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I Said Kiss Him.

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“KK!” Sollux is standing in the lobby holding a box of popcorn and a bottled water. “I bought you popcorn.”

“Does it have extra butter? It better have extra butter.” You can tell from looking at it that is has extra butter; it is shiny and yellow and delicious-looking.

“Yeth, of courthe it hath extra butter,” Sollux says, grinning, and he shoves the box at you. Is it bad that you find his lisp adorable?

You can practically hear your dad shouting at you YES YES IT IS VERY BAD YOU SOFT BOILED PRICK. You ignore your head-dad and carry on.

“Are you ready?” you ask.

“Tho ready, dude,” Sollux says with a chuckle, and as he raises his hand for a high five you can feel the threat of a smile on your mouth. No, stop that, mouth, if you smile you’ll never hear the end of it!

Luckily, you manage to clamp down on your mouth before it gets out of hand, and Sollux takes your free hand in his free hand and you don’t even separate when you hand in your tickets. It feels nice, to know that he actually doesn’t think you’re a total asshole all the time, even if you actually are.

Maybe you should kiss him, huh, kid? your head-dad drawls.

You push head-dad off of a fucking cliff.

You and Sollux are still holding hands when you get into the movie, and when you slide into the seats, and when the movie title flashes across the screen. It’s really long, and it spoils the entire movie for the people who are watching it, but at least it’s informative. You are so focused on Sollux’s hand and the movie title but mostly Sollux’s hand that you don’t notice your own fucking dad coming up the aisle next to you (he thinks he’s being so fucking sneaky dressed all in black and shit) until it’s far too late, and by that point you can’t make a scene trying to make him leave.

At a scene in the movie that seems predictable you whisper to Sollux, “I’ve got to use the load gaper” and he lets go of your hand with a look that says hurry the fuck up and you do.

He’s waiting for you there.

“Have you kissed him yet?” he asks.

“What the actual fuck, Dad, the movie is playing!”

“You should kiss him,” your dad continues. He’s not even fucking listening to you. “In fact, you will kiss that boy. You’re going to kiss the goddamn boy and there will be no arguments.”


“No,” he says, stepping forward and taking you by the shoulders. His fingers are digging into your skin and he gets up close to your face and he hisses, “You are going to fucking kiss the asshole and that is final.”

Your shoulders are fucking bleeding and you let out a little decidedly-un-hardboiled squeak. He seems to take that as an affirmative and lets go.

“You’re going to go back to that movie room place,” he says, “and kiss him, first thing.”

“Can I at least wait until the end of the movie?”

“Always whining, goddammit. Okay. You can wait until the end of the movie. But if you haven’t kissed him by the time you leave that room, I’m going to injure you.” And he has actually pulled out his fucking gun and is actually pointing it at you.

“Dad! This is a public place! Put that away or they’re going to take you to jail!”

“Really?” he says, and considers briefly. “Eh, fuck that. Look, kid, you gonna kiss him or not?”

The gun is still level with your eyes and you nod.

“Okay,” he says, and puts it away. “Now go make me proud, son.”

That’s the first time he’s ever called you son in living memory, and it scares you a little bit, but you’re not about to stand there in the bathroom. You dart out and back to the movie.

Sollux’s hand is fully prepared for your return and it closes around yours. Your dad walks up the aisle beside you and gives you a look. You wonder if Sollux can feel you shaking.

It seems like it’s come all too quickly when the main characters of the movie kiss in a delightful rated-PG consummation of their flushed feelings. It’s time.

You’re still holding Sollux’s hand when you lean over and kiss him. He seems surprised at first, and then he closes his eyes and starts kissing back. It's then that you discover that kissing is basically the best thing ever. Kissing Sollux, that is. Kissing Sollux is good. Yeah.

“Wow,” Sollux whispers at you when you pull away for a breath, and you allow yourself to crack a smile – ow fuck smiling muscles are underdeveloped shit ow – and he is never going to let that go but you don’t care.

“Watch the movie, asshole,” you whisper back. He grins at you like he has never grinned before. Okay, so maybe your dad knows how to do a few things right, besides stabbing people.

The movie ends, so you go into the bathroom and make out some more. It seems like the logical thing to do.

Both of you realise all too quickly that your parents will be waiting for you, and keeping a member of the Mafia waiting is never the best idea, so you both scramble out of the theatre. “My dad’th here,” Sollux says, catching his breath, pointing to the car where Deuce is pulling up. “I’ll thee you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” you say.

“And by the way,” he says, because he can never resist a parting shot, “I love it when you thmile.”

The way he says the word is so fucking stupid but it makes you smile again and god fucking dammit.

Sollux’s car drives away, and then your stupid dad comes up behind you and puts his hand on your shoulder (which is still sore from where he was poking you beforehand).

“I’m proud of you, son,” he says, and there that word is again, son, alien and weird.

You get in the car without saying a word.

He turns on the engine and says, “Now we’re going to get you laid.”