now? Aren't you kind of in the middle of something?”
Andy and April looked at each other and shrugged, then looked back up at Ben.
“It's just that we never hang out together. When I moved in here you both alternately avoided and went out of your way to sabotage my attempts to arrange communal activities, and after that . . .”
“Ugh,” April moaned. “Didn't that Halloween party teach you anything?”
“You mean the Halloween party that you . . . didn't actually invite me to or even warn me about?”
“Yeah, that one,” April said, with a heavy inflection of 'duh'. “We like you sometimes, Ben. We want to spend time with you.”
“Strangely, not my biggest takeaway from that night. But if you really want to hang out . . .” Ben waited for them to laugh at him, which they didn't, so he decided to play along a little further. “What do you want to do?”
“Watch tv with us.” Andy pointed to the screen, which Ben foolishly glanced up at.
“No, come on. I knew you were just trying to embarrass me again.”
“We're not,” April said. “It's just porn. What's the big deal?”
Andy nodded. “Didn't you ever watch porn with your roommates before?”
“What? No. I've never watched porn with my roommates before. Who does that?”
“Hm,” Andy said. “I used to do it all the time with my old roommates.”
April rolled her eyes. “Ben, just sit down on the couch.”
“No. I don't want to.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it's too awkward!”
“What's awkward about it?”
“It's . . .” Ben shut his mouth when he realized he couldn't come up with a reason that didn't quickly break down to 'it just is', and glared at them. April and Andy stared back at him, blinking in counterpoint, until Ben broke down and, with a sigh, stomped across the living room to the couch.
He started to sit down on the arm nearest to his room so that he could make an easy getaway if or when he needed to, but April and Andy slid apart, creating a space between them and petting the seat invitingly. Ben rolled his eyes and sat down in the space they made for him, quite deliberately on top of the blanket. He slowly raised his gaze to the screen.
“Wow,” he said, blinking up at the bodies slamming together. “That's—those are some funny-looking testicles.”
Andy laughed. “Yeah. This one's actually kind of boring.” He leaned forward to look past Ben at April. “You want to skip to the next scene?”
April did, then placed the remote back down on the arm of the couch and placed her other hand on Ben's crotch.
“Oh no.” Ben shot up off the couch, spun around to face them, and nearly tripped over the coffee table. “That—what the hell was that?”
“That was me coming on to you,” April said, her voice flat as usual.
Ben looked at Andy, who stared back innocently.
“Have sex with us, Ben,” April said.
“Have sex with us,” Andy repeated, pointing past Ben at the screen. “It'll be just like the movie.”
Ben risked another glance—and sure enough it was the beginning of a threesome scene, two men taking turns kissing a nearly naked woman—then whipped his head back around when he felt someone tugging at his fly. “No!” he scolded April exasperatedly. “Stop trying to take my clothes off.”
“Why not?” Andy asked, still innocent.
“You never have sex,” April said. “We thought this would be something nice for you.”
“Well, that's . . . sweet, I guess, but I don't want to have sex with you.”
“Why not?” April asked.
“I thought you two broke up so that she could run for that stupid council thing.”
“Well yes, we did, but we might still get back together, so—”
“Oh man, that's awesome!” Andy said, “But if you're not together now . . . ?”
“It's just not something I want to have on my conscience, okay?”
Andy blinked up at him. “But why?”
“Because it's weird, okay?” Ben said, his voice sharp. “It's awkward.”
“Not to us,” Andy said. “I'm a musician and April used to have two gay boyfriends so she's not really used to making out with just one person at a time. Is it 'cause you think April's not hot? Because if it is, man, I'm afraid I have to punch you in the head for disrespecting my wife.”
Ben squinted at them in disbelief. “Look, I just think it's better if you have your sex life, and I have mine, and the two of them stay separate. Like roommates.”
“Alright, fine.” April sighed gustily. “You don't have to have sex with us.”
“Thank you,” Ben said.
“Will you at least just watch?”
“Will you watch us have sex?” Andy repeated.
“Now you want me to watch you two having sex?”
“Well, if you're not going to join in,” Andy said, as if this was only sane and polite.
Ben stared at them, sitting next to each other on the couch again, both hands clasped together, leaning on each other's shoulders and looking up at him with puppy dog eyes (well, Andy looked up at him with puppy dog eyes; April kind of looked like she was trying to set him on fire with the power of her mind).
“I—” Ben said. “Fine?” He shook his head. He wasn't really sure how watching them was acceptable when touching them wasn't, but he pulled up an armchair next to the tv anyway while Andy cheered and did a little dance and April triumphantly threw off the blanket. “Oh, what the hell am I doing?” Ben muttered as he sat down, reaching over to mute the television while April and Andy began to provide their own soundtrack.
It was . . . weird, watching his roommates have sex on the couch in front of him, but Ben couldn't claim that it was disaffecting. He didn't touch himself while they went about their business with a high degree of flexibility and enthusiasm (the latter almost surprising, coming from April), not really, but he did eventually rest a hand on the crotch of his jeans and just squeezed, licking his lips at the delicious pressure while he filed what he saw away for later.
Finally, when they'd collapsed in a sticky heap only half on top of the now-crumpled protective towel, Andy raised his head to look at Ben. “Oh, hey, dude. Did you remember to buy paper towel?”