Chapter Text
Evan liked to think he was a good sport, but losing to Radek all the time was starting to chafe. He didn't mind the chess; he was never great at chess. But having Radek slip out of every single thing Evan did to get him on a gate team was infuriating. Especially when Evan said, "No more sex if you won't join a gate team," and Radek just smiled at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Is alright, I think," Radek said. "You have many lovers. You will not miss me."
Evan didn't even know what to say to that, but Radek was gone before he could sputter out a reply.
***
The thing was, Evan did miss Radek. Even more than he expected because he saw Radek all the time and couldn't make little remarks and waggle his eyebrows at him suggestively. It was hard, being this close to Radek and no closer.
***
He turned down offers from Parrish, Henderson, and Cadman. He shouldn't have turned down Cadman. He knew she could give him a world of hurt if she was in the mood, and apparently she was, because Sheppard turned up at his door.
"Major," Sheppard drawled, and Evan winced.
"Yes, sir?"
"Lieutenant Cadman is concerned that you are not feeling well."
He wondered what she said to get Sheppard to check on him personally. Whatever it was, it was sinister, because Sheppard looked about as uncomfortable as Evan felt. "I'm fine, sir."
Sheppard sighed. "Knock it off with the sir crap. Invite me in so Cadman will believe me when I tell her I talked to you, and let's get this over with."
"Yes, sir." Evan winced again but stepped back from the door to let Sheppard into his quarters.
It was so strange, seeing Sheppard in his quarters, Evan didn't know what to do. He debated making a pass at Sheppard, since he knew Sheppard had been mopey too since Rodney had started dating Dr. Keller. It seemed a little rash, though, so he decided to talk to Sheppard about it, not that there was really anything to talk about.
"So, what's going on, Lorne?" Sheppard asked, looking around Evan's spartan quarters for somewhere to sit and not finding anywhere. "What's got Cadman so worked up that she had to threaten me to come down here?"
Evan was dying to know what Cadman had on Sheppard that she could threaten him, but he knew when to keep his mouth shut.
"Well, sir, maybe you can be of some help," Evan said, scrubbing a hand through his hair in frustration. "Were you and Dr. McKay exclusive when you were together?"
Sheppard blanched, and it was obvious Evan'd said the wrong thing, but he couldn't be sure what part of it was wrong. He'd thought they operated outside of DADT out here, but he supposed Sheppard had been around long enough to make a straightforward question awkward. "I'm sorry, sir, just forget I asked."
Sheppard recovered, mostly because he was laughing, his color returning in pink spots on his cheeks and ears. "Lorne," he started, but a laugh kept him from saying more than that. "Lorne, Rodney and I were never together. What gave you that idea?"
Evan frowned. Radek had told him they weren't together, but he hadn't believed him. "But you were – I mean…" He didn't even know what to say. "I saw you on the balcony, about three months after I got here, you were whispering…"
"Oh," Sheppard said, cracking a grin. "That was before we started going out on the piers to drink. We used to drink on the balconies. You have to sit close together or you freeze to death."
What? He had to be joking. "It's okay, sir, I'm bi too –"
"Major," Sheppard interrupted, his face neutral but his eyes blazing. "There's this particular rule in the uniform code, you might have heard of it."
Evan gulped. He hadn't expected to get reprimanded quite so harshly for supporting his CO. "Then we don't have anything more to discuss," Evan said, stepping toward the door so it would open.
"Lorne," Sheppard said, sighing. "Wait, I think I need beer for this. Meet me on pier four in fifteen minutes."
"Sir, that's not –"
"Fifteen minutes, Lorne." Sheppard gave him a narrow-eyed stare as he left that made Evan swallow convulsively and say, "Yes, sir."
Sheppard rolled his eyes and the door slid shut behind him.
Shit.
***
Just being on the pier helped, Evan found. Sheppard looked much more relaxed, and unless he'd brought a half-full six pack to the pier, he'd already drunk two beers himself. He handed Evan one as he approached and sat back, resting his weight on straight arms.
