Movie nights always start the same. Roque has to complain about the movie, (even when it's his pick, Roque's just complicated like that). Pooch and Jolene end up cuddled up so cutely that it feels like they're all trapped in a rom com. Clay fusses with the TVs settings until red is blue and blue is green before admitting defeat and letting Jensen take over. And Cougar, well, Cougar waits. He waits because Jensen has yet to find a seat, and Cougar has some demented need to perch on the arm of whatever sofa or chair Jensen claims. Balancing there like some demented popcorn stealing vulture, always darting out with unerring aim to steal whatever piece of popcorn Jensen was foolish enough to think he'd get to eat that night.
But this night, Jensen forgoes the bowl of popcorn Jolene offers.
Because this is stage one, and popcorn isn't a part of Jensen's plan. Besides, Roque got his way and put the creepy orange cheese powder all over it. So Jensen pretends nothing is different and hands the remote to Pooch for safe keeping before sitting down empty handed on the recliner. Cougar frowns at Jensen, probably at the lack of food to steal, but takes up his perch regardless. He folds himself up impossibly, knees bent against his chest and arms wrapped loosely around them; balancing effortlessly on in a position that would make Jensen crash to the floor.
Stage one, complete.
Stage two is a go, and, while not vital to the mission it is easily the hardest.
It requires patience.
So Jensen waits. Quietly. Earning more than his fair share of confused and concerned looks from the others in the room.
Clay wanders over to loom, arms crossed. "Should I be concerned?"
"Yes. That orange cheese powder is some fucking dubious shit, sir."
"Jensen, it's the weekend. We actually get to be home to have a weekend. I'd like to know if there's any chance of-"
"Have you done anything stupid?" Roque interrupts, appearing next to Clay with a large bowl and orange fingers.
Jensen glares, crossing his arms. He's not a child, and he refuses to be treated like one by someone licking orange cheese dust off their fingers.
"Will the cops, military, or angry armed men going to be showing up at any point tonight because of you?" Roque amends.
"You know, it's 2012. Women can be armed too. Angry armed women could totally show up. And that thing last year really wasn't-"
"He's harmless. Stupid, but harmless," Roque decides. Clay's lets himself be dragged away without protest until he takes notices the orange hand prints on his shirt.
"One of these days Roque will realize words can hurt," Jensen tells Cougar. "And when he comes to me with tearful apologies I will send him away."
Eventually Jolene turns off the lights and the previews start. Jensen waits until the opening scene has captured Cougar's attention. Poor guy can't resist a resist a helicopter scene anymore than Jensen can resist Jolene's baking. Excited eyes track the movements on screen, and Jensen knows his presence is as forgotten as much as is possible for someone like Cougar.
Ready or not, stage three is on.
With Cougar's eyes firmly glued to the screen, Jensen makes his move. Well, he tries and chickens out twice before his hand manages to creep up, moving to slowly drape behind Cougar on the armrest. Cougar glances back at Jensen but says nothing. Jensen shrugs and nods towards the movie. Cougar's eyebrow goes up, clearly curious, but Jensen pretends to focus on the movie. Eventually the rat-tat-tat-tat of the mounted M60 draws Cougars attention back.
Thank god for big guns and flying hunks of metal.
Stage three is over, leaving the last and easily the most dangerous phase. The one that decides if Jensen will need dental reconstruction surgery. Or. You know, regular surgery.
Jensen carefully slides his hand to Cougar’s hip, one finger blindly threading into Cougar’s far belt loop while the others skirt cautiously over denim. Jensen's pulse jumps, but by sheer force of will he remains in his seat with his eyes pointed to towards the screen. Next to him, Cougar goes still. It's not a good still, it's a still that says Cougar is doing that badass thing where he sudos his body and starts controlling everything from his heart beat to his breathing. It's something that only happens just before a kill or when Cougar has playing cards in his hands.
Jensen takes a moment to regret not updating his will before hand.
His eyes flick over, and yeah, Cougar's eyes are still glued on the screen, but Jensen's willing to bet Cougar knows as much about what's happening in the movie as he does. Just as Jensen is about to abort in the fuck the women and children, get me on the goddamn raft or you'll be pissing blood way, Cougar's back relaxes and the corner of his lips quirks up.
"This is why you're wearing your vest?" Cougar asks quietly.
Jensen flushes, tugging at the collar of Roque's stolen sweater, which apparently wasn't worth the hassle and subsequent three hours spent hiding out and using puppy dog eyes on Jolene until she scared Roque off. For that kind of trouble, Jensen expected the sweater to at least hidden his tac vest.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Jensen whispers back.
Cougar hums thoughtfully. "Which panels?"
"I'm not stupid enough to answer that."
"I'm not stupid enough to go center mass." Cougar says with a smirk.
"Level two-a." Jensen mutters, feeling his ears burn.
Cougar laughs, goddamn laughs, effectively ruining everything by drawing everyone's attention away from the movie and to them. Red-faced, Jensen untangles his finger from Cougar's side, pulling his arm back scooting to the other side of the chair. It's not easy, but Jensen reminds himself that laughter is a better rejection that a piece of lead or a broken nose.
Hurts about as much, though.
Instead of continuing his laughter Cougar stops, frowning down at Jensen and nudging at his side. Jensen ignores him, because fuck that noise. When Cougar pokes him in the arm, Jensen continuities to ignores him. He's allowed to sulk if he wants too.
Only, apparently he's not. Apparently, ignoring Cougar earns him a lap full of Cougar. Jensen blinks. Okay, this is ... odd.
Jensen stares up in confusion and easily drowns out the murmurs from the other side of the room as Cougar gives him an exasperated look.
"Um. Yeah. So. What the fuck?"
Cougar rolls his eyes like Jensen is the unbalanced person here, reaching down to grab Jensen's arms and tugging them around his waist. Which. Okay. Let's not dwell on how his hands take on a mind of their own and settle in easily.
"There's a movie on the TV," Jensen tells Cougar in a strained voice, because he's an idiot.
Cougar ignores him, shifting around in Jensen's lap until he's sitting sideways, shoulder leaning against the back of the chair and one arm draped behind Jensen's neck so Jensen's view is clear and his lap is still full.
Jensen's spends a quiet moment staring at the TV, unseeing, because his hands are on Cougar, who is in his lap. Well, not on Cougar Cougar, but over Cougar clothes. That Cougar is wearing. While on his lap.
Oh. So this is what cascading failure feels like.
On the other side of the room, the murmurs are still going. Jensen slowly turns his head to find Jolene is grinning at him, flashing him two thumbs up and a wink. Next to her Pooch looks smug as he accepts a folded bill from a cranky-looking Roque. Clay looks constipated and confused, but that's pretty normal.
"They don't care," Cougar says quietly.
"Right." Jensen nods, pretending his brain isn't fried and that he has the capability to think.
"Watch the movie," Cougar advises.
"My brain hurts."
Cougar nods with faked sympathy and a smothered smirk, moving to press a kiss against Jensen's temple.
"Dude. Not helping."