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Out Of The Handbook: The Unofficial Official Rules and Regulations Of SHIELD HQ

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To say that Captain America looked angry was an understatement—he was positively livid

Everyone made sure to give him a wide berth as he marched up to the bulletin board and tacked a new rule on, muttering under his breath, before heading off to the showers to clean himself off.

  • Just because you wear an armored suit that can withstand big explosions better than everyone else does not mean you’re invulnerable to injury and possible death.

The eccentric billionaire had suffered several broken bones, cracked ribs, a concussion, incredible bruising and second-degree burns for throwing himself on a bomb during the Avengers’ last battle. The whole team had given a lot of grief for almost dying, but Tony knew that he had worried them sick, and made up for it by upgrading all their gear and equipment the moment he was released.

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SHIELD HQ Betting Pool: Ongoing Bets

*The relationship between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers.

*Next pattern of Thor’s boxers.

*How long Tony Stark can last without coffee.

*Which office supplies Agent Romanov can turn into weapons.

Please approach either Dr. Banner or Darcy Lewis in their respective labs to place your bets.

Keep them coming!

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  • If you are to be found hanging from the ceiling one more time, any and/or all SHIELD staff are authorized to taser and forcibly remove you from the premises.

Agent Barton had apparently scared Director Fury one time too many.

  • ‘Just because.’ Is not a legitimate reason as to why you would bring all a SHIELD agent’s gadgets to life and program them to attack him.

“If you heard what he called Pepper, I doubt you would have written that.” Tony had said with a smirk.

  • Unless you are a fan of incredibly angry gods of Thunder, you are highly discouraged from flirting with Dr. Jane Foster.

(No. Really.)

Phil Coulson had decided that many of the new recruits were worth keeping, and made sure to help them from meeting their untimely demise by posting the rule.

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Beer Pong contest against Clint Barton being held in the break room at 1300 hours TODAY.  

Terms and Conditions:

~If you lose, payment is due.

~If you win, payment is guaranteed.

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Tony gave the note an incredulous stare. “Beer pong? With you? Who’s stupid enough to play against you of all people??"  

Clint only smiled smugly, glancing at the group of fresh, new agents standing beside them.

“Oh, you’d be surprised.”

  • There is no such thing as ‘Ass-slapping week’.

After witnessing one whole day of every SHIELD agent and staff going about their regular duties with hands over their behinds, Fury decided that, as entertaining as it was to watch, they had a reputation to maintain, and proceeded to ban the event.

  • If strawberry flavored poptarts just so happen to make their way on the list of snacks to buy for the break room, don’t question it.

The same way it was found that too much poptarts made a hyper god of Thunder, too little made an equally grouchy one.

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OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

To: All SHIELD agents and staff

An HQ-wide game of Tag will be held at 1900 hours tomorrow. Please come in the appropriate attire (training outfit highly suggested) and be prepared. There will be absolutely no exceptions.

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It had taken a lot of convincing until Fury finally agreed to allow base-wide games to be held every now and then to help decrease tension and stress-levels, and build up on teamwork.

(The straw that had apparently broken the camel’s back was his surprise at finding out that Agent Coulson had come up with the idea in the first place.)

  • If you’re going to make inappropriate comments about someone, at least make sure that said person is not within hearing range. (Ladies, I’m disappointed.)

After accidentally overhearing the female analysts’ comments about him, Steve couldn’t remove the blush from his face for the next three days. When he was distracted enough to start spacing out during mission briefings and run into doors, Natasha decided to take action.