"So, what's the trouble, Lorne," Sheppard asked, looking up at the twin moons. The big one was just a sliver but the small one was full.
Evan took several quick swallows of beer, cringing at the taste. Budweiser, ugh. "I've been trying to get Radek on my team," Evan said. "Since the crash."
"You got Kiidra," Sheppard said. "One out of two isn't bad."
"Sir, I don't think you understand how much more nerve-wracking it is out there without someone like McKay. Between not having scientific expertise in a crisis and technical roadblocks we can't get around, we don't get to do much of anything except diplomatic missions, and you know how awful those are."
Sheppard nodded. "It's because of McKay that we don't have to do many of those any more. Actually, adding McKay to the team may have been a stroke of genius on my part."
"Now you're starting to sound like him," Evan said, and Sheppard laughed.
"Why don't you ask Simpson? I swear she's been trying to get off-world since she got here, and no one will take her up on it."
"I've seen her on the shooting range," Evan said, and Sheppard nodded.
"Understood." Sheppard finished his beer and took another off the ring. "Still, I can't believe not getting Zelenka on your team would make Cadman tattle on you. Is there something else?"
Evan sighed. "I've been trying to convince him."
"And it backfired?" Sheppard shook his head like he knew exactly how Evan was feeling.
Evan nodded. "I told him I was going to withhold sex," he said, and Sheppard choked on his beer.
"You –" Sheppard stopped. "I guess you just told me, didn't you." He coughed again. "And what, this didn't work?"
"He just said he thought it'd be fine, and left."
Sheppard whistled. "Ouch."
"You're telling me." Evan ran his hand down his face. "Now no Radek on my team, and no Radek in my bed."
Sheppard coughed again. "You suck at this Don't Ask, Don't Tell thing, Major."
"Cat's already out of the bag," Evan said. "Might as well get some advice."
Sheppard sighed. "Well, you asked about being exclusive. Were you two exclusive?"
"No," Evan admitted. "We spent a lot of time together at first because I really owed him for –" He glanced over at Sheppard, and his eyes were closed and he was frowning, like he was expecting a blow. "For taking care of me after the crash. I would have gone crazy without him."
Sheppard took a deep breath and sighed again. "So you're with a lot of different people," he said. "And Zelenka is too?"
Evan shrugged. "I never asked. I told him straight out that I don't do monogamous relationships, but that I was careful and had a small list of regulars and we all got tested regularly."
Sheppard set his beer down so he could put both hands over his face. "You're fucking Lieutenant Cadman."
"She fucks me, more often than not," Evan said, and Sheppard lowered his hands to stare at Evan.
"I think I need more beer for this conversation," he said, slamming the remainder of his beer and cracking another. "Okay. So you don't know if Radek was sleeping with anyone other than you."
Evan had to admit, for all the surprises he was laying on Sheppard – and he was doing it just to screw with him now, there was no other reason – he had a mean ability to keep the important things in mind. He shrugged. "I don't know." He thought about it a little more. He'd never seen Radek with anyone, and Radek spent almost all of his time in the lab, on the clock or off. He even ate most of his meals down there, hating the cafeteria atmosphere of the mess. "Maybe not."
"Well, Lorne," Sheppard said. "I think you just fucked yourself over. But if you're not monogamous, it's not that big a loss, right? You can still work together?"
"Of course," Evan said. "But I wouldn't say it's not a big loss. He's amazing at –"
"Lorne," Sheppard warned.
"Just messing with you," Evan said, laughing. "You really were never with McKay?"
Sheppard put his head in his hands.
***
Evan eventually stopped asking Radek to join his team, but he couldn't get up the courage to ask him to come back. He hadn't seemed fazed by the loss of companionship; either he had other partners too or it just didn't really matter to him. Either way, it grated. Evan knew he should swallow his pride and ask, but he didn't want Radek to think he was any more special than any of his other partners.
