Chapter Text
-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
TT: Well hey there Rox!
TG: jfc wat do u want
TT: I just wanted to deliver some news!
TG: holy shit
TG: whatsup with the expclaimation pts
TG: *excplanation
TG: wait no that wastn even the wrod i was tryin to type
TG: *exclamation
TG: drirk if ur tryin to cheer my up be4 givng me bad ndews its NOT WORKIN
TT: What do you mean, I'm sure it's giving you a sense of good times and happiness!
TT: Okay yeah I can't do that anymore either.
TT: So I told Jane.
TG: holy fuKCING SHIT YOU DDID WHAT NOW
TG: DIRK STRIDER I WILL HAVE YOUR TESTICELS ON A PLATTER
TG: DELIVIERED TO JAKE ENGLIGHS AND THEN LETS SEE HOW FUNNY TELLING PPPL ABOUT UR SUPER SECRETS CRUSH IS
TG: HUH
TG: YOUI WANNTA TAKE THIS THE MOTHERFUCK OTUSIDE
TT: No, not really.
TG: DIRK IM LITRALLY GOIN TO FUCK U UP OK
TT: Wow, hold up, would you?
TT: I didn't even tell you how she took it.
TG: ok yeah shota
TT: Um.
TT: Did you mean shoot?
TT: Sorry, I'm just having trouble not laughing.
TG: u and ur fucking anime swag
TG: no what did she say asshag
TG: *hat
TT: Asshag is a pretty cool insult, actually.
TT: Can I keep that one?
TG: no u may NOT
TG: (c) roxy incorporprated
TG: now tell me waht janey said u dumbpass
TT: She said she needed some time for herself.
TG: ARE YOU FCUKGING KIDIDNG ME
TT: Uh. No?
TG: DIRK I AM GOING TO KIL YOU IN SOM ANY DIFRENRENT WAYS THAT UNDAYINGUMBRAGES THREATS DONT HVE FUCKING NADA ON ME
TG: POISNON
TG: STABBIIGN
TG: DORWING
TG: *DROWNING
TG: SUFUFCOATION
TG: *HOWEVER THE FUCK THATS ACTAUALLY TYPED I DONT RLLY CARE
TG: PICK WHICH 1 U LIKE THE MOST AND I WILL PICK ONE OF THE ONES YOU DIDNT PICK
TT: I'm not going to give you any ideas on how to kill me.
TT: Besides, I'm all the way over here, Rox.
TT: Nah nah nah boo boo, you can't fucking touch me.
TT: I'm sorry, that was uncalled for in a time as stressful as this one.
TG: NO
TG: EFFIN
TG: SHITBALLS
TG: SHARELOCK
TT: *Sherlock?
TG: FFUCKKCKFKK YOUUUYUYUYOOU STRIDERERRRR
TG: JLASKDJFLDASKJFLDJSF,SA;;
TT: Do you have caps lock on or something?
TT: And was that right there the result of you slamming your head on the keyboard?
TG: DIRK
TT: Wow, do I know you well or what.
TT: Cheer up, Rox, she said she needs a minute to herself. It's not like she said "I'm not lesbian and I'm never going to talk to Roxy Lalonde again because she is! Homophobia FTW!"
TG: YEAH WELL SHE DIDNT SAY "LOL I <3 HER TOO LETS GAT GAY MARRIED ASPAP"
TG: also im not lesbsian
TG: jsyk
TG: i prerfer 'unconcerend about minanimal issues like gender'
TG: minanimal lol thats a p good typo
TG: have to rememeber that one
TT: You turned off caps lock!
TT: I'm proud of you.
TG: yeah yeah im proud of me 2
TG: now onto the killing bit
TG: y/y ?
TT: N.
TG: that wasnt an optoin WRONG ANSREW
TG: ur now.........
TG: soaked in crimsons.
TG: 8))
TT: You're just trying to cheer yourself up now, aren't you?
TG: actually no im trying to distact myself from wanting a glass of straihgtup vodka
TT: Is it working?
TG: u tell me mr
TG: *waves a glass in the ari*
TG: *air
TT: Jesus.
TT: Put that thing down and be patient.
TT: She'll get back to either me or maybe you at some point.
TG: u honestly htink i can wait that long
TG: wat am i some kind of sueprhaman u
TG: *superhuman
TG: lol imagine u as a super ham
TG: dirk strider super ham!
TG: u would taste delicsious
TT: This just strayed into weird territory.
