Each year, on a cold winter day, all the cats gather on the Rainbow Bridge. This year was no different: it was not a sad day, but a special one that brought all cats great and small together for a celebration. After a while, there was a shimmering light along the bridge, and those that had gathered could see the outline of a gliding Monorail Cat coming closer and closer to the crowd. Monorail Cat pulled to a soft stop, and as he did, the light around him gathered together, and out of it appeared Ceiling Cat.
The cat masses that had gathered gasped, and waited eagerly to find out what their watchful guardian could have to say to them on such a special day.
Seeing all the cats gathered together to celebrate this special day Ceiling Cat purred and said to his congregation, "You can has wonderful day!"
And the cat masses looked up at him, "We can has day? What makes day wonderful?"
Before Ceiling Cat could answer the crowd, there was the screeching of another Monorail Cat from the back of the crowd. This time, the Monorail Cat was hidden in shadows, and it wasn't until the Monorail Cat came to a stop that everyone could make out who had arrived. From the back of the shadowed Monorail Cat, Basement Cat appeared. "What for you do this?" He pointed a dark paw into the crowd at a cat who was not celebrating with the rest, "You have made Emo Cat sad, and you bring bad day upon us! This is not good. Not wonderful."
From his Monorail perch Ceiling Cat looked across the crowd at Basement Cat and slowly nodded his head. "I see what you did there. But, Emo Cat is always Emo." Looking away from Basement Cat and back to the crowd, Ceiling Cat decreed, "I will perform miracle! I will make Emo Cat, emo no more!"
Ceiling Cat hopped down from the his great, shining Monorail perch, and turned away from the cat crowd, his tail proudly in the air. After a moment he turned back to the crowd, and waved his paws, and with the motion, conjured a Cheezburger in the middle of the Rainbow Bridge, large enough for all the cats to share.
And lo, all the kitty masses gathered there looked between Basement Cat and Ceiling Cat and asked, "We can has cheezburger?"
Before letting all the cats converge on the gigantic cheezburger, Ceiling Cat put up a paw to signal a pause, and looked down at Emo Cat in the crowd. "Emo Cat, want?"
Emo Cat laid there silently for several long moments and then rolled slowly from one side to his other to get a better look at Ceiling Cat. "Do want."
Ceiling Cat nodded, and lowers his paw so that all the cats may come and indulge themselves in the tasty cheezburger he has provided.
But before all the cats could close in on the warm tasty burger, Basement Cat screeched, "You may have fed Emo Cat, but your burger cannot feed...LONG CAT!"
At that moment, a rumbled sounded from somewhere in the shadows behind Basement Cat. After several minutes, Long Cat emerged (or at least the front of him did). He continued his trek towards the cheezburger, while Basement Cat purred with pride in his victory. Long Cat was as tall as the sky, and the cheezburger Ceiling Cat provided was tiny in comparison.
Ceiling Cat glared at Basement Cat and said, "I see what you did there". But after a moment, waves his paws again, and another cheezburger is conjured on top of the first one. And then, another. And another. Eventually, the pile of cheezburgers was stacked high enough to reach even to the top of Long Cat.
Basement mumbled, "Drat". But all was not lost for Basement Cat, at that moment, a cat roared through the crowd, barreling toward the pile of cheezburgers. Basement Cat, reached out a back paw, and tripped the cat, and the cat's invisible bike was lost to the wind. The cat however, couldn't stop his forward momentum, and screeched "HALP!" right as he collapsed into the giant pile of cheezburgers. The entire stack toppled, cheezburgers strewn far and wide, many of them falling off the Rainbow Bridge, and others gathered dirt from the ground, and rolled to a stop.
Celing Cat hissed at Basement Cat. "I see what you did there."
Basement Cat laughed in triumph, and thought that now, certainly all of the cheezburgers were ruined for good.
But Ceiling Cat ignored the laughs of his dark opposite and looked out at all the assembled kitties, and asked the crowd, "Will a little dirt stop your noms?"
The assembled mass of cats replied, "NO! We will has cheezburgers!"
And while the cat masses converged on the remaining fallen cheezburgers, Ceiling Cat waved a paw at Laser Cat. "Laser Cat, set your sights on Basement Cat. Do not stop on Stun, do not stop on Maim. Dial it all the way up to Kill."
Basement Cat, saw Laser Cat's red eyes turned to target on him, and let out a horrific yowl. He scurried off the Monorail Cat, and slid down the Rainbow Bridge, into the darkness of the basement from which he had come.
With Basement Cat gone, the kitty masses were able to nom their burgers in the light of day, under the watchful eyes of Ceiling Cat. Basement Cat grunted his dissatisfaction at the day's events from the shadows of his basement. It took a moment, but eventually he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see what it was, he found that Ceiling Cat has granted even him, a cheezburger.
For the rest of the year, Basement Cat and Ceiling Cat will only hear whispers of each other, but will not meet. Each will hope to emerge victorious the following year, but on this year, Basement Cat nommed his cheezburger in silence and shadows, and Ceiling Cat watched the cat masses nom their cheezburgers happily until the last one was finished. As the cats prepared to leave, Ceiling cat hopped back on the bright Monorail Cat which delivered him, and nodded a Happy Cheezburgermas to all the cats as they headed home.