Adam was still reeling from the realization that he was in fact, trapped inside of a fictional universe starring himself…and lots of people on the internet, when the pixie Tommy tried to attack him with more kisses.
Adam managed to pull away this time and run back to the deeper parts of the forest. He finally stopped when he could see no trace of Tinker-Tommy’s glow. He lay himself down under a big, glittery willow tree to catch his breath, collect his thoughts and most definitely not squeak like a little girl when an owl hooted .
It occurred to him, as he gazed up at the brighter than normal stars, that it had been a while without a sudden change in scenery. Maybe it was slowing down, he hoped. These switches were worse than a bad trip for screwing with his head. However, he knew he was in for more mind-fucking when he heard the flutes and drums.
He went against his better instincts and followed the echoing music to a little clearing in the woods. He peeked around a tree to see a small group of what appeared to be…elves? Well, they were short and had pointed ears so he assumed they were elves. And elves showed up a ton in fanfiction, what with the gay Christmas elf comment and all. So yes, they were elves.
And naturally, these were not just random anonymous elves. Oh, no. Elf versions of Brad, Kris, Taylor, Terrence, Allison, and, of-fucking-course, Tommy, were skipping around a campfire and an elf Isaac was sitting off to the side, cross-legged, beating on a little drum. Of the skipping elves, Kris and Tommy were playing pan flutes. They were all barefoot and clad in brown leafy looking outfits.
Trying to ignore the sheer adorableness of the little scene proved impossible as Adam stared in rapture at the little dancing and giggling elves. Unfortunately, Adam slipped forward from the tree he was leaning on and snapped a twig with his foot. They all stopped dancing and turned to stare at the big human that had interrupted.
“Uh…” Adam found himself at a loss for words as all their big pretty eyes gazed up at him. Kris finally came forward and patted his leg, quickly followed by the others. They all began investigating Adam, including a handsy Brad who grabbed his ass and an overzealous Tommy who groped his ankle.
The added weight of an elf Tommy dragging on his foot pulled Adam forward and he fell face-first into the fire, closing his eyes in preparation for the pain.
It never came though; instead Adam opened his eyes, to see to see that he was laying on flowing dunes of sand in every direction. There was no sign of civilization. Fuck.
He pulled himself up out of the sand and dusted off his jeans as he tried to figure out what the fucking hell he was supposed to do now. He could see a teeny tiny little cloud off in the distance so he figured what the hell? Why not follow it? There was nothing else out here to guide him.
However, he discovered that his little cloud was a shitty guide. As he walked on and on into the desert, there was still no sign of anything interesting. He pulled off his boots and jacket as the ridiculous desert heat climbed and after a second look at his sweaty shirt, pulled that off too, muttering under his breath about “stupid Tommy” and “fucking sun burnt freckle skin,”
It was over an hour that he wandered, seemingly aimlessly, across the barren wasteland before he finally cracked.
“Of all, those god damn stories I read and the millions I didn’t, I am stuck the longest here!?” This was the second mindless rant he has gone on since this whole adventure started...not a good sign. Well, he was probably still sane until the rocks started ranting back at him.
“There were pretty stories where I was rich and lived in luxury with rotating closets and buckets of ice cream! But nooooo, I end up trapped for mother-fucking eternity in the middle of an endless FUCKING DESERT!!! I mean, at least before…”
Adam’s monologue stopped short and his jaw dropped as just over the next hill, he came across a huge, opulent and golden palace. There were palm trees and fountains flowing with delicious, beautiful water and all the men he saw were half-naked and stunning.
One of the men spotted Adam and came running over to kneel at his feet, kissing his toes.
“My pharaoh…You have returned,”
Ok, so maybe he could deal with this universe for just a little while longer.