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It Must Be Love

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I haven't written anything in so long, I've forgotten how, so no throwing stuff.

Despite the first line, this is strictly GEN, and an attempt at humor.

~::~

“I love her; I really do. Janet's a wonderful woman.”

“I know you do, Jack.”

“And you too, Carter. I love you too.”

“Thank you, sir.” Sam rolled her eyes as she and Daniel held up a lopsided colonel.

“But what I don't understand...” he turned so quickly that Daniel had to grab his elbow to keep him from falling “... is why she threw me out of the infirmary. Does that seem nice to you, Daniel?”

“She threw you out because Jello is not an artifact. It's supposed to stay in the little cup until you're ready to eat it. You're not supposed to dump it on the tray and poke it with your finger. Nor are you supposed to paint the nurses with it.”

“But it's blue. Food is not meant to be blue.” This time he turned so quickly in the other direction that Sam had to grab an elbow. “Don't say it, Carter. I don't want the lecture on foods that are blue. Because they're not supposed to be, no matter what you say.”

“I wouldn't think of it, sir.”

“That's good. Even though I love you, I'm still your CO.” This time his turn had Daniel grabbing at the edge of the hospital gown to keep Jack from doing a face-plant. “I love you too, Daniel. Don't think I don't. Even though I'm your SO...” he paused and scrunched his eyebrows together before he corrected “...CO. Even though I'm your CO, I still love you.”

“You're neither my SO nor my CO but if it makes you happy to think that, you go right ahead.”

“Of course I'm your CO. Teal'c, ol' buddy....” He spun on his barefoot heel.

“Whoa!” and “Grab him, Sam!” echoed down the thankfully empty hallway.

“Teal'c, ol' buddy, am I Daniel's CO? I am, you know.”

From behind them Teal'c said, “If you insist, O'Neill.”

“I insist,” Jack insisted, “because it says colonel on my uniform.” He groped the gown pocket looking for the non-existent insignia.

“Teal'c, why aren't you helping us with this disaster?” Daniel asked.

“You and Major Carter appear to have everything under control.”

Daniel grabbed again as Jack spun to face Teal'c. “This looks under control to you?”

“Teal'c, I love you too.”

“Of this I have no doubt, O'Neill.” He nodded his head. “I hold you in similar regard.”

“See! See, kids. That's what you're supposed to say.” Jack waved his hands around and Daniel ducked.Sam wasn't quite fast enough, but her "ouch!" was swallowed up by “But did one of you say it back? Huh? Did one of you say--” Jack's voice dropped “--did one of you say, 'I hold you in similar regard.' No, not one.”

Under her breath, Sam muttered, “Whose bright idea was this?”

“Janet's,” Daniel said, “and she owes us big time.”

“How far are we from the room?”

“I love that woman,” Jack said, oblivious to the pandemonium he was creating.

“Oh, God, here we go again,” Daniel groaned. They tried to steer the weaving man down the hallway, while Teal'c followed, his hands behind his back. “The VIP suite is just--”

As they rounded the corner, General Hammond met them, nearly head-on. “I understand from Doctor Fraiser that Colonel O'Neill has been removed from the infirmary. Her explanation was a little vague, so I came to check on our patient.”

“General Hammond!” Jack beamed. “I love you best of all.”

Hammond kept his wits about him and answered with barely a twitch of the lip, “I inspire that kind of affection in all my officers. It's a pleasure serving with you too, Jack.”

“See, a pleasure,” Jack said. He glared at his entourage. “A pleasure. And I'll bet Hammond is your SO... CO, isn't he, Daniel?”

“What was in the shot Doctor Fraiser gave him?” Hammond asked.

“I don't know, General,” Daniel said, “but do you think we could ask her to put it in his file that he never ever be given it again.” While Sam slid her card through the door, he found himself with an armful of barely awake infirmary outcast clinging to him.

“Even if you don't hold me in 'similar regard', I still love you, Daniel.”

“Doctor Jackson?”

“It's a long story, sir.”

“If you say so, son.”

Teal'c stepped forward to grab the other arm while Sam stepped into the room. “There's a bed, a cot, and a couple of chairs. That should do it.”

From the doorway Hammond coughed. “Do you think we could find something to hold together the back of the colonel's gown? His... assets are on display. A piece of duct tape maybe--”

“I love duct tape.”

“--a paper clip, a staple, a band-aid--”

“No more band-aids,” Jack slurred.

They eased him to the bed where he sprawled, face down. Sam grabbed a blanket and covered said assets while Daniel slumped into a nearby chair.

“Someone will have to stay with him until the drugs wear off,” Hammond said. “Doctor's orders.”

“If you will watch O'Neill for a few moments, I would be willing to offer my assistance.”

Sam ignored Daniel's “It's about time” and said, “Not a problem, Teal'c. What do you need?”

“I have recently purchased the complete set of Star Trek: The Original Series, and I have been looking for an opportunity to watch it. I will be able to watch O'Neill and Captain Kirk at the same time.”

A garbled voice from the bed floated up: “I love Captain Kirk.”

From the doorway Hammond said, “I'll have an SF bring Teal'c's DVDs to you. Anything else I can send you? Coffee? Food?”

“A pair of pajamas for the colonel,” Sam suggested.

“Coffee,” Daniel added, “and anything but blue jello. The cot's yours, Sam. I'll take first watch, but then I get to pick the first episode.”

“You always want to watch City on the Edge of Forever.” She kicked off her shoes and hung her jacket on the back of the chair.

“Of course I do. How can you not like City on the Edge of Forever? It's a classic.”

“I am particularly fond of The Trouble With Tribbles,” Teal'c said.

“You don't get to pick anything.” Daniel pointed at him. “You stayed behind to watch Jack's 'assets', so we get to pick the episode.”

“On the contrary, Daniel Jackson, I was merely observing the fluid technique with which you and Major Carter handled a difficult situation. I was in the position to watch your six.”

“I love tribbles.” The lump on the bed didn't move, but the voice penetrated the argument.

“On that note, I'll be going. I think I know why Doctor Fraiser asked to have the colonel removed. Enjoy, people, and look after our patient. I'll send down your supplies.” General Hammond started to close the door and paused. “Maybe The Naked Time would be a good episode to start with—sword fights, no inhibitions. That's always been a favorite of mine.”

“I love naked.”

“Why isn't he asleep?” Daniel stared at the lump.

Hammond pulled the door closed behind him.

~~

Note: The challenge was to write a fic using  the word Jello, Star Trek, bandaid, disaster, and artifact.