TT: The hell are you drinking?
TG: sighs
TG: good shit striderer
TG: some good shit
TT: Wait.
TT: Jake is pestering me.
TT: I'll be right back.
-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
GT: How on earth did you manage to break jane mr strider???
GT: She just popped up on my screen mumbling utter horseshit about how i knew everything from the start????
GT: What on gods green earth is she talking about??????
TT: Ah.
TT: Sorry about that, bro.
TT: Guess we're having some technical difficulties.
TT: Except instead of with robots it's with people's brains, yo.
GT: That sounds rather dangerous actually.
TT: Oh, it is.
TT: It's definitely what you would call an "adventure".
TT: Except with 2X the amount of female hormones.
GT: Ok but could you explain what the hell it actually is???
TT: Oh.
TT: Yeah, Roxy likes Jane and I gave Jane the log to prove it and I guess Jane's having an aneurysm now?
TT: I dunno, I'm not the one talking to her, dude.
GT: Oh no im not talking to her anymore.
GT: I kind of stopped looking at her window after the first time she accused me of being "in on the conspiracy".
TT: Why does she think that?
GT: Well uh you see.
GT: This is going to be a touch awkward to explain old chap!
TT: Try me, dude.
TT: I've been playing psychiatrist with a teenage girl's raw emotions. Can't get much more awkward than that.
GT: Well uh jane and i were dating!
GT: And i broke up with her today because i just had this hunch that she needed to be with someone else.
GT: Uh hello?
GT: Strider?
GT: Strider sir are you still alive and breathing?
TT: What.
TT: Oh yeah.
TT: Hey.
TT: Inhaling.
TT: Exhaling.
TT: Both functions are working properly. Don't shit a flip.
TT: I mean like.
TT: Whatever.
GT: Ooookay.
GT: In any case i guess i asked her what would happen if roxy liked her.
GT: Not because i was aware that was a thing but because what if it was a thing?
GT: I just wanted to know if my friends would be compatible or not!
GT: And i guess i was right?
GT: Wow thats pretty crazy huh?
TT: Pretty crazy.
GT: Yeah totally crazy!
GT: If you want to know what janes going to say, i can tell you that i
TT: You?
GT: Wait just one moment jane is really ripping me a new one!
GT: Ok back.
GT: I honestly have no idea what shes going to say!
GT: I just hope that its the choice that will make both my girls happy, you know?
TT: Yup.
TT: Sure is nice when people are happy huh.
GT: Yeah it is!
GT: Um strider are you there?
GT: I mean if youre dealing with roxy simultaneously i totally get it but i thought we were having a conversation.
TT: Sorry.
TT: I may or may not be dealing with my own shit simultaneously.
TT: But whatever, I guess. Roxy and Jane are more important at the present time.
GT: Oh dear im sorry strider!
GT: Anything i can help with?
TT: Probably not.
TT: Thanks for the offer, though.
GT: Sure! You know im always here for you.
GT: Ok but what to do about the girls.
GT: Hmmmm.
TT: Hmm.
TT: Yeah, I have no clue.
TT: Let them fight it out?
GT: There will be bloodshed, i hope you realise.
TT: Dude, that's the point.
TT: Get it all out, you know?
GT: Ok sound argument I guess!
GT: How do we get them to talk to each other though?
TT: Man, I dunno, magic?
GT: Better yet!
GT: Lets be immature and refuse to talk to them anymore until they talk to each other!
TT: Aw hell yeah.
TT: Ok, on the count of three.
TT: One.
TT: Two.
TT: Three.
TT: Hey, just thought I'd tell you, I'm not going to talk to you until you talk to Jane.
TG: what
TG: noo
TG: strider u cant abnandon me like this oK
-- timaeusTestified [TT] has blocked tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
TG: aw christs
GT: Jane for the love of fuck please just go talk to roxy.
GG: Are you absolutely insane or just mildly batty??
GG: Absolutely not!!!
GT: Well you should be aware that im blocking you until you two do talk.
GG: What???
GG: JAKE YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT.
-- golgothasTerror [GT] has blocked gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GT: You know old chap on second thought that was pretty stupid of us both to block them at the same time.
TT: Why do you say that?
GT: Because now we really have no way of knowing when theyre done catfighting.
TT: Nah, bro.
TT: I thought of that already.
TT: I haven't blocked Jane and you haven't blocked Roxy, it's just that in their angry and stressed haze they won't process the idea to flip their support systems.
