Accidental Fatherhood - ficlets

by devo79

Chapter 17: The talk

“You know why they wanted us here?” Liam asked and stretched. He was almost as tall as his parents and when he slumped down on the kitchen chair it creaked slightly.

“What ever it is?” Jesse said, pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table,
“I so didn’t do it.”

Jesse scratched his ear and fiddled with the newspaper. Liam hummed tunelessly and clicked his tongue every few seconds.

“Well, I’m here…” Kathy walked into the kitchen “Let the partying commence!”

“As if,” Jesse snorted.

“So what did you do?” Kathy asked her little brother.

“What?” Jesse looked offended “Why do you always assume I’ve done something?”

“Well, if you didn’t do anything then why the hell are we here?” Liam asked and pulled a chair out so Kathy could sit down as well.

Hushed voices in the lobby caught the attention of the three teenagers.

“I just don’t see why we can’t just give them a book,” Angel said stubbornly.

“Man, I can’t believe a 250 year old vamp is all nervous about this,” Xander chuckled.

“Well, excuse me. I just don’t feel comfortable doing it,” Angel grumbled.

“I didn’t hear any complaints last night,” Xander said and then the kitchen door opened revealing Xander and Angel, both carrying brown paper bags.

Angel looked at his children and clutched the paper bag closer to his broad chest.

“Look,” Jesse said “What ever it is…I didn’t do it. So if aunt Cordy is like missing one of her dresses, it wasn’t me, okay?” Liam just stared at him and Kathy frowned.

“What’re you talking about?” Xander asked and put his paper bag on the table. Angel sat down, the bag still cradled against his chest.

“Oh…Oh this isn’t about…Never mind!” Jesse said and fiddled with the newspaper again.

“Okay,” Xander nodded and looked over at Angel. The vampire was unusually pale. “You okay?” Xander asked. Angel shook his head then nodded then looked pleadingly at Xander.

“Couldn’t I just go out on patrol? Kill a few demons? Get skewered with a sword?” Angel begged.

“Nope,“ Xander simply said and started unpacking his bag.

Liam’s eyes were caught by a small plastic wrapped square. He looked up at his parents and said

“Um…if this is about…you know…what I think it is, then…um…I don’t really think I need…”

 

“If I have ta suffer, boy, then I’ll be damned if ya won’t have ta,” Angelus growled.

“I don’t think this is something you’re gonna be very good at, Angelus. So if you could just let Angel handle this…” Xander started.

“The weak sack of shit is…hiding,” Angelus said with disgust and tapped his forehead. “And I’d think that I’d be much better at this. I have a lot of experience,” Angelus leered at Xander.

“What’s this all about?” Kathy asked and reached out for Angelus’ brown paper bag. The vampire growled at her.

“If’n ya like ta keep those pretty fingers…” Xander slapped Angelus up side the head.

“You behave or let Angel take care of this,” Xander warned.

“Shoulda just let William tell them,” Angelus pouted.

“He suggested we do a little show and tell,” Xander shook his head.

“I could manage that,” Angelus licked his lips.

“Is it just me or is this kinda freaking you guys out as well?” Jesse turned and asked his older siblings.

“It’s not just you,” Kathy said and slapped Liam’s hand as he fiddled with the condoms that had been in Xander’s bag.

“Right, lets get this over with so I can rip that hideous shirt off ya,” Angelus said and upended his paper bag on the kitchen table. Three bananas, a handful of condoms, a small tube and a book landed on the table.

“This,” Angelus said and picked up the banana “is fruit…” he frowned and turned to Xander “I thought we were goin’ ta tell them about sex. Why’d ya bring fruit?”

“It’s for the show and tell part?” Xander said and took one of the bananas.

“What ya couldn’t find somethin’ more useful in our toy box?” Angelus asked.

“Okay…I’m learning new and disturbing things here,” Jesse said and eyed the banana.

“Look just…” Xander said “just…” Angelus started kissing Xander’s neck, making the human moan quietly.

“Okay…” Xander said, his voice strangled. Angelus was still licking and the vampire’s hands were all over the place “This…” Xander’s voice was high pitched “Is a condom and it goes on the banana before you have sex. Always remember to put the condom on the banana. No banana no sex. Is that…” Xander squealed “is that clear?”

Liam looked from the bananas on the table to the condoms. Jesse’s mouth was wide open and Kathy’s eyes were glued to Angelus’ hand as it disappeared underneath Xander’s shirt.

Angelus growled, grabbed Xander and dragged him out of the kitchen. The master vampire returned a split second later, snatched the three bananas and rushed out of the room and up the stairs.

“Put the condom on the banana?” Jesse sounded puzzled.