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The Pup Grows Up

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Preface:

Dan Brown might be annoying, but it’s admirable the way he starts off all his novels with a list of statements which are technically truthful, but are also presented in such a way that you have to at least be sympathetic to whatever agenda it turns out he’s pushing.

With that in mind, the facts are these:

1)      Jason Segel has a habit of singing selected portions of Les Miserables with his various co-stars.


     

    2)      John Francis Daley auditioned for the role of Gavroche in Les Miserables several times as a child but was always told he wasn’t tall enough.



         

        3)      At the age of 11, Nicholas Jonas played Gavroche.



             

             

            Um, also:

            4)      Taylor Kitsch has a permaboner for Sean Penn.



                 

                ***

                 

                “What is a Twitpic?” The small voice at Jason’s shoulder startled him, pulling him out of his reverie. Jason looked around to find John Francis Daley standing beside him, watching the same scene he himself had just been entranced by.

                 

                “John! How’s it going? Here for Bones? Are you nominated?” Jason was trying his hardest to start the conversation on an upbeat note, hoping it could stay afloat for a little while, but doubting that it would.

                 

                John ignored the questions, but flushed a little and repeated himself.

                 

                “What’s a Twitpic?”

                 

                “Sorry, what?” Jason asked.

                 

                “David said he couldn’t walk the carpet with me anymore because he had to go take a Twitpic. I guess…that’s a Twitpic,” he sighed and looked wistfully at his cast-mate, who, along with Alyson Hannigan and her husband, was mugging for an iPhone held by Alyson. “It’s too bad Seth and Samm aren’t here, or we could do the same thing. Although, I guess just the two of us could take one anyway…” He pulled an early-model Nokia out of his pocket and frowned at it.

                “Does your phone have a camera on it?”

                 

                Jason sighed weightily.  The poor kid had showed so much potential when they had worked together, but he’d seemingly never recovered from the show’s cancellation and his inability to find steady, fulfilling work ever since. Jason had even watched Kitchen Confidential, hoping it would succeed. At least things were starting to look good for Bradley Cooper, Jason thought.

                 

                 “Yeah, man. I do have a camera, but I don’t – we can’t take a Twitpic with it... sorry.” Jason opted out of explaining the technical nuances of Twitter to John, for whom the disappointment would be equally destructive either way. He was trying to figure out a way to get out of the conversation when the worst possible intervener showed up at his side, asking for an introduction.

                 

                “Oh hey, Neil. This is John,” Jason said. Then, knowing that Neil wouldn’t know, “We worked together on Freaks & Geeks.

                 

                “Oh, cool,” Neil said, sounding like it wasn’t all that cool. “Part of the Judd crowd, huh? You guys seem pretty tight knit, almost as close as the Joss crew.” He pounded fists with television’s Adam Baldwin, who was passing by, and then grinned at Jason and John, self-satisfied.

                 

                John glared, clearly un-amused, so Neil tried to do some damage control. “I mean, not that it’s a rivalry. We’re not the Sharks and the Jets or anything.”

                 

                “Oh, you like Broadway? I mean, you know something other than ‘The Confrontation’?” John was clearly t.o.’ed. He loathed the fact that Jason had stolen their tradition (originally John’s idea – he had called it ‘rehearsal’) of singing parts of Les Miserables to kill time on set. If you asked John - not that anyone ever had - it was utter betrayal. The fact that David refused to play along over on Bones was salt in the wound.

                 

                Jason would have cringed at the mention, but he was too busy being caught off guard. John’s ignorance of the situation was almost astounding, until Jason remembered that John hadn’t been able to follow the Tonys since the late 90’s when he’d suddenly suffered a panic attack while watching the show at home and had to be checked into someplace quiet to relax for few days. If the poor kid only knew, he would be in the bathroom vomiting and crying right now.

                 

                Jason didn’t want to be responsible for another relapse, so when Neil started to answer, he just opened his mouth and made a loud noise to drown him out. This was followed by the briefest of uncomfortable pauses while Neil tried to puzzle out what Jason was doing, but John was unfazed. It seemed he had something he needed to say as long as Neil was there.

                 

                You know,” he started, with the tone of someone who didn’t think you really did know, “I saw that photo shoot you guys did for Entertainment Weekly last year. Looks like you had a lot of fun, but his name is Joe.” The last bit was directed forcefully and ungraciously at Neil, who was utterly bemused. He had no idea to what the comment referred. “The straight-haired one: Joe.” John said, by way of clearing things up.

                 

                “Um, yeah, we lov-”

                 

                “The youngest one played Gavroche.” John cut Jason off; he wasn’t finished saying his piece about the picture.

                 

                “John…” Jason didn’t want to have this conversation again, particularly in light of Neil’s presence. If John’s embittered loathing of Jason’s Les Mis performances was eclipsed by anything, it was his hatred of the youngest Jonas Brother.

                 

                “I wasn’t tall enough,” he said to no one in particular. “Do you know that kid is only 5’9”? I googled it.” John sighed…weightily. Kind of like Jason had done a few minutes ago. Neil had an expression on his face that clearly conveyed the emotion ‘what the fuck?’ Jason was at a total loss for words.

                 

                Luckily at that moment, some greasy-haired kid stumbled over and slung his arm around John’s shoulder.

                 

                “It’s a shame Sean never comes, you feel me Penn?” he asked. His speech was slurred; he looked over at John and frowned. “You’re not Penn. PENN!” he shouted. “What a name! Where is he?”

                 

                One of the kids from Gossip Girl appeared and grabbed the intruder’s elbow. “Come on, Taylor. Minka’s getting you some water, let’s go inside. Uh, sorry about this.” He separated Taylor from John and gestured apologetically. “I love your show,” he directed this at all three of them, but cocked his head a little when he looked at John. “It’s real funny. Okay, gotta go, uh, bye.” The last of this was thrown over his shoulder, as he had noticed Taylor making a beeline for Elizabeth McGovern.

                 

                This interlude in the conversation had broken the tension enough to allow Neil and Jason to extricate themselves gracefully. Neil said something about getting backstage as he backed away and left. Jason clapped John on the shoulder and wished him luck, still unsure of Bones’ nominations, and hurried over to where Alyson was standing.

                 

                John continued his walk down the carpet uninterrupted. Seacrest didn’t even bother to ask who he was wearing.