GT: Oh!
GT: I should have known i can always count on you to be levelheaded
TT: Yup.
TT: In all situations at all times.
TT: You know me.
TT: Ha ha.
GT: Dirk you are awfully weird sometimes you know that??
TT: Yup I sure am.
TT: Wow look at the time. I think that now we have solved the ladies' problems I am going to go have something to eat.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --
GT: Strider???
GT: Isnt it four am your time???
GT: Or maybe my calculations are off again i dont know.
GT: *sighs heavily*
GT: Is there something youre not telling me strider??
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
GG: Stop it, Roxy!
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: Roxy I swear to God.
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: Roxy!
GG: I am trying to be a big girl here.
GG: Please humor me.
TG: dont wanna
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: Roxy.
GG: For goodness' sake.
GG: I will cut you.
TG: wow hold the f up
TG: we got a badsass here
GG: The title sort of fits me, doesn't it?
GG: Badsass.
GG: I kind of like it.
TG: ok wait what
TG: wat are you doing
TG: arent you supsposed to be furious w me
GG: Wherever did you get that idea?
GG: Sure I'm a little hysterical but isn't that everyone's natural reaction to this kind of thing.
TG: noope
TG: looked it up on yahoo! answeres and everyoens reaction is different
GG: And Yahoo! Answers has never done you wrong.
TG: yahoo answers is my bff
TG: why are we even talking about this arent there bigger elepants in the room
GG: Elepants.
GG: Pff.
TG: shutt upppp
TG: im kinda sloshed ok dont blame me 4 typsose
GG: You're always sloshed.
GG: Unfortunately.
TG: ye but today im totally slosehd
TG: like EBAYOND slwoshed
TG: shit be crayz sloshes
GG: Wow, you are sloshed.
GG: What's the occasion?
TG: what
TG: the hell
TG: y ru even ASSKING
TG: jessus christ
GG: Right.
GG: Well.
GG: I'm not blowing up at you!
GG: That's a good thing, right?
TG: i guess
TG: it would be bttetr if i knew your ~*~*ture intentions*~~*
GG: Um, my true intentions?
TG: yeap
GG: Um.
GG: My true intentions.
GG: True.
GG: Intentions.
GG: Okay, uh, can we discuss this a little first?
TG: there is absotleutly nothign to discus
TG: *discuss
GG: Yeah, there kind of is!
GG: Okay, what if I ask you questions, and you answer them non-objectively, as if you were answering questions on a test?
TG: ffffine
GG: All right, here we go.
GG: How long have you liked me?
TG: dunno a while
TG: three four yrs
GG: Goodness.
TG: test
TG: this is a tests that im takin in school
TG: remember that above all esle rolal
TG: that tests cannot actually resposnd to your answers
GG: Sorry sorry sorry.
GG: Okay, um.
GG: Why do you like me?
TG: chirst thats like asking someoen why thes kys is blue
TG: idk becaues youre fucking GORGOEUS and because youre smart and funny and eprfect in every single way
TG: liek i have literally not found anything to dlislke ab u
TG: *disliek
TG: *w/e
TG: i mean youre just legitmeately the best person ive ever met and ever will meet how could i not adore u
TG: *letigitmately
TG: **bluh
GG: Okay.
GG: Okay jeez.
GG: I'm sorry! Don't take this as the quiz talking back! It's just I'm having some difficulty knowing someone would say this about me!
TG: ok dont fuckin boTHER with the questions
TG: just tell me flat out lpzl
TG: plz i mean
TG: do you hate me bcuz im lesbian
TG: im not
TG: like im actually not i think imight be like pan or something
TG: i dont fuckin care if youve got boobs ur just like
TG: goddamn janey i love you vag and all ok
TG: if u were a guy i would still be all over you
TG: so maybe that makes me like janesexual
TG: can that b a thing
TG: lets make a pride flag for the small yet proflific commnutiy of janesexuals
TG: no discrimination in the workplace
TG: marriage rights for lgbtqj couples
TG: protest the whtie houses compelte ignorance of janesexuals all over the country
GG: Okay, stop!!
GG: I'm really flattered that you like me.
GG: And frankly, I'm a little bit blown away!
GG: I really never
GG: Gosh, I just
GG: I didn't think anyone would ever actually like me like that!
TG: well happy bday i guess
GG: Roxy, you're the sweetest girl I know.
TG: um thx
TG: or something im not rly sure...how to respoend to that?