The thing was, Evan wasn't really having that much sex anymore. It was a pretty regular occurrence when he got here, but the adrenaline wore off as you got used to Atlantis and the Pegasus galaxy, and it just wasn't as much fun as it used to be. Parrish got a boyfriend, some guy in linguistics that brought him flowers every time he went off-world with his team. Henderson seemed to sense he wasn't interested anymore and she stopped asking, though Evan saw her around the mess with a couple different guys. Cadman didn't let up, but Cadman was the only other person in this place who seemed to be able to completely separate sex from all the emotional complications. He knew she was fooling around with a whole lot of people, more than he ever did. He was never that ambitious.
"What's the matter?" she asked one night after fucking him stupid. She was amazing with a strap-on.
"Nothing," Evan lied. "Why do you ask?"
Cadman shrugged, flopping onto her back and stroking herself. Evan was going to help her with that, as soon as his muscles stopped quivering like jello. "You've been different since Radek broke it off with you." She broke off, moaning, and twisted her nipple. "Fuck."
"Here, let me help with that," Evan said, gathering enough strength to pull himself up the bed and get his mouth on her breast. He cupped a hand around the one she had in her pussy, dipping two fingers into her and bearing down. Cadman had a sensitive spot, if he could hit it just right –
She gasped, and he felt her clench around him, shaking her way through an orgasm.
"I needed that," she said, brushing a hand through his hair. "It's been ages since you fucked me."
Evan raised his eyebrows. It had been ages. Six months, at least. Since the jumper crash. "Sorry," he said. "I..."
Cadman laughed, an uncomplicated, happy sound. "It's okay, I can manage without your dick. I was just mentioning it."
"Thanks," Evan said dryly.
"I'm just saying, Lorne, if you want to change the deal, you can always just tell me. I know you don't see Parrish and Henderson anymore."
Evan nodded. "Parrish got a boyfriend and Henderson..."
"Henderson's got her own thing going on," Cadman said, rolling them over and leaning on Evan's chest. "I've seen her, too. What happened with Zelenka?"
"I withheld sex to get him on my gate team," Evan said. Saying it out loud made it sound stupid.
"That was stupid," Cadman said.
"I know," Evan said miserably.
"Well," Cadman said, "I think you should give up on the team thing and tell him you're in love with him."
Evan frowned down at her. "I'm not in love with him."
She smiled and patted him on the hip. "That's nice, dear."
***
"This is going too far," Radek said, barreling into Evan's room, standing in front of the door with his arms crossed.
"Hello to you too," Evan answered, glancing up from his laundry folding. "What's up, Radek?"
"You know exactly what is up," Radek said, "and it is underhanded and not worthy of you."
"Whoa, doc," Evan said, straightening up. "I appreciate your feelings about my character, but I don't think I've done anything underhanded lately."
"No?" Radek asked, nearly a screech. "You did not ask Colonel Sheppard to require all scientists rotate with gate teams?"
"No," Evan said. His heart dropped. He sincerely hoped Sheppard hadn't tried to help him out. "I haven't heard anything about that."
"Rodney sent an email yesterday," Radek said, still looking pissed, "requiring me to accompany your team any time there might be technical expertise required. When I asked him how often that was, he said there was always technical expertise required."
Evan put his hands up. "I didn't ask him to – or Sheppard. I don't want you to be forced into being with me." Evan coughed. "Being on my team, I mean."
Radek stared at him, his eyes wide behind his little glasses. "You did not ask Colonel Sheppard to put me on your team?"
"Nope," Evan said. "And I was working up the courage to see if maybe we could get together again. No off-world requirements necessary."
"Oh," Radek said. "I…" He looked at Evan sadly. "I don't think I can do that anymore."
