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The Avengers' Do Not List or Never Do Again List

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There Is No Refuge in Audacity

Iron Man


From the Desk of V. Pepper Potts, E.A.

I forwarded the first draft Code of Conduct to Mr. Stark. I will say that I will put forth my best efforts to keep him in line, but I really cannot make any promises.

Attached are his comments on the code. I warned you.


CODE OF CONDUCT: WILL NEVER DO AGAIN

1. There will no more events in which Anthony Stark acts as instigator and bookmaker of gambling.

While impressive, Thor and Steve out-drinking Agents Wheeler and Mason, is hardly an event. And I haven't profited from this or any other betting pools.


2. In connection to the former, Anthony Stark will not organize any more public events concerning the Avengers.

Me, organize? Ha! That's Pepper. And why not? The kids love them.


3. Goats are no longer allowed in the Avenger Mansion. Or on the grounds of the Avenger Mansion. Or even 50 feet from the Avenger Mansion.

Okay. How about donkeys? Monkeys? No, no good, too bad.


4. There will be no more unnecessary upgrades to the belongings of fellow Avengers.

Well, the Avenger Mansion is still legally mine, so its getting laser guns, a force-field perimeter and a skating rink.


5. The production of the Destroyer prototype will cease.

Don't worry. I stopped, I finished it.


6. There will no more hacking into government databases and unlawful seizures.

Yeah, well, they started it. All I wanted to do was get my property back.


7. There will be no more interfering in Captain Rogers and Thor's Earth cultural education.

Okay, I will admit that was mistake with the Rodgers and Hammerstein and the Power Rangers marathons, but I have an idea- I'm weaning Thor with Repo! The Genetic Opera and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. With Steve, its a bit more tricky, but Ms. Lewis says she has a few recommendations.


8. Janet van Dyne-Pym aka The Wasp is not to be referred to as "Tinker Bell."

What? She liked it. She told me so. Even her avatar is Tinker Bell.


9. Do not annoy Dr. Banner. In fact, unless absolutely necessary, do not talk to Dr. Banner.

That's cold and mean. I'm telling.


10. There will be no "Genius Team-Up" with Dr. Pym, Dr. Foster, Dr. Banner and Mr. Parker to make an alcoholic drink than would affect Captain Rogers.

Sorry, but the lab and brewery is all set-up, the equipment is ready and everyone is on board. Including Steve.


11. Dismiss the S-Expo dancers.

What? They've been paid in full, so why not use them? Everyone seems to love them.


12. The video of Agent Barton and Mr. Parker "quip-off" will not be posted as you advertised.

Already happened, and it got 20,000 hits the first hour. And before you throw me in prison, I took all necessary precautions, had Barton's and Peter's permission, they are MASKED, as in they are in full uniform, so their identities are protected and all proceeds went to charity.


13. The plan to adopt Mr. Parker will cease.

I wasn't serious. That was just to scare Peter and I had full permission from Mrs. Parker to do so. By the way, the Parkers are moving in :D

 

14. Stop referring to Miss Lewis as "Poli-Sci Co-ed with Awesome Rack," "Ms. Bespectacled and Hot," and "Short, Dark and Buxom." We are absolutely serious this time.

And I am absolutely not in the wrong. Miss Lewis is not offended, in fact she encourages this! She came up with Short, Dark and Buxom. And we're working on a new one- something to go with snarky. Plus, she calls me "The Dude with the Fermilab," "Glow-heart" and "Most Awesome Mecha EVER."


15. You are not to teach anyone how to drive.

Oh please. I'm the only one who is crazy enough to let Thor behind the wheel, but Peter is now getting lessons from Steve and Natasha.

 

Note: The second draft could not be forwarded, its size almost shut down SHIELD databases due to the additions.