"Vic, I'm starved."
"Your turn to get the food. Money's in the ja-"
"No need. I brought stuff to make."
Vic looked up. Funny how expressive a blank face could be when coupled with silence. Helena put her hands on her hips.
"What? I'm not going to make you cook and it'll be fast! I just need to nuke up some bruschetta mix and stick it on bread with some cheese. Everything's packed and non-perishable because I know about the condition of your refrigerator."
Vic ignored her jab at his food situation in favour of pointing out a flaw in her plan. Without looking up from his laptop, he grunted.
"Do I wanna know why?"
"If you thought cellphone radiation was bad, you should see what one of those monsters does. There's a reason why they call it nuking food."
"Uh-huh. Well, I can leave the mix cold and just toast the bread..."
"No toaster. The mechanisms which make the bread pop up are part of a plan by a business conglomerate whose goal is to shift the orbital path of the Earth. They're fueled by the build up of partially combusted carbon waste withi-"
"Okay, I'll toast the bread on the oven, then. It tastes better that way, anyway."
At times like these, Helena found that it was more effective to gently cut Vic off rather than let her brain become twisted by the strange logic of his theories. He didn't ever mind much. After all, he was mostly used to it.
"No stove either."
"... you don't have a stove."
"Okay, Vic? Where in the hell do you cook food?!"
Vic muttered something and pointed over to the little desk where he kept his chemical analysis equipment.
Helena blinked and took a few minutes to process.
"No way. No way."
Vic looked up from his laptop for a moment and cocked his head to the side.
"I don't understand your concern, Helena."
"You bitch and whine about invisible radiation and fumes, but then you cook your meals on that?"
"It's small, it's clean, and it gets hot enough to boil water. Perfection having taken the form of a little can of pressurized gas."
"It's a Bunsen burner."
There was a long silence, then Helena leveled a rather unimpressed look at the back of her boyfriend's head.
"Fine, I'll call in for food tonight. But!" She pointed accordingly. "When you're finished with this case, you're teaching me how to use that thing. And if I can't use it to make spaghetti, we're getting you a proper kitchen."
"... and how do you plan on paying for that?"
"Batman. We'll write it off as business expenses to the League budget."
"You do know we're only supposed to write of legitimate purchases to that account, right?"
"Hun, I don't know if you'd noticed, but your last expense? Was two crates of magenta Silly Putty. I don't think they're going to question when you buy an oven and a range."
Helena rolled her eyes and hummed indulgently, slinging on a light jacket as she strolled over to the door.
"Helena. Have I told you how much I appreciate you, lately?"
"Yes, but you can never say it too much."
"Actually, studies show-"
"I was joking, Vic."
"I love you too, hun."