"Oh," Evan said, turning back to his laundry. "Okay." He picked up a shirt and spread it out on the desk, smoothing over the creases with hands that were only trembling a little. "Just thought I'd ask. I'll talk to Sheppard, get you a pass on going off-world."
"Thank you," Radek said, sounding uncertain. "That's… yes. Thank you."
"Any time," Evan said, smiling over his shoulder at Radek. "It's the least I can do."
***
The next time Cadman approached him, Evan said no. She nodded grimly and gave him a bone-crushing hug.
***
Sheppard didn't admit to forcing Radek to go off-world, and McKay loosened up the requirement so they didn't have to go with a gate team, and Evan got stuck with Simpson. She didn't have her gun certification, so she also didn't have a firearm, and he felt marginally safer.
She saved their asses on M33-X67, though, and he offered to teach her to shoot as a peace offering. They went down to the range three times a week, and while she got better, she was nowhere near certifying. He kept taking her to the gun range, hoping it would eventually do some good. After all, even McKay learned to shoot after two or three years.
He was waiting for her to join him when the door opened and Radek came in. Evan stood up a little straighter. "Doc," he said.
Radek raised an eyebrow at him. "Evan," he answered. He stood just inside the door, shifting from foot to foot and jumping every time someone took a shot.
"Can I help you with something?" Evan asked, just as Simpson came in the door.
"Oh, Radek," Simpson said. "Glad you could join us. I told him you were a great tutor," Simpson said, turning to Evan. "I hope you don't mind I invited him along."
Evan tried to keep the hammering of his heart under control. "Not at all. Have you ever shot a gun?" he asked Radek.
Radek frowned at him. "Yes."
"Oh," Evan said, surprised. "Well, good. Let's start you with the M9, then."
He got mufflers and safety glasses for all of them and loaded a clip into an M9 for Simpson. They always took the lane furthest from the door; she hadn't a shot go wildly off yet, but better safe than sorry. He corrected her stance, and she shifted before taking her first shots. Only half of them hit the target. She put her gun down and turned to Evan in dismay. "They never go where I'm aiming. I can't figure out the trajectory based on anything I'm doing."
Evan sighed. He knew. She was shooting with her head, not her body, and he didn't know how to get her not to think about it so much. "Try to keep your head level," Evan said. "You're tilting it to the side."
She took several more shots and at least managed to hit the target with most of them. She still didn't get anywhere near center mass. He sighed. "Let's give Radek a turn," he said, watching her remove the clip and set the gun and clip on the table behind them.
He loaded an M9 for Radek, gave him the basic stance and sighting rigmarole, and backed up to give him some room. Radek took six shots and landed them all solidly on the target, if a little low. "Here," Evan said, coming up behind him and taking Radek's biceps into his hands. "You're dropping your hand just before you pull the trigger."
Radek raised his gun and Evan squeezed his biceps just as he was about to shoot. The first shot went wild, but Radek got the idea and the next four were all in the chest of the paper target. Radek turned around and grinned at Evan, standing a little too close for comfort. "Great job," Evan said, backing up awkwardly. "You'll be ready to certify in a couple of weeks, easy."
Radek's grin faded and his mouth twisted unhappily. "Wonderful."
"You don't have to certify," Evan said. "I just meant –"
"Thank you for the lesson," Radek said, popping the clip out of the gun and leaving them both on the counter, along with his headphones and glasses. He practically ran out of the room.
Simpson looked confused. "Did I miss something? Is it okay that I brought him? He'd been asking about my lessons, I thought…" She looked at Evan. "I thought he was interested in learning to shoot."
Evan smiled. "No problem. Why don't you try a few more rounds?"
***
He enjoyed having Simpson on the team, he had to admit. Someone who could jury-rig Ancient machinery when they came across it was amazingly handy. He enjoyed her company, too – and so did Kiidra. Kiidra offered to take over shooting lessons with Simpson, and Evan gladly gave up the responsibility. Whatever she did worked, as Simpson got her certification less than a month later.
