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delirium

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cold

intellectual cold felt tight and pinched on skin but no discomfort what is cold what does it mean frozen trapped in ice numbness in flesh and prickling in lungs like breathing needles

where is the blood there should be blood

blood on lips taste of rust and raw meat

blinding multicolored radiance too bright too bright run

"I hate you I hate you I hate you I want you to die"

mine but not from my throat from behind full of knifeblades screaming bone shards howling glass-splinter blizzard run run keep running

"give up you disgust me I hate you I hate you give up and die sink to Niflheim's depths then you will know what cold means"

too bright too dark too bright lightning flash

"come back come back to me let me keep you"

too dark too bright let go let go lightning flash searing starblue stop staring at me 

"I hate you die fall back to the void and die be torn apart by the stars I hate you you disgust me spawn of lies worthless filth  monster changeling falseson neverbrother  I hate you I hate you"

let go let me go run run run

"let me keep you"

no let me go let go let me run let me fall so afraid

make me stop screaming sew my lips shut so I will stop screaming let go let go make it stop let go let me fall

brother please

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He awakes to the sound of his own ragged voice, pitched up in a shriek of terror like icy wind through broken shingles.  Chest heaving, heart pounding, limbs shivering.

Sits up and flicks the light on, trying to catch his breath.  The shadows are dark and sharp-edged on the walls.  If he touched one it might cut him open.  An odd idea, one he can't seem to shake.

The floor is cold (what is cold what does it mean) beneath his feet--he cannot sit, cannot remain where he is, restlessness claims him, he must (run) move.  Sheets flung carelessly aside, standing and staggering forward as though jerked by some unseen force.

Bathroom.  Water.  Yes.

The splash against his face seems to pull his mind closer to where it should be.  But the fear is still there, still clawing and tearing and he hates it, freezing-searing, hates it more than any other thing in all the Realms—

He sees it snarling behind his eyes, flashing venomous teeth, wants it dead—

With a scream of rage, he drives his fist into the mirror, shattering himself to pieces.