GG: I mean, this is probably a really, really awful idea.
GG: But do you maybe want to try going out with me?
GG: I mean, I don't know how to date people, let alone girls, and I don't know if I'll ever like you as much as you seem to like me, but I do like you a heck of a lot and I can definitely do my best.
GG: If my best is good enough, that is.
GG: I'm sorry! I really have no idea how to make romantic proposals!
GG: I'm completely screwing this up, aren't I????
GG: Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh.
TG: no no calm ur gorgoeus tits janey
TG: jesus
TG: r u kidding
GG: Um?
GG: Not really?
GG: Oh jeez don't make me have second thoughts.
GG: About this.
GG: I'm already stressed out enough!
GG: Oh gosh oh gosh I'm sorry I really didn't mean to offend you or anything.
GG: Roxy, are you there?
GG: Oh gosh I'm a terrible person oh gosh oh gosh oh GOSH
TG: stop saying gosh its starting to look like the word ear
TG: have you ever done that janeay
TG: just said ear over and over and ovee again
TG: its starts lookin p dumb
TG: see lets try it
TG: ear
TG: era
TG: ear
TG: ear
TG: fuck wait how did i mess that up
TG: how hard is ear to type rolal
TG: apparenantly very hard
GG: Roxy!
GG: Please don't leave me hanging!
GG: This is hard enough as is.
TG: ok im sorry
TG: i just am really scared
TG: thats all
TG: what if ur just being
TG: ok yeah thats a dumb thought
TG: lets do this
GG: Really?
TG: really
TG: and lets hope to god we dont fuck oursevles up
GG: Yeah, that sounds like a good plan...
GG: Um, do you know how to date someone?
GG: Just...by the by.
TG: lmfao no fuckin clue babe
TG: were throwin caution to the wind here
TG: lets hope the wind doesnt blow it in like a pile of dog shit or somethin
GG: I'll cross my fingers.
TG: me 2
TG: hey jane
GG: Yeah?
TG: you didnt freak when i called you babe
GG: Um, yeah.
GG: I think it's kind of...cute?
TG: holy fuckin shitbags
TG: 4 realz
GG: You are cute!
GG: There, I said it.
GG: You're cute.
GG: I'm just really nervous.
GG: And don't want to mess this up.
GG: That's my only concern.
GG: Please don't think I'm being silly!
TG: dont worry i dont
TG: im freaking out just as much as u
GG: I don't know, I'm freaking out a lot! :B
TG: no me
GG: I don't think you could possibly be panicking more than I am!
TG: idk im panicking a whole fuckin lot over here actualss
GG: No, I really think I'm more worried about this than you!
TG: jane
TG: i am drinnking wawter
TG: in an effort to sober up and see if that calms me down
TG: do u see my sacrifice
GG: Oh jeez.
GG: You are worried, aren't you?
TG: ridicuclsouyl so
TG: *ridicusloulsy
TG: *ridicuclsouyl
TG: why is htis word so hard to type
GG: *Ridiculously.
TG: thanks babe
GG: Anytime, love.
TG: awwwwww cripses
TG: xcuse me im just metling into a little puddle over here
GG: Maybe we should go talk to the boys?
TG: how they bocked us
GG: They may have *blocked us, but Dirk didn't block me.
GG: Did Jake block you?
TG: oh
TG: no he didnt
TG: i can always count on you 2 b levelheanded cant i
GG: Always, my dear!
GG: Should we tell them that we're on decent terms now?
TG: well
TG: maybe we could just
TG: tell them were dating
GG: Are you sure???
TG: well its not like we can just causaulyly say yeah were ok nothing happened
GG: We actually could...
TG: ok so i kind of want to rub this in striders face
TG: like lol i got my girl u gonna go for ur boy now?
TG: maybe hell actually make a fuckin move
TG: i mean if thats ok w u
TG: i dont mean to rush you
TG: sozzsosoz????
GG: No, no, it's okay.
GG: Actually, I'd rather like to see the boys happy, too.
GG: But maybe we could focus on ourselves first?
TG: yeah i think i could
TG: deal w that
TG: wonkos
TG: *winks
TG: hahAHA score ONE for rolala
GG: Congratulations! You got it on the first try.
GG: Shall we?
TG: we SHALL
TG: *links her arm in janeys*
GG: *Accepts arm linkage with a smile!*
GG: You know, I don't think this is going to be quite so panic-attack-inducing as I was thinking when I first panicked.
TG: no
TG: it wont