***
Evan had never gone without sex for more than a couple weeks at a time, and not more than four or five days since he got to the Pegasus galaxy. Those days were gone – he hadn't had sex with anyone since his last romp with Cadman, more than two months ago.
She'd offered a couple more times, and when he turned her down the last time, she'd patted him on the arm and said, "You should just tell him."
He didn't have the heart to tell her Radek wasn't interested anymore.
***
Evan knew that just because you didn't go off-world didn't mean you were safe. They'd had more than their fair share of close calls on Atlantis, half of them from Atlantis or the Ancients themselves. Sometimes it was just bad luck, like when the equipment you were repairing decided to give up the ghost while you were repairing it.
Radek was unconscious for the first day and a half; Evan didn't leave his bedside even to eat. Sheppard brought him food eventually, and he knew it had to have been because McKay had seen Evan at Radek's bedside every time he came down to check on Radek, and Evan knew he was looking progressively more pathetic every time.
"Major," Sheppard said as he set the tray down. "You could use some sleep." He looked Evan up and down. "And a shower."
"No offense, sir," Evan answered, "but I'll do those things when Radek wakes up."
Sheppard looked at him thoughtfully. "Okay," he said. "But at least grab a cot and rest. You look like shit."
"I'll take it under advisement," Evan said. Sheppard could order him to sleep, but he wouldn't. Sheppard didn't give useless orders.
"Right," Sheppard said, turning to go. "Take this under advisement too: Ronon has a stun gun, and Rodney is getting cranky about you being ever-present at Radek's side."
Evan blinked. "Well, I hope Radek wakes up before McKay's next visit, then."
"Keep hope alive," Sheppard said, giving him a smarmy smile on the way out the door.
Radek did wake up before McKay's next visit, and he was aware enough to talk to Evan and the doctors about what happened. Evan listened with growing impatience. He just wanted them to all go away. He started to pace, and that finally made Biro take notice, so she brought the scanner over and talked while she worked. Even half-awake and probably in a lot of pain, Radek was coherent and aware of the limits of the people he was talking to. He didn’t use a lot of technical jargon and he didn’t overexplain. Biro did a test to gauge his pain and ordered some drug Evan didn’t know. It definitely wasn’t morphine.
"He'll be back asleep in ten minutes, Major," Biro said as she pushed the drugs into the port, "so you better say whatever you need to pretty quickly."
She whirled out of the room, shooing the nurses in front of her.
"Evan," Radek said, but Evan shushed him.
"I'm an idiot," Evan said, and Radek closed his eyes. Evan worried about him conking out already – he'd always reacted quickly to drugs, but he opened them again and reached for Evan's hand.
"Yes," he said. "Tell me why."
"Why what?" Evan asked.
"Why you are an idiot this time." Radek's eyes were starting to droop, and Evan was going to have to make his case or lose his chance, and he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of Ronon's stunner.
"I'm an idiot because I let you go without a fight," Evan said. "And by the time I figured things out enough to do something, you'd moved on. I wish you'd give me another chance."
Radek's eyes opened a little more and he gave Evan a soft smile. "I haven't 'moved on' as you say."
Evan went numb, his face tingling with the shock, but Radek was fading and he didn't have time to be subtle. "You said you weren't interested anymore."
"No," Radek said, running his thumb over the back of his hand. "I meant I couldn't share you anymore. I am not made for casual relationships."
Evan almost said he wasn't made for monogamous relationships, but looking at the way the rest of his casual network broke down after he lost Radek made him rethink the kneejerk answer. "I might be lousy at monogamous ones," Evan said, just to be truthful.
"I'm willing to work with you," Radek said, his eyes blinking slowly closed.
"Well, we'll have time," Evan said, "since I think I'm going to get to pay you back for all your tender care on that jumper planet."
Radek was asleep by the time Evan finished the threat. Evan would just have to remind him later that payback